He also shared the blueprints of the stronghold and went through the details of Nirvana’s plan with the crew.
Asan volunteered to sneak into Chikara first and do a terrain mapping survey around the Asago to scout for the best location to use as a base of operation. Ramsey pulled out the transport schedule of the cargo ships going into Chikara from Liberty Station and started short listing the ships in which Asan could smuggle himself in.
“I’d have felt like an epic failure,” Zane commented, shaking his head. “You guys make going in and out of Chikara sound like a piece of cake. Looks like my father needs to fire some people.”
“This is why we’re expensive. We’re the best,” Daxon boasted.
“Asan, here, is our prince of disguise.” Levi patted Asan on the back. “He also speaks a lot of languages and does accents really well.”
“Here.” Ramsey pointed to the screen. “Go on the Slava. We’ll need to leave soon. It’ll head to Chikara in about sixteen hours.”
“Employee pass?” Zane asked.
“Rams will handle that. So far we haven’t come across any system that Ramsey can’t—”
“Don’t!” Ramsey yelled at Daxon. “I keep telling you not to say that! You’re going to jinx my lucky streak!”
Zane looked at Ramsey with a newfound appreciation. This was truly a group of highly talented men that Nirvana had assembled.
“I’ll stay here with Zane,” Levi offered. “Hel and I just serviced the engines. You shouldn’t need the both of us to go.”
The meeting adjourned for the crew to prepare for the scouting mission.
Zane envied the crew’s ability to work together, the way they recognized each other’s strengths and allowed the experts in different areas to take the lead. He felt a pang of longing as he watched them banter with each other. The camaraderie between them was something he had never experienced, although he did enjoy a brief period of brotherhood before his brothers and him were split up to work and specialize in different departments.
Ramsey gave Zane a brief summary of the background and roles of the crew members as they made their way to Marian.
Helfer had been with Nirvana’s father since the beginning and hence was the oldest of the crew. He was semi-retired and served mostly as the mechanic now. He co-owned a land vehicle repair chain on the planet Yastromia together with Levi’s father.
Levi had been hounding Hel for years before Hel finally gave in and brought him on board Marian ten years ago to apprentice as the second mechanic.
Asan and Alden were hired by Nirvana’s father when two of his older crew members decided to retire.
Alden was quite a well-known fighter in Jetar before he joined the crew. Zane was right about Alden being the muscle of the team. He also doubled as the medic, since he was experienced with injuries. There were rumors that Alden had been a doctor before he became a fighter, but nobody dared to confirm it with him.
Asan was supposedly some kind of prince from Osnal who joined the crew under the mistaken impression they were universal merchants. He was absolutely horrified after he pulled his first heist with them but decided to stay on although Nirvana’s father was willing to let him go.
Ramsey was a stowaway who was escaping from some thugs for stealing their money. The crew only found out about him two weeks later because he was stealing their food. He was only eleven at that time. Hel flushed him out of the air vents and since then, they’d installed sensors in all of them.
Daxon was the captain of a well-known mercenary starship who was overthrown during a mutiny. Nirvana and her crew saved him from being beaten to death for cheating at a card game. Nirvana recognized him and invited him to join the crew instead. He was an excellent pilot and navigator, on top of being a firearms expert. After three years, they decided they trusted him enough to be the First Mate.
Zane felt thrilled listening to Ramsey describe the men. He would have asked to tag along for the scouting trip if he wasn’t still recovering from the operation. For the first time, he felt positive about the mission. He now understood why Nirvana said they stood a better chance with the crew on board.
Levi and Zane bid the crew farewell as they watched Marian taxi out from the port. He said a silent prayer to the cosmic powers out there for it to be a safe trip.
“Don’t worry.” Levi patted Zane on his back. “This is a very simple job. They’ll be fine.”
Seeing the crew leave reminded Zane of Nirvana. He missed her terribly.
It’d been a week since he’d last seen her. Her recovery had gone well, but she had been staying away from Zane so as not to activate the MLink accidentally before both of them were fully recovered. He wasn’t sure where she was staying but Ching had been keeping him updated on her progress.
Zane was making his way back to the lodge with Levi when he thought he felt Nirvana close by.
Nirvana? he tested.
Zane! Damn! You felt me too? I wanted it to be a surprise!
It IS a surprise! Where are you?
At the lodge.
He picked up his pace. “Nirvana’s back,” he explained when Levi gave him a questioning look.
Levi looked surprised for a moment before he realized, “Oh, the MLink.” He gestured to his head.
Zane nodded and Levi matched his strides as they rushed back.
Chapter 34
Nirvana opened the door just as Zane was about to knock. Delighted, he pulled her in and pressed a hard kiss to her lips. To his surprise, she didn’t kiss him back. She just laughed and patted his face.
“You’ve been busy, I heard.” She broke away from him and fist-bumped Levi.
Zane felt a little embarrassed that he had over-reacted to their reunion. He thought they had come to some agreement on their relationship status before the operation. Maybe she wasn’t ready to make it official with the others. Maybe she’d change her mind after the operation. Maybe—
“Hey,” Nirvana said gently as she frowned a little at him. What’s going on in your head?
