by Skye Horn
Your fault.
He knew it was true. He’d left. What had he expected to happen? She was a soon-to-be queen. Of course… of course she’d need to marry another royal Fae.
Images of that marriage tore him to pieces, but there were small hands wrapped around his shaking wrists, pulling on him.
“Kieran.” Amara met his gaze. Her eyes were full of tears. “Please.”
If he didn’t get himself together, they’d both be dead, but that was assuming Queen Ismara didn’t order his execution right on the spot.
Where Kieran expected to see anger, he saw only pity. It was like her eyes burned right through him during his weakest moment to see everything he kept tucked away. Everything felt painful—blinking, breathing, and even the rapid beat of his heart made him want to tear at his own skin.
“Leave us,” the queen told her guards as they cast distrustful glances at Kieran’s crumpled form. He pulled his knees to his chest, hiding himself from both Amara and the queen with trembling lips, but his eyes never left hers as she approached them.
“There is a tavern in the village where you may remain until you are ready to travel again,” she said, kneeling beside him. Amara’s shocked face mirrored Kieran’s thoughts.
“You’re letting us go?” Amara said in astonishment.
“When my brother died, his wife turned into an unfamiliar stranger,” she breathed. “No matter what I did, I couldn’t help her. I recognize the signs… However, your princess isn’t dead, Kieran. Laws can be broken, but you know deep down that you have to let her do this.”
Queen Ismara’s words were not unkind. She patted Kieran’s shaking hand before rising back up to her feet. Kieran’s head only continued to spin though. He didn’t know what to say, or how to react. He couldn’t admit that he needed to let Thea do “this”, because that would mean giving up on her forever. He’d told her once that marriage in Faerie differed from whatever she knew… that it was more permanent. Maybe he’d been fooling himself into thinking that one day, after this was all over, he could go back to her. That had been nothing but a foolish dream. Soon, she’d marry a man who could never love her the way he did — and that was his fault. He’d been the one who’d left. He’d been the one to abandon her.
Goddess above, he would not survive this.
“Get me out of here,” he croaked to Amara, and without casting another look at Queen Ismara, he let Amara take him from the castle.
Chapter 5
At noon, Thea headed for the courtyard to meet Ethel and Mica. She found them chatting with two winged Fae who looked a few years older than Thea. As she approached, all of them fell silent and the Fae soldiers bowed low.
“Greetings, Princess Thea,” one of them said, keeping his head bowed. “My name is Derek, and this is Jami. Lord McCarthy requested that we accompany you on your journey to Gimmerwich.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Thea replied as the two soldiers straightened up. She knew Lord McCarthy had hand-selected them hoping she might choose them to be a part of the Queen’s Guard. Their wings qualified them for the position, but she imagined they were also skilled soldiers. “Are we ready to go?”
Thea eyed Mica and Ethel, who each had bags slung over their shoulders.
“We’ll be meeting two additional guards at the stables,” Jami said, squaring his shoulders. He had ebony skin and near-black eyes. His hair was short, exposing the mark of Ivandor he’d tattooed across the side of his neck. Thea had only seen that tattoo on a few soldiers, and most of them were older men who had served under her mother and grandfather. Jami didn’t look very old, but age was deceiving in Faerie. Thea thought perhaps he, like Kieran, had gotten the tattoo as a reminder. She tried not to let her eyes linger on it too long, but it didn’t stop Jami from noticing her stare, which she swiftly cast toward Derek.
Where Jami was all dark and serious, Derek was his polar opposite. He desperately needed a tan and his striking blue eyes shone as he smiled at the princess. He’d combed his blond hair back against his head, and as far as Thea could tell, he didn’t have a tattoo. Both guards appeared to be sizing her up in the same way that she was them.
“Shall we, then?” Thea asked. “I would like to depart as soon as possible.”
Ethel and Mica moved to stand beside her as she led the way to the stables, but no one said much else. Thea lost herself in her own thoughts, debating what she might say to Kieran when she saw him. She’d imagined the scenario countless times in the past six months, but now that the moment was nearly here, all words felt like a foreign language.
“How long is the journey to Gimmerwich?” Mica asked Derek. Like Thea, Mica appeared to find Derek more approachable than Jami.
“It will take us about a day and a half,” the soldier replied.
Less than two days. Thea had less than two days to hope that Kieran didn’t catch wind of her upcoming arrival and flee. She also had two days to prepare to meet the only other queen in the realm. The nervousness she felt made her stomach twist into uncomfortable knots, and for a moment she thought she might actually be sick.
When they reached the stables, Thea’s stomach was still turning, but there was no time to think about the challenges she’d face ahead. Two additional male guards stood by the stable doors. They introduced themselves with low bows as Rolan and Brayden before leading them into the stables where four horses had been prepared for riding and one had been readied for supplies. Thea averted her stinging eyes as they loaded the horses with their bags. Her heart ached for Faylon in moments like these, and although it had been only a few months, she didn’t believe that longing would ever disappear.
“You will fly, Princess Thea?” Jami asked, eyeing her wings.
