by Skye Horn
A sob escaped Thea’s tightened chest, bubbling from her lips. She hadn’t wanted to let it out, but Kieran’s words shot through her like a kick to the stomach. Whatever madness she’d conjured to hold herself together was crumbling with every passing moment.
Declan’s eyes flickered to hers as the pitiful sound escaped her mouth, and to her surprise, a flash of anger stormed behind his eyes.
“That’s enough,” he snapped at Kieran, moving to Thea’s side despite the unsteady ground.
For a moment, Kieran turned to position himself between Declan and Thea, but her hands lifted and a wall of air formed between the two men to both of their surprise.
“You’ve done enough,” Thea said to Kieran. Her bottom lip quivered, but she refused to look away as his eyes met hers.
His face crumbled, anger fading back into regret, but Thea no longer had the energy to care or forgive him. She knew from their conversation that he was hurting too, but that didn’t give him a right to act the way he had. She was broken too. He had broken her first. She needed closure because of what he had done, not the other way around.
“When you are ready to come home, your family misses you,” Thea intoned, wiping her tears away again despite the mess it left on her hand. Icy numbness settled around her.
I just need to get out of here, she thought. I will not let him see me break. I will not.
Thea backed away when Kieran stepped toward her and ended up closer to Declan just as Haven stuck her head out of the door to the tavern.
“What the hell is happening out here?” Haven moved to stand at Thea’s side, letting her hand linger on the hilt of her sword. Thea didn’t object.
“Haven, how would you feel about joining the Queen’s Guard in Ivandor?” Thea asked, not meeting Kieran’s eyes. “It appears I’ve been putting off selecting the head of my guard for no good reason.”
“Thea—” Kieran said, but she raised her hand to silence him.
“We swore to remain at each other’s sides no matter what,” she said, burying the part of her that hated the words she needed to say. “You took an oath, regardless of everything else. And you broke it in a matter of days. I need someone by my side who knows how to keep an oath.”
It wasn’t a lie. She needed to select her guard and despite the hope she’d been holding out for his return, he’d obviously decided to stay away.
“It’s my decision to make, and I choose Haven. If she accepts, that is.” Thea turned her attention to Haven because she couldn’t stand how Kieran’s face crumbled beneath her words. She knew he’d dreamt of being the head of her guard since he was a boy, but what did he expect? That she wait forever for him to realize the mistake he was making? Besides, after how he’d just talked about her to Declan, Thea didn’t know if she could ever forgive him.
Haven, who hadn’t said a word yet in response to Thea’s question, stared at her with wide eyes.
“We can talk about that later,” she told Thea before turning her attention to Kieran. “And you are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met for letting this woman go.”
Shock registered on Kieran’s face, but Haven spun Thea around, marching her away before he could respond or her tears could return. Declan’s footsteps followed close behind them until his silhouette snuck into the corner of Thea’s gaze. She did her best not to look at him, listening as the tavern door slammed shut.
However, it wasn’t until they’d rounded the corner of the building that Thea collapsed against Haven and let out a strangled sob, uncaring of Declan’s figure bearing witness to her heartbreak from only a few feet away.
Chapter 13
Kieran didn’t disagree with the accusation that he was the biggest idiot to watch Thea walk away, but there was nothing more that he could do to stop it. Declan was royalty, approved by Thea’s High Council. Even if he managed to win Thea’s trust back, how could he compete with royalty?
No amount of training could prepare him for the way his emotions controlled his actions. He’d gone into the conversation hoping to reason with her by showing her that leaving had been the right choice, but he’d lost his mind seeing Declan come to her rescue.
Kieran had vowed to protect Thea, but she was right; he’d broken his oath. No matter how good his intentions of leaving had been, there was no excuse for a broken oath to his princess. Perhaps that made her right about Haven being a better fit too, but it still shook him to the core to hear that she’d filled his spot on the guard.
