“Please, don’t be like this.”
“Who knows? I might even want to watch,” she taunted him. “I might even want to join in. That’s what the tabloids say we all do, right? According to them, we have a bunch of wild Roman orgies in here every night. I guess there’s no harm in living up to our reputation.”
“You’re being mean.”
Raina stepped close until they were almost nose-to-nose, lowering her voice. “Mean? This isn’t mean. What I did to Duchess Camille earlier tonight? What I did to those three men that tried to kill me? What I did to Countess Wilhelmina? That was mean. I’d suggest you count your blessings that I’m not really being mean to you and Svetlana, too.” She took a step back from him and actually felt a sick sort of smirk curving her lips. “Y’know, I’m trying, Loki. I’m trying really, really hard not to be Duvessa. But God help everyone the day that I stop trying. Because when I do, I promise you … I’ll make that bitch look like a fucking saint.”
She turned and ascended the stairs without even waiting to see his reaction. Raina retrieved a large suitcase from the walk-in closet of the master bedroom and went about the task of packing her essentials. Although it was late and he had been up for nearly a day and a half, Loki did not come to the bedroom, if not to sleep then at least to try to apologize.
Raina didn’t care. She was so horrified by what she had said that she didn’t even know how to begin to explain herself … something that she would surely have to do later on. She wasn’t blacking out, and she had tasted enough blood that night to surely sate her appetite for awhile. Even so, she still felt as though she might be teetering on the edge of bloodlust. Either she was acting this way because of stress, her wounds, or perhaps the effects of some trace amounts of silver lingering in her system. Maybe, just maybe, Raina was actually being overtaken by Duvessa’s spirit. Whatever the cause, she really needed to get out of this place as soon as possible before it pushed her completely over the edge.
Raina eventually gave in to her nagging pangs of hunger and trudged into the kitchen. Undisturbed, with nearly everyone else in the entire mansion completely asleep and oblivious, Raina used an electric grill to cook up a couple of fresh chicken breasts and microwaved some instant rice, throwing a liberal serving of soy sauce and dried chow mein noodles atop the whole thing for good measure. A heavy dose of carbohydrates, protein, and sodium always seemed to get her back on track in short order. It was a good thing that her diet didn’t require anything particularly fancy, because she had never considered herself to be much of a cook. A large glass of burgundy wine helped to finalize what Olivia would have called a plebeian’s meal but what Raina called a delicious alternative to chomping on someone’s neck. Rather than bothering to take it into the dining hall, she simply ate standing up in the kitchen. In her state of total exhaustion, she might have passed out in mid-meal if she had sat down.
Between the weight of the meal and the fourth glass of wine she had downed after the meal, in addition to the fact that she had been awake for over twenty-four hours, Raina had to use every last bit of energy she had to practically crawl upstairs to the master bedroom. She didn’t even bother to change clothes or even crawl under the covers. She fell face-first onto the bed and was out within seconds. Amazingly, it was the first good, solid, uninterrupted ten hours of sleep she’d had in weeks. Her dreams were pleasant, random, meaningless, and without any measure of sadness or fright … only because she did not dream at all. She may as well have been dead for those hours of blissful nothingness. It almost made the idea of waking and resuming her life seem like an unpleasant burden that she didn’t care to satisfy at all.
She awoke only when she found Olivia shaking her shoulder vigorously to rouse her from her coma-like slumber. Raina was embarrassed to find that she had drooled quite a bit upon the comforter where she had passed out, and her breath was so horrid that she could taste its sourness. Olivia informed her that Duchess Serenity had called to ask if she would like an escort to the airport. Raina groggily declined, saying she would rather take a taxi.
“Until we know exactly who it was that sent those men to try to kill you,” Olivia said, “I’m afraid I must insist that someone from our House accompany you at all times.”
“Really, I just … I’d rather do this alone,” Raina persisted wearily, waving her off as she dragged herself toward the bathroom.
