by MJ Sparks
UNBREAKABLE BONDS: SISTERS IN UNIFORM
Unbreakable Bonds: Sisters in Uniform is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Introduction to The Sisters
“Sabrena aka Bree”
September 5, 1997
A panoramic view of an opaque and orangey sun’s descent over the lush greens outside of each of the arch shaped windows of the Captain's Club of Woodfield lent another element of romance to the overall ambiance. Sabrena's wide eyes took in the rose colored runner outstretched across the ivory table cloth covering the nearly yard long bridal party table. Besides flutes and half eaten courses of chicken and fish that remained on the fine porcelain china, the table had been emptied out, with all its inhabitants spilled onto the dance floor. Caroline, Christine, and Charity, her mother and dear aunts with their color coordinated chiffons and taffetas, looked to have formed the picture of a classic doowop trio, reminiscing thru dance as the D.J spun forty-fives of old school classics. Her first cousin, Laila and her new husband, Jackson clung to one another in a tender embrace, swaying softly to the music with their gazes locked in love on another. As the thumping guitar riffs led into the intro of The Temptations' classic, ‘My Girl’, Sabrena's uncle Ed made his way through the crowd set on finding his baby girl, Laila. A smile crept onto the faces of everyone as he retrieved Laila from her husband for one last dance, as the pair glided across the hardwood.
Sabrena's heart thumped and fluttered as she gazed at the evident happiness and love that seemed to flow throughout the room. Love to her was such a beautiful thing, yet in her eighteen years of living, aside from the familial sense, she'd never experienced it. She’d spent her high school career spread across three different high schools and just never had the chance to fall into the gushy plush cushion that she assumed first love to be. Loving relationships were all around her, surrounding her almost, yet she felt tunneled off from true love for some reason, until Derek's eyes landed on her that is. Derek was her long time crush who she dreamed of being her first love and first everything. He was her Aunt Christine's best friend's youngest son. Over the course of five years, they’d run into one another and Sabrena found him to be absolutely delectable to the eye. His dark eyes, plump lickable lips, set into his deep dark oak brown skin gave her chills every time they saw one another, which she'd always try to make more frequent than necessary. The problem had been that he always had a girlfriend if she was single or she had a boyfriend when he and his girlfriend were on the outs, but now she was free and from what she'd heard so was he.
That evening their eyes danced across the room with one another for what seemed like hours before he approached her, but once he did, they were inseparable for the remainder of the night. Bree decided to relish in the moment and she wrapped her arms around him as they swept the dance floor as if they owned it. As their bodies swayed to the music, she decided to take things a step further and act as if she owned him as well. Tonight the shell encrusting her precious womanhood would be cracked open for the first time and she would leave for Basic Training a woman. It only made sense, in her opinion. The military was not for little pimply faced teen girls. Putting your life on the line is a job for a grown woman. So if she was going to put her life on the line as a woman, she should be entitled to the pleasures of being a woman. Tonight is the night, she continuously assured herself over and over as they approached Derek’s home and the forty-five from the reception hall was replaced by the tape deck in Derek’s two door Nissan playing Silk’s ‘Lose Control’, which was exactly what she was telling herself to do ironically.
Derek’s deep, dark, cavernous, brown eyes felt as though they’d only held as much limited experience as her own back at the reception hall. Once they reached his bedroom, she realized that she must have projected and the reflection of the innocence of her own eyes had been what she’d seen, as ever so quickly yet suavely, he unzipped the floor length silver shimmering bridesmaid gown that hugged her tiny curvaceous frame. His eyes now were emboldened as he glared into hers, challenging and beckoning her at the same time. His gaze unnerved her. She thought that she wanted to be a big girl, but now in the heat of things, she didn’t feel so sure any more.
As Derek’s cool moist hands met the warmth of her skin at the small of her back, suddenly and instinctively she gasped and let out a small moan that was truly rooted in fear, but Derek mistook it as a sign of ecstasy and within minutes, wet warm kisses flowed from her earlobes, lips, and breast. The small bout of uncertainty she was experiencing was fading as he unleashed soft, tender, puckering wet weapons upon her flesh, something she’d experienced before, but the furthest exploration point under her belt so to speak, never actually went below her belt.
She fell back allowing her backside to land on the bed, afraid, but determined to bask in this one night. With more access to her flesh, Derek transitioned all the way down and gave her sweet, soft kisses to the uncharted region of her body. Afraid to release any sounds, Sabrena gulped down any and every moan that threatened to escape her lips. His tongue flickered and rhythmically thrust at the very top of folds of skin in her womanhood. She couldn’t stand it. It was the best feeling she’d ever experienced in her whole life, but she was still battling self-consciousness, so besides the nearly muted moans that slipped from her mouth, all she gave him was an awkward grin afterwards.
