by K. C. Crowne
I clicked on it and scanned it, hoping to get the gist of what she had to say without getting too deep into it. However, that plan quickly went to shit when I opted for the spoilers and read the line at the end.
I love you, Colin. Can we please try to make it work?
What the hell?
I sat up and rubbed my eyes, hoping that maybe I’d dreamt the entire thing and it was no more real than Santa Claus. But no, I was clearly awake, and her email was real. I read her words again. She was asking to get back together with me.
It piqued my curiosity though and it made me read the rest of her message, to try and understand where her change of heart had come from all of a sudden.
Colin,
I know this is crazy…
“Yeah, you can say that again,” I muttered to myself.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I moved out of our home, and I miss you. I miss you more than you realize. I know I messed up. I threw our life away, and all for what? A few hours of empty fun?
“More like a few weeks, maybe even months, but okay,” I said to myself.
My blood began to boil, and I couldn’t read much more. She was acting like I didn’t remember what had happened or how it had all come crashing down at the end. She was pretending like I didn’t really know who she was. I’d been there for her, as she’d struggled to get clean, and I knew that she would never be the woman I fell in love with.
She never really was that woman. I realized that I’d deluded myself for a long time. I’d simply been hoping for the best and that it would all work out. But it had all been a charade. So why now? Why was she coming back to me after all these months, asking me to take her back after she’d made it clear that I had been nothing but a status symbol for her?
From Whitney’s perspective, being with me made it appear that she had the life her parents had always envisioned for he. And as long as she had the perfect, All-American life, they ignored her misdeeds.
Now that the curtain was pulled back though, I saw her for who she really was and there was no going back. I wasn’t a shrink, but I knew a narcissist when I saw one.
I closed out of her e-mail, not intending to respond. There was nothing to say to her. We were done. Over. I no longer had feelings for her. Because of our history I wanted to make sure she was well.
But beyond that, I didn’t even like her that much as a person anymore. And I knew she didn’t love me. She didn’t love anyone but herself. Everything she did was calculated. For a reason. And it was all for her own benefit, of course. She used people. Whitney drained people dry and left them hanging when something newer and shinier caught her eye. That’s just who she was.
It made me wonder what prompted her to send the e-mail. Something else in her life must have been falling apart, or her parents were pressuring her again, so she came running back to something comfortable and familiar thinking she could draw me back in. It didn’t matter though. We were done and nothing she said could change how I felt about her.
Nothing.
Hope
I was dragging my feet the next morning. I wanted to reach out to Colin, I really did, but every time I thought about calling him, I found a reason not to. Reasons that seemed perfectly reasonable to me. First, it was too early, and he might be sleeping. Then, well, I should probably shower and get cleaned up first in case he wanted to meet up right away after I called him. After that, I was feeling a little jet lagged and decided to lay down a bit and relax.
I was a master at rationalization, justification, and procrastination. If those were Olympic events, I’d be a gold medalist in all three.
I had dragged my feet so effectively, that before I realized it, the morning was gone, and it was afternoon and I still hadn’t eaten breakfast or left my stupid hotel room. My stomach growled, reminding me that not only had I missed breakfast, it was now lunch time and I should give serious consideration to leaving the room and finding something to eat. My blood sugar was low, so I drank some juice to keep it from plummeting any more. But if I wanted to prevent it from going much lower, I needed to eat something quickly.
There was a cute little coffee shop on the first floor of the hotel. I told myself I’d pop down there, grab a croissant and a coffee, then head back upstairs and call Colin. It sounded like a good plan to me. I needed to do something, and I was running out of time to get what I needed for my article.
Colin was on the second floor, I was on the third. Our hotel wasn’t all that large, so that was part of the reason I stayed cooped up. I didn’t want to take the chance of bumping into him in the hallway. It was stupid, considering the fact that I was going to call him anyway, but I never credited myself with an abundance of logic when it came to handling gorgeous men.
I slipped into the elevator and pressed the button for the main level. I held my breath as it went past the second floor, thinking it would be just my luck to have the elevator to stop and pick up Colin. But I was lucky, and it passed right by his floor, not stopping until we reached ground floor.
The moment the doors slid open, I rushed out and hurried toward the little cafe. There was a short line outside of it already as apparently others had the same idea as me.
The display case was filled with delicious looking treats; pastries, croissants, macaroons. I was practically drooling as I tried to make out the names of the different pastries in English. Something-something raspberry. Ooh, hazelnuts and dark chocolate. I had intended to just pick up a simple croissant to take the edge off, but as I waited in line, that almost sounded blasphemous.
“Well hello there,” a familiar voice spoke up from behind me. “Fancy seeing you around here.”
My heart jumped into my throat and I froze. My eyes grew wide and I was afraid to look. Not that I needed to look to know I was busted. I knew without turning around who was standing behind me in an instant.
