by K. C. Crowne
Papa… She gulped as she signed, and any frustration that fogged my mind faded.
I sighed, and a heavy weight bore a hole in my heart. I hated that I couldn’t take my daughter’s suffering away from her. I hated that she had to feel even one ounce of it. But I couldn’t shelter her from everything, and she still had to learn that there were consequences to her actions.
Darling, you’re supposed to be at school right now.
Out of my peripheral, I could see the woman look between Tess and me.
I know, Papa. I know I’m supposed to be there. I just couldn’t. I tried. I really did.
Tess brought her right hand up to her face and tugged gently on her hair, a nervous tick she’d picked up after her mother passed. I stepped in front of her and dropped into a crouch. I was more or less eye-level with her, and I placed a large hand over the one pulling her hair.
It’s ok. I took her hands in mine and squeezed them gently. I’m not upset with you.
Tears pooled in Tess’s eyes and I pulled her into a hug. I heard her whimper into my shoulder, and I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt before she pulled back and looked up at me.
I’m sorry, Papa! I made it all the way to school, but I felt so sick. I couldn’t be there. No one understands - not the teachers or even my friends. They try to be supportive, but they don’t get it! She hiccupped and blotted her tears on my shirt.
I know, baby, I know. You just need to let me know if you feel like doing something like this again. I don’t want anything to happen to you.
Okay. I’m sorry. I just had to come here. I know it’s been two years since Mama died, but it still hurts so much. I wanted to come here because it almost feels like she’s with me. Like she’s just in the dressing room and is gonna come out any minute to ask what I think.
Her hands flew faster than hummingbirds, and I understood exactly how she felt. The store was one of her mother’s favorites. She would always come and look at all the dresses. After we started dating and later got married, she would drag me inside to get my opinion on all the beautiful and bizarre things she would try on.
I also felt like she was there. I didn’t really believe in the supernatural, but I did like to think that she watched over us. Maybe she did. I didn’t know for certain, but both Tess and I were emotional wrecks, even if I didn’t display my emotions publicly.
I’d lost my mate, the woman I thought would always be by my side. And Tess had lost her mother, the most important person in her life, besides me. To be in the store she frequented didn’t help ebb the feeling of loss.
You’re ok, baby. Do you want to stay here or go home?
Can we stay here?
That’s fine by me. I let Tess go and rose to my full height. I offered her my hand and she gladly took it.
The woman who had been standing with Tess didn’t look at us and was instead busy looking at the jewelry display. I didn’t know her exact role in helping my daughter, but I couldn’t mistake the kindness and compassion in her eyes when she’d looked at Tess.
“Thank you.” My voice was rough with emotions I tried to keep in check. “For keeping my daughter company.”
The unnamed woman nodded and gave me a weak smile. “It was my pleasure.”
I nodded in thanks and watched as she scurried out of the store. As she passed, I thought I caught the scent of lavender.
Chapter 4
Jenna
I was surprised by the wave of attraction that ran through me at the sight of the stranger. I didn’t even know his name. I only knew he was a father with a sweet and very sad little girl.
That and he looked something akin to a Roman statue. I could see the outline of his rippling muscles through his shirt, and his pants hugged his ass perfectly. When he crouched in front of his daughter, lust had curled in my stomach. Those pants should have been illegal. They fit him like a second skin, and I struggled to keep my mind off the thought of him without them on.
When I ran into the girl, Tess, I didn’t want to leave her alone. Maybe it was some maternal instinct in me, but as soon as her calm demeanor broke, all I wanted to do was embrace her and tell her everything would be alright.
I left in a hurry after the two decided to stay in the store. I spotted Sara as she strutted toward me with two black bags in her hand, and I stared in confusion. I wasn’t familiar with a store that had those bags. Sara hurried to reach me, and I gestured for us to stand off to the side of the store entrance.
“What’s going on?” Sara stared at my dress-less hands.
“So, while I was in the dress store, I noticed a young girl standing there and she just looked so lost. She didn’t have anyone with her and I was worried something might happen to her.”
“Okay...”
“Well, her dad came and found her. And...” Sara waved a hand to motion for me to continue. “Well, he was really fucking hot.”
Sara smirked and nudged me. “Ooohh! Jenna thinks a boy is cute and he’s a dad!”
“Cut it out!” I swatted her on the shoulder. She just continued to grin.
“This is almost perfect though!” Sara laughed. “You haven’t gotten any in ages. Maybe you should ask this guy on a date?”
“Are you crazy?” I hissed, “I don’t know this man!”
“Yeah, but you said he’s hot.”
“Yeah, so? He’s got a kid, so he’s probably married.”
She shrugged. “Yeah probably. Too bad.”
“Yeah, too bad.”
“By the way…” Sara’s grin reminded me of the Cheshire cat and I knew she was up to something.
“What?” I narrowed my eyes at her in suspicion.
“I have a gift for you!”
She lifted one of the black bags in front of my face for my scrutiny. She sighed and forced it into my hands. There was a fairly small package in the bag, and I decided to bite the bullet and look inside.
“Sara!” I smacked her with a little more force than was required.
