But beyond that, it’s hard to just pin it down to a couple of details. I think it would be most honest to say that … as silly as this might sound … I really don’t know, specifically, what I like about someone. But I do know when I like someone. I know that a lot of people would like to know all of the juicy, raunchy details about what I like most in women, or what I like to do with women. But really, it’s not sexual … not really. There’s a physical attraction, of course, and I’m not going to claim that I don’t enjoy being intimate with another female. (laughs) I’m not going to describe that in detail, though. Sorry, guys.
BITTEN: Perhaps in another interview?
RAINA: (laughs again) Not likely. But seriously, what usually draws me to be with another woman is that there’s usually a better understanding there. There’s more of an emotional bond, and it usually tends to feel stronger. Of course, I could just as easily fall in love with a man … and I have before.
But as far as relationships go, I just seem to have had better luck with women than with men. It always feels more personally fulfilling. Women are emotional, and men are more physical. Being the kind of vampire that I am, I tend to have a more male-like libido and I have a lot more physical urges than I did as a human. But I’m also still very much an everyday woman, though, so it’s hard to find a middle ground. I like to talk and cuddle and all those typical girly-girl things, and that’s easy with another female.
Just the same … and I’m sorry that I can’t put this any more eloquently, but … there’s times when nothing will do quite like a good hard shagging. For me, that sort of thing is always more comfortable when I’m with a guy. People will look at my history so far and say I’ve been with more women than men, and they’ll try to draw conclusions from that. Like I said, people will think whatever they want about me, regardless of what I say.
But y’know, that’s just the way it’s worked out for me so far. It’s only been a few months. I’m still fairly young, whichever way you look at it. I’m still new to being a vampire, and unless someone kills me, then I’ve probably got a lot of years ahead of me. Who knows what the future holds? All I can say for sure is that, as far as my personal life is concerned, I’m very happy to be where I’m at right now, and I don’t find myself wanting for anything at all.
BITTEN: Changing gears a bit here, recently the conservative Christian group, SAVIOR, has been more and more outspoken against your proposed agenda for the IVC, and against you, personally. They have accused you of trying even harder than your predecessor to mislead the human public about the true nature of vampires as a whole. They also say that you are responsible for the explosive surge in newly reported cases of vampirism across America, particularly among younger adults. Do you agree at all with their belief that you have become an idol of sorts, a role model for the younger generations?
RAINA: Religious groups will say that sort of thing because I represent everything that is wrong and evil to them. To them, I’m a slut, I’m a drunk, I’m a sadistic monster, I drink blood of infants, and I sacrifice virgins in the name of Satan. That’s all crap, of course.
I would honestly be flattered if someone said that I was a role model for other vampires, but I certainly would never want to be called a role model for humanity, and definitely not for teenagers. I never try to pass myself off as being some kind of a saint. I make mistakes, sometimes very stupid and naïve mistakes. But I usually have the luxury of being able to deal with and live with the consequences of those mistakes much more easily than, say, a kid in high school. A one-night stand for me might be, at worst, an embarrassment. The same thing for a sixteen-year-old girl could result in an unwanted pregnancy, a venereal disease, or who knows what else, and that could result in her missing out on her education, losing the respect of her friends and family … maybe even losing her life. I don’t want anyone to follow in my footsteps, at least not any human.
I look in the mirror almost every day and I ask myself over and over, “What the hell do people find so special about me? Why would any sane person want to be like me?” I’ve never been able to answer that. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. As vampire, I know that I’m not perfect, but I’m not nearly as bad as some others before me. If I were a human, though, people would call me a monster. There would be a mob of angry villagers outside of my home, with pitchforks and torches, trying to bash in the front door.
BITTEN: Millions of your fans see you in a much different light, of course.
RAINA: That’s all well and good, and I do appreciate their support. But really, my life is anything but glamorous and glitzy. Seriously … don’t try this at home, kids. (laughs) With my life, what’s inside the box doesn’t match what’s pictured on the outside. No offense to you or to Bitten Magazine, but the people that aren’t trying to demonize me are instead trying to make me seem worthy of envy and worship. I can’t stress enough that at no point in my human life did I ever actively seek to become a vampire, much less a Fallamhain.
And if people knew what I know now about what life is like as a vampire, and if they experienced the very dark, very unpleasant reality of what my role as Grand Duchess has been all about, I can honestly say that nobody would ever want to be in my place. Like I’ve said before, anyone who thinks that they really want to be me is either totally naïve or completely insane. If it were physically possible for me to become a human again, I would gladly step aside, leave the scene entirely, and quietly go back to working a regular day job. I mean, literally, a regular job … like, where the only blood I’d see is when I’m performing phlebotomy on patients in hospital beds.
But obviously, I can’t do that. I am what I am. I’m a Fallamhain vampire, and I always will be, and I am the Grand Duchess of the IVC. I’ve accepted that, I’ve come to terms with all of that, and I’m doing my best to live my life right to the best of my ability. If I somehow inspire someone to do better or do something really great with their life, or if other vampires decide they want to be more like me and less like Duvessa, then that’s awesome. But if someone just wants to pattern themselves after me because I’m “cool” or because they think I’m pretty or stylish or whatever … no. That’s their choice, and it would be a sad choice, at that. I don’t want anyone to try to blame me for their own conscious decision to screw up their own life as badly as mine.
BITTEN: Thank you again so very much, your grace, for taking time out of your schedule to talk with us.
RAINA: You’re very welcome. And thank you again for the opportunity.
BITTEN: One more brief question, if you don’t mind…?
RAINA: Sure, of course.
BITTEN: With New Year’s Eve just a few short days away, what are your plans and expectations for this next year?
RAINA: What, like, my New Year’s resolutions? (laughs) Well, they’re certainly going to be different this year than they were last year, since this is my first after the Change. I can’t say I’ll be perfectly successful at all of them, or any of them, but I do have a few. I’m going to cut back on my alcohol intake, which should be easier now because I’m not quite as stressed as I once was. I’m going to start dressing more in clothes that I actually like instead of clothes that someone else tells me to wear, and I’m going back to doing my own makeup.
Most of all, I’m going to focus more upon my weapons and empty-hand training, which should be easy now that I’m back with my favorite sparring partner, Jasmine. Because some of the weapons laws in the UK are too restrictive, I’m seriously considering the idea of moving back to Arizona where I can qualify for a concealed weapons permit. And most importantly, I’m going to try really, really hard not to kill anyone this year … unless they try to kill me first.
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About the author:
Born in the Midwest and an avid writer since the age of 13, David M. Bachman's works of fiction span over 20 years. His first published work, "When Raindrops Come Crashing," marked the start of his foray into publishing in Dec
ember 2000. Since then, he has written a number of other fiction novels and short stories, including a carefully-crafted vampire trilogy that has involved a full decade of composition, countless revisions, and even a complete re-write. He currently resides in the East Valley area of Phoenix, AZ, where much of his recent stories are based.
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Discover other titles by David M. Bachman at Smashwords.com:
“Little Miss Mute”
“Belladonna”
“The Darkest Colors”
“The Darkest Colors: Children of Asmodeus”
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The Darkest Colors- Exsanguinations Page 63