by Alexa Land
He raised my chin with a light touch and kissed me. Then he said, “We both want this, Will, so nothing’s going to mess it up.” I smiled at him, and he kissed me again before saying, “It looks like the crew is starting to head inside, so you should probably do the same thing.”
We started walking toward the house, and after a moment Lorenzo asked, “How do you feel about the upcoming scene? Are you nervous?”
I flashed him a wide, goofy grin. “After what we just did in the makeup trailer, I’m about as relaxed as can be.”
He joked, “Then my work here is done.” We reached the stairs leading up to the porch, and he kissed me once more and said, “I’ll see you soon. Knock ‘em dead.” He started to head toward the trailer, and I stood there watching him. He turned back after a few moments and asked, “Aren’t you going inside?”
“In a minute. There’s something important I have to do first.”
“What’s that?”
“I need to admire your sexy ass as you walk away.” He laughed and kept going, and once he was out of sight I went into the house.
The upcoming scene was going to be shot in the kitchen. A rolling camera was set up on a short section of track in front of the kitchen island, so it could pan smoothly from one end of the room to the other. Blackout curtains created the illusion of nighttime, and the lighting was soft and low, to seem like it was coming from the kitchen’s light fixtures.
I found Riley at the makeup station that had been set up in a corner and said, “Sorry, I’m pretty sure I messed up all your hard work.”
He smiled at me and opened his makeup case. “Don’t worry about it. Harper hasn’t even arrived yet, so we have plenty of time for a touch up.”
“Thanks for being so nice about it.”
He dabbed the area under my left eye with a sponge as he said, “With a boyfriend as hot as yours, I would have questioned your sanity if you hadn’t snuck in a quick make-out session.” When I broke eye contact, he asked, “Or was it a morning quickie?”
“No comment.”
“That’s a yes. It was smart, too. Now you won’t have to worry about getting an erection when your costar is rubbing all over you, which probably would have been embarrassing. My only complaint is that you’re practically glowing with happiness, and Alex is supposed to look pale and fragile.”
I grinned at him and said, “I can’t help it.”
Riley rolled his eyes, but he was grinning too. “It’s a good thing I like you. Otherwise, this lovesick puppy thing would be really obnoxious.”
The assistant director appeared a few moments later. He was clearly angry, and he announced, “One of our stars is late, so take a break everyone. Please stay close though, because I want to be able to roll the moment he gets his ass to the set.” He jabbed at his phone as he stormed out again.
As the crew left the room, Riley sighed and put down his makeup sponge. Then he took the seat beside mine. I asked, “You don’t think Harper’s going to get fired, do you?”
“Nah, he’s too big a star for that. He is starting to get a reputation though, because apparently he pulls shit like this all the time. That might eventually bite him in the ass if directors refuse to work with him, but Lang needs him on this film.”
“I really like him, even if my assistant hates his guts, and I hope he gets it together.”
I’d absently started picking at a rough spot on one of my nails, and Riley plucked a file from his makeup case and said, “Let me fix that for you.” Then he moved his chair around so we were sitting knee-to-knee.
“Thanks.” I studied him as he went to work on my nails. He was wearing a beat up gray hoodie and jeans, really needed a shave, and it looked like he hadn’t even bothered to comb his hair that morning. I found myself asking, “What made you decide to become a makeup artist?”
He glanced at me before returning his gaze to my nails. “You’re asking because I don’t look the part, right?”
“Well, not that you have to look a certain way.”
“But most makeup artists don’t look like they work in a garage, or like they’ve just been released from prison, or whatever.” He glanced at me again and added, “For the record, I haven’t been to jail. But I know how I come across.”
“I like the fact that you break the stereotypes.”
He grinned as he started on another nail. “Way to put a positive spin on it.”
I grinned too and said, “I try. So, what got you into this career?”
“A friend, in a roundabout way. It’s kind of a depressing story, so you probably don’t want to hear it.”
“Sure I do, if you’re willing to tell me.”
He glanced at me again and said, “When I was nineteen, my life totally hit rock bottom. I was addicted to drugs and involved with an abusive psychopath who called himself my Dom, but he was actually just a sadistic asshole. I was too naïve and too messed up to know the difference, and I’m sure that man would have ended up killing me if it wasn’t for my friend Angel.
“He was a submissive to this same ‘Dom’, and he was a heroin addict like me. His life was as messed up as mine was, but he found the strength to save me. I wasn’t allowed to leave this man’s house, but when I told Angel I had family in Reno, he snuck me out, gave me some money, and put me on a bus. Then my aunt and uncle got me into rehab, and I was able to turn my life around.”
Riley tried to smile as he said, “I know you’re wondering what any of that has to do with this job, but I’m about to circle back around to it. After I left rehab, I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and saw a flyer for a cosmetology school that was offering scholarships. It made me think of Angel, because he loved makeup. Sometimes to cheer me up, he’d let me apply his makeup, or he’d do mine. That might seem random, but it was all he had with him at our so-called Dom’s house, and the only way he had to try to take my mind off the living hell my life had become. That’s why I associate makeup so strongly with my friend, and why I felt like I was honoring his memory when I decided to go into this field.”
