She figure it must be Leslie who send the telegram. Only him, George and Peppy call her MaCora. MACORA DEAD 25/5/80 AT HOSPITAL. FUNERAL 3/6/80. She reread it several times, opening and closing her eyes. She reread it again. Peppy think back on the last letter Aunty Cora send. If there was any indication that she worse than usual. But nothing. The last letter was no different from the others. Aunty Cora always complain that she on her last and don’t have much longer to go. But then next month a new letter would always come, the very same complaint attached.
‘Peppy,’ Jeff knock on the bathroom door, ‘coming out soon?’
‘Go outside and stop bothering me.’
Jeff kiss his teeth and kick the door. Then she hear him sigh and walk off.
The telegram was still in her hand. She imagine Buddy must be happy now. Him get all the land to himself. Peppy’s mind run on Aunty Cora’s only son and the constant quarrels that occurred between them. Whenever him want to quarrel with Aunty Cora and Peppy was in the room, him use to tell her to please leave. Big people talking. She couldn’t bear him. Like father, like son. Him and Leslie piggish alike. Him could barely wait until Peppy leave before roughing up Aunty Cora.
‘You change the will yet, old lady?’ him use to style her.
And Peppy would always wonder why is it Aunty Cora would never tell him to take his ass and go to hell, why she’d tolerate his out-of-orderliness instead, her voice always soft and weak, always pleading towards him.
‘Give me more time so I can think it over.’
Peppy could tell that Aunty Cora’s heart was heavy. You could hear it. But she know Aunty Cora would do exactly as him want.
‘Peppy not you pickney. Send her to her mother. George not you pickney. Send him to his father. Miss Gertie not you pickney, how come she getting land? Babbo, that nasty old drunkard, getting cow? Old lady you crazy! What me get, you only son? Two and one half acre of rock stone! Not even good land, but rock stone, break back, tough dirt that can’t grow anything.’
And Aunty Cora never would say anything, almost as if she afraid of him, almost as if she deserve the way him manhandle her. After quarrelling with Aunty Cora, him would step outside, call Leslie and quarrel with him as well, about how him worthless and lazy and won’t work the land. Not to mention George. Him hate George and Miss Gertie like poison. When him start on Leslie, Leslie would never say anything. Just sort of hang his head. Careful not to jeopardize anything, for him want Buddy to bring him back to England. When Peppy go back inside Aunty Cora’s room, she would always find her sitting up on the bed, hands holding up her jaw, the emergency flask she keep under the mattress, not too far off. And Peppy could do no more than to pray and hope Buddy’s two-week visit would make haste and come to an end so him can return to England where the constant drizzle hurt his arthritis and the stressfulness of his job raise his blood pressure sometimes even to the point of stroke.
‘Peppy?’ Delores this time. ‘Coming out anytime soon, medear.’
Peppy sigh out loud. She long for the day when she can have her own room. Sometimes when she think about it, she can’t blame Rudi for leaving a tall. As it is now, Delores dictates the hours light must turn on and off, for it bother her eyes. The radio Peppy buy with her first month’s paycheck can only turn on when Delores not in the room, for according to her, the boom-boom music Peppy love listening to only disturb her meditation with God.
As the hours fall by, still not a drop of eye water trickle down Peppy’s face. And Peppy start to wonder if it have anything to do with the distance that started growing between she and Aunty Cora, after Rudi left and she did have to move back to New Green. For it got to the point where she couldn’t bear to listen to the same quarrels between Aunty Cora and Leslie about cows and pigs and land. She didn’t want to hear Miss Gertie complain about her chest and the coughing. She didn’t want to hear about Vin’s boyfriends. New Green boys just never hold her interest anymore.
She grow tired of the same old conversation with New Green people about hard life, unemployment, drought, sickness. Just about everything and everybody was getting on her nerves. She missed Rudi’s friendship and them heart-to-heart conversations. She missed his friends and the unusualness of them lifestyle. Back up in New Green Aunty Cora was starting to restrict her movements as a result of Leslie’s eye-watch reporting. ‘Now that you turning into a young miss,’ she tell Peppy, ‘you can’t run up and down with the boys and play dominoes as you have a mind. You have to stay in and study your books. Do well in school and set good example. Go to church. New Green people don’t take well to this tomboy business a tall.’
