His dad stares at him a moment. "Travis. You're home from college? Where's your brother?"
"Seth isn't here. And I'm done with college. I graduated. I work at the garage now."
Travis doesn't seem surprised by his dad's questions or the fact that he called him Seth. He must be used to it now.
It makes me sad seeing them interact like this. His dad doesn't even know his own son. And although I know it bothers Travis, he pretends like it doesn't. He's so caring and loving with his dad. He speaks in a calm, even tone, and when his dad gets confused, Travis gently corrects him in a way that's both kind and respectful. Travis doesn't tell him Seth is dead. I'm guessing that's intentional so he doesn't upset him.
"Dad, I want you to meet someone." Travis motions me to come beside him.
"Amy," his dad says, smiling at me.
I freeze, my eyes darting to Travis.
"Dad, no. This is Skye. Her name is Skye."
"Amy," he mutters, looking away.
Travis leans over to me. "Sorry about that. That's the name of one of his nurses. He's just confused."
I nod, still shook up from hearing her name.
"You okay?" Travis asks.
"Yeah." I smile at him, then hold my hand out to his dad. "Hello, Mr. Stranski. Nice to meet you."
His eyes lift to mine and he smiles. "Amy."
I fight the anxious feeling I get whenever I hear her name and take a calming breath. "Not Amy. It's Skye. My name is Skye. It's nice to meet you."
He notices my hand in front of him and gently shakes it. He seems really weak, and his body is thin and frail, barely filling up the chair he's in.
Travis pulls up a chair for me and one for himself, setting them across from his dad. We both sit down and Travis takes my hand.
"So, Dad, how was dinner?"
"Haven't had it yet." He looks around us, back at the door, then the window. "Where's your brother? Where's Seth?"
"Dad, he's not here. He's not coming." Travis sits up straighter and clears his throat. "So what'd you do today?"
"He needs to work on that Buick. There's a problem with the transmission. I'm sure of it. Tell your brother. Tell him it's the transmission."
"Yeah, okay. I'll tell him." Travis glances at me. "So anyway, Skye's studying art at the college. She hasn't shown me her work yet but I'm sure it's as amazing as her."
"It's not that great," I say. "I have a lot to learn."
"He's a smart kid," Mr. Stranski says to me, pointing at Travis.
"Yeah. He is."
"My other boy is too," he says. "But different. Seth knows cars, like me."
"So does Travis," I say. "He fixed my car. That's how we met."
Mr. Stranski looks down at his watch. "Seth better be working on that Buick. It needs to be done tonight."
"I'll take care of it, Dad," Travis says. "Don't worry about it."
A nurse walks in. An older woman with black hair streaked with gray, pulled up in a bun. "Mr. Stranski, it's time for your pill." She smiles at us. "Hi, Travis."
"Hey, Gina. This is my girlfriend, Skye."
She gives me a smile as she hands Mr. Stranski his pill. "You look familiar. Have we met before?"
"No, I don’t think so.”
She nods, then looks back at Mr. Stranski, who already gulped his pill down.
"Amy," he says.
"Amy's not here today," the nurse says in a cheery tone. "She had a baby last week. She's out on maternity leave."
"What'd she have?" Travis asks.
"A little girl," the nurse says. "Ruby Sue. Named after Amy's mom. Well, I need to get going. Good seeing you, Travis. Nice meeting you, Skye."
We tell her goodbye and when she's gone, Travis says to his dad, "You want me to read you the paper?"
His dad doesn't answer, his eyelids starting to close.
"Dad, you're falling asleep. Let's get you in bed."
Travis gets up and picks his dad up under his arms, lifting him out of the chair. His dad's legs are wobbly and weak so Travis picks him up and sets him gently down on the bed.
It's such a sad sight, seeing a son carry his father like that. I'm sure it's so much worse for Travis to see his dad this way. So weak and helpless and confused. It almost makes me cry.