Derek didn’t need her to sing his name. He’d felt her moisture multiply, he’d felt the tingle in her left leg and the jerk in her right and he knew that he’d satisfied her. And that gave him satisfaction. But he wasn’t done yet. He slipped over to his drawer and Bree heard the sound of tearing, as he opened a condom. Thoughts of words her aunt had spoken flashed in her mind. She always told Bree not to be ashamed to touch a man’s penis to make sure that even in a small dimly lit space, the condom was properly applied. Her wandering mind was led to a thousand places in that brief moment and she thought how is she qualified to make sure a condom is properly applied, if she’d never properly applied one. While she was thinking about all that, Derek was ready to put her to the test as he and his covered manhood headed in her direction. He lowered himself on the bed and Bree struggled to contain her nervous energy.
Derek took notice and asked, “You okay.”
Bree’s head nodded up and down and Derek proceeded to part her legs. But just as her hand went down into his nether region to test, fate intervened and a flood of voices from beyond the right wall of Derek’s dark bedroom boomed throughout his mother’s foyer. Bree jumped up in fright and Mr. Innocent Eyes let out a slew of curse words. Bree was shocked. She never knew he had that type of mouth on him. She always thought he was a cute, kind, and gentle giant. But apparently the beast was released when his plan to get some failed. He proved that he wasn’t exactly what she thought he was. So with that revelation as well as the audible audience, Bree hopped up to leave.
“You’re leaving”, he asked. His voice bore both disappointment and shock.
“We can’t do this with people here”, Sabrena replied.
“But..but- you’re leaving tomorrow and we didn’t get to”---He star
ted but never completed his thoughts.
“I’m not leaving forever. If it’s meant to be, then it will be later. There’s always leave”, Bree suggested. “And this is home for me, so I’ll be back”, she said smiling at him while pulling up her gown. She headed for his bedroom window, but he stopped her.
“You’re not seriously about to go out the window in that dress, are you?”
“I am indeed. I refuse to walk out of your bedroom with your mom and family in there. It’ll be embarrassing enough doing it once at my aunt’s.”
Derek let out an exasperated sigh as the breeze of the night’s air penetrated the room. “Here take the dress off and put on some of my shorts and a t-shirt”, he ordered.
That did sound way more logical than her plan to hop out in her dress so Bree complied. They both dressed and climbed out of his window and headed down the street towards her aunt’s on foot.
Taking slow steady strides after a deep breath, Derek asked, “So you about to be a wait--, it’s not soldier for Air Force is it, what are they called?”
“It’s called an airman”, Bree advised.
“Airman”, he repeated with a chuckle. “I don’t know why, but that sounds lame to me.”
“What’s so lame about it?”
“Airman, like it doesn’t sound hard. Like you know how you can say man I'm a soldier and people know that to be synonymous with strength or something. Airman just sounds so…so….pussy”, he said and laughed really hard at his own joke.
Bree’s eyes rolled and she felt relieved that she had not gone all the way because she felt like he was immature and so not living up to the ideal “perfect guy”, she’d fantasized about. Maybe she’d been mistaken about him all along she told herself as they journeyed down Moravian Rd.
He was two years her senior and his mom was great friends with her aunt, so they’d known of each other for a while, exchanging smiles and small pleasantries here and there over the years. He always seemed so sweet in the company of her aunt and his mother and the fact that he was very attractive always added to his allure when she saw him. His height gave him an added bonus. Though he wasn’t towering tall, at an even six feet, even in heels, standing beside her five foot five frame, he still had over an inch advantage. So she loved the fact that she had to look up at him.
As they continued to trudge along, she reminisced and thought at least she’d achieved something that night. She’d her very first orgasm and that was celebration worthy she thought as they approached her aunt’s front yard.
“I gotta put my dress back on”, Bree said and pulled him to the back of her aunt's house.
She slid his shorts off and in an instant, she felt as though a spotlight had been turned on as her aunt’s motion lights were triggered.
“Damn”, Derek said and for a moment she thought he felt her pain and anguish at the possibility of being caught and embarrassed before he continued with, “I thought we would be able to do it back here before these lights came on.”
And at that point her mental gavel sounded off, and as far as she was concerned he was dismissed. Once again she found herself rolling her eyes into her head at his antics and she thought; thank goodness I will not have buyer’s remorse for this one. As much as she wanted to become a “woman”, she did not want to do so at the expense of her common sense by giving it away to some idiot. With her eyes glued to him, she continued her read on him while slipping her gown up. Her gaze and attention was quickly snatched away as clamorous voices boomed from the inside of her aunt’s kitchen which faced the rear of the home.
“Why are the lights on back here”, a voice sounding eerily similar to her mom’s yelled. Bree did her best to get out of view of the windows quickly because she did not want to be found half naked by her mother of all people. How embarrassing would that be, she thought as she slipped the t-shirt off and handed it to Derek.