Zane forced out a smile and shook his head a little, trying to rein in his thoughts. He’d forgotten that they were MLinked now. Nirvana would know what he’s thinking.
“The guys just left for Chikara,” he tried to change the topic.
Nirvana nodded. “Daxon told me before they left. I want to go home. Eryn has cleared us to leave the mountains.”
“Oh?” Zane asked, feeling a little surprised.
“Or do you prefer staying here?” she asked.
Levi sniggered.
“What?” she glared at him.
“Nothing.” He held his hands up. “I don’t know about Zane, but I prefer the comforts of modern facilities to your primitive yurt.”
“I didn’t ask you.” She smacked him on the shoulder.
“I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to go back to the yurt,” Zane said.
Levi burst into laughter.
“But not for the reasons Levi said,” Zane quickly explained. “We shouldn’t sleep so close together until we have better control over the chip. Our brains will work overtime when we’re sharing dreams. It’s not conducive for a good night’s sleep.”
“We’ll just have to deal with it if we plan to live together. In the future, we’ll have a spare room in our house. If there’s a few bad nights in a row or we have something important the next day, we’ll split up.”
Zane blinked and tried to process what Nirvana had just said.
“Let’s go get our stuff. I really want to go home.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him along.
His mind was whirling as he trailed behind her, trying to figure what she meant by “living together,” “in the future” and “our house.”
“Zane, stop thinking for a minute. You’re making me dizzy. Go pack up.”
He wanted to clarify with her what she meant but he thought he’d just do as she said in case he annoyed her. He thought about her cool reaction to seeing him earlier. Did she miss him as much? W
as it because Levi was around so she withheld her affections? Could that be why she wanted to go back to the yurt? So that they could have some privacy?
“You’re doing it again,” she grumbled as she came up beside him, helping him stuff his clothes into the bag.
“Doing what?”
Nirvana rubbed her temple a little, frowning.
“Is your head hurting?” he asked, feeling concerned.
“No, it’s not,” she quickly answered. “It’s just…”
He felt some guilt coming from her and a memory of Eryn talking about Zane’s brain scan popped up. He frowned, trying to recall the glimpse of memory when he felt Nirvana shut down the connection.
“What’s wrong with my brain?” he confronted her, feeling an escalating sense of foreboding.
“Nothing.”
Zane narrowed his eyes. “Nirvana.”
“The brain scan showed that you suffer from depression and maybe paranoia, too,” she replied nonchalantly, whereas underneath that façade, he could feel her trying to tone down her anxiety.
A surge of anger rushed to his head. “And you didn’t think you should tell me?”
“I’m telling you now,” she shrugged. “It’s really not a big deal.”
“What?” he asked sharply, “Why didn’t Eryn tell me after I came to?”
“You were still recovering. Hey, calm down.” She held his arm gently.
He flung her hand away and stormed out of the room. Levi, who was lounging on the couch, watching TV, looked up at him in surprise. It made Zane even angrier that someone would be there to witness their fight.
“Zane!” Nirvana called after him. “Hey.” She held his arm again.
“How?” He clenched his fists to stop himself from flinging her arm away again. “How could she withheld the information? She is a professional!”
Levi switched off the TV, walked into one of the rooms and closed the door.
“It wasn’t her fault. I told her not to tell you,” she explained.
“That’s no excuse!” He pulled his hand away from her and smashed his fist onto the sideboard.
“It doesn’t matter. It changes nothing. I knew, but I still wanted to go ahead with it.”
“How could you be so stupid, Nirvana?” he yelled. “What the hell were you thinking? Linking your brain to a defective one? How much worse do you want me to feel about myself? I’m living with enough guilt for getting you into this mess! All you had to do was uphold your end of the bargain with Dein. Find a way to smuggle me in and get out with the information! But instead, you keep dragging yourself deeper and deeper into this mess! You knew! You knew about my brain defect and you went ahead with the operation. What’s wrong—”
Nirvana suddenly sped off into the room. Taken aback by her sudden movement, Zane decided to follow behind to see what she was up to.
She poured everything from her duffle bag onto the floor and started rummaging through the contents. Feeling curious, he squatted next to her to see what she was looking for. She gave a small cry of triumph as she picked out a small pack, unzipped it and pulled out one of the syringes that was already filled with medication.
“What are you doing?” he asked, causing her to jump and almost drop the syringe.
“Come here.” She pulled him down to sit on the floor and pushed up his sleeve. “I’m going to inject you with meds prescribed by Eryn for your depression.”
He yanked his hand away from her and scrambled backwards. “This is not depression! This is me feeling furious because of your stupidity!”
He got up and stormed out of the room. What crap is this? She had the nerve to blame it on him when she was being an idiot about the whole thing.
“I could wrestle it into you, but you’ll probably hurt me in the process. Is this how you want to do this?” she asked, pissing him off even more.
“So you’re going to jab me every time I get angry? I don’t have the right to be angry with you after you’ve done something stupid?”