Mr. Stranski's eyes fall shut as his head rests back on the pillow.
Travis stands by his dad's bed and holds his hand. "We'll see you later, Dad." He leans down and kisses his head. It's the sweetest, yet saddest, thing I've ever seen.
Travis comes over to me and takes my hand and we walk to the door. When we're out in the hall, he stops and takes a deep breath.
I give his hand a squeeze. "I love you.”
He smiles weakly. "I love you too."
He wipes his eyes and takes another breath. This is so hard for him. And it's hard for me to see him going through this. First he loses his brother and now he has to watch his dad slowly fade away, his memory failing, his body weak and frail.
"We don't have to go out," I tell him when we're in the truck. "We can just go home and watch a movie."
"We're going out," he says, his face lighting up. "It's our three week anniversary. Or five if you include the weeks we were just friends."
"I know, but after what happened in there..." My voice trails off.
"That's how it always is. Tonight wasn't any different, other than him confusing you with his nurse. I'm sorry about that. I totally forgot her name was Amy. He doesn't usually mention her but for some reason she was on his mind tonight. I could tell it upset you. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It just surprised me, that's all."
He starts up the engine. "So I thought we'd go for dinner, then go to a club and have some drinks."
"A club? We never go to clubs."
"I wanted to do something different. Would you rather do something else?"
"No, I think it sounds fun. Let's do it."
The last time I was at a club was with Amy so I'm worried tonight will bring up memories I'd rather forget. But as long as I'm with Travis, I'll be okay. Since meeting him, the memories haven't haunted me nearly as much as they used to, and when they do, I find comfort in Travis. Just being around him or hearing his voice calms me enough to get past the memory and move on. I never thought that would happen. I thought the memories would torture me forever, which is one of the reasons I went to the bridge that night. I wanted it to stop. I couldn't take the constant reminders of her in my head.
My phone rings, waking me from my thoughts. I check it. "It's my uncle. I can call him back later."
"Go ahead and answer it. It's at least twenty minutes until we get there."
I answer the call. "Hey, Uncle Ray."
"Hey, honey. What are you up to tonight?"
"Travis and I are going for dinner."
"That's great!" he says, and he really does mean it. He's thrilled that I'm dating again. And he likes Travis, so that's a plus. He never liked anyone Amy or I dated. He was protective of both of us and no guy was ever good enough. But he seems to approve of Travis.
"What are you and Aunt Nora doing tonight?"
"We're going to a movie downtown, then maybe stop and get coffee somewhere. Skye, I don't want to keep you. I just wanted to ask if you'd be willing to come home next weekend."
"Come home? Why?"
"We're having a small party for your aunt. As you know, her birthday's on Thursday but we're going to celebrate on Saturday by having a few people over. I'd really like you to be there and I know it'd mean a lot to Nora."
I can't help but laugh. "Um, yeah, I think she'd like it better if I wasn't there. But I got her a card. I'll mail it on Monday."
"Skye, please. Just consider it. I know you and your aunt have your issues but it really would mean a lot to her if you showed up. I know you don't believe me, but she misses you. She really does. I don't usually ask for favors but this time I am. Just think about it and let me know."
"Okay, I will."
"Have fun
tonight. We'll talk soon."
"Yeah, bye."
"What's going on?" Travis asks, sensing my mood change. I love my uncle but I'm angry at him for trying to force me to go to a party for my aunt, who doesn't even like me.
"My uncle wants me to go home next weekend. He's having a birthday party for my aunt and for some reason, he thinks she wants me there."
"Maybe she does."
"She doesn't. She hates me. She doesn't even come here to see me."
"She was here when your car was being fixed."
"Okay, yeah, but normally she doesn't show up. It's just my uncle. She always has an excuse for why she can't come, which is fine with me. It's better when it's just my uncle. At least we get along."
"I say just go to the party. There'll be other people there. You probably won't even talk to her much."
"Exactly, so why even go?"