“Lady Svetlana has been released from the hospital. She’s still healing and won’t be at full strength for at least another day, but I can ask her to accompany…”
“Forget it. Svetlana stays,” Raina interrupted firmly. “I don’t want her going anywhere with me.”
Olivia was a bit miffed by Raina’s stubbornness, but she nodded. “Very well. I will send Sophie and Thomas with you.”
Raina was going to protest that, but her urge to use the bathroom and seek the comforts of warm water, soap, and toothpaste overruled her reluctance. With a dismissive wave, she grumbled, “Fine, great, whatever,” and closed the bathroom door behind herself a bit too firmly.
Perhaps fifteen minutes later, when she had emerged from the shower, she was both surprised and bothered to find Svetlana standing just outside the shower, holding open a towel for her as usual. Svetlana was clearly tired, sore, and hardly in any condition to be performing such menial tasks as assisting Raina with after-shower details. Just as well, the look in her eyes, alone, spoke volumes about how sorry she was for everything. For a moment, Raina almost pitied the sight of her … and then she remembered their brief conversation in the hospital, the shame and humiliation, and the rage she’d felt when she’d confronted Loki.
“What are you doing here?” Raina demanded.
“Lady Olivia tell me to help you,” she replied innocently. “I am your servant.”
“Not anymore,” Raina corrected her. “I have released you from my service.”
“But … I want to serve you,” Svetlana insisted gently. “I was wrong and I want … I want to make better.”
Raina snatched the towel away from her abruptly, even though it caused the lingering pain of her wounds to flare up for a moment. “It’s a little too late for that.”
“Please … Raina, don’t…”
“Y’know what? Don’t call me that anymore,” she snapped, wrapping the towel about her body to cover herself. “I think it would be better if we went back to keeping things formal between us.”
“You don’t want to be friend?” Svetlana asked. The hurt in her voice reflected the pain in her eyes, deep and raw.
“Friendship requires trust. Trust requires honesty,” Raina told her as she tucked in one end of the towel at her left breast.
“But … I never lie to you.”
“No? You don’t think that screwing Loki behind my back was dishonest in any way?”
Svetlana’s eyes shifted aside for a moment. “It is custom for vampires to make sex. Is not a lie to make sex.”
“Then why were you being so sneaky about it? If you didn’t think there was anything wrong about it, why did I never just happen to walk in on you two doing it?” Raina asked. “You knew what you were doing was wrong. You knew how I would feel about it. But you did it anyway, and you were sneaky about it. You did everything you could for as long as possible to make sure I never found out.”
Svetlana was unable to make eye contact with her anymore. “I am sorry … but Duvessa let us make sex with anyone in House of Fallamhain, and I do this with Loki before you are Grand Duchess.”
“Yeah, I pretty much figured that out on my own,” Raina said, “but guess what? News flash! Duvessa is fucking dead! Okay? She’s dead, gone, and buried. I’m the Mistress of this House now. I make the rules. And one of my rules is that I don’t share my man with anyone. I know that might sound weird and selfish to you, but I’m not into this whole thing of everyone having sex with everyone. If you want to go around screwing everyone, fine, go for it. But I’m not going to be a part of some vampire swinger’s club.”
> She looked a bit perplexed. “What is … swinger’s club?”
Raina rolled her eyes, sighing, “Look, just … just leave, okay? Go ask Olivia about it and let me get dressed on my own.”
Svetlana hesitated. Raina resisted the urge to raise her voice and say anything more. She was not angry with Svetlana, not really. Having gone to bed on a full stomach and having had a taste of blood the night before had given her a near-perfect bit of sleep. Being well-rested and “topped off” apparently was the key to making her less of a bitch toward everyone. A good day’s rest had the power to make her mellow enough that she almost didn’t care that she had been betrayed by her best friend. More than anything, she just didn’t want a repeat performance of her last conversation with Loki.
“I am sorry … your grace,” Svetlana said softly. Her eyes became misty with the threat of tears. “I did not … want to make bad things … for us.”
“Please, Svetlana,” Raina sighed as she looked away, shaking her head. “Please, just … let me have some time alone.”