Had he expected her not to, though? He didn’t know, but he couldn’t stand watching her walk away any longer, so he pushed his way back into the tavern, letting the door slam shut behind him, and found Amara listening at the door.
It took everything in Kieran’s control not to let the tears that stung his eyes escape. He averted his gaze, as if it could hide the pain he felt, as Amara looked at him with… what? Sympathy? Pity? He didn’t feel like finding out.
“Don’t,” he warned her.
“Kieran, you need to—”
“How would you know what I need to do, Amara?” he growled, letting his anger lash out against her. What kind of monster was he turning into that he couldn’t control his anger with anyone anymore?
“Because I see what being away from her does to you,” Amara continued, angling her chin in a way that reminded him of Thea. Just like her sister, she could make a grown man feel smaller than her.
“It doesn’t matter because she is marrying Declan,” he snapped.
“Did she say that?” Amara asked, placing a hand on her hip. “Did she tell you, ‘I’m marrying Declan.’?”
Kieran narrowed his eyes on his cousin and moved to push past her.
No, Thea hadn’t said she would marry Declan, but she was here to meet him and he’d just blown any chance he had at getting her back—if that were even possible. Declan had defended her… against him. She would never forgive him for the way he’d spoken, and he didn’t even blame her. Forgiveness was not something he deserved.
“Why would she come to find you if she wanted to marry someone else? Why would she seek you out?”
Kieran ignored Amara’s protests and headed for the front door. Nothing that she said would fix the oaths he’d broken or take back the words he’d spoken. The look in Thea’s eyes had been worse than anything he could have imagined, and he knew she hated him now. Soulmates or not—she hated him, and he needed air.
“Kieran, wait!” Amara cried out as he pushed the door of the tavern open and ran out into the busy village streets. He extended his wings and soared into the clouds before she could stop him, letting the tears he’d been choking back fall from his eyes.
Haven kept one arm securely around Thea’s trembling shoulders as they walked back to the castle. Their wings bumped with each step, but Thea didn’t care because without that support, she thought she might just collapse in the middle of the cobblestoned streets.
Hearing the chatter and laughter of the villagers no longer intrigued Thea. Instead, it only caused more sobs to erupt from her aching chest. Haven wiped Thea’s face with her own sleeve to clear the black smudge from beneath her eyes and tucked her tangled hair behind her ears.
Meanwhile, Thea imagined Kieran running after her, torturing herself with thoughts of apologies he’d never make. In these cruel imaginings he said he still loved her and that he didn’t mean any of the awful things he’d said to her. That fantasy just made her more angry with herself, because in it, she forgave him for everything.
I’m the biggest idiot, she thought, recalling Haven’s words. She’d believed seeing each other would fix them, but instead it forced Thea to realize the truth—Kieran didn’t want this fixed. He cared more about the law and the kingdom, and she was selfish for expecting any different.
Thea stared at her feet as they walked, but once in a while she would catch Declan glancing at her with a worried, curious gaze. He never pushed her to speak, though, nor did he make any comments about what had just happened.
&n
bsp; Haven was not so controlled. She murmured “ass-kicking” multiple times before they arrived in the castle’s courtyard. Thea had hoped to escape to her bedroom, but fate had other plans for her. Mica and Ethel stood leaning against the courtyard’s enormous fountain, in between Thea and the door that would lead to her solitude. It didn’t take them long to see Thea’s tear-streaked face and rush over with accusing glares on their faces.
When Haven put herself between Thea and the approaching adolescents, Thea almost smiled.
“It’s okay,” she said to both Haven and her concerned friends. The words came out in a disgusting nasal-pitched tremble that she wished she could cover up, and she rubbed her nose across her sleeve, not caring who saw. It wasn’t like she needed to impress anyone now. Kieran didn’t care what she looked like, and Declan had already seen her disgusting mucus-suffocated sobs on their walk back—not that she cared what he had to say about her either.
“Kieran?” Ethel asked Haven, as if Thea hadn’t been the one who had just spoken. Thea winced at the sound of his name.
