Turning on a light, I take the photo of Amy from my nightstand. "Amy, I don't know what's going on with Travis. Sometimes I think he likes me but then he says something that makes me think he doesn't. Like tonight. He seemed annoyed that I was going out with Danny. Almost jealous. But then he called and acted like he was okay with it. He actually encouraged me to go out with him. I don't get it. You know more about guys than I do. What do you think's going on with him?"
She doesn't answer, of course, and I start to think maybe I'm crazy for talking to a photo. But people talk to headstones at a cemetery so is it really that crazy? It doesn't seem to be all that different.
"How do I get him to talk to me, Amy? I know something's going on with him but he won't tell me what's wrong. Do I just come out and ask, or wait for him to tell me? I really wish you were here. You always knew what to do."
My phone dings. I put the photo away and check my phone. There's a text from Travis.
Are you awake?
Yes, I text back.
Can I come in?
I sit up in bed. You're here? At my apartment?
Downstairs. Can you let me in?
What is he doing here? It's after eleven. Why didn't he just call?
It's still locked, he texts.
Just a minute.
I throw my robe on and race to the front door. I hit the button that opens the security door, then text, You in?
Yes. Be right up.
Hurrying to the bathroom, I quickly check myself in the mirror. I don't look great but it could be worse. My hair still looks good from my date but my makeup's washed off. I grab a toothbrush and brush my teeth again. I'm not sure why. It's not like we're going to kiss. I'm guessing he's here to talk, which is what I wanted but I didn't think it would happen tonight.
There's a knock at the door and I run over and open it. Travis is standing there in jeans and a t-shirt, not wearing a jacket even though it's a chilly night. His hair is messed up a little and he has a thick layer of stubble along his face. Damn, he's hot. Every time I'm around him, I feel this heat building inside me. This urge to kiss him. To press my body against his and feel his arms go around me, his hands touching places I've longed for him to touch.
"Hey," he says in a quiet voice.
"Hey," I say, feeling breathless after running to the door. Or maybe it's my attraction to him making me breathless, and the fact that he's standing close and I'm barely wearing anything. Just a tank and some panties, covered by a skimpy robe. I yank on the tie, securing it in place.
"Sorry it's so late," he says.
"It's okay. I was up."
He smiles a soft easy smile and whatever awkwardness I felt earlier is suddenly gone. This is the Travis I know. The one who puts me at ease and makes me smile. I feel like hugging him but instead I back away to let him in.
"Is your roommate home?" he asks as he comes through the door. "I don't want to wake her."
"She's at Brad's tonight. She's staying there for the weekend."
He nods and shuts the door, then stands there, looking at me like he hasn't seen me forever. His smile is gone and he's not saying anything, and I feel the awkwardness coming back.
"Do you want to sit down?" I ask.
"No." He looks down and takes a deep breath. "I just need to say this."
"Say what?"
He lifts his head, his eyes meeting up with mine. "I don't want you dating him."
"Who? Danny?"
"Danny. Or anyone else."
"That's why you came here?" I ask, feeling annoyed. "To tell me I can't date?"
"I can't tell you that. That's up to you."
"Exactly. So why are you here?"
"Because I can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?"
"Pretending." He pauses. "Pretending I don't have feelings for you."
"What kind of feelings?" I cautiously ask, not wanting to get my hopes up.
He steps closer and puts his hand along the side of my face. "The kind of feelings that..." He pauses again, his eyes on mine, then leans down until his mouth is just over mine.
My heart is pounding, beating out of my chest, waiting for it. Wanting it. And finally, he does it. He kisses me. His lips are soft, warm, perfect. His arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me against him as my lips part for him and his tongue slides over mine.
I'm flooded with heat as a flurry of sensations run down my core and between my thighs. I feel weak, breathless. Lightheaded. So when he starts to pull away, I hold on, grabbing the front of his shirt.
Our eyes meet again. He seems to be trying to read me. Trying to figure out if I feel the same way he does. How could he even question it? That kiss was pure magic. First kisses are never that good so the fact that this one was off the charts says there's definitely something between us. Something more than just basic attraction.
A slight smile crosses his face. "I came here to talk. I swear."
I smile back. "And what happened?"
"I saw you and had to kiss you. I had to see if it was real or if I was just imagining it."
"If what was real?"
"My feelings for you. I had to know they were real and not just caused by the fact that we're both going through the hell of losing someone."
"That's what you thought?" I ask, offended that he didn't trust how he felt about me. That he tried to blame it on our shared grief. I pull back.
"Don't," he says, keeping me close, his arms wrapped tightly around me. "Just hear me out."
"I'm listening," I say, still annoyed.
"It's not uncommon for people to develop feelings for each other when they share something other people don't understand. You develop a closeness and sometimes that closeness is interpreted as something more. I kept thinking maybe that's what this was. I didn't have any other way to explain why I felt so much for you after such a short time. It didn't make sense."
"And now?"
"Still doesn't make sense. But I know it's real. When I kissed you I instantly knew it wasn't just our shared experiences making me feel this way. Actually I knew that before I came over here but the kiss just confirmed it." He takes a breath. "I don't know if you feel the same but I couldn't keep this from you any longer. I had to tell you how I felt. How much I want you to be mine. How I want your Friday nights to be spent with me and not some idiot like Danny or some other guy."