And once again Derek found another way to give Bree confirmation that she’d made the right decision. He was not concerned about the lights, he wasn’t about her being nearly nude and caught by her mother, all he wanted was to get some. He looked up at the house with a nod and asked, “So it’s a full house in there, huh?”
She purposely ignored him and walked towards the front, but he wouldn’t relent. “So we wouldn’t have a chance in there either huh.”
And for like the hundredth time Bree found herself, rolling her eyes again, that he’d be so ridiculous to keep up his annoying persistence to get some. She shot him down and answered, “Not a one.”
They’d made it to the porch, so they stood there and shared a slight awkward silence, until Bree smiled and went in for the most church friendly embrace ever keeping a gaping distance between their bodies and gently patting his posterior as if she were petting a dog. She turned to open the door, but he grabbed her arm. She almost snatched away, thinking that his pesky persistence for sex was the reason his hand landed on her back. But then she realized that he was saving her from embarrassment because her back was bare and he was trying to zip her up.
“You take care, Sabrena”, he said smiling at her. And in his eyes she saw the same light and innocence that had enamored her so many times before.
Just that quick, the flame of her crush was reignited. She stood at the door and watched him walk down the steps, recalling their moment of intimacy and how adorable his eyes and smile were. I was being too harsh on him she told herself. I’m way too judgmental, she said after a long sigh. But it was too late to back track because, goodbye was upon them. There was no doubt about that. And her “real” first time would have to be with someone in the Air Force.
“Goodbye”, she grinned and waved, leaning on the door before opening it.
Once inside, her ears were instantly filled with boisterous yelling and cackling from the living room. She unlatched the strappy sandals that had been killing her and her feet instantly felt a chill bought on by the cool slate marble floors of the foyer. It sounded as if ruckus and mayhem were taking place, because she heard howling laughs and giggles that she figured must have been the result of a slick joke of some sort. Her family was so distracted by humor, that the door opening and shutting had totally been missed. When the laughter subsided and the alarm chimed though, she heard one of them suspiciously ask, "What was that?"
“I don’t know, but I did see that the lights were on in the back yard”, another one spoke with concern. Suddenly the room grew silent except for the Motown grooves playing across the room.
“Aww hell, Christine”, aunt Charity, said before Bree appeared and disarmed them.
“Oh it’s just you”, her aunt Charity said throwing her hands up in Bree’s direction.
Bree made her way out of the foyer and into the living room. As her feet felt the warm relief of the plush Berber carpet, she eyed the living room and smiled at the beautiful mahogany beings lounged across her aunt’s cranberry, suede, L-shaped sectional with hunter green throw pillows. Her beautiful mother, Carolyn, was among the beauties, and she went to the backside of the couch and swooped down and gave her an embrace from behind the sofa.
“Hey sweetheart”, her mother said with an arm reaching upwards behind her, pulling Bree in and extending her face out, so that her left cheek was exposed for a kiss. Of course Bree obliged. She relished in the moment for a minute, taking in her mother’s familiar scent of
Ambi coconut cream and Coco Chanel, before painfully letting go. Her mother always smelled so good. She wanted to plop down on the sofa beside her and lay in her lap for just one final time. She was still eighteen so she could get away with it now, but surely once she went into the Air Force, even though she would still be a virgin, her womanhood in society’s eyes would be completely realized because she’d be out of the nest and serving her country. And as that realization hit her, she thought about what a baby she really was for wanting to lay in her mom’s lap and just how contradictory and conflicting her emotions were. In the course of only a few hours, she’d gone from trying to be a woman and wanting to feel someone else in her lap, to wanting to lie in her mom’s lap.
.
Woman-Girl, which one is it gonna be, Bree chastised herself. Then she pulled herself from her mother's embrace and stood up to head off to bed. Aside from the extra energy she exerted from her orgasm, her feet were dog tired from the stilettos that adorned her feet. So the bed following a bath awaited her. Plus, she had a sneaking suspicion that she was interrupting some golden girlfriends’ moment her mother and company were probably sharing, so she left them to their slick talk and chit chatting and walked towards the room to prepare for her departure.
“You going to bed muffin”, Carolyn asked?
“Yes ma’am; got my flight in the morning”, Bree turned back and smiled at her.
“Okay. I will be up shortly”, Carolyn responded after taking another sip from the wine glass she had cradled between her fingers.
“Oh my goodness. Look at the spread on your hips”, her aunt Christine teased as Bree passed her on the way to the bedroom. “I think they’ve gotten even bigger since the last time I seen you.”
“Mmm Hmm”, her aunt Charity quickly nodded in agreement.