"Because your uncle wants you to. And I know you like your uncle, so why not just do it? You can go to the party and come back the same day. I'll go with you if you want."
"You can't. The garage is open on Saturday."
"Then I'll close it. Or I'll have Danny take over the garage and see if Laney will come in to manage for the day. She'd jump at the chance to get a break from the kids."
"You'd really do that? You'd really go with me?"
"Of course. I love you. And I'm your boyfriend. You're supposed to bring me to family functions."
I smile. "You're right. I'd be a bad girlfriend if I didn't. So I guess we're going. I'll text my uncle and let him know." I get my phone out. "Last chance? You sure you want to do this?"
"Text him. Tell him we'll be there."
I do, and he's so happy he texts back with about a million smiley face emojis. I don't know why he's so insistent on me being there but I'll show up and make him happy. And it won't be so bad because Travis will be there. Surviving this party will be much easier with him by my side.
We have dinner, then go to a club near my college but it's early and hardly anyone is there. People don't usually show up until ten or later and it's only nine. We have a drink, then go back to my apartment and decide to stay there for the night since Heidi is staying with Brad.
Travis has been quieter than normal tonight and I think it's because his mind is still on his dad. He said his dad was the same as always but something about that visit bothered him. I hope it wasn't because I was there. I don't know why that would matter but maybe he didn't like me being there. Maybe he didn't like me seeing his dad that way.
"You okay?" I ask as we lie in bed. It's after eleven but neither one of us seems tired. We've both been tossing and turning for several minutes now. We haven't made love tonight and I doubt that we will. Travis isn't showing any interest in me that way. Since that visit with his dad, he's been distant. He didn't even hear half of what I said during dinner. He kept asking me to repeat myself and when I did, I don't think he heard me.
"I'm fine," he mutters, lying on his back.
I turn on my side, facing him, propped up on my elbow. "You're not fine. You haven't been fine since we left the nursing home."
"It's always hard when I go there, but I'm better now. I'm just tired."
"Travis, talk to me. I know something's bothering you and I want to help." I rest my hand on his chest and lean down and kiss his cheek. "I love you."
Through the dim light coming through the curtains, I see him smile. "I love you too."
"So tell me what's bothering you."
He sighs as he stares up at the ceiling. "I don't know what's going to happen, Skye. With the garage. My dad. I just don't know."
"You don't have to know. Just take it a day at a time."
"That's what I used to tell myself but now it's different. Now I feel like I need a plan. Like I need to figure out what to do."
"Why? Why now?"
His eyes go to mine. "Because of you."
19
Travis
"Me?" Skye asks with surprise. "What does this have to do with me?"
I didn't want to tell her this. Not yet. It's too soon. But it's been bothering me since we left Dad's place and she can tell something's wrong and will keep asking until I say what's on my mind. It's one of the things I love about her. How perceptive she is, noticing when I'm even the slightest bit off. She has so much empathy for people, especially me. She feels my pain as if it were her own, which is why I can't keep this from her.
My eyes go to hers as I pick her hand up from my chest and hold it. "I want a future with you, Skye. I know that sounds crazy given how long we've known each other but I can't imagine being with anyone else. You understand me like nobody else ever has, and I can talk to you for hours without running out of things to say. You're the first person I want to see when I get up and the last person I want to see when I go to sleep. I know we still have a ways to go as far as learning more about each other and being a couple, but I want this to work, Skye. I don't want to lose you."
"You're not going to lose me. Why would you even say that?"
My eyes go to the ceiling and the shadows cast on it from the streetlights. "I don't know what's going to happen. With my dad. The garage. I've thought about selling it and going back to my old life but I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. That garage was my dad's life. His dream. And my mom...she supported him. She was so proud of him." I pause. "But it's not what she wanted. Not even close. She was born and raised in this town but she didn't want to stay here. Her dream was to move somewhere else. Someplace completely different than here. A place with mountains or a view of the ocean. But instead she ended up stuck here. Because of Dad."