I asked, “What happened to him?”
“I have no idea.”
“You didn’t stay in touch?”
“I wanted to, but he told me I needed to make a fresh start, and that it wouldn’t be good for me to associate with a junkie like him after I got clean. He also told me never to return to San Francisco because it was too dangerous, and he said he was going into hiding. That probably sounds overly dramatic, but that ‘Dom’ was a criminal and a sociopath, and I really believe he would have killed us for disobeying him.”
I whispered, “Holy shit.”
After a pause, he said, “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Angel. I hope he’d be proud of me if he could see me now.”
“Have you tried to find him?”
“Yeah. I went back to San Francisco a year later, even though he’d told me not to, and I tried to track him down. But I don’t even know his real name, and I hit nothing but dead ends. It’s been about four years now, but I haven’t given up hope.”
“Well, maybe your paths will cross again.”
“I have to believe they will. I want that more than anything, and if I find him, I’m going to try so hard to convince him we belong together.”
I said softly, “You’re in love with him.”
He nodded. “I know I’m not what he wants. In what world have two submissive bottoms ever ended up together? But we could take care of each other, and maybe that’d be enough.”
My heart broke for him, and I said, “He’d be incredibly lucky to end up with you, and I sincerely hope you find each other someday.”
“Thanks for saying that.” He went back to filing my nails and tried to lighten the mood by telling me, “Phoenix always says I’m the king of oversharing. I think I just proved him right.”
“I’m glad you trusted me with your story.”
“I try to be an open book. I’ve made so many mistakes, but I believe in owning
them, instead of trying to pretend they never happened. I think that’s the best way of being sure they never happen again.”
Two crew members returned to the kitchen just then, and one of them told us, “Harper Royce finally showed up. We should be ready to roll in about fifteen minutes.”
The rest of the crew reassembled over the next few minutes, and then Harper rushed onto the set and looked around. When he saw me, he hurried over and said, “I’m really sorry, Will. I know we were supposed to meet first thing this morning, but I forgot to set an alarm.”
“It’s okay. Just sit down for a minute and catch your breath.”
He took the seat facing me that Riley had just vacated, and then he whispered, “How mad is Lang?”
“Don’t worry about that now,” I said. “Just try to get your head in the game. Otherwise this is going to be a disaster.”
“You’re right. Shit.” He exhaled slowly, took my hands in his, and closed his eyes. Then he said, “Tell me about Liam and Alex. What’s going on in this scene, besides the obvious?”
“They love each other. People tend to think it’s one-sided, because Alex has been pining for Liam since they were kids. But Liam loves Alex, too.”
“As a friend, right?”
“It’s more than that. Their relationship is complicated. Liam just can’t admit to himself that he’s gay, because he knows his homophobic father and the rest of his stuck-up family would disown him and cut off his trust fund, and he thinks he’s nothing without it.”
I continued, “When he finally has sex with Alex, it’s not just because he knows how much his friend wants him. It’s because Liam needs this desperately, maybe even more than Alex does. He just got engaged to Emily a few days ago, and that scares him to death. He knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life living a lie and pretending to be what everyone expects of him. But for these few minutes, he can be his true self. He can be gay, and he can love Alex, and nobody can take that away from him. That’s what’s happening in this scene. It’s not just two people fucking. Not even close.”
Harper opened his eyes and asked, “Then why does he run off right after?”
“It’s partly because he realizes he betrayed Emily and is ashamed, but it’s also because of all he’s feeling for Alex in that moment. It’s so intense that it scares him.”
Neither of us realized Gage Lang was standing nearby until he murmured, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Harper started to apologize for being late, but the director held up his hand and said, “Not now.” After he explained how he wanted the scene to play out, Lang said, “Take your places, and go with what you just discussed. We’re going to start with the kiss, and let’s see if we can keep the scene rolling from there.”
Harper and I kicked off our shoes and found our spots between the stove and the kitchen island. There were pieces of masking tape on the floor to tell us where to stand. We were face to face and just inches apart, and we stared at each other as we tried to get into character.
Riley and the lead makeup artist touched us up, the lead stylist fixed our hair, and light readings were taken and adjustments were made. Meanwhile two camera operators, the sound engineer, a boom operator, the director and assistant director, and several other crew members all took their positions around us. There were about a dozen people in the room, not counting Harper and me, and that was after the crew had been pared down to just essential personnel at Harper’s request.
My heart was racing and I was breathing quickly, but that was actually perfect for the scene. When the assistant director said, “Roll cameras, and action,” it felt oddly like stepping outside myself and letting the character take over.
Alex reached up and touched the face of the man he loved, and everything fell away but just the two of them. Their kiss was full of passion and heartbreak. It was their first kiss and their last. They stripped each other clumsily, and then Liam turned Alex around and bent him over the kitchen island. They only used spit for lube, and Alex stifled a cry of pain when Liam pushed into him. They fucked quickly, and Liam bit back a sob when he came. He caught his breath for a few moments, and then he stepped back from Alex, who couldn’t even look at him. Liam grabbed his pajamas from the floor and rushed out of the kitchen, and Alex pressed his eyes shut as tears streamed down his face.