Haven nodded, and Mica’s face darkened until it was brick red. Thea thought steam might spew from his ears like in one of those old cartoons she’d watched as a kid.
“I’m going to murder him.” He spat out each word through tight lips, but regardless of his anger, Thea smiled.
“As much as I appreciate the gesture,” she murmured, “I must advise against murdering your friends—as your queen.”
She tried to keep her tone light, but his face only darkened as he said, “He is not my friend.”
The muscles in Thea’s chest tightened watching him cross his arms in pure adolescent defiance. This was what she’d feared when Kieran had left Ivandor. Thea didn’t want their friends to take sides, no matter how angry she was with Kieran. He needed his family, including Mica.
“Remind me never to get on your bad side,” Haven said to Thea while grinning at Mica. “He’s feisty.”
Ethel, whose eyes hadn’t left Thea through the entire conversation, didn’t look convinced by Thea’s empty smile. In fact, both Ethel and Mica were staring at her like she might shatter at any moment, and she wasn’t fully convinced she wouldn’t.
“Please don’t be angry with him,” Thea said, reaching out her makeup-stained hand for Ethel’s, but that only seemed to make her more upset. Ethel was fighting tears of her own now as Thea added, “Kieran is your family.”
“You’re my family too,” she responded, wiping an escaped tear from the corner of her eye.
Thea glanced at the strange assortment of people around her, and wondered how that had happened. She’d gone from being an orphan to having this odd jumble of non-blood-related family to look out for her in less than a year. Even Haven, whom she’d just met, had done more for her in the past hour than anyone she’d known in her old life ever would have.
And then there was Declan.
Thea hadn’t forgotten him standing in their group. He had his hands tucked into his pockets while they all talked, but Thea knew he was waiting for her to say something to him. She faced him, trying not to let herself feel embarrassed. “Thank you for what you said back there. I’m sure I’ve made a poor first impression on you by now, but I appreciate your support.”
The gazes of her companions weighed down her shoulders, but she tried to keep her voice steady. Declan, who looked curious about her, or possibly about the situation he’d caught her in, shook his blond head of perfectly placed hair in response.
“No one deserves to be talked to like that. Plus, you were doing just fine on your own.”
Queen Ismara had made it clear that Declan opposed this marriage as much as Thea did, and yet, he hadn’t hesitated to defend her in the village. He also hadn’t left her side, even though Haven could have taken Thea back to the castle on her own. If he really believed she was doing fine on her own, she thought he’d missed the part where her magic had been unstable, but there was no need to bring that up now—not in front of Ethel and Mica.
What was it that had made Declan stay by her side? Thea couldn’t say that she would have reacted the same if she had been in his position.
“I’m sorry, Princess Thea.” He bowed his head, but Thea wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for. Perhaps for Kieran’s behavior? Or for not wanting to marry her? Neither warranted an apology, and yet, he looked sincere. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
The abrupt excusal didn’t really surprise Thea. She hadn’t expected him to stay in her company this long, but she still felt embarrassed as the others watched her confusing interaction.
“So, that was Declan…” Thea rubbed the back of her neck, not wanting to meet any of their eyes. All she wanted to do was curl up and go to bed, but she had dinner with the queen to prepare for.
“What a hero,” Haven laughed as if Thea hadn’t just fallen apart in front of all of them. She lifted her gaze, facing the gut-wrenching fear inside herself.
“Only if he put Kieran in his place,” Mica mumbled loud enough for them all to hear.
“You need to go cool off,” Ethel told him, tearing Thea’s gaze away from Declan’s retreating form. She wanted to know the reasoning behind Declan’s kindness, but her curiosity would have to wait.
“Fine.” Mica didn’t look happy to be told to leave, but he appeared defeated enough to accept it.
“Thank you for looking out for me, Mica,” Thea said, taking his arm and pulling him into a hug before he could go. “I’ve asked a lot of you over the past few months, and you’ve never complained. I don’t deserve your kindness, but I appreciate it.”
