Me Dying Trial

by Patricia Powell

  And so as Peppy turn back to Aunty Cora’s letter in her hand, she couldn’t help but think about the distance that grow between she and Walter ever since she come. Things were okay the first few months. Them used to get on. Evening time when him come home, him used to call her to come and watch television with him. After the news, him used to talk to her about school or what she plan to be when she turn woman. Sometimes on Saturdays, him bring her to visit his friends. Him used to brag to them about how she smart, how her head quick, how she pass exam and get into high school, and how she get the braininess from his side of family.

  During this time, too, him used to take her into his confidence about Rudi. ‘The boy not good,’ him tell her. ‘Imagine, the mother send money and the boy don’t hand me a penny. Me alone have to pay everything. The boy take the money and carouse with his friends.’ Then Walter would grab her hand and squeeze it. ‘I don’t want you to mix up yourself with him and his friends. The whole lot of them no blasted good.’ And then him would ask if she understand what him saying, and she wasn’t quite sure if she should answer ‘Yes, Daddy,’ for it don’t sound good to her, or call him ‘Walter’ like Aunty Cora. So she always end up saying just ‘Yes’ and nothing else.

  But after listening to Walter and then spending time with Rudi, she couldn’t help but take Rudi’s side, for is him she see cook and clean and wash and sew, is him she see help the other ones with them homework, is him she see look after Jeff when him sick, is him she see go down to Grandma when food not in the house and carry back plenty baskets full. And yes, Walter carry home things sometimes, him chat up with Jeff and him love Rosa gone to bed, and him pay some of the big bills, but when him drunk, him stay bad, and him curse Rudi and the mother a whole heap. Now him curse Peppy too, for him say she join forces against him.

  And is not like she didn’t have pity for him when she first saw him drunk. She was sad. But after she see the complete change that come over, the constant cursing, the constant bickering about everything, pretty soon, it wasn’t pity anymore but scorn. And the picture she did have of him just start to shatter. And it make her think about how she used to brag about him, how she used to love show her friends at New Green the things him buy her or the places him bring her to. And even at school, she used to brag to her friends, tell them not only she have father, for plenty of them grow with them granny, but her father teach agricultural skills down at the Youth Centre at Porous, him not farmer like most of her friends’ father. She used to love add on too, that her mother live abroad and she send out barrel with plenty things two and three times a year. Now she don’t mention him a tall if she can help it.

  And so these days if she in the living room watching television or listening to the radio, or just reading, the minute his car pull up in the driveway, she bolt to her room and shut the door behind her, for she can’t bear to see him anymore. And Rudi do the same thing. The only person to go out and talk to him is Jeff when him not sick with the asthma. And even when him curse Jeff, Jeff still continue to bring him his dinner, that Rudi leave cover-up in the kitchen.

  But anyway, Peppy decide she not going to think about these things anymore, for Aunty Cora soon come back and she will make things alright again. She turn back to the letter in hand. Aunty Cora say she went up to Connecticut and spend one whole week up there with Gwennie. She say the house Gwennie buy nice in truth, it have plenty big rooms, and a place outside to plant flowers and vegetables. But she say the house empty, not a bit of furniture to sit down on, only a small table in the kitchen and her bed. Aunty Cora say she get a chance to clear up plenty things she been wanting to talk to Gwennie about for years.

  But Gwennie not happy a tall, her jawbone sink-in bad, same way her eyes, the way she work hard and fret about her children. Gwennie was on break when me go up there, but usually she work as live-in helper during the week, and on the weekends, she clean house for another family. Gwennie say sometimes when she handling the baby belonging to the people she work for, eye water fill her eyes when she think about her own Rosa who don’t have mother or father. She say sometimes when she come home, the house just empty and dead. No shoes sprawl careless in the doorway to kick out the way, no sound of the children’s voice as them chat and argue. She say she miss you children bad-bad, Rudi especially, who probably want to live his own life by now, Jeff and the bad asthma, and you, Peppy, she want to know how you taking to your lessons. She say her belly grieve her when she hear from Clara how Walter treating the children bad, for Rudi don’t mention it when him write her, and all she can do is pray to God things will work out with the lawyer.