“No, but we can talk about this calmly. Without getting angry.”
“You violated my rights, insisted on doing something stupid and incredibly risky without consulting me, and you want me to be calm about it!” he shouted, his face red and veins straining on the side of his neck.
“I’m going to sit here and wait for you to calm down.” She walked over to the couch.
“I can’t keep dragging you down with me.” Zane suddenly came to a realization. “It keeps getting worse.” He could break their MLink. Dein wouldn’t be able to force her to continue with the mission if he died. He looked around, quickly decided on the balcony and made a dash for it.
“Levi!” Nirvana screamed.
Levi burst out of the room and tackled Zane to the ground. Zane tried to struggle, but he knew it would be futile. Levi was so much bigger and stronger than him.
Resigned, he closed his eyes and let Nirvana shoot the medication into his arm.
His father was right all along. “There’s something wrong with his head.” He recalled Chorax telling the doctors. “Fix it! I waste a lot of money reviving him every time he kills himself.”
“Why can’t you just let me die then?”
“Because that is the easy way out. You need to learn to face the consequences of your actions. Death is for cowards. You can keep trying. I will keep bringing you back, and you will face your punishment, until you learn not to be a coward.”
“Hey.”
He felt a hand stroking his face gently.
“Come back to me.”
Nirvana’s voice brought him back to the present as he remembered why he was on the floor. She pressed a kiss to his head and scratched the stubbles on his shaved head lightly.
I need you to keep me alive. Dein’s not going to let this go just because you kill yourself, Nirvana ‘pathed. She patted Levi on his shoulder and said, “Get me a room on this floor, one bed.”
He felt a weight lift off his back as Levi got up and walked out of the room.
“What did you jab me with?” he asked, feeling the drugs taking effect as the tension drained away from his body.
“Some form of sedative. Eryn said the mood fluctuations might get extreme just after the implant. You can’t afford to rage with the MLink because it might cause brain aneurysms. The jab is supposed to calm you down quickly.”
“I’m still angry with you,” he said quietly.
She sighed and laid down beside him.
“I’m really sorry. I bear full responsibility for this. Eryn was just following my instructions. I knew you were going to react this way that’s why I didn’t want her to tell you. It’s not a brain defect, Zane. It’s just a medical condition which can be treated.
“You don’t have to fight this alone. I went ahead with it because I know we can do this together. I wrote to Dr Eklund. She said you might not even need medication if I can help you regulate your thoughts with the MLink.”
“Why?” His voice broke as he asked. “Why do you want to take on such a burden? You could have any man you want. Someone stronger, without a defective brain.”
Nirvana flipped him onto his side and made him look at her. “What if it was the other way round? That Eryn told you I was suffering from depression, but there was a chance you could help me cope with it using the MLink. Would you have still gone ahead with the operation?”
Of course, he would have. He knew he had lost the argument with her, so he didn’t bother replying.
Nirvana got up, took a cushion off the couch and placed it under Zane’s head. “I’m going to say this again. Your brain is not defective. In fact, you are the brainiest person I’ve ever met. I don’t want to hear you say the word ‘defective’ again. We’ll stay at the lodge tonight. I’ll go pack our stuff so we can move once Levi gets us a room.”
Zane held on to her wrist as she was about to walk off.
“It’s not safe,” he grunted.
She gave him a puzzled look.
“With me. It’s not safe to be alone with me,” he said with a worried look. “What if I hit you?”
She rolled her eyes. “Zane, I can take you in a fight if I want to.” She removed his hand from her wrist and stroked his cheek. “The most important thing is that I am very sure, no matter how angry you are, you will not hurt me.” She leaned in and kissed him on his lips, then hurried off to the room to pack.
Zane thought about what Nirvana had said and the way he’d acted earlier. She was right. He was furious with her, but he would never lay a hand on her. In fact, he was already feeling terrible for yelling at her. But why did she go ahead with the operation even though she knew there was something wrong with him?
The term ‘depression’ was not new to him, but it’d never crossed his mind that he was suffering from it. He just thought he was only reacting to the way his father treated him.
He didn’t feel like going to work because he felt he had the least to contribute amongst his brothers, since he refused to participate in any of his father’s war plans. He would much rather help rebuild the war-torn areas but Hayashi didn’t allow it.
Zane suffered a lot of guilt, knowing that the weapons he designed to please his father were used to kill thousands of innocent people. The nightmares that he frequently woke up from made the surroundings so loud and bright that he just wanted to stay holed up in his dark room.
He was tired, tired of everything, tired of life. He kept trying to sleep to numb the pain in his head and chest, but it just caused more nightmares. It was really making it very hard for him to exist. That was when he started taking his own life, but his father would revive him every time, then punish him for it.
“I got the room for you, Captain,” Levi announced as he entered the suite.
“Stuff’s packed. I’ll take our things to the room. Could you help me with Zane?” Nirvana called out from the other room. She didn’t sound right. Her voice was wobbly and nasal.
Zane tried to sit up when Levi lifted him from under his arms.
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