Bree scuffed and laughed. She wouldn’t dare dignify that by responding or acknowledging what she thought was a blatant insinuation. And besides, her mother was sitting right beside her aunt giving her a vicious side eye in her defense. So Bree decided to excuse her aunt's drunken outburst and chalk it up to her having a jovial mood, since it was the night of her daughter’s wedding. Her one and only daughter who was in her early thirties was finally hitched, so Bree guessed she had a reason to celebrate after finally having married her off.
“The women in my family get married in their twenties”, aunt Christine always enforced. “Early twenties”, aunt Charity would add. So with that in mind, tonight her mother and her sisters were excited and free to cut up for the evening.
Bree simply smiled and escaped to the bedroom. Clearly, she did not earn her spread the “old fashioned way.” They were inherited from both sides of her family, so she totally got them honest.
After getting into the room, she went sifting through her luggage for her night time attire. They were visiting her mother’s hometown, Detroit. Technically she considered it home too. She was a military brat and if she called anything home, it had to be the “D”. Her parents had settled in Connecticut though since her dad retired, but she’d spent several years in Detroit, staying at that very house in Clinton Township with her aunt, while her dad did overseas tours and deployments. She actually graduated there, leaving Europe behind to finish her last two years of high school at her mother’s Alma mater, Clintondale High.
She was due to fly back to Connecticut to get her things for basic training in the morning. She knew her mother would bawl when she left, but thankfully she would have her sisters for support. Her dad, although retired from the Army, was still very busy with a new business he’d just started up. So without Bree and only her little brother, Don Jr., Carolyn felt lonely sometimes.
Her dad, Don Sr., would probably never fully retire; he was just not built that way. He was a proud working man. That’s why he’d missed the wedding. He didn’t mind trading work for play in this case though, because he hated being around Carolyn and her sisters when they got to “yapping”, as he’d put it. But Bree loved her mom and aunts’ interactions. They’d always maintained that there was nothing flier than Detroit women, old or young. The Midwest women have an allure and flair of their own authenticity. They just don’t make them like this anywhere else, let her mother and aunties tell it. That’s part of the reason her mom wanted her back there to finish school, plus her child hood friends and cousins are there, so it only made sense.
Bree smiled thinking about her mother and aunt’s as she checked herself out in the mirror one final time before slipping off the gown. Eyeing her frame critically, she concluded that her aunt was right, her hips did look bigger. She whispered to her body’s reflection, why do you keep growing.
She thought about all the things her aunt had said while she stayed there. She’d always say that their wide hips were a sign of fertility and by nature, they attract men. Since she was the last daughter of her generation, she guessed the spotlight was on her to get married, with nothing left but her younger brother and other male cousins. She hoped the blessings her aunt mentioned meant she would attract a man so she would be lucky like her mother. She’d found her dad while she was in the Army but she got out after having Bree. Bree wanted to have her kids and retire from the military. Her dad would rather she go to college, but why? She could go while she was in and retire at thirty-eight like he almost did. He wound up extending and doing a couple of more years though to retire as an E-9 and now he was all set with a paycheck for the rest of his life. There is no better way of winning at the game of life, Sabrena thought. She also thought she would marry and have kids in her twenties like her mom and by the time she was in her forties, she and her future hubby would be retired and traveling, like her mom is doing now. Her dad sometimes relaxes and travels with her mother too. So she wanted a life similar to theirs. That was her life plan and goals. No glitz and glam, just a career, a husband and kids, not too much to ask out of life, right?
September 6, 1997
As her plane descended into La Guardia, Bree smiled at a couple in their early twenties with twin girls. She could feel her ovaries twitching just looking at the two of them. That was her dream. She wanted to have two girls, so they could be like her mom and her sisters, close in age. The little girls were so cute. They had big brown eyes, like her, warm almond skin like her. To her, they truly looked like they could be her own kids, if she’d had a husband to make them with. After playing peek-a-boo with them the whole plane ride, they gave her the cutest little toothless grins.
“Bye-Bye”, she waved to them as they exited the corridor. They were grinning at her and she was so engulfed in the two of them, she almost bypassed her dad who was waiting at the terminal for her.
“Hey pumpkin. How was your flight”, her dad asked and gave her a hug.
“It was great daddy”, Bree said and returned his embrace and they walked hand and hand through the airport. She was a total daddy’s girl, so the two of them constantly exchanged affection. She always felt like her mom lucked up with her dad. He was a great man and she was a great woman.
“So I get to have you all to myself for the day”, her dad laughed. “And then you’ll leave me.” He playfully sniffled and pretended to cry.
She sighed and said, “Yea daddy. I’ve gotta leave you.”
“You don’t have to though. You can go to college and learn to be an accountant and work for the family business”, he suggested as they bustled their way through the busy airport.
“Daddy”, she said,
carrying out the second syllable into oblivion in a whiny, bratty tone. “I’ve got to make my own way and live my own life.”