Aunty Cora’s speedy deterioration and Peppy’s pending departure was creating an even wider distance between the two. It got to the point where Aunty Cora wouldn’t complain about her bad feelings anymore, almost as if she was afraid to become burdensome. But Peppy could tell, for the rum drinking did pick up. It didn’t sit good with Peppy about leaving Aunty Cora to Leslie who constantly rude to her, and Buddy who manhandle her even in his letters from England, and Miss Gertie who live off her like parasite, but nonetheless she still count down the days till the plane ticket arrive.
When Peppy crawl under the sheet that night she was still numb. Gwennie come into the room later on and shake her up. ‘You see the telegram?’
‘Yes,’ Peppy answer, shutting up her eyes and trying to fall back asleep. Those were the only words exchanged between she and Gwennie ever since the stir-up not too long ago. For since then, the two of them been walking around one another even more.
The funeral was the following week Sunday. Monday come and Tuesday pass, and still Peppy don’t hear word mention about going back home for the funeral. As much as she like to rely on herself, she never have the money to purchase her own plane ticket. She have it hard asking Rudi, now that him paying his own rent and bills. She couldn’t ask Delores either, for with Rudi’s absence things fall heavy on her shoulder and she make it a point of her duty to remind everybody about that fact, too. She never ask Gwennie either, for them only go around and come around one another. And Peppy never have the gall to break the pattern.
Wednesday night roll into Thursday, and by Friday she decide well then, maybe she won’t be able to see Aunty Cora for the last a tall. Maybe she won’t get a chance to see them lowering her in the box. She won’t be able to sit up with the men while them drink rum and beers and dig the grave. She won’t be able to walk behind the pall bearers as them carry the box on them shoulders. She and New Green people won’t be following behind and singing ‘Nearer My God To Thee’. She won’t be able to watch as Pastor Longmore sprinkle dirt on top of the coffin as it roll down inside the hole and say ‘Ashes to ashes and dust to dust’. No, all of New Green will get a chance to bury MaCora except she.
And the eye water still didn’t come. June pass and then July, and still she wait for Aunty Cora’s letters. July turn into August, and letter come for Gwennie from Grandma, and Delores get letter from her friend down Mile Gully and still nothing from New Green. September, Peppy enter her last year, Jeff start eleventh grade and Rosa move up to middle school. Delores was just as steep in the church, Clive no longer called and Rosa was no longer missing him. Gwennie start a computer literacy course up at the community college two nights a week, and Walter’s immigration papers move from on top Gwennie’s bureau to inside a box in the corner of her closet along with all the passports and alien cards.
That same September, Craig move in with Rudi for two weeks, only to move back in with his mother the middle of the third week, complaining that she the only person him can live with. Dave finish the Youth Corp up at Springfield and then join the Air Force and Peppy get one letter from Vin.
Vin say she doesn’t know where to begin, but is a good thing Peppy never came to the funeral for her belly would burn her to see her Aunty in that fashion. Bloat-up, Vin say, black and blue, you couldn’t even tell if it was Miss Cora or not. Them couldn’t wheel the coffin inside the church, for it w
as smelling too bad. Them did have to leave it outside. Pastor Longmore did have to race through the service so the men could hurry up and bury it. The body was spoilt, Vin say, spoilt rotten. Five days she lay down cover up in a blood-up white sheet waiting, waiting for the refrigerator to empty so them can put her in. Every day Leslie go and beg the guard, do sir, put his grandmother on ice, take out one of those that already frozen. Everyday the guard promise yes, him would try, but look at the line of people waiting to put them dead on ice, as well.