“Yes, of course.” She stretched the burnt-umber feathers out behind her, eager to return to the skies after days of being stuck on the ground. Both Jami and Derek smiled, glancing at each other in a way that sparked Thea’s curiosity. “What is it?”
“It’s just not often that you see female Fae with wings,” Derek said, almost apologetically. “And then add the unusual way you received them. Well, it has a lot of us talking.”
“By us, you mean the other winged Fae?” Thea asked, curious but not offended as it seemed they thought she might be.
“Yes.” Jami shrugged.
“I know another female who used to have wings,” she said, thinking of Iris. “Is it really that uncommon?”
“Uncommon, yes, but not unheard of.”
“Interesting,” Thea said, wondering why the Goddess would not bless more females with wings to begin with.
“Most seers are women and winged Fae are men,” Brayden said, checking the saddles of the horses one last time. “There are exceptions, like King Aragon. Maybe it’s just random.”
“You only think that because you weren’t chosen,” Rolan laughed.
“Neither were you,” he teased back with a smile.
“I think we need warriors in the skies and on the ground,” Thea assured them. All four nodded in agreement. Despite their joking, they all had a look of respect for each other. “However, I also think we need more females in our guards.”
This brought out a laugh from everyone except Mica and Ethel, causing Thea to raise her eyebrow.
“You disagree?” she said with a note of disapproval. The four guards glanced at each other.
“We mean no offense, Princess, but if we send our women to war then who will take care of the children?” Derek said, making Thea instantly like him a lot less. The other three nodded in agreement and Thea heard Ethel’s sharp intake of breath, as if waiting for her to explode.
“You don’t believe men can take care of children?” Thea asked with a lifted eyebrow. Her tone was calm, but flames licked the insides of her palms.
“Of course they can, but—” Brayden said.
“You should think of your next words carefully, soldier,” Thea said with a dangerous smile.
Ethel was grinning ear to ea
r at the redness that had spread across all four of the soldiers’ faces.
“I think it would be great to have more women soldiers!” Mica chimed in, earning an approving grin from Thea.
“And that is why I chose you personally for this journey. I hope more of our youth will believe that way as they train to join my Guard.”
Thea stood a little taller and watched the four guards shrink beneath her gaze. Each of them mumbled apologies, but Thea didn’t expect that she had changed their minds about women. It amazed her how stuck in the Dark Ages Faerie seemed on basic human decency, but she planned to change that law among many others when she became queen. That was if the High Council ever allowed her to complete her coronation.
“We’d better get going,” Ethel said with a cheerful smile. She had enjoyed the conversation more than anyone else in the stables, reminding Thea of just how badly she needed to change the world Ethel was growing up in.
“Agreed,” Thea said and headed out the stable doors without another word. She heard Ethel and Mica climb up on their horses, followed by Rolan and Brayden. They all followed her a moment later.
The first day of travel was easy. Thea, Jami, and Derek soared high above the clouds while Ethel, Mica, and the other two guards rode beneath them on horseback. Every once in a while, Thea would dip below the cloud covering to check on Ethel and Mica, but she didn’t really speak with anyone, nor was she spoken to. Jami and Derek still seemed nervous about upsetting her again and ruining their chance of being chosen for the Queen’s Guard after this trip, but Thea didn’t mind the silence. She basked in the sun’s warmth tickling her skin and the soft kiss of mist against her face as she broke through cotton pillows of clouds.
She used magic to warm the surrounding air in the same way Kieran had once done for her. It took minor effort now that she’d been practicing how to control her abilities for months. There still were moments like the one in the council meeting where she lost control, but this magic came naturally to her now, without exhausting side-effects.
As the sun started setting and the wind picked up, Thea stretched her wings wide, steadying herself atop the air currents. Both of her winged companions watched her in surprise as they struggled to keep themselves steady at her side, flapping their own wings strenuously to level themselves out with her.
“Try to keep up,” Thea teased them, unable to help herself as she dove toward the ground. There was a rumble of complaints behind her, but she didn’t care. She laughed as they fought to keep pace with her through the sky, reveling because despite her newness to flying and their earlier comments about females with wings, she could spin circles around them for hours. Flying was as easy as breathing, and despite her shy nature, she was enjoying showing off in front of them. If she could outfly them after only recently developing the ability, then any women could. She wanted to make sure they knew that.
Thea heard laughing from the group below as they watched her dive low and then soar back high into the sky with her companions just a little too far behind her.
“She’s making you look bad!” Mica called out, laughing so hard that Thea feared he might fall off his horse. Brayden and Rolan looked uncomfortable, but laughed along with him regardless as Derek and Jami continued to complain about not wasting time on games.
Thea slowed into a gentle glide, blinking at them behind a mask of innocence.
“Everything all right, boys?” she asked, watching as they panted for breath. She’d learned one thing since beginning to teach herself how to fly—size mattered, and being petite worked to her advantage. It allowed her to soar along the wind currents without the strain of holding herself up. The muscles in her back had grown stronger the more she flew, and now she didn’t even need to catch a breath.
“I think,” said Jami as his chest rose and fell, “that we should probably stop to camp.”