“I understand that sweetheart, trust me. And I don’t want to force my will onto you and your life. I just want you to know that you don’t have to go into the military. I got out and started a business, so that you and your brother could have options. So that you wouldn’t have to worry about working for nobody and you could be your own boss. I signed up to the military and sacrificed my life, so that you wouldn’t have to.”
“I’m not sacrificing my life daddy. I just don’t know what I want to do yet. So this will be good for me to go off and be independent away from you and mom, not wasting your money on tuition.”
He’d always admired her practical mindset. As spoiled as she could be; she was still very practical, he’d learned. “Well if you insist, sweetpea. You know that as an E-1, the military will not afford you the lifestyle that you have now, right?”
“I know that dad. I’m trying to brace myself and learn to budget.” And she laughed because they both knew that she was always big on shopping and therefore her idea of a budget would be a mommy and daddy cash cushion.
“So tell me where do you want to go for your farewell dinner? You want to stay in the city; you want to go back to Connecticut? Your pick.”
She knew he’d say that so she came dressed for the occasion. She wore her classic black spaghetti strapped A-line dress by Donna Karan that she’d covered with her cardigan for warmth on the flight. She’d pulled her microbraids into a high bun and wore her pearls. Her black Gucci heels were in her carry-on bag ready to go. Her dad was great, so she knew that his plans for that evening would be whatever she wanted.
In the end, her dad dropped a couple of hundred for her to enjoy her last night as a civilian. She hit him up for an evening of dinner at Le Bernardin and then they caught the Broadway musical, Les Miserables, to remind her of the great time she and her mom had while in France when her dad served in Germany. Goodbye couldn’t have possibly been any better, dinner and a show with her favorite man, as she bid goodbye to the civilian world. Au Revoir!
“Kimberly aka Kim or Kimmy”
September 28, 1997
Kim's arms stretched as wide as possible to absorb the love from the little arms that clung to her waist. They were all protesting her departure and it truly warmed her heart to receive so much love from everyone.
"Dag yo, do you have to go", Marquez, one of the little ones asked, his face holding a cute little grimace.
Even though his little mean-mug was rooted in true anger and frustration, it was adorable to Kim. She grinned and palmed his head and said, "I do have to. I enlisted and that means I gotta go."
"But, but, it's not too late to change your mind right now", Durrell, another little one of maybe eight years asked.
Kim chuckled before saying, "Guys don't worry. I'm coming back to visit all the time."
"You don't know that what if they send you to Vietnam or somewhere like my granddaddy. My grandma said he came back crazy yo', like itching and scratching all the time. He be hollering sometimes, like for nuttin yo. It's crazy", Marquez said with sincere seriousness that was lost on the crowd of youngsters around him who snarled and chuckled at his words.
“Marquez, there aren’t any wars going on right now little man. I’ll be fine, trust me. Yall just promise me yall won’t forget me, okay”, Kim said donning her brightest smile. She gave her best shot at conveying confidence, although internally nervousness consumed her as she took off down Seward Ave.
It pained her to make her rounds and say goodbyes. She lived off Prospect Avenue with her mother, but Soundview was home because of her grandmother. Her mom had pretty much made the several spots in the borough her home at one point or another, but Soundview for Kim had been an absolute constant in her life.
She hit Third Ave. and 149th to swing by the sneaker shop where her cousin Marcy was working. Marcy was an elder cousin of hers who had always been more like a big sister to her. As Kim entered the store she watched as Marcy came from the back snapping on some dude who was yapping about the store not having half sizes like he needed.
It was comical to Kim, who would find humor in almost anything.
"Yo ma, you know dats wack. My joints ain't a size 11 and they not a 12 either! I'm a 11 and a half yo! Every time I come in here it's the same damn thing", he went on following Marcy continuing his plight nonstop before Jaleeya, her feisty Puerto Rican co-worker turned and snapped on him.
"Yo' money, this not the only sneaker joint in the Bronx. You know dat right; yo matta fact it's not the only joint on Third Ave.! If you not happy with the selection...bounce", Jaleeya yelled, giving the patron a grimacing mug and lip smack.
"I know dis ain't the only joint in town, but y'all the only ones that got ‘em for fifty bucks. The one around the corner charging like 65. So I'm paying fifteen dollars for the half size ma. You gotta admit that's some bullshit", the guy said, as he strolled past Kim, still engulfed in his plight.
Kim chuckled at the theatrics. She looked over at her cousin Marcy, who had obviously been bothered by the patron so much that she felt the need to ignore the new customer who was approaching. She kept her head down studying something, as if to look busy.
As Kim grew nearer, Marcy let out a frustrated sigh, in hopes of deterring the annoying question the pesky customer was sure to ask. She kept her head down even when Kim approached the counter.
Kim used a faux baritone voice and said, "Aye yo shorty, go to da back and get me my size leven’ and a half, yo."