“What?” She started to cackle. “I thought this could help with the little dry spell you were complaining about the other day! It’s actually perfect timing, too, since you found yourself a new hottie to fantasize about.”
I growled and quickly shoved my gift into my purse. From my quick glance in the bag, I realized that Sara hid the receipt so I couldn’t return it. Could you even return vibrators?
I looked towards the store and could see the father and daughter perusing through dresses. Tess held up a dress, and I could just make out a smile on her father’s face. I took a deep breath to try and calm myself and walked back into the store. I still had to pick up a dress.
The little girl and her father were signing rapidly back and forth to each other. We’d had a deaf student in a few of my core classes in college who used an interpreter, so I had seen enough sign language to recognize it, but I didn’t have a prayer at keeping up with their quick as lightning hands. I only knew a few words and the letters of the alphabet. What fascinated me, though, was the way the man maintained eye contact with his daughter as they communicated. It was as if there was nothing in the world more interesting to him than what his child had to say. It was heartwarming to see how much this man cared about his daughter.
And that made him even more attractive.
He chuckled at something she’d said. “Redecorate your room, huh,” he murmured.
My heart leaped into my throat. Were they considering a redecorating project? If so, it had to be a sign, didn’t it?
“Um, excuse me.” I waved and neared the two. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but if you’re thinking about redecorating a bedroom, I might be able to help.” I pulled one of my business cards out of my purse and handed it to the man. “I’m an interior designer.”
He looked down at my card and read my name in his deep voice. “Jenna Robertson.”
I nodded, smiling. “Yes. I have a degree in interior design. If you’re interested in hiring me, feel free to call the number
on the card.”
I smiled at the girl and heard my name called by the store owner who had gone into the back to find my dress. The girl waved as I turned to walk away. I returned the farewell and retrieved my dress. I didn’t want to stick around too long and possibly embarrass myself in front of the hot dad. I quickly found Sara sitting on a bench outside the store. She fiddled with her phone and finally noticed I stood in front of her.
“Oh, hey! Did you ask the hottie out?”
I rolled my eyes and ignored the blood that rushed to my face. “No, I did not ask him out. I gave him my business card. They seem to have a lot on their plate right now. It didn’t seem appropriate. Besides, I don’t even know his name. I think that would have been a little weird.”
Sara groaned and threw her hands up. “You’re no fun!” She scoffed and moved on. “Is there anything else you want to do?”
“As much as I would love to walk the mall with you, I have a ton of work I need to get done.”
“That’s fair.” Sara stood and grabbed her ominous black bag. I didn’t want to even think about what she’d bought for herself.
After we made sure we had all our belongings, Sara drove me home and I finished the work I’d stopped for my mother. It wasn’t until midnight that I crawled into bed and fell into a dream with the hot dad as the main star.
Chapter 5
Noah
I felt the nearly scalding water run down my back. I let it pound into me, the pressure almost uncomfortable. I deserved the discomfort. Since I woke up that morning, a vision haunted my thoughts. Jenna Robertson. The beautiful stranger kept crawling to the forefront of my mind.
I tried to push her away, but she was persistent. I couldn’t shake how patient and kind she was with Tess. Jenna didn’t know my daughter, but she felt the need to keep her company out of concern for her well-being. I only saw a brief interaction between the two, but I could imagine the impact she’d had on my daughter.
Tess kept gushing about how sweet Jenna was and how pretty she was. It was the first time in a long while that I’d seen Tess so lively. I felt conflicted. I was overjoyed that she was happy, even if it was for a short while. But I also couldn’t shake the spot of jealousy that coiled in my stomach. I couldn’t make her smile like that these days.
I came to the conclusion that Tess needed a mother figure in her life. I knew that, but to see how quickly she warmed up to a stranger caused my heart to ache. I wasn’t always there when Tess needed me because of my work and having to run the company. I tried my damnedest to be a good father, but a young girl needs a mother.
Tess was brilliant and so independent at twelve, partly from losing her mother. I couldn’t, with good conscious, smother and coddle her. I would always be there when she needed me, but I knew she would come to me when she needed help.
I fought a growl as the image of Jenna with Tess crept into my mind again. The thought of my daughter couldn’t even keep the woman out! I couldn’t waste more time in the shower thinking about strangers. I grabbed my Old Spice body wash and cleaned myself with quick, mechanical movements.
I almost found it funny that I used to take such care of my appearance. When I really thought about it, my wife had given me a little nudge to put in the extra effort. She was a huge fan of different skin care routines and would buy fancy body washes and hair products. The products would change from shower to shower, and I would just use what was there. Maybe she knew that. Why had I only noticed when she was gone?
I finished my shower before my mind could dwell on my wife…or this new woman. I stepped out onto the floral bathmat Carolyn had chosen. I hadn’t been able to get rid of it. I grabbed a clean towel off the rack and began to dry myself off, then stopped in front of the mirror and looked myself over.
My tanned skin was reddened by the heat of the shower, and a stray drop of water rolled down my abdomen. I wrapped my towel around my waist and entered my room, letting my hair air dry and do whatever it wanted.
I changed into loose jeans and a plain black T-shirt. I had no need to go to the office today and really didn’t want to dress up if I didn’t have to.
