I stare at her. "But I'm not your daughter."
"Technically, no." She softly smiles. "But that's what you've become to me. I practically raised you, so to me you're more a daughter than a niece."
I'm completely shocked. She just called me her daughter. She prayed for God not to take me. And she made me get jobs because she was worried about me. Because she was desperate to help me.
She actually likes me. This whole time I thought she hated me but maybe it was my guilt making me feel that way. I thought she should hate me so I made it a reality that she really did.
But what about before the accident? She's never been very nice to me. I've always felt like she was annoyed with me and didn't want me around. Was I just making that up in my head?
"I don't get it," I say.
"Get what?" she asks.
"I always thought you didn't like me. I thought you just put up with me because you had to."
Her head drops. "I admit I haven't always been kind to you. Sometimes I'd be mad at you for no real reason and I didn't understand why. You were no different than Amy. Sure you had different tastes in clothes but for the most part, you two were very much alike. In fact, that's one of the reasons I avoided you last year. Sometimes it was just too hard to be around you. But as for when you were younger, I realize now that I was taking my anger with your mother out on you, which wasn't fair to you."
"Anger with my mom? I don't understand."
"Your mother and I used to be very close, just like you and Amy. But then we got older and grew apart. I went to college and she took off traveling the country, deciding she didn't want a traditional life. We always said we'd get married and raise our kids together but then she went and changed the plan. I was angry at her for that, and even angrier when she'd disappear for months at a time and not even call and let me know she was okay. When she had you, I thought maybe she'd finally settle down. I offered to let you both live with us until she could get a decent job but she refused. Then one day, she showed up and said she'd like to take me up on my offer. By then you were ten."
"And she left and never came back," I say, wanting to hurry up the story, because I hate that story.
"Yes. She left. And I was angry at her. I'm still angry, all these years later, because I wanted a sister. I had one, and loved her, but then she left. And it was like I lost her. Like she was dead." She sighs. "It's not your fault she left so I never should've taken it out on you but I did, and I'm sorry. I know I still sometimes put my anger at her on you but I'm trying to catch myself when I do it. The older you get, the more you look like her so I really have to watch myself and remember you're not her. Maybe you can help me with that."
I nod. "I can try."
"I really am sorry for being the way I've been to you. If you'd let me, I'd like to try again. Would you be willing to let me?"
"Of course."
She hugs me and I hug her back, my mind still trying to process what she said.
It all makes sense now. Why she treated me the way she did all those years. The way she acted after the accident. All this time I've felt like I had no one. My mom left me, I have no idea who my dad is, and my aunt didn't want me. But that last part wasn't true. My aunt DID want me, but I was a reminder of the sister she lost and the dream she had of them always being together.
My aunt doesn't hate me. She never did. I get that now.
I just wish we'd talked sooner.
22
Travis
I haven’t seen or talked to Skye in almost a week and I can't take it anymore. This silent treatment needs to end. I'm still pissed at her for trying to end her life but that isn't a reason to end things between us. She was obviously at a dark and desperate place when she was on the bridge that night and I need to try to understand that, not judge her for it. I've given this a lot of thought the past week and I think what makes me so angry about what she almost did is the fact that I had those same thoughts but refused to let it happen.
When Seth died, I was in a very dark place. So dark that leaving this world seemed like a damn good option. But I wouldn't put my father through that. He'd already lost one son. He wouldn't survive losing another. Killing myself was an option but it wasn't the answer, at least not the right one. So it makes me angry knowing Skye didn't come to the same conclusion. But I realize now that I can't compare her situation to mine. I can't expect her to react the way I did. She felt she had no options, which I accept but still don't understand and probably never will. To me, there are always options.
The bottom line is that I can't judge Skye for what she did that night, or punish her for it by not talking to her. We need to work this out. I still love her and want to be with her, and I need her to know that.
Grabbing my keys and phone, I head downstairs. It's Sunday afternoon so the shop is closed. I should be catching up on work but I can't when my mind keeps going to Skye. I'm going to go over to her apartment and see if she'll talk to me. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't. I've handled this all wrong and feel like shit for that but I'm going to make it up to her, if she'll let me.
Just as I'm about to leave, I hear someone honking outside the garage.
"Not now," I say to myself. "Can't they see we're closed?"
I go outside to tell them that, but stop when I see Skye coming toward me. She's wearing jeans and her leather jacket, her long dark hair swirling in the cool autumn breeze. Goddamn, I've missed her.
"Excuse me," she says, walking fast, her keys in her hand. "I know you're closed but my car's been making a strange noise. Any way you could look at it?"
I gaze at her deep brown eyes, those