But Marcy was not fooled and her eyes light up along with her face at the recognition of Kim's voice and presence. “Baby”, she yelled while running from behind the counter. "I'm so sorry I can't make it to your thing or whatever since I'm on the clock." And she flung her arms around Kim’s neck and they shared an embrace. After squeezing Kim tight, she pulled back and asked, "So, tomorrow's the big day, huh?"
Kim's bottom lip folded into her top lip while her eyebrows rose and she spoke thru a wide grin and answered, "Yea."
"Well, the baby's leaving us. What did grandma say? Did you go by there yet?"
Kim chuckled some before speaking, "I honestly don't know what she was saying. She meshed English and Patois together while sniffling on my shoulder but I did make out my baby gal and love though. So she said that much I know, oh yea and she cried and I cried", Kim said with a laugh trying to mask the growing emotion she had re-telling what had transpired. "But yo I'mma get on out of here and get on over to the spot. I will keep in touch over letter or whatever”, she said with a smile.
Marcy pouted out her lips, but forced a smile on as well.
“Yo’, you better write me back too yo”, Kim demanded with a laugh as if she were joking, even though it was understood she was dead serious and expected a letter from Marcy.
Marcy reached in and wrapped her arms tightly around the back of the baby girl. As a big cousin seven years her senior she'd always had to look out for Kim. But now with her yanking herself away from home, she hoped that Uncle Sam would look out for her. She watched the slim teen exit out of the store and head north bound towards the train station.
Kim made it thru the turnstile just in time to get the train as the doors clam
ped shut. She tried to keep her thoughts upbeat, because suddenly finality seemed to be sinking in and thoughts of goodbyes with her mom and her boyfriend brought on terrifying anxiety. She'd been sniffling all day with everyone else. But facing the big dogs was a totally different story, she thought as the train slowed into its stop at Parkchester.
She hopped off the six with a smile on her face. She took in a deep breath to absorb as much of her city in as she could. As the exiting train zipped passed her on the platform, it bought along a scintillating breeze with it that felt like someone was blowing on the rows in between the braids on her scalp. She was an avid braid wearer, like Alicia Keys and they were the perfect hairstyle for Basic Training.
A wide smile spread across her face in the midst of what she found to be a bittersweet moment. She was excited about her upcoming departure, but very sad about leaving her family behind, especially her mother. Her mom was her rock. She was most definitely a mommy’s girl. Her dad passed away when she was only seven so she really had no choice but to be a mommy’s girl. It was going to be difficult for her to say goodbye to her mom, above everyone else, but looking around taking in the only place she had known in her entire nineteen years of life, she realized that she was going to miss her city too.
She made her way across Metropolitan and headed towards Step Ins for what was supposed to be a small intimate affair. Her mom, all four of her brothers, their wives and girlfriends, her nieces and her boyfriend, Michael were all supposed to be inside waiting. But as she approached the door, her best friend, Tatiyana greeted her at the door with balloons and flowers. She smiled and gave her a hugs, quickly realizing that the small affair had obviously been upgraded to grand. Drinks were flowing, music was thumping and as she moved through the room in search of those who were supposed to be present for her small affair, her mother or Michael, mainly, her eyes fell on a big poster board hanging on the wall. It was one she’d taken in her cap and gown from her graduation. She and her mom stood in the middle with her four tall handsome brothers surrounding her as she proudly held up her diploma. Of course Michael was there too; He’d been the one who captured the moment for them. That brief stroll down memory lane was enough to pull on all her heartstrings, but all the love in the room, helped keep her balance and she smiled and only misted up briefly. Her mother had invited the entire family and it looked like the entire block, past and present were all in attendance. She was truly taken aback by the huge mass of people that’d assembled to see her off. She chastised herself as she moved through the crowd and thought; I should have known my mom would make this big fuss about me leaving.
Her mom, Bette was totally against her leaving. She kept encouraging Kim to finish school. She didn’t want her baby fighting in any wars. Kim had to contend with her that there were no wars; to which Bette replied, not now, but you never know. Kim showed respect during their discussions, but mentally, she was totally dismissive towards her mother’s points because the Air Force didn’t fight wars on the ground anyway according to her recruiter. So since she was not going in to fly fighter jets, she felt certain that war was the furthest thing from her destiny. What she planned to do was to stop raking up debt at St. John’s and let Uncle Sam pay for the remainder of her education while also giving her a career boost.
And while she did that, her boyfriend Mike would also finish his degree since he had a full ride at St. Johns for hooping. So she would be getting out not too long after he finished his masters and they would be a power couple taking over the world when she get out with her degree. No matter where she got stationed, she’d make it back to see him. And since she was the one with the job, she’d told him that she would buy him a ticket at least twice a year to come see her wherever she was. She just hoped and prayed that she didn’t get sent overseas because international flight prices were a nightmare from what she’d heard.