It was Marlon, Leslie’s little boy, Vin continue on, and Miss Cora alone at the house when she first come down with the sickness. Miss Gertie and Leslie fight again and she claim that as much as she love her Cousin Cora, she can’t live with Leslie. It happen around seven in the evening. Aunt Doris was up there earlier, taking care of Miss Cora. Miss Cora’s been in plenty pain over a week now. But it happen after Aunt Doris leave the evening. Miss Cora get up to go to the toilet and it wasn’t urine that come out, but blood. And she call out to Marlon, boy, go and call Leslie, this business don’t look good a tall.
She died up at the public hospital the next day. Aunt Doris say she can’t figure out how come Leslie never bring her to a private hospital, for the few nurses and doctors at the public hospital, no matter how wonderful them training, just can’t take care of the long line of sick people that need attention. But Aunty Doris figure it out last month after the will read. She never have a penny. Miss Cora will out everything to Buddy. You name wasn’t even mentioned, Peppy. Leslie never even get an orange tree. Buddy run George off the property, telling him to go and look for work.
Peppy was outside on the back steps when she get the letter, the woollen sweater keeping her warm from the cool September breeze. She don’t like staying inside the house when Gwennie home, for a heaviness seem to always come over her. It remind her of when she used to live with Walter and him would come home drunk. And everybody, no matter how happy and glad they were before, would suddenly turn gloomy and wilt by the time Walter’s car pull into the carport. From where she sit down, Peppy could see Windsor Street and the people passing. Now and again she catch bits and pieces of a conversation.
When she was through reading the letter, Peppy fold it up and step inside the house. And the hollering that started never included any eye water. She open up her mouth wide instead and bawl out as if she cut her finger, or a piece of board fall on her toe. And when she holler out, Delores run over first, and then the rest of children start to gather around. But Gwennie never come.
And them watch Peppy as she crouch over in the middle of the room, the letter at her feet, her back to them, her two hands holding her belly. At first them could tolerate the bawling, but then it change. One by one them back out the room, hands fold over ears, face furrow-up, them own belly cringing, for the sound was desperate, was gut-wrenching, was sad, and them just couldn’t bear to hear it anymore.
VI
Graduation day, even before anybody inside the house started stirring, Peppy wake up early, pick up the piece of paper with the speech she and Dorothy spend long hours writing, and step inside the bathroom, locking the door behind her. From in front the full-length mirror she practise the speech over and over, making sure that back was straight, her head sit down on her neck in good angle, her mouth round up and stretch out as it pronounce each word and each syllable and she not looking down on the paper at all times, but out at the audience.
Peppy got five tickets total. One she give to Dorothy, since them grow close over the years. From the day she went over Dorothy’s house and expressed interest in the plenty pictures Dorothy have frame up in her little studio and darkroom she build in the basement of the house, Dorothy not only show Peppy how to use the 35 and 14 millimetre cameras she have, but for one whole month she lend them to Peppy alongside several rolls of film, for she claim Peppy have good eyes for colour and image.
She send a ticket to Rudi, as well. She wasn’t sure if him would be able to drag himself from Craig. But him call and say him would try, for him long to see her. Over six months now. She was hoping maybe she’d see him Christmas day. But when him phone and ask Gwennie if him could invite Craig, she point blank tell him no, not over her dead body, that kind of nasty living not going take place in her house.
She also invite Del, if she can manage tear herself way from Bible Study that evening, Mr Taylor, the man who run the After-School-Study Programme at the University and Merle Hennahan: twenty-three-year-old Merle who finish college one year early and worked for Mr Taylor in the programme. She can’t quite remember the occasion that brought she and Merle together, but without fail, every evening Merle drive her home in the little maroon Volkswagen she call Betsy and, on days when Gwennie working late, invite Peppy to her studio where she live with her small hairless, six-inch dog, Nagasaki.
Merle don’t have plenty furniture in her house, she still have her mattress on the cold tile floor, but she have plenty artefacts on her wall from her travels to West Africa and China and two months in Ireland where her father’s line of family come from, no mention about her mother. Evenings when Peppy don’t have plenty homework, she spend them with Merle. And sometimes during the warmer months, them sit down outside in the park and read and play with Nagasaki. Cooler months, them watch movies in theatre houses, or drink coffee and mint tea at cafés close to Merle’s house. She never have any tickets left over for Gwennie. She wasn’t sure her mother would come anyway. Plenty evenings she wanted to ask her, for Merle say she must try, but she was too afraid Gwennie would tell her she don’t have the time, for she working late all this week, and by the time she reach home she exhausted.
