by Louise Hay
At every seat, there were throw-up bags, and most of us were using them. We would throw up into our barf bags as discreetly as we could, wrap them up and hand them to the stewardess, who spent a lot of her time running up and down the aisle collecting them.
Now it is many years later, and though the bags are still at every seat, they are seldom used. We have assimilated the idea of flying.
ULCERS are no more than fear—tremendous fear of “not being good enough.” We fear not being good enough for a parent, we fear not being good enough for a boss. We can’t stomach who we are. We rip our guts apart trying to please others. No matter how important our job is, our inner self-esteem is very low. We are afraid they will find out about us.
THE GENITALS represents the most feminine part of a woman, her femininity, or the most masculine part of a man, his masculinity; our masculine principle or our feminine principle.
When we do not feel comfortable with being either a man or a woman, when we reflect our sexuality, when we reject our bodies as dirty or sinful, then we often have problems in the genital area.
I seldom come across a person who was reared in a household where the genitals and their functions were called by their right names. We all grew up with euphemisms of one sort or another. Remember the ones your own family used? It could have been as mild as “down there,” to names that made you feel your genitals were dirty and disgusting. Yes, we all grew up believing that something was not quite right between our legs.
I feel the sexual revolution that exploded several years ago was in one way a good thing. We were moving away from Victorian hypocrisy. Suddenly it was okay to have many partners, and women as well as men could have one-night stands. Marital swapping became more open. Many of us began to enjoy the pleasure and freedom of our bodies in a new and open way.
However, few of us thought to deal with what Roza Lamont, founder of the Self-Communication Institute, calls “Mama’s God.” Whatever your mother taught you about God when you were three years old is still there in your subconscious mind UNLESS you have done some conscious work to release it. Was that God an angry, avenging God? What did that God feel about sex? If we are still carrying those early guilt feelings about our sexuality and our bodies, then we are surely going to create punishment for ourselves.
BLADDER problems, ANAL problems, VAGINITIS, and PROSTATE and PENIS problems all come under the same area. They stem from distorted beliefs about our bodies and the correctness of their functions.
Every organ in our body is a magnificent expression of life with its own special functions. We do not think of our livers or our eyes as dirty or sinful. Why do we then choose to believe our genitals are?
The anus is as beautiful as the ear. Without our anus we would have no way to release what the body no longer needs, and we would die very quickly. Every part of our body and every function of our body is perfect and normal, natural, and beautiful.
I ask clients with sexual problems to begin to relate to their rectum, penis, or vagina with a sense of love and appreciation for their function and their beauty. If you are beginning to cringe or get irate as you read this, ask yourself why. Who told you to deny any part of your body? Certainly not God. Our sexual organs were created as the most pleasurable part of our body to give us pleasure. To deny this is to create pain and punishment. Sex is not only okay, it is glorious and wonderful. It is as normal for us to have sex as it is for us to breathe or eat.
Just for a moment try to visualize the vastness of the Universe. It is beyond our comprehension. Even our top scientists with their latest equipment cannot measure its size. Within this Universe there are many galaxies.
In one of these smaller galaxies in a far-off corner, there is a minor sun. Around this sun a few pinpoints revolve, one of which is called Planet Earth.
I find it hard to believe that the vast, incredible Intelligence that created this entire Universe is only an old man sitting on a cloud above the Planet Earth…watching my genitals!
Yet so many of us were taught this concept as a child.
It is vital that we release foolish, outmoded ideas that do not support us and nourish us. I feel strongly that even our concept of God needs to be one that is for us, not against us. There are so many different religions to choose from. If you have one now that tells you that you are a sinner and a lowly worm, get another one.
I am not advocating that everybody run around having free sex at all times. I am saying that some of our rules do not make sense, and this is why so many people break them and become hypocrites.
When we remove sexual guilt from people and teach them to love and respect themselves, then they will automatically treat themselves and others in ways that are for their highest good and greatest joy. The reason we have so many problems with our sexuality now is because so many of us have self-hatred and self-disgust, and so we treat ourselves and others badly.
It is not enough to teach children in school the mechanics of sexuality. We need on a very deep level to allow children to remember that their bodies, genitals, and sexuality are something to rejoice about. I truly believe that people who love themselves and their bodies will not abuse themselves or others.
I find that most BLADDER problems come from being “pissed off,” usually at a partner. Something makes us angry that has to do with our femininity or our masculinity. Women have more bladder problems than men because they are more prone to hide their hurt. VAGINITIS again usually involves feeling romantically hurt by a partner. Men’s PROSTATE problems have a lot to do with self-worth and also believing that as he gets older he becomes less of a man. IMPOTENCE adds fear and is sometimes even related to spite against a previous mate. FRIGIDITY comes from fear or a belief that it is wrong to enjoy the body. It also comes from self-disgust, and it can be intensified by an insensitive partner.