As she continued to make her way through the impervious crowd, she was tugged and pulled in every direction, giving hugs and smiling for pictures. She saw her cousin Eesha trying to bring order to the chaos, but she was failing miserably at it. It was not happening, so Eesha stood up on a chair and clanked a knife against her glass.
“Mmm Mmmm”, she screamed loudly clearing her throat. “Excuse me. Can I have everyone’s attention please!” And the room came to a low but bearable buzz. “Yo’ on everything Kimmy is like my little sis. So she always followed me and wanted to be like me, but I told her, naw don’t be like me, be better and so that’s what she is trying to do right now, she is trynna do better and be better. So we, as in her family and friends, just want her to know that we love her and we will miss her, and we will always be here for her. We hope she gets to---Where is she going again?” And Eesha looked down and got the answer from Cally another one of Kim’s cousins and then said, “Oh yea Texas…safely, everybody make sure you write her and send her cards and stuff. We’re proud of you, for going off and serving or whatever. To Kim! We love you”, she said puckering her lips at Kim and raising her glass in the air.
And everyone else rose their glasses as well. Kim who had paused to respect and listen to her cousin, started back with her advance through the room. Although standing still her eyes had worked overtime searching and she’d finally spotted Mike during Eesha’s toast. He was sitting with his boy Q in a booth. It was a loud and live affair, and everyone was smiling except him. Kim knew why. Mike was on team stay home like her mother. So he was not going be in there drinking and toasting to her departure. Today was not a celebration as far as he was concerned. Mike and she were one another’s first loves and they’d declared that they would be each other’s only love. It sounded totally feasible to the two teens, because not being together was not an option. They were both in it for the long haul, so distance and storms be damned, Kim and Michael was forever, they’d both pledged.
Just as she reached the table where her love was sitting, Ms. Rosalyn who lived in Kim’s building stopped her and flung her arms around her neck.
“Awe. I’m so sad you’re leaving mija. I will miss you okay”, Ms. Roz said and gave Kim a kiss on the cheek.
She returned Ms. Roz’s embrace. Kim loved her like an auntie and she was always such a sweet lady. She used to walk Kim from school and watch her in the evenings while her mom worked sometimes when her big brothers were too busy. Her and Kim’s mom remained great friends even after they moved from the Davison building. She called Kim her adopted daughter since she had all boys and desperately wanted a daughter of her own. Kim reminisced some more about how she wanted to be Ms. Roz’s daughter, but she wanted the title of in-law to follow, because as a pre-teen, she loved her oldest son, Alejandro. They had gone from playmates by default to best friends. And by the time they made it to I.S. 158, Kim and every other girl there had a major crush on him because not only was he cute, but he had such a cool and friendly personality. One day while walking home together as they had done so many times before, he told her he didn’t think that he liked girls. Kim’s head turned in shock to make sure she heard what she thought she did. It was a windy fall afternoon and he was rocking a Nike windbreaker suit and she thought she might have misheard what he said over the noise his suit was making. Her eyes bulged and she asked him to repeat and he spoke again and didn’t flinch or bat the long beautiful lashes that surrounded his gray eyes as he spoke. Kim never told a soul and he didn’t either as his prom picture up at his mother’s house was with the homecoming queen of Roosevelt High. But upon graduation, he dipped and left for college an
d has yet come back. Rumor was, that he was living in Atlanta turning dudes out for cash to pay his tuition. Ms. Roz cries still, til this very day just at the mention of his name. Kim never knew what was behind her emotion, if she was sad that he was gone and had never come home or if she was sad that he feels like she wouldn’t love him for who he was and he was afraid of how she would treat him. Kim was sure that his mom would happily accept him as he was, so it pained her to see Ms. Roz sad as well. Her grip on Kim was so tight; she thought it felt as if Ms. Roz thought she was letting another child go. As Kim pulled back and looked at her, tears had flooded her face.
“Awe don’t cry”, Kim said and tears formed in her own eyes. Bette came over after her eyes had honed in on Kim and her movement throughout the room. She grabbed Ms. Roz and gave her a big hug and they stood in an embrace for a long time.
Michael had risen up from his seat at that point and gave her a hug. She put her hands around his neck and pulled his six foot five body into her own body. Her fingers went up to rub his corn rows and she planted kisses on his soft lips. He reciprocated her affection and whispered into her ear, “Yo’ why you wanna leave all these people behind who love you to go serve in the man’s military.”
She pulled back from his embraced and looked into his chestnut colored face, staring lovingly into his eyes and said, “Mike don’t start with this again.”
“Don’t start with what? Yo, I’mma talk shit about you leaving right until you get on the plane or cab or bus or whatever. I’m gonna keep trynna talk you out of it”, he said.