The small auditorium where them keep the graduation ceremony was full. And from where she take her seat up on the stage, next to the principal and the Deputy School Superintendent and Assistant Principal, and City Hall representative, Peppy could see everyone coming in. Those graduating, and those bearing close resemblance to them. And as them walk in, some with hair pile high on headtops, others in suits, trousers iron thin, feet stepping high and faces proud.
From her seat, Peppy could see the lights flickering on and off in the lobby as more people crowd into the auditorium, women stepping tall so the spike heels won’t arouse attention. Then the lights were off, and the room hush over, and she hear one or two coughing and clearing of throat and rustling of paper.
The Deputy Superintendent, with his hair scoop to one side to cover the balding, take his place at the pulpit, hands rubbing together behind him. Him take a sip of water them put from the plastic cup next to him, rinse his mouth and then swallow. And after the Deputy Superintendent grin with the crowd and apologize for the Superintendent who wanted to come and congratulate these bright young ladies and men, but unfortunately, important out-of-town call kept him away. And after him continue hoo and haw about the impact these bright young faces will have on the world, the representative from City Hall never have anything different to say. The Principal was just as bad with his speech about being the good shepherd, and how he’s helped to mould and make these young sheep who come into his fold four years ago better human beings.
Peppy’s mind didn’t linger long on the Principal’s speech, for it was her time next, and already her stomach was starting to flutter. So she tried concentrating on soft music, quiet afternoons and dim lights so her belly would settle back to normal. And then it was her turn, and she could hear the clapping and loud cheering from the faces below. She take her place at the pulpit, smile at the crowd as if she’s been doing this business for several years, clear her throat in the microphone even though no phlegm lodged itself there, sip a little from the cup even though her throat wasn’t dry, straighten out her folder with the speech and fix her eyes to a corner at the back of the room.
First she start off with the importance of education, and how where she come from, it was education that make you or break you. For is those with the education that get the good pay and is them who get the promotion and is them
that gain the respect and is them who make the influential decisions. Feeling more and more relaxed with the audience, her eyes start to search out Merle. And at first she didn’t see her, for plenty curly-brown hair people were in the audience. But then she spot her, for only Merle alone have a lock of hair that fall crossway her face in that special way, causing her to constantly shake back her head and remove the hair from out her eyes. And her eyes search out Dorothy who she’d expect to see in the very front row, camera around her neck, mouth shouting out ‘Bravo, Bravo,’ for Dorothy loud that way. She see glimpses of Rudi in his white jacket, Mr Taylor, Del in her puke-green suit, but no sign of Dorothy.
And even when her speech draw to a close, and she wish her class good luck as them set out on the world, Peppy never hear any of the clapping and cheering that was just as deafening as when she started out, for she still couldn’t glimpse Dorothy. And she wonder why Dorothy didn’t call to say she wasn’t well, or that she was going out of town. For she could’ve given her mother the ticket. No, them don’t get along, but still, this is a special occasion, and after all Gwennie is her mother. And Peppy wonder what was running through Gwennie’s mind now, when she find out Peppy graduating and that she wasn’t invited. And although a little part of her felt guilt, it didn’t linger long, for there was a chuckle forming itself inside her throat.
So as the Principal call out names and children walk up one by one to pick up diplomas and scholarship cheques and shake his hand, Peppy find herself going up several times to pick up various awards, for she was a hard worker, so her rewards blossomed out.
After the ceremony conclude, and people started filing out the auditorium and little pockets of crowd started forming out in the lobby, Peppy make her way over to where Del was poised with her Instamatic camera. And after a series of photo taking, Del hug her up and tell her congrats. Merle come over too, with a handful of roses, and Mr Taylor with a package underneath him arm, face beaming from corner to corner.
Me Dying Trial Page 24