"She loved your dad and had a family here. I'm sure she didn't feel stuck."
"She did. She just wouldn't admit it. Because she didn't want him to feel bad about the choices he'd made. For both of them. The least he could've done was take her on some trips. Take her to the places she wanted to see. But he never did because that stupid garage took up all his time. He didn't feel like he could leave it or close it for a week so he could take her on vacation."
"Travis, why are you telling me this?" she softly asks.
"Because I'm afraid I might do the same thing. That I'll make the woman I love live this life she doesn't want, which is the absolute last thing I want to do. I want you to be happy, Skye. I want you to live the life you've always imagined. I never want to hold you back or make you have to give up your dreams to be with me."
"Travis, you don't know what's going to happen in the future and neither do I. I haven't even thought about it. Just a few months ago I wasn't even planning to have a—" She stops and clears her throat.
"A what?" I ask, turning to face her.
"Nothing." She looks down at the bed, then back at me. "What I'm saying is that I haven't planned my future. As of now, I don't know what I'll be doing or where I'll live or any of that. The only thing I'm hoping for is that you'll be there with me. I want this to last, Travis, just like you do. I don't care where we live or what we do for a living. I just want to be with you."
"But I don't want you giving up things to make that happen. I don't want you having regrets years from now because you stayed with me."
"Travis, I don't think your mom regretted being with your dad. You've showed me pictures of them and your mom looked really happy. It wasn't a fake smile on her face. It was real. She loved your dad and her boys, and yeah maybe it wasn't the life she'd planned on having when she was younger but plans change. I think maybe you're making assumptions about her that are based more on your own feelings than on what your mom felt."
"What do you mean?"
She hesitates. "Don't get mad at me for saying this. It's just an observation and maybe it's not even true."
"What? What is it?"
"You don't want to be here. In this town. Working at the garage. It's not the life you wanted. In fact, running that garage is probably the last thing you ever wanted to do. And I know you don't like living in
this town. You want more for your life. You always have. Am I right?"
"Yeah," I mutter.
"So you're projecting those feelings onto your mom, saying she's the one who didn't get to live her dreams when it's really you."
"But I know that wasn't the life she wanted. She used to always talk about all the places she wanted to go. The cities she wanted to visit. How she wanted to see the ocean."
"But if she had to choose between that and giving up the life she had here, with her husband and two boys, I know she'd choose her family. I never met her but from what you've told me, I know she'd choose her family."
"She shouldn't have had to choose. She should've been able to have both."
"Travis, what is this really about? You're lying to yourself if you think this is about me because I've never told you what I want. We haven't even talked about the future. So what is this really about? Why were you so upset after seeing your dad?"
The girl reads me like a book. She can tell when I'm not being truthful with myself and calls me on it. She's known me for just over a month and already knows me better than I know myself. I really thought what I was saying was true. But now I'm thinking it's more than that. That my fears about the future aren't just about Skye or regrets my mom had. My fears are about my own life. My future.
"I don't want it," I say, my mind filled with memories of my past. Days spent at the garage with my dad, bored and wishing I was somewhere else. Handing my dad tools and trying to act interested in what he was doing when I really wanted to be outside playing or riding my bike or hanging out with friends.
"The garage," Skye says. "Is that what you mean?"
"Not just the garage, but the life. I don't want my dad's life. That was Seth's dream. He wanted to be just like my dad. He wanted to run the garage. Get married. Have some kids. Live in this small town. That's all he ever wanted."
"Travis, we've talked about this. You don't have to stay here. You can sell the place. Get an engineering job. Move wherever you want. This doesn't have to be your life."
"I know, but it's not that easy. Seeing my dad tonight, hearing him talk like he still works there...it got to me. It punched me in the gut. Made me sick with guilt, so sick I could barely eat dinner."
With Every Breath Page 20