PMS, PREMENSTRUAL SYNDROME, which has reached epidemic proportions, is concurrent with the increase of media advertising. These ads continually hammer home the concept that the female body must be sprayed and powdered and douched and overcleansed in numerous ways to make it even barely acceptable. At the same time that women are coming into their own as equal beings, they are also being bombarded negatively with the idea that the feminine processes are not quite acceptable. This notion, combined with the tremendous amounts of sugar being consumed today, creates a fertile breeding ground for P.M.S.
The feminine processes, all of them, including menstruation and menopause, are normal, natural processes. We must accept them as that. Our bodies are beautiful, magnificent, and wondrous.
It is my belief that VENEREAL DIS-EASE is almost always sexual guilt. It comes from a feeling, often subconscious, that it is not right to express ourselves sexually. A carrier with a venereal dis-ease can have many partners, but only those whose mental and physical immune systems are weak will be susceptible to it. In addition to the old standards, in recent years the heterosexual population has created an increase of HERPES. This is a dis-ease that comes back again and again “to punish us” for our belief that “we are bad.” Herpes has a tendency to flare up when we are emotionally upset. That tells us a lot right there.
Now, let’s take that same theory over into the gay community, where they have all the same problems everybody else has, plus much of society pointing their fingers at them and saying, “Bad!” Usually, their own mothers and fathers are also saying, “You’re bad.” This is a heavy load to carry, and it’s difficult to love yourself under these circumstances. It is not surprising that gay men were amongst the first to experience the dread dis-ease, aids.
In heterosexual society, many women dread growing old because of the belief systems we have created around the glory of youth. It is not so difficult for the men, for they become distinguished with a bit of gray hair. The older man often gets respect, and people may even look up to him.
Not so for most gay men, for they have created a culture that places tremendous emphasis on youth and beauty. While everyone is young to start with, only a few fi
t the standard of beauty. So much emphasis has been placed on the physical appearance of the body that the feelings inside have been totally disregarded. If you are not young and beautiful, it’s almost as though you don’t count. The person does not count; only the body counts.
This way of thinking is a disgrace to the whole culture. It’s another way of saying, “Gay is not good enough.”
Because of the ways gay people often treat other gays, for many gay men the experience of getting old is something to dread. It is almost better to die than to get old. And aids is a dis-ease that often kills.
Too often gay men feel that when they get older, they will be useless and unwanted. It is almost better to destroy themselves first, and many have created a destructive lifestyle. Some of the concepts and attitudes that are so a part of the gay lifestyle—the meat rack, the constant judging, the refusal to get close to another, and so on—are monstrous. And aids is a monstrous dis-ease.
These sorts of attitudes and behavior patterns can only create guilt on a very deep level, no matter how much we may “camp.” Camping, which can be such fun, can also be extremely destructive, both to givers and recipients. It is another way of avoiding closeness and intimacy.
In no way am I trying to create guilt for anyone. However, we need to look at the things that need to be changed in order for all of our lives to function with love and joy and respect. Fifty years ago, almost all gay men were closeted, and now they have been able to create pockets in society where they can at least be relatively open. I feel it is unfortunate that much of what they have created gives so much pain to their gay brothers. While it is often deplorable the way straights treat gays, it is tragic the way many gays treat other gays.
Men traditionally have always had more sexual partners than women; and when men get together, of course there will be a great deal more sex. That’s all fine and good. The bathhouses fulfill a wonderful need, unless we are using our sexuality for the wrong reasons. Some men like having lots of partners to satisfy their deep need for self-esteem rather than for the joy of it. I do not believe there is anything wrong with having several partners, and the use of alcohol and some recreational drugs on an “occasional basis” is fine. However, if we are getting bombed out of our heads every night, and if we “need” several partners a day just to prove our self-worth, then we are not coming from a nourishing space. We need to make some mental changes.
This is a time for healing, for making whole, not for condemnation. We must rise out of the limitations of the past. We are all Divine, Magnificent expressions of Life. Let’s claim that now!
THE COLON represents our ability to let go, to release that which we no longer need. The body, being in the perfect rhythm and flow of life, needs a balance of intake, assimilation, and elimination. It is only our fears that block the releasing of the old.
Even if constipated people are not actually stingy, they usually do not trust that there will ever be enough. They hold on to old relationships that give them pain. They are afraid to throw out clothes that have been in the closet for years because they might need them some day. They stay in stifling jobs, or never give themselves pleasure, because they must save for that rainy day. We do not rummage in last night’s garbage to find today’s meal. Learn to trust the process of life to always bring you what you need.
Our LEGS carry us forward in life. Leg problems often indicate a fear of moving forward or a reluctance to move forward in a certain direction. We run with our legs, we drag our legs, we pussyfoot, we are knock-kneed, pigeon-toed; and we have big, fat, angry thighs filled with childhood resentments. Not wanting to do things will often produce minor leg problems. VARICOSE VEINS represent standing in a job or place that we hate. The veins lose their ability to carry joy.
Are you going in the direction you want to?
KNEES, like the neck, have to do with flexibility; only they express bending and pride, ego and stubbornness. Often when moving forward, we are fearful of bending, and we become inflexible. This stiffens the joints. We want to move forward, but we do not want to change our ways. This is why knees take so long to heal; our ego is involved. The knees take a long time because we get our pride and our self-righteousness involved.