I did my best to calm my nerves, steady my pulse, and put a smile on my face. Even still, I hadn’t been prepared to come face-to-face with him again. Not when I hadn’t readied for myself for it. As soon as I turned and our eyes locked, my heart raced again, and I forgot how to speak. Those gorgeous eyes were staring deeply into mine, and I was reminded of my fantasy the night before, which brought a rush of heat to my face.
My cheeks burned bright red as I remembered how hard I’d come thinking about him.
“Uh, hi Colin,” I said after an awkward silence. “I guess we’re staying at the same hotel. What a coincidence, huh?”
“Looks like it,” he said, his lips pulling back into a confident grin. “Either that or you were stalking me. Have you given my offer any thought?”
“Yeah, well, about that,” I said, biting my lip. I looked down at the floor and tried to find the words to tell him I would take him up on his offer to spend some time in the city with me. Before I could open my mouth and get it out though, it was my turn to order.
The woman behind the counter scowled as the line stacked up behind me in the time it took me to realize it was finally my turn. I hadn’t heard her speaking to me -- I’d blocked all of it out when I realized Colin was behind me. As the woman’s scowl deepened, I hurriedly ordered a plain croissant after all and an espresso. I was so flustered, I fumbled with my wallet and struggled to pull out my card. Colin stopped me by placing his hand on my arm.
“I got this,” he said.
“Thank you, but no. I can pay for myself, Colin,” I said.
He winked at me, passing his card to the cashier before I could get mine out.
“I know you can, but I want to anyway,” he said.
He ordered himself a coffee, adding it to the order and paying for it all. I slipped my purse back over my shoulder. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him buying me brunch, but at least it wasn’t too expensive, so my guilt was minimized. We stepped to the side, and another long, awkward silence descended over us. The air between us was charged with an electricity of expectation and anticipation.
Having been struck
temporarily dumb by his presence, I decided to just blurt out what I’d wanted to say.
“So, about your offer,” I started. “I’ve been thinking about it and I decided to accept. With a few conditions, of course.”
His eyes sparkled, and he looked almost amused by me.
“Of course,” he chuckled. “Go on then. Lay it on me. Let’s hear your conditions.”
“Well, the first one is you won’t be paying for me everywhere we go. I can pay for myself,” I began. “I might not make as much as you do, seeing that I’m not a fancy pants doctor, but I can take care of myself.”
“Of course. I never meant to imply that you couldn’t,” he said. “I apologize if it came across that way.
“Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page about,” I said, feeling more confident now that the ball was in my court. “Second, I don’t want you to expect that anything is going to happen here. We both just got out of relationships not that long ago and neither of us is looking for anything serious. But that doesn’t mean that I’m just looking for a booty call either. Got it?”
“Sure,” he said, chuckling to himself, though his eyes said a whole lot. “No booty call. Got it.”
“Then we have a deal,” I said. “We’ll spend the week together, exploring the city, eating amazing food, and that’s it.”
The woman behind the counter handed over our goodies, and my stomach growled loudly letting me know that it was tired of me wasting time. I scanned the little cafe, and it was packed. There was no seating to be had inside. There was however, one table just outside on the street and Colin led us outside to. He pulled my seat out for me like a true gentleman, and it was so unexpected, I stood there and stared at him for a long time before sitting down.
“What, are you, from the 1950’s or something?” I laughed.
“What do you mean?” he asked, blinking and seeming to have no idea what I was talking about.
It had been a natural move, instinctive. Someone along the lines had taught him some real, honest to goodness manners. It was both unnerving and refreshing. And definitely not something I was used to.
“Never mind,” I said, chuckling to myself.
I took the offered seat, and Colin sat across from me. He had just his coffee, no food, so I felt a bit awkward eating in front of him. He seemed to sense my hesitance and motioned with his hand for me to go ahead.
“Thanks,” I said. “I haven’t had breakfast yet and I’m starving.”
“I haven’t either, come to think of it,” he said.,
I stared at him like he’d suddenly grown a second head. “And yet, you’re not getting something to eat?”
“Coffee will hold me over for a bit longer,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I’d rather get a real lunch, not just some pastries.”
“Ah, you’re probably on some keto diet or some shit like that, huh?” I said, chowing down on my croissant.
The sounds coming out of my mouth as I devoured the pastry probably sounded better suited to a porn than a sidewalk cafe, but I couldn’t help it. I’d never tasted anything so good in my life. So buttery and flaky, soft and light. I pinched off a corner and stuffed it into my mouth, feeling better as soon as I had a few bites in me.
He shrugged again. “Not really. I try to watch what I eat, but I’m a doctor and less likely to fall prey to fad diets.”
“Good,” I said, taking another bite.
He smiled over at me, and I could tell he was trying not to laugh.
“What is it?” I asked.
Without saying anything, Colin reached over the table and wiped a crumb from the corner of my mouth. The tip of his finger grazed my lips so softly, I almost didn’t feel it. Almost.