Kim sighed really deeply and just went back in for another embrace. She didn’t want to be reminded of the moment when she would actually have to leave. She was fine with creating enough anxiety about it in her own mind, she did not need additional help in that area. It pained her every time she thought about the tears that would surely be in her mother’s eyes or the look that would be on her face. And since she planned to have Michael there, she guessed he’d too be crying and every single time she thought about that, her own eyes watered and tears flowed. She did not want to do that on the day before though, save that for tomorrow she’d reminded herself over and over that day.
She let go of Mike and Ms. Roz left off and Kim was in the middle of the two people who loved her the most and who she loved the most. She couldn’t look in either direction because just as she thought, the two of them had mist in their eyes. She looked ahead and Tati was on her way over. She was briefly relieved until Tati got closer and she could see tears rolling down her cheeks as well. She couldn’t take it. Today was supposed to be a celebration, but everybody was in there crying. She fought back her tears and went over to her cousin Eesha and told her see to it that some good music was bumping through the system. She wanted to go out with a bang, no sad eyes and tears for her, because it wasn’t like she was dying or anything and never coming back.
Eesha was on the job and in no time had them bumping some Reggae, Soca, and Hip-Hop. Kim grabbed Tati and made her dutty whine with her right in front of Mike and Q. Her mom gave her a disapproving glare, but then just smiled at her and winked. The music got things going and everyone was in there celebrating like she’d hoped. A bang was what she wanted and a bang is what she got.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
For the only time ever, her mom let Mike spend the night at their house. He couldn’t sleep in her room though, moms was not having that. But as soon as she fell asleep, Kim snuck out to the living room where Mike was, tip-toeing and doing her best to get in some cuddling before she left. It was her last night, she felt like she didn’t have a choice. She had never done anything in her mom’s home before, at least not while any one was there, but tonight had to be an exception. She had to spend her last night in his arms. When her mom made it out that next morning to awake her, she didn’t even say anything as Kim and Mike lay snuggled together on the couch.
She actually smiled at the sight of the pair before saying, “You got thirty minutes to get dressed Kim.”
And Kim jumped up like a mad woman from fear of getting caught and from the realization of how little time she had. She showered and dressed quickly. Her bag was packed and waiting at the door. As soon as she put on her tennis shoes, the doorbell rang and it was her recruiter, right on time.
Rushing and all, she didn’t have time to contemplate and cry, but as soon as her mom opened the door and her recruiter stood before her, the tears immediately formed. Michael grabbed her tightly. He had never held her like that before, making it all the more difficult to tear away from his embrace. She walked over to the door and grabbed her bags and they headed down the halls, with Mike and her mom in tow, to see her off.
The pungent smell of fresh morning urine greeted their noses as they entered into the only working elevator in her mother’s building out of four. All or most of them stayed out of service, but their apartment was on the eighth floor, so they were forced to endure it because they were too lazy to take the stairs.
Once they made their way out of the building, she stood back and stared up at the tenement to take in one last look at what had been home to her.
Bette began sobbing and Mike consoled her as the recruiter helped Kim put her bags in the trunk. Once they were done, she went to her mother to give her a final hug first and she gave Kim a hug like Mike and Ms. Roz had. She could feel every ounce of love that her mom had in that hug and she did not want to release her.
The recruiter cleared his throat signaling that she must let go and they both pulled back from one another. Mike walked over to the passenger door and opened it for her.
Before Kim could settle into the car and tell Mike goodbye, she heard howling coming from her building.
“Bye Kimmy”, Athena, a teenage girl from inside the building yelled from the fourth floor.
“Bye”, Kim yelled back with a wave.
“Yo Kim, you leaving today”, Cinq, a young hustler from her block who was on the adjacent corner of where her recruiter’s car was parked, yelled. It was early in the morning but Cinq had already begun sampling his product and a fog of smoke trailed his words as he spoke.
“Yea. I’m outta here kid. You should come with”, Kim laughed.
“Naw son, never dat. I’m trynna stay as far away as possible from the federal government”, he laughed.
Michael exhaled really deeply, calling her attention back to him and the situation at hand. Kim attempted to put on a smile as she went in to embrace him that her emotions, of course didn’t match.
“I love you”, Michael whispered, and his shaky voice tugged even more on Kim’s emotions.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I love you too. I’ll call you, I promise”, she said looking into his eyes and then looking at her mother and saying, “You too ma.”
“Okay sweetie”, her mom said, crying and waving as Kim settled into the seat.
Michael shut the car door and stood at the curb’s edge as the car pulled off down Prospect, Brooklyn bound. Kim stared at the buildings and at the merchant awnings that hung off of the bodegas and stores that appeared to be on almost every corner building of every single block, thinking how m
uch love she had for those bricks. This concrete jungle had been her playground and from what she heard Texas was nothing like it. She gazed out of the rear windshield until her two loves were no longer present. So long and farewell.