I headed for the kitchen but paused at Tess’s room. Her door was open a crack, so I peered inside. She sat at her old desk with her back hunched over. I saw some of her textbooks laid out, but she wasn’t reading. She had tears in her eyes, and one hand tugged her hair.
In that instant, I wanted to fight - to protect my baby girl from the evils of the world. If it came down to it, I would fight any deity to protect my daughter. I would do anything for her. I hated to see her cry. It tore my already broken heart to shreds.
I pushed the bedroom door open and inched forward. I sunk to my knees beside her and kissed her cheek. Baby, what’s going on?
Tess continued to hiccup, and her tears didn’t stop.
Honey, you need to talk to me so I can help.
She rubbed her hands over her eyes. She sniffled, and I reached for a box of tissues sitting on the corner of her desk. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. I let her take her time to collect herself. I had no idea how long she’d been crying, but I knew from experience that Tess needed time to calm down. I rested a hand on her back and stayed silent, waiting.
Take your time, I signed.
She nodded and I smiled weakly, even though she wasn’t looking at me. She was busy scrubbing her face and trying to get rid of any evidence she had been crying.
Once she was calm, she turned to me. I’m sorry, Papa, Tess said, hands shaking as she signed.
My brows furrowed in confusion. Why are you sorry, baby?
I can’t keep doing this. I can’t stand my desk, I can’t stand my room. I feel like I can barely handle anything without thinking of Mom. And this room is the worst! It’s a baby’s room.
I hid my emotions well and opened my arms for a hug. Tess’s lips quivered as she threw herself into my embrace. I pet the back of her head and gently rocked her back and forth. After a few minutes, I pushed her back so she could see me.
You don’t have to be sorry about any of that.
I feel like a baby though...
You’re not a baby. None of this is fun.
I miss Mama.
I do too, honey. I miss her more than anything. It’s ok to cry and feel sad. There’s nothing wrong with feeling emotion, but you gotta be able to pick yourself back up.
What if all I’m feeling is sad?
That’s fine too. The sadness you feel will pass with time. It might take a long time, but it will. You just gotta promise me something.
What?
Whenever you feel like this, I want you to come talk to me. It’ll help not having to keep it all in. Okay?
Tess nodded. Okay, Papa.
Thank you, honey.
We sat in silence, and I looked around Tess’s room. I could understand what she’d said about her room feeling too young. It was a hot pink color that didn’t suit Tess anymore, and it felt more like a stranger’s room than my daughter’s. I glanced at her desk and couldn’t believe she hadn’t complained about it earlier. It was so small compared to the desk space she really needed. I didn’t come into Tess’s room often, and when I did, I didn’t pay attention to her desk. I felt resolve settle, and I leaned back so I could look into her face.
Sweetie, I started. If you’d like, we can redo your room. We can redo everything if you’d like. I’d be willing to change the condo in its entirety if that would make you happy.
Tess let out a little giggle. I don’t think we need to change the whole condo. I wouldn’t complain about a new couch, though. Maybe a game console. A smile finally crossed her face.
I smiled and moved to sit down on the carpet. Tess crawled off me, much calmer, and I told her I had a phone call to make. When I stood up, I ruffled Tess’s hair and gestured for her to follow me.
We walked side by side into the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator.
Anything in particular you want to eat?
Cou
ld we have French toast?
Go see if we have bread.
Tess shot over to the bread cabinet and gave me a thumbs up. She pulled out half a loaf of white bread and I grabbed a carton of eggs.
Do you want to help?
Tess nodded and I was relieved to see an easy grin. Together we made a massive stack of French toast for each of us. We sat at the island table, and I smothered a laugh as Tess doused her French toast in maple syrup and butter. We put the dishes in the dishwasher after we finished our food, and Tess went back to her room.
Thank you, Papa. She gave me a quick hug before she left.
I was happy Tess seemed to feel a bit better. I knew she wasn’t all better, but the fact that I could help at all warmed my heart. Now I just had to find the business card Jenna had given me yesterday.
I climbed the stairs and opened the door to my room, searching for my pants. I found them on the floor where I’d tossed them, picked them up, and dug through the pockets until I found the card. I sat on my bed and pulled my phone out of my pocket.
I dialed the number and waited for Jenna to pick up.
“Hello?” I heard a frazzled voice over the line.
“Is this Jenna Robertson?”
“Yes?” Her voice was tentative, but the richness of it sent a tingle through my system.
“Yes, hi, this is Noah Clark. You gave me your card yesterday when I found you with my daughter?”
“Oh, yes, of course. What can I do for you?”
In comparison to mine, her voice was light and sweet. Honey smooth.
I tried to ignore the thoughts that invaded me. I could feel heat travel down my stomach and straight to my groin. I wasn’t going to let those thoughts influence me, though. It didn’t matter that I wanted to hear her whisper dirty pleas into my ear. I still loved my wife and refused to betray her memory.
“I’d like you to help redecorate my daughter’s room. It’s in dire need of a change.”
“Well, you called the right woman for the job,” she exclaimed. “If you’re free tomorrow, I could stop by and get an idea of what Tess would like done.”