Thea glanced toward the darkening horizon, watching the veil of indigo encroach upon the fading persimmon-and-plum-painted skies before nodding her head in agreement. Despite wanting to arrive in Gimmerwich as soon as possible, Thea knew traveling in the dark was not safe in Faerie. There were creatures that lurked in the shadows, ones that didn’t like humans or Fae. An encounter with one of them was not something she felt like having tonight.
“Let’s tell the others,” Thea said, making her way toward the ground once more, this time at a more leisurely pace. Derek called out to the two other guards about finding a clearing among the trees, but Jami remained at Thea’s side as they headed for the forest’s tree line. Thea could see the horses beneath her slowing to a walk and landed a few yards away, trying not to startle any of them. She folded her wings against her back as her eyes darted around for any danger that lurked beyond the trees. All four soldiers, plus Mica, did the same.
Once they found there was nothing to worry about, they settled in a clearing far enough into the forest for protection and made camp, lighting a fire to warm not only their bodies but the supper that Miss Elizabeth from the kitchens had packed for them. There were meats, cheeses, and breads to make sandwiches, all packaged in one sack, and stew, which they heated in a pot over the flames. Within half an hour the sun had set, and the smell of beef and potatoes made Thea’s stomach grumble.
“Here you are, Princess Thea,” Jami said, holding out a bowl to her, but she shook her head.
“You all eat first,” she said, noticing each of their surprised faces. She’d learned from Kieran that they could not all sit down and eat at one time. They needed to stay on alert for any incoming danger, especially with Morrigan lurking somewhere out there, waiting for who knew what to happen before making her move.
Mica, seeming to understand what Thea was saying before anyone else, handed his bowl of stew to Ethel and said, “Thea and I will check the perimeter while you all eat. Then we can switch.”
The command in his tone impressed Thea. She gave him an approving smile as they stood. The rest of the guards nodded, agreeing to the plan, although muttering their disapproval of Thea taking a watch shift.
“Thank you,” Thea said to Mica as they walked away from the others. She noticed his quizzical stare through the dark and added, “For being better than them.”
He didn’t need to respond. His blush, visible beneath the veil of twilight, was enough to remind her how much he sought her approval. So, instead of continuing the awkward conversation, Thea concentrated a slight amount of her magic on focusing her senses. At first nothing happened, but soon Thea felt the magic’s familiar burn beneath her skin. She drew it up with a deep inhale, focusing on her sight so she could see through the impending darkness that blanketed the forest floor. She didn’t want to embarrass Mica any more than he already seemed to be, but she really believed he was better than the others. He saw Ethel as an equal to himself, although he had Fae blood and she didn’t. He’d also believed in Thea since the moment they’d met, never once questioning any decision she’d made.
“I guess my mother raised me right,” Mica mused, glancing over his shoulder at the other men. “I saw the way others treated her after my father died. Everyone expected her to remarry. They thought she couldn’t raise me without a man.”
“I think she did a fantastic job,” Thea said, her eyes adjusting to take in the darkened tree line. From their distance, she could see small critters scurrying beneath the bushes, but nothing threatening. They walked along the outskirts of their campsite, listening to the noises made beyond their eyesight, but all seemed calm. “I want to do an aerial check, just in case.”
Mica nodded his agreement.
“You check that side,” Thea pointed to the opposite side of camp. “Just make sure no one is lurking in the bushes.”
They both laughed, even though there actually could be people lurking in the bushes, and Thea stretched her wings out behind her.
“They’re just jealous, you know,” Mica said, admiring her wings.
“Well, maybe someone should remind them that at least the Goddess o
f Death doesn’t know them by name.” She rolled her eyes and took off at a steady run, carrying herself into the air with three large flaps of her wings. The muscles in her back tightened to carry her weight as she rose high above the treetops, letting the wind bring her naturally into a gentle glide, and focused on the ground below. Thea didn’t expect any danger to be lurking, but it gave her an excuse to fly with her own thoughts.
If they left early enough the following morning, which Thea planned to do, they would make it to Gimmerwich well before nightfall. This meant that there was a possibility Thea would see Kieran in less than a day’s time. The thought made her stomach tighten and rise into her throat.
She took a calming breath as the wind caressed her cheek with gentle reassurance.
You deserve answers, she reminded herself, trying to get passed the nervousness of seeing Kieran after six months apart. She’d run into her exes before. Hell, she and Marcus had been on and off for years, but this was something different. Seeing Kieran made her stomach feel as if she’d been turned upside down and punched. He was not just an ex-boyfriend. This was the man who’d turned her world right-side-up and made it tick clockwise again. He was the one who could make her smile at the most inappropriate moments just by being in the same room. This was the man she’d fake interest in marrying a stranger for.
What in the world was wrong with her?
Even after everything he’d done to break her heart, it still fluttered at the thought of him. She still cringed at being rejected again by the only person in this universe who made her life feel worth something.
She’d turned into the girl she didn’t want to be and had no idea how to stop it from happening.
No matter what, her world would keep spinning even without him in it, but now she had to fight the thoughts of whether she wanted it to keep spinning. She had to remind herself that there was more to live for than him. She had to remember herself, and that was proving to be the harder path to take.