  Aunty Cora say most every weekends, Egbert and Martin have party, and she drink and dance plenty and meet whole heap of people and family she don’t see in years. The Foreign rum really weak, she complain, and was glad that she bring plenty of the real thing from back home, for if is Foreign rum to save life and ease up bad feelings, she stone dead as bird. She tell Peppy she hear from Buddy, Leslie’s father, him call early one Sunday morning from England and him coming out soon to see everybody. So she will have to paint and clean up the house when she come back home so it can look good for him. In closing, Aunty Cora say her six months almost up, and she can’t wait to see Peppy. She hope she behaving herself nicely and doing well in school. The letter did sign off: Love MaCora.

  PART FIVE

  I

  Two weeks before Aunty Cora come back, Peppy pick up herself and go over to New Green. She ask Jeff if him interested in accompanying her, but him say no, so she go by herself. She wasn’t sure what got into her the evening as she jump on the bus, but she guess she was just longing to see Leslie and George and Miss Irene and Vin, for after all, them more like family to her.

  Most everybody on the bus know her and was glad to see her. Some of them school children, some market women, others of them contractor men coming from work. Them tell her how hers and Aunty Cora’s face miss plenty-plenty in New Green, especially down the shop and on Sundays at Communion. And Peppy was happy to see them, for New Green people always warm and loving to her. Them wanted to know how she doing at school, if she enjoy living with her father, when Miss Cora coming back, if she plan to bring things for them little boy, Junior, who don’t have shoes to wear to school September coming, or them little girl, Stephanie, whose only church frock on the last. But Peppy only smile and nod her head, yes, Aunty Cora soon come back, but she don’t know what she plan to bring.

  The bus let her off in front the shop, and Peppy’s breath pull in same time. The walls needed a decent coat of painting, not to mention the fence Aunty Cora white-wash every Easter with the limestone mix. That lay tumble-over on the grass, with plenty idlers sitting on top, swinging feet, looking on. Peppy suck her teeth under her breath. If Aunty Cora was still running it, it wouldn’t look so disgraceful.

  Several bad words reach her ears as she move slowly inside the shop. Aunty Cora never used to allow people to curse in her presence, not to mention gambling inside the shop. Three men sit down around a small square table gambling with cards. Them call out ‘howdy do’ as she step inside, and Peppy grudgingly force out ‘howdy do’ in return.

  Mass Ernest’s picture replace Aunty Cora’s on the wall. Other family members paste-up elsewhere. Peppy put down thirty-five cents on the counter and order a bottle of aerated water, champagne flavour. It feel strange buying from her own shop. Mass Ernest pull off the stopper, and she turn the bottle to her head sucking down nearly half. Mass Ernest watch her from the corners of his eyes, so she couldn’t really scrutinize the shop as she have a mind. It was dark though, like him don’t open all the windows, and the glass case and barrel weren’t there anymore. A big table was there instead, and men play dominoes on it. Not much canned goods on the dust and cob-web laden shelves either, mostly liquor.

  ‘Miss Cora soon come back?’ Mass Ernest jerk out, eyes following Peppy’s.

  She suck down more of her soda. ‘Two more weeks.’ The men gambling look up as she answer and
turn back round when she finish. She put down the empty bottle on the counter. ‘Anybody see Leslie or George?’

  One of the gamblers raise his head, ‘Leslie was down here earlier, but him gone up. No sign of George, though.’

  Peppy tell him thanks and step through the door, the scent of stale cigarette and day-old beer clinging to her nostrils. Turning the corner at the cedar tree, she call out hello to Miss Beatrice, and her spoil daughter, Angie, to Mr Rob and his new live-in woman. Up ahead she could see MaDee’s tomb, the old out-house, white clothes billowing on the line, but no sign of Leslie or George. Peppy walk on up.

  The grass in front the house grow up tall. She wonder if Leslie or George plan to cut it before Aunty Cora’s return. Making her way up to the verandah overlooking the garden fill up with weeds now, she listen for a familiar voice, or hoop. But everything dead-quiet. She run into Leslie.

  ‘Oh, is you!’ Him sound glad to see her. ‘I heard the person coming up the steps. How things?’

  Peppy shrug, ‘Just come to see everybody.’