"Don't be so hard on Danny. He's a nice guy."
"Maybe so, but I still don't want you with him. I could barely keep it together knowing you were with him tonight. If you decide he's what you want then I guess I'll have to somehow learn to accept that. I don't know how, but I'll find a way. I want you to be happy, Skye. I really do."
I look him in the eye. "Then shut up and kiss me."
He does, and it's even hotter than before, his hands roaming my body as his tongue teases my mouth.
He leads me to the couch and I stumble back, nearly falling on it before he catches me and gently lays me down. I close my eyes and feel the soft tickle of his lips moving down my neck as he undoes the tie on my robe.
"God, I want you," he says as his body presses into me. "I want you so bad, Skye."
I moan, and press my hips into him, feeling him. Feeling how much he wants me.
"Let's go to my room," I whisper. I hear him sigh and open my eyes. "What? What's wrong?"
"This isn't how it was supposed to go."
"What do you mean?"
He moves off me to the side, wedged up against the back of the couch. His eyes go to my stomach, which is bare because my tank top rode up. He runs his finger along the sensitive skin, slowly, back and forth, making the throbbing need in my pelvis almost unbearable. I need some relief, and fast, but he keeps talking.
"I was supposed to come here and tell you how I felt." His fingers run along the top of panties and I suck in a breath, anticipating more but he doesn't go any farther. "Hopefully you'd feel the same way, and if so, I'd invite you to go out with me. On a date. A real date
."
"We can still do that." I smile. "But you have to ask me first."
He smiles back. "Would you go out with me?"
"I'd love to."
"How about tomorrow? You'll have to cancel your other date. He's going to be disappointed."
"He'll be okay."
My hips buck as Travis' hand lowers, his fingers trailing over my panties, between my legs, before moving back up to my abs. If he's trying to tease the hell out of me he's doing a great job.
"Travis, why are you telling me all this?"
He blows out a breath. "I'm trying to talk myself out of this."
"Out of what?" I ask, thinking he's changing his mind about us.
"Being with you. Tonight. I wanted to wait."
"Why?"
"Because it doesn't seem right. I haven't even taken you on a date."
"Travis, we've spent the last two weeks together. I see you every day and almost every night. We've talked on the phone for hours, longer than couples who've been together for months. Doing this wouldn't be wrong, at least I don't feel that way."
"You sure? I don't want you thinking that's why I came over here. I feel like we need to do this right." His eyes are on my body again as his hand slides under my tank top to my breast, cupping it in his hand. "But God, I want you."
"I want you too," I whisper. I close my eyes, my head falling back on the couch. "I want you so bad." I feel him getting up and open my eyes. "Where are you going?"
"You said something about a room?"
I smile. "First one on the left."
He picks me up off the couch. "Travis, I can walk."
"I like this way better," he says, dropping a kiss on my head.
We get to my room and he kicks the door shut, then sets me down. His lips cover mine as his hands slide over my shoulders, sending my robe falling to the floor. He lifts up my tank and our mouths part just long enough to get it off. I work on his jeans, undoing his belt. I've been imagining what he's got under there for many nights and can't wait any longer to find out. He takes my hand away, ripping his belt off and shoving his jeans to the floor. His boxer briefs remain but I can see the outline of it and it's just how I imagined. The boy was blessed. No wonder so many girls in town have been with him. Word got around.
Moments later, I find myself on the bed, the sheet pulled back and Travis slowly lowering my panties down my legs. His shirt is off and I can't stop looking at those abs of his. My eyes drop lower as he takes off his briefs. He turns to get something from his jeans and I see his perfect ass.
When he turns back around, the condom is on and he joins me in bed. He's on his side, doing that thing where he runs his hand over my body in slow fluid movements that leave a tingle behind that lingers and intensifies the more he does it. I'm so aroused that by the time his hand lowers between my legs, I nearly come. His fingers slide effortlessly over my slick center and when one plunges inside me, that's it. Pleasure spikes like lightning, cascading through me, making me writhe and moan as he kisses my body, making his way back up to my lips. I feel his warm body covering mine, then a gentle nudge in the area that's still so sensitive that I jerk a little when I feel him enter me.
"You okay?" he asks.
"Yeah," I say, smiling to confirm it.
He pushes in slowly, until he's all the way in, then stays there a moment, kissing my neck, my shoulder, back up to my mouth.
I'm lost in the bliss of it all, not even sure it's really happening. It doesn't seem real. I've imagined doing this with him but I didn't expect it to actually happen. Or be this amazing. Sex has never been great for me. I've only been with two guys but neither one of them knew what they were doing. They didn't even bother to warm me up, other than a few minutes of kissing, and then they shoved inside me, did a few thrusts, and that was it.
Travis slowly pulls back, then slides back into me, but not too fast. He's not in a hurry. He wants it to last. I'm sure we'll do this again, but this being the first time, I can tell he wants to make this special.
I love him for that. He's so caring. So thoughtful.