Svetlana turned and glided silently out of the bathroom, gently closing the door. She was a sweet soul, really. She wasn’t stupid – quite the opposite, really – and she wasn’t immature. Svetlana was simply very naïve about some things. She had never talked much about her past as a human, so Raina had no idea what kind of an upbringing she’d had or what sort of things she had endured. Her only guess was that Svetlana had lived an entirely different life in as much as she had once lived in the final years of Soviet Russia, when the Berlin Wall had fallen and Western culture had flooded into her native city of Latvia. Things had been very chaotic and strange for many of her people, and even when they weren’t, Svetlana was still part of a very different physical and social environment. Much of what Raina and others took for granted as social norms or common knowledge seemed completely alien to Svetlana, and vice-versa.
Raina wished that she could chalk it all up to those cultural differences, but she was sure that it went deeper than that. Svetlana had been a prostitute in the past, and she had gone straight from that atmosphere and into Duvessa’s twisted world in the House of Fallamhain. Obviously, Svetlana’s sexual ethics had been formed by following a completely different path in life than Raina had ever known.
Loki, on the other hand … well … he was just … someone Raina that didn’t want to think about anymore.
Deliberately going against Olivia’s policy of avoiding the urge to wear black, Raina went all-out: black fishnets, black patent leather heels, and a form-hugging full-length black dress of rather thin material with a deeply plunging V-shaped neckline and long, droopy sleeves. She straightened her hair and let it spill freely over her shoulders. Free to do her makeup as she pleased, Raina went with a dark gray eye shadow and over-extended it a bit toward her brows, and she added an Egyptian-like extension to the corners of her eyes with her eyeliner, finishing the look off with a dark burgundy lipstick that was nearly black.
As expected, Olivia’s reaction to the sight of this outfit was that Raina looked a bit like a witch. Raina’s easy reply was that it was perfectly appropriate, considering that she was expected to be mourning the death of Ethan Fallamhain. Halloween was soon approaching, anyhow – why not dress the part? Olivia warned her that the media would have a field day with her decision to adorn herself so provocatively. The dress was quite sexy, and Raina was honestly tired of deliberately dressing herself down all of the time. But Raina dismissed Olivia’s conservative notions stubbornly. She had more important things on her mind than trying to set trends or appease anyone else’s sense of proper fashion.
Although she never admitted it aloud, Raina was honestly making an effort to make Loki regret his infidelity. She knew how much he liked it when she dressed this way, and she could easily sense his desire when she passed by him in the hallway without a word. Only barely, she resisted the urge to whisper something in his ear: See what you gave up?
Sophie and Thomas both clearly approved of her attire, smiling broadly and almost knowingly. Simon was by far the most obviously affected. His mouth was so far agape when he first saw her descend the main staircase that she expected his jaw to actually hit the floor. Raina made a mental note to disregard Olivia’s fashion advice more often in the future.
Apparently having taken literally Raina’s comment about mourning Ethan’s death, Sophie and Thomas were dressed largely in black. Sophie wore a cute mini-skirt, silk blouse, and thigh-high sheer stockings, all black. She looked quite cute and actually appropriate for her age – whatever her exact age was, anyway. Thomas had opted for a far less formal look, wearing black jeans, a black leather biker jacket over a dark red shirt, and black boots. His long, slightly curly jet black hair was tied back neatly in a ponytail and his eyes, as usual, were accented with black eyeliner. Raina had long thought that men who wore makeup after the Eighties were a bit … well, gay … but she was swiftly beginning to change her mind. Quite frankly, out of nowhere, she had a momentary urge to drag him into another room and do lascivious things to him. And why not? She was within her rights to do so, and given what had recently happened, hardly anyone would care. Her eyes lingered perhaps a bit too long upon him, long enough for him to notice her attention and to smile in response. No, she would not act upon that little fantasy, but the opportunity to flirt without guilt was a rewarding little thrill.