The next time you have a knee problem, ask yourself where you are being self-righteous, where you are refusing to bend. Drop the stubbornness and let go. Life is flow, life is movement; and to be comfortable, we must be flexible and move with it. A willow tree bends and sways and flows with the wind and is always graceful and at ease with life.
Our FEET have to do with our understanding, our understanding of ourselves and of life—past, present, and future.
Many old people have a difficult time walking. Their understanding has been warped, and they often feel there is no place to go. Little children move on happy, dancing feet. Elderly people often shuffle as if they are reluctant to move.
Our SKIN represents our individuality. Skin problems usually mean we feel our individuality is being threatened somehow. We feel that others have power over us. We are thin-skinned. Things tend to get under our skin, we feel skinned alive, our nerves are right under our skin.
One of the quickest ways to heal skin problems is to nurture yourself by saying in your mind, “I approve of myself,” several hundred times a day. Take back your own power.
ACCIDENTS are no accident. Like everything else in our lives, we create them. It’s not that we necessarily say, “I want to have an accident,” but we do have the mental thought patterns that can attract an accident to us. Some people seem to be “accident prone,” and others go for a lifetime without ever getting a scratch.
Accidents are expressions of anger. They indicate built-up frustrations resulting from not feeling the freedom to speak up for one’s self. Accidents also indicate rebellion against authority. We get so mad we want to hit people, and instead, we get hit.
When we are angry at ourselves, when we feel guilty, when we feel the need for punishment, an accident is a marvelous way of taking care of that.
It seems as though any accident is not our fault, that we are helpless victims of a quirk of fate. An accident allows us to turn to others for sympathy and attention. We get our wounds bathed and attended to. We often get bedrest, sometimes for an extended period of time. And we get pain.
Where this pain occurs in the body gives us a clue to which area of life we feel guilty about. The degree of physical damage lets us know how severely we felt we needed to be punished and how long the sentence should be.
ANOREXIA-BULIMIA is denying the self life, an extreme form of self-hatred.
Food is nourishment on the most basic level. Why would you deny yourself nourishment? Why do you want to die? What is going on in your life that is so awful that you want to get out completely?
Self-hatred is only hating a thought you have about yourself. Thoughts can be changed.
What is so terrible about you? Were you reared in a critical family? Did you have critical teachers? Did your early religious training tell you that you were “not good enough” as you are? So often we try to find reasons that “make sense to us” for why we are not loved and accepted just as we are.
Because of the fashion industry’s obsession with slenderness, many women who have as their main messages, “I am not good enough; what’s the use,” will use their bodies as a focal point for self-hatred. On one level they are saying, “If I were only thin enough, then they would love me.” But it doesn’t work.
Nothing works from the outside. Self-approval and self-acceptance are the key.
ARTHRITIS is a dis-ease that comes from a constant pattern of criticism. First of all, criticism of the self, and then criticism of other people. Arthritic people often attract a lot of criticism because it is their pattern to criticize. They are cursed with “perfectionism,” the need to be perfect at all times in every situation.
Do you know of anyone on this planet who is “perfect”? I do not. Why do we set up standards that say we have to b
e “Super Person,” in order to be barely acceptable? It’s such a strong expression of “not being good enough,” and such a heavy burden to carry.
ASTHMA we call “smother love.” There is a feeling that you do not have the right to breathe for yourself. Asthmatic children often have “overdeveloped consciences.” They take on guilt feelings for whatever seems wrong in their environment. They feel “unworthy,” therefore guilty, and in need of self-punishment.
Geographic cures sometimes work with asthma, especially if the family does not go along.
Usually, asthmatic children will “outgrow” their dis-ease. This really means they go away to school, get married, or leave home somehow, and the dis-ease dissolves. Oftentimes, later in life, an experience will happen that pushes an old button within them, and they have another attack. When that happens, they are not really responding to the current circumstances, but rather to what used to go on in their childhood.
BOILS AND BURNS, CUTS, FEVERS, SORES, “ITIS,” AND INFLAMMATIONS all are indications of anger expressing in the body. Anger will find its way to express, no matter how much we try to suppress it. Steam that is built up must be released. We fear our anger, lest we destroy our world, yet anger can be released as simply as saying, “I am angry about this.” True, we can’t always say this to our bosses. We can, however, beat the bed or scream in the car or play tennis. These are harmless ways to physically releasing anger.
Spiritual people often believe they “shouldn’t” get angry. True, we are all working toward the time when we no longer blame others for our feelings, but until we arrive there, it is healthier to acknowledge what we do feel in the moment.
CANCER is a dis-ease caused by deep resentment held for a long time until it literally eats away at the body. Something happens in childhood that destroys the sense of trust. This experience is never forgotten, and the individual lives with a sense of self-pity, finding it hard to develop and maintain long-term, meaningful relationships. Because of that belief system, life seems to be a series of disappointments. A feeling of hopelessness and helplessness and loss permeates the thinking, and it becomes easy to blame others for all our problems. People with cancer are also very self-critical. To me, learning to love and accept the self is the key to healing cancers.