  ‘Well, is about time. From you leave, you don’t even drop a line. Let me know if you still living.’ Leslie was short and meager-body, have plenty spaces between all his teeth, and little strands of beard popping out on his chin. Him always pull them while speaking. ‘I get me first letter from MaCora just the other day.’

  Peppy nod, following him inside the house. She careful not to mention that is four letters she get from Aunty Cora so far. ‘Your father coming out.’

  Leslie stroke his chin. ‘I hope him can take me back to England with him this time.’

  Peppy wonder if Leslie wasn’t tired of waiting. Him been singing the same Sankey ever since she can remember.

  ‘Where George and Miss Irene?’

  ‘Walk about as usual.’

  ‘I hear that Miss Gertie gone.’

  Leslie kiss his teeth. ‘What a way news can travel. Couldn’t bear her any more, man.’

  ‘MaCora know?’

  ‘MaCora don’t matter right now. Me in charge. You hungry?’

  ‘Little bit.’

  Leslie leave the room and Peppy look about her. She wonder why him rearrange the furniture. If him plan for Aunty Cora to see it like this.

  ‘You notice how the shop nasty and dirty?’ Leslie walk silently into the room with a bowl of soup. Him place it in front Peppy. ‘It would never look like that if MaCora did give it to me. Allow me to run it till she come back.’

  ‘I thought she just wanted to rent it out. Get rid of it. Let somebody else take care of it.’

  ‘Yes, but me and George could’ve run it. Me and George could’ve taken care of it. We was only in there for few months before she take away the key and complain how we can’t do business. She didn’t give me a proper chance.’

  Peppy didn’t say anything else to him, for she know Aunty Cora would rather have family in the shop than renting it out. The few months she allow Leslie to run it, things just start to go bad. For according to Aunty Cora, Leslie not only trust out plenty of the goods to friends, but him wouldn’t get up out of bed early enough in the mornings and open the shop, so early-morning-people can get bread or crackers before them go on to work or school.

  Other thing was Leslie’s lack of respect towards Aunty Cora’s older friends causing them to crawl up the hill to the house, no matter how sick and arthritic them was feeling, and to complain how them miss her bad-bad in the shop, for her grand boy, Leslie, don’t treat nor talk to them decent. Leslie and Aunty Cora did have it out the Sunday evening.

  ‘Give me the shop keys,’ she tell him. ‘For if you can’t act decent to the customers, it don’t spell sense you run business. Business not just buy and sell,’ she warn him, ‘it take me and Anderson plenty years to turn friends with New Green people. I can’t allow you to mash up everything I spend years build.’

  Leslie kiss his teeth and fling down the set of keys. ‘I can’t bear to live with you,’ him tell her. ‘I can’t wait for the day when me father come and take me away. You not interested in me. You not interested in giving me a chance. Peppy alone get chance.’

  Aunty Cora grab up her stick to lick him, but Leslie didn’t move, him stand up in front her same way waiting till she strike so him could unfurl all his frustration and fury on her.

  Aunty Cora let the stick drop back on the floor. Her face seem older than usual to Peppy who was watching from the corner of the doorway. Aunty Cora brush her two hands and shake her head. Eye water was in her voice. ‘I finish with you, Mass Leslie, for I see that you ready to lift your hand and strike me. And when a child who me raise, whose shit I been cleaning from birth, who me work hard to feed, done grow big and ready to strike me when I talk to them, I done with you.

  ‘Boy who I spend so much money on. I send you go to trade school, for your head so hard you couldn’t pass exam to high school. But you curse the man you apprentice with and leave trade school. I give you a piece of land and few heads of cow, and say go farm, well, the cows almost drop down dead for water, for you wouldn’t feed them. The one time you plant anything, grass grow over it and kill it, for you wasn’t interested in taking care of it. You say you want motorbike to get around, I buy you a motorbike. Well, the motorbike park up around the house corner. I finish with you, boy.’ And with that song, Aunty Cora get up, bend over pick up the set of keys off her bedroom floor, and hobble away on her stick.

  ‘You notice how the place just dark and dirty,’ Leslie say to her, breaking into her thinking. ‘But that’s the way she prefer it. My own granny. Shit, boy,’ him say after a while, ‘when you have a granny like that, you don’t need enemy.’