Thea smiled a little as he blurted out his embarrassed gratitude and fled from the courtyard himself.
“He worships the ground you walk on, huh?” Haven mused, watching Mica go, and Thea laughed. It sounded more forced than she’d meant for it to be, but she found it funny that Mica admired her so much. She wasn’t sure what she’d done to deserve that, but maybe someday he’d tell her.
“Let’s get you ready for dinner,” Ethel said, hooking her arm through Thea’s.
Before she could protest, Thea hooked her other arm through Haven’s.
“I’m so going to need you for this,” Thea said, casting a wary glance at Ethel. “Just wait until you see the dress she’s going to put me in.”
A visible shudder traveled through Thea’s entire body as both Haven and Ethel rolled with laughter.
As they made their way back through the castle toward the bedroom, Ethel and Haven chatted to each other with no need for a response from Thea. She remained lost in her own thoughts, reliving her conversation with Kieran as if it might change the outcome and paying little attention to what the other two girls were chatting about.
However, when Thea could no longer stand the torture of her own mind, she turned to Haven and interrupted a conversation about the many uses she’d found for her bow and arrow in the forests of Gimmerwich to say, “I meant what I said about you joining my guard.”
Thea had been avoiding choosing her guard for months, but if Kieran really had no intention of returning to Ivandor, then she had no intention of waiting around for him any longer. Even if their relationship would never heal, Thea had still expected Kieran to keep his oath—and it looked like she’d been wrong. She needed someone who was both strong and trustworthy to command her guard, and from what Thea had seen in the village, Haven possessed both qualities. Plus, if Thea was being honest with herself, she could admit that it would be a relief to have a female guard to confide in. It might disappoint Derek and Jami to have to follow the orders of a woman, but Thea thought that was even more of a reason to have Haven on their team. It also made Thea realize she’d already let the two male Fae into the group.
“I don’t think your High Council will allow that,” Haven said, refusing to meet Thea’s eyes.
“Because you’re a woman?” Thea asked, rolling her eyes at the idea that they’d even try to argue that with her. “They can get over it.”
> “They might get over me being a woman, but unless I change my lifestyle, they will never allow me to join.”
Thea raised an eyebrow at Haven, trying to understand what she meant.
“Lifestyle? What do you mean?” she asked as they reached the bedroom.
“Well, I like girls,” she said, so matter-of-factly that Thea didn’t understand what she meant at first. As realization dawned on her, she turned to stare at Haven, placing both hands on her hips with a frown.
“They won’t let you be on the guard because you’re queer?” she asked, unable to disguise the disgust in her voice. “That is the most ridiculous rule I have ever heard! And I’ve heard some very ridiculous rules.”
“The law is the law.” Haven shrugged, but she looked amused.
“Well, I’m adding that to my list of idiotic rules written by old men that I must repeal,” Thea said and stormed into her bedroom. “And my offer still stands. Let them try to tell me no.”
“She likes to break rules,” Thea heard Ethel say as the three of them entered the bedroom. She caught Haven’s shocked reflection in the mirror across the room.
“I can see that,” Haven responded. Her eyes widened as they headed into the bedroom. She plopped down on the giant bed with a dramatic sigh. “This is bigger than my house.”
Thea laughed half-heartedly, trying to scrub the rest of the makeup from her face as she recalled the small two-bedroom home she’d grown up in with her adoptive parents. It had been little, but it had been home for eighteen years.
“Mine too,” she said as Ethel approached with a damp cloth, wiping the makeup from Thea’s raw cheeks. Thea didn’t protest. Normally, she wouldn’t have liked Ethel babying her, but right now, she didn’t trust herself not to burst into tears at any moment.
The argument with Kieran was still fresh in her mind, and the makeup was a flashing reminder of how awful their conversation had gone. Never in any of her dreams had she imagined they could speak to each other in that way.