“Cut.”
I’d been so lost in the scene that Lang’s voice actually startled me. I straightened up and looked around at the faces of the crew. For a long moment, everyone just stood there with surprised expressions. Then they all started clapping, and I colored slightly as I wiped my face.
Someone handed me a towel, and I wrapped it around my hips as Harper returned to the kitchen wearing the pajama pants. He beamed at me and said, “Awesome job, Will.”
“Thanks. You, too.”
Lang came up to us and said, “Damn, Kandinsky, where’d that come from?”
“Was it okay?”
“Was it okay? Hell no,” he said. “It was perfection. I can’t believe you nailed it in one take.”
“We did?”
“You gave me exactly what I wanted. I always knew you were meant to play Alex, right from that very first audition, and damned if you didn’t just make me look like a genius. Now get dressed, because you know we’re not finished. We still have to shoot the closeups, and of course there’s all that dialog that comes before the kiss. After what just happened here, the bar has been raised, and I expect you to continue to bring it.”
Chapter 11
Two hours later, I burst into my trailer and startled my cat, who darted off the kitchen counter. Then I threw myself at Lorenzo, who’d been reading on the couch. He dropped the paperback and wrapped his arms around me as I exclaimed, “Even if I never make another movie after this one, the last ten years, all those sacrifices, and the hundreds of rejections were totally worth it.”
“That must mean it’s going well.”
“We just wrapped for the day. Can you believe it? We did the sex scene in one take! That’s especially shocking because Lang loves his retakes. He made Harper walk into the kitchen and say ‘hey’ seventeen times because he wasn’t ‘feeling it’. But we nailed that complicated, emotional sex scene on the first try!”
“That’s fantastic!”
He sat up and shifted me onto his lap, and I hugged him and said, “I can’t even tell you how good that felt. The crew actually applauded! That’s so rare. And I cried real tears, Lorie. It wasn’t even in the script, but I knew what Alex must have been feeling, and it just happened.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot.” He held me securely and stroked my hair, and after a few moments I said, “I hope Lang still likes what we did when he watches the dailies.”
“That’s where he reviews everything that was recorded that day, isn’t it?”
“Exactly. He already watched the playback on a monitor that’s right there on set, but it might read differently on a big screen.”
“If the director was satisfied with one take, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“I’m so glad he didn’t ask us to do it again. In that moment, it just really felt like Alex and Liam were in that kitchen, and I’m not sure we could have replicated it.”
He asked, “Did it feel strange taking your clothes off in front of the crew? I know you were worried about that.”
“I forgot they were there. That’s how deeply I got into this character. I mean, we were standing there in those ridiculous cock socks with a bunch of people staring at us, and it should have been the most embarrassing thing in the world. But as it was happening, all I could think about was Alex, and how he loved Liam with all his heart, but all he was ever going to get from him were those few stolen minutes. Liam didn’t even hold him afterwards. As soon as it was over, he felt guilty and just left Alex there, hurting and ashamed and alone. Is it weird that my heart totally broke for a fictional character?”
Lorenzo caressed my cheek and said, “Not at all. It just shows you have an extraordinary amount of empathy.”
“I love the way you always make me seem perfectly rational.” He grinned at that, and I said, “Let’s get out of here and enjoy this unexpected afternoon off.”
While the cat pretended to be boneless as I tried to load her back into her harness and leash, Lorenzo received a text, then sent one in return. When his phone beeped again, he glanced at the screen and grinned, and I asked, “What are you up to?”
“Nothing.”
“Uh huh. Whenever that Cheshire Cat smile appears, it means you’re about to throw me a surprise party, or something along those lines.”
“No comment.” He was still grinning.
We stepped outside, and I shifted the cat in my arms and locked the trailer. Phoenix was walking toward us while typing on his phone, and when Lorenzo received a text a second later, I said, “So, you’ve dragged my P.A. into your schemes.”
“If I was trying to pull off a surprise, you’d better believe I’d involve Phoenix. That guy’s a miracle worker. But I admit nothing.”
Phoenix also refused to tell me what they were planning, and I stopped pestering them long enough to take a shower when we got back to the rental. Once I’d washed off the makeup and shampooed the crunchy gel out of my hair, I got dressed in my version of casual, which was a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled back, pale gray jeans, and gray loafers. Then I took the time to straighten my hair, because I was sick to death of the curls. I would have loved to shave too, but as long as I was playing Alex, the stubble stayed.
Just as I went downstairs, Riley came home carrying a fast-food bag. He toasted me with a soda and said, “Thanks for giving everyone the afternoon off by being awesome!”
“I’m pretty sure it was a fluke, but you’re welcome.”
“No, it wasn’t. I was there, remember? What I saw was impressive as hell. I’ve never understood how actors can cry on cue like that, and your expression and body language totally made me believe your heart was broken.”