  ‘Me might go to Foreign,’ Peppy tell him, changing the subject.

  His forehead furrow-up all of a sudden. ‘Miss Gwennie sending for you?’

  She sorry she tell him, for first of all she wasn’t sure, and secondly she didn’t like the sudden edge that attach itself to his voice.

  ‘Well, she sending for all the children.’

  ‘Huh,’ Leslie sigh. ‘You lucky. If it wasn’t for MaCora, I would be in England now.’

  Peppy concentrate on her soup, sipping each spoonful carefully. Him was sitting across from her fixing a small transistor, the contents of its belly sprawl out on the table. These days him into technical work, before that it was carpentry, and before that tailoring.

  ‘I going up to Vin’s house after I finish eating,’ Peppy tell him.

  Leslie didn’t answer right away. Him fling down a set of keys on the table. ‘Don’t bring in any of your boyfriends to come carouse now that MaCora not here. I know you.’

  Peppy didn’t even bother to look at him. She finish off her soup, pick up the keys, wash, rinse, turn down her plate and then make her way up to Brocton, where Vin live.

  II

  Aunty Cora came two weeks after that. Walking home from school the evening, Peppy spy the white Peugeot park up infront her father’s house. She know right away it wasn’t Walter’s or Percy’s car, so it have to be one other person. Water fill her eyes same time and she was afraid to go inside. Aunty Cora look younger and stronger. Seems as if Foreign agree with her in truth. She did have on the same thick and heavy glasses and was wearing the very same piece of English cord tie-up around her head to keep them off her nose.

  ‘But look at me dying trial! Gal, you meagre!’ Aunty Cora bawl out as Peppy walk towards her, eyes not paying mind to anybody else in the room. And when Aunty Cora get up from out the off-white sofa and stretch out her two hands, Peppy allow the tears to run down and wet up Aunty Cora’s Foreign frock.

  ‘But look at me dying trial!’ Aunty Cora say again. ‘What kinda cow bawling this?’ She hand Peppy her white handkerchief with red and purple embroidery around the edges. ‘Gal,’ Aunty Cora say to her, after hugging, and settling herself back in the couch, ‘how things?’

  Peppy never answer right away. She wish Rudi and Jeff and Rosa and Aunty Cora’s two friends weren’t there. She wish the two o
f them were alone, so them could talk freely. ‘Me alright.’

  ‘How Walter treating you?’

  Peppy’s eyes reach Rudi’s and both sets turn away at the same time. ‘Alright.’

  ‘Just alright?’

  Peppy nod, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

  ‘Well, gal,’ Aunty Cora say to her when she see she couldn’t get much out of Peppy with so many people about, ‘as long as you can stand up on your two feet, that must mean you alright in truth.’

  Peppy wanted to fling herself down inside Aunty Cora’s lap and hug her good and plenty, but she pull up a chair instead and sit down next to her.

  ‘Come down Saturday,’ Aunty Cora tell her. ‘Then we can talk whole heap. I miss you, gal. Plenty, plenty.’

  Well, the Saturday morning could barely break before Peppy tidy herself and hop onto the bus eager to spend time with Aunty Cora again. But as she comb her hair that morning, paying special attention to her appearance in the mirror, she couldn’t ignore the gloominess lodged inside her heart corner. And it didn’t just start up since Aunty Cora’s return, it’s been growing steadily for a while now.

  She know Aunty Cora will want her to come back and live in New Green especially since Miss Gertie gone. But she wasn’t sure she wanted to go back. She and Rudi grow close over the months. She like to spend time and talk with him plenty. Neither George nor Leslie or even Vin hold her interest much anymore, even though them feel more like family to her in some ways. But it was more special with Rudi. These days she feel even closer to him, since him tell her his story.

  Sometimes she feel so happy for him, she want to share it with friends at school, but she know she have to keep it confident. It’s amazing how well she can read him. Know exactly when to give him a walk, when to spend time, and when some topics make him more bashful than usual. She could tell from several weeks beforehand that something important was on his mind. Every time the two of them alone and the moment seem perfect, him would suddenly get up and turn on the radio, wipe off the counter, or dust down windows. Night time, when the two off them lie still inside the bed, him make sure silence don’t linger between them, sometimes talking till long after she drop asleep.