Sometimes I feel like I really do love him.
17
Travis
Being with Skye feels so freaking good I don't think I can hold out much longer. As if she heard my thoughts, she grinds her hips into me and grabs my ass, making sounds like she's about to come. I take over, thrusting harder, faster. She grabs hold of me and her eyes squeeze shut, panting my name as she comes. Watching her turns me on so damn bad I can't wait any longer. I let go, my muscles tensing before coming to rest over her soft sweet body.
I fall back on the bed, covered in sweat, my breaths hard and fast.
"Come here." I slide my arm under her and she turns toward me, resting her head on my chest. I kiss her forehead. "I honestly didn't come here expecting that to happen."
"But you're happy it did, right?" she asks in a teasing tone. "Because I definitely am."
"Happy doesn't even begin to describe it. That was better than I imagined."
She lifts her head to me. "You imagined us like that?"
"Maybe once or twice." I chuckle. "Okay, maybe more than that."
Her head lowers back to my chest. "I did too."
"You did?"
"Why do you sound so surprised? You're hot. I'm sure a lot of girls imagine being you with that way."
"But I only want one of them." I kiss her head and feel her body relax against mine as she lets out a happy, content sigh.
She's happy, and so am I. And to think I almost didn't come over here tonight. I didn't think it would be right. She works for me and it's late and she was out with someone else earlier. Those were the excuses I kept telling myself so I wouldn't come over here. But I couldn't sleep, knowing I had these feelings for her and not telling her. It was a huge risk coming here, exposing my heart like this, but it's something I'll never regret. If she wakes up in the morning and decides she wants to go back to being friends, it'll hurt but I still won't regret it. I needed her to know how I felt, even if it didn't end the way I wanted.
"I didn't think I'd ever feel this way," I hear her say.
"What way?" I ask, smoothing her hair.
"This good. This..." She takes a breath. "At peace. I can't even believe it's possible after everything that's happened. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way again."
"You mean after the accident," I confirm.
"Yeah." She runs her hand over my chest in a slow up and down pattern. "I haven't been able to relax since it happened. It's always with me. It's like I can't stop it."
"You can. But you have to accept it before that can happen."
"I'll never accept it. I just have to learn to live with it."
"Skye, that's not—"
"I finally feel like I can breathe," she says, her head lifting again as she looks at me. "I don't know if it'll last but right now? Right this moment? I feel like I can actually breathe without it weighing me down. You know what a big deal that is?"
I know it's a big deal. It's a huge deal, but I'm concerned by her comment because I don't want her thinking this is the answer. Sex doesn't fix what she's going through. Neither does a relationship.
I'd love to be the answer. To be the one who takes away her pain, but it doesn't work that way. It has to come from her. She needs to face what's keeping her up at night, taking over her thoughts during the day, and find her own peace. That's the only way it will last.
I remember when it happened for me. I was at the cemetery, months after Seth was gone. Earlier that day is when Shana took me to the crash site, making me face what I wanted to pretend never happened. That night, I went to visit Seth's grave and let him have it. I yelled at him for riding that damn motorcycle, for being on the road that day, for not wearing a helmet. But most of all, I yelled at him for leaving me behind. For leaving me with a business I didn't want and a father who barely remembers me.
After I was done, I sat by his headstone and let the tears fall. Tears I'd hel
d back since his funeral. I was there for hours, and before I left I told him I loved him and missed him and that I forgive him. That was the day I found my peace.
"Travis?" Skye's voice startles me from my thoughts and I realize I haven't answered her.
"I do know," I say, stroking her hair. "I just wish it would last."
"Maybe it will," she says, resting her head on my shoulder.
I'm about to tell her it won't but then decide this isn't the time. If she's at peace, even if it's just for a brief moment, I don't want to take that away from her.
We fall asleep, and in the morning I wake up to the sound of someone in the hall.
"Skye." I tap her shoulder as she lays in my arms. "I think your roommate's here."
"She won't be here long," Skye says with a yawn. "She always forgets stuff and comes back to get it. Brad's probably waiting downstairs."
There's a knock on the door. "Skye?"
Skye sits up, grabbing the sheet to cover herself. "Hey, Heidi. What do you need?"
"I just wanted to ask if you want to go to brunch with us," she says through the door. "You could meet us there. We're going at ten."
"I can't today. I'll see you later."
The door swings open. "Do you mind if I borrow your—" She stops when she sees me in Skye's bed. "Oh. I didn't know you had company."
"Hey, Heidi." I give her a smile.
"Hey." Her eyes go to Skye and she smiles. "Sorry to interrupt. I'll just be going now." She slowly backs into the hall, shutting the door behind her.
"That was embarrassing," Skye says, sinking back on the bed. "She usually doesn't barge in like that. I should've locked the door last night."
"We were a little distracted," I say, grabbing her soft smooth naked body and pulling it flush against mine.
"Just a little," she says with a smile.
"I'd like to distract you again but I need to get into the shop. We open in an hour."
"You're leaving me? After teasing me like this?"
I chuckle at her annoyance with me. "I'm not teasing you. And I really need to go. I have to get back and clean up before my first appointment."
With Every Breath Page 18