Loki and Svetlana were left alone as everyone piled into the spacious full-sized Mercedes sedan. The drive to the airport took a bit longer than expected. Traffic was unusually thick as they neared their destination due to a serious accident that blocked all but one lane in each direction. Raina found herself sandwiched snugly between Thomas and Sophie while Olivia rode shotgun up front with Simon driving, as usual. Almost the entire commute was conducted in near silence, with only Simon’s usual polite choice of classical music to occupy everyone’s ears.
At one point, though, Raina felt something lightly brushing her left knee. She looked down and saw Sophie’s hand upon her knee, and she offered a strange sort of come-hither smirk when Raina met her eyes with light surprise. Sophie was very pretty, there was no denying that, and Raina honestly did like the girl – and that was the problem, right there. Sophie was still just a girl, barely into her twenties … presumably, anyway, although not likely so when considering the way that she carried herself. Sure, even if Sophie was twenty-one, there was a difference of seven or eight years’ age between them, if even that, but … well, it just seemed wrong somehow. She didn’t want to deal with any weird guilty awkwardness in a situation like that. She didn’t want to complicate her professional relationship with Olivia. And most of all, she simply did not want to begin another girl-girl relationship. Raina just didn’t think she was ready for that yet – perhaps never again.
And yet there she was, heading to the airport with plans to fly to America and come back with another female as her newest bloodspawn. Raina was willing to turn down the advances of someone she knew and trusted, but yet she was on her way to make an eternal commitment to some complete stranger she’d never even met. Yeah, okay, that made perfect sense. But in some ways it was less bizarre and illogical than some other decisions she had made over the past few months, so … whatever. Trying to rationalize things anymore was simply too exhausting.
Raina chose not to say anything, nor show any reaction to Sophie’s uninvited contact, instead electing to wordlessly stare straight ahead. Not even a minute later, she felt something upon her other knee. She saw Thomas’s hand beside Sophie’s, his nails freshly painted black. When she looked to him, he was smiling, but what she sensed from him wasn’t so much lust as it was humor. He was just messing with her … or was he? Sophie’s hand soon began to slowly creep up her thigh and Thomas took that cue to do the same. Before they were even halfway along, Raina calmly grabbed both their wrists, pulled their hands away, and set them in their own laps without looking at either of them. She couldn’t help but to smile just a bit. Raina could see that Sim
on had observed the whole thing in his rearview mirror and was quietly grinning about it. Olivia was busy tapping away on her Blackberry with regard to something financial – she was quite savvy with stocks, savings, and investments – and she remained completely oblivious to the minor event. For a brief while during that drive, Raina was completely able to forget about the fact that her personal life was a ragged, tattered mess, and she was once again grateful for the company with which she had been blessed.
As they arrived outside the entrance for their terminal, everyone but Simon filed out of the sedan and he popped open the trunk. Sophie was lugging along perhaps the largest suitcase Raina had seen in quite awhile, full of who-knew-what, whereas Thomas had everything somehow neatly packed into a simple duffel bag that he casually threw over his shoulder in order to take Raina’s suitcase. Carrying only a briefcase that contained little more than her laptop and a few related accessories, Raina went ‘round to the front driver’s side window and rapped upon the glass gently. The window rolled down with a soft electric whirring sound and Raina bent over and leaned slightly into the open window.
“Hey you,” she said with a smile.
“Hey, me,” he replied back, though he looked a bit worried.
“About that conversation we had,” Raina began softly after a bit of hesitation, “I just wanted to say … you were right.”
He blinked. “About what?”
“About … everything,” she answered vaguely. “You really helped put things into perspective. I was really just … y’know, looking at everything the wrong way. I’m sorry I was so rude. You’re a really nice guy, Simon, and you’re really sweet. I’m very glad to have someone like you as a friend.”
“Well, ah … thank you, your grace.” She could clearly see his cheeks flush.
“In fact, if things were different…” she began to say, but then stopped herself. Raina shrugged and smiled. “Anyway … you take care of yourself.”
The Darkest Colors- Exsanguinations Page 21