My mouth tingled from his touch, a jolt of electricity surging through me, lighting me up from the inside out.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, oblivious to the affect his touch had upon me.
“Nothing,” I muttered, shaking off the feeling. I took another big bite, wiping my own mouth clean afterward to avoid that awkwardness. “You just surprised me, that’s all.”
“Sorry, I should have asked before touching you. Force of habit, I guess.”
“You mean because you’re a doctor? Don’t you have to get a patient’s permission too?” I asked.
He sighed as a strange expression crossed his face, and there was silence between us, which I assume he felt the need to fill with something, because he continued to explain it to me.
“Of course, but no, that’s not it. I just got out of a long-term relationship, as I told you last night. I guess I’m used to having to take care of her. She had some problems, and I guess I was more of a caretaker figure than a partner for her,” he explained. “I forget that isn’t normal for everyone. We’d been together for so long, it just became second nature to me.”
Ahh. Now it all made sense. I understood why he felt the need to pay for my meals, to always offer me a helping hand.
“I’ll try to be better about respecting your boundaries,” he said softly.
“Thank you.”
Though to be honest, I didn’t dislike what he’d done -- it was kind of nice, in a way. It was caring. Sweet. It just felt weird. Because unlike him, I’d left a relationship where it wasn’t normal to take care of one another. Jeremy and I had both been pretty independent. In many ways, we were less like a couple and more like two friends who sometimes had sex and who claimed to love each other.
“So how are we going to do this?” he asked, rubbing his chin and not meeting my gaze. “When are we going to start? Where are we going to visit first?”
“I have no clue,” I said.
“Well, what were your plans before?” he asked.
“Before -- you mean, with Jeremy?” I asked.
He nodded, then seemed to re-think what he’d just said.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have --”
“It’s fine,” I said, holding my hand up to stop him. “And honestly, I had no plans with Jeremy. We were just going to go with the flow, discover the city for ourselves and experience it like two stupid kids in love.”
My voice had a bitterness to it. A hard, jaded edge. I heard it, and I knew Colin had as well. But he didn’t say anything, and I was immensely appreciative.
“I’m usually one to plan everything out,” he said.
“Surprise, surprise,” I said, laughing as I teased him. “I mean, who would have thought a successful doctor who works too much would ever feel the need to plan out every minute of his day?”
“Hey now,” he said, but he was laughing too. “Be nice. I’m doing you a favor, after all.”
“From the sounds of it, I’m doing you a favor too,” I said, raising my eyebrows.
I finished the last of my croissant and wiped my hands on my pants without even thinking. Colin cringed as he watched me do it, obviously used to a much different set of table manners. We were two totally different people, so it was going to be an interesting experiment to say the least. He’d have to learn how to go with the flow a bit more if he wanted to hang out with me.
“Yes, you are, Hope,” he finally said. “And I appreciate you letting me tag along on this great adventure.”
“Wow, now I’m truly surprised,” I said,
“You’re being mean again,” he chuckled, taking a long sip from his coffee.
“No, I meant it this time,” I said. “My experience with guys has not included grace and appreciation.”
“Don’t get used to it,” he said, his eyes sparkling.
But I had a feeling that it was something I could continue to count on from him. “I have a feeling this will be a week with many surprises for both of us,” I said.
Colin lifted up his coffee cup in a toast of sorts.
“Hear, hear,” he said.
I picked up my espresso and playfully clinked our paper cups together. Colin laughed, leaning back in his chair. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. God, he was gorgeous, and I was going to be spe
nding an entire week trying not to imagine him naked. It would be a miracle if I didn’t do something stupid and reckless like sleep with him.
I knew Anna would be so proud of me if that happened though. Hell, I’d be proud of me too. Not only for finally getting over Jeremy, but because I’d somehow managed to catch the eye of a sexy, successful doctor.
I pinched my arm. I wasn’t dreaming. It was really happening.
And our adventure was only just beginning.
Colin
The sky was a slate gray and the air carried a hint of a chill as we walked along the edge of the Seine. We stopped to watch a small boat chugging upstream, carrying a load of tourists, none of them under the age of fifty-five by the looks of it. The boat was filled with white hair, thick glasses, and walkers. I turned and looked at Hope, her beauty once again nearly stealing my breath away.
The red hair, alabaster skin and eyes that sparkled like polished jade were more beautiful than anything hanging in the Louvre, in my opinion. Her eyes shone with an inner light, a passion for life that made her absolutely radiant. And the smile on her face as she watched the tourists go by, waving back at the older folks as she giggled, made her that much more beautiful to me.
I knew I shouldn’t be having thoughts like those. She’d made it more than clear that nothing was going to happen sexually, much to my chagrin. As I watched her, I felt a stirring in my loins – a desire I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I longed to feel her mouth on mine, her soft, feminine body pressed to me, and so much more.
It had been so long since I’d desired a woman in a way that seized my entire body like that, I almost felt the need to excuse myself to handle my own business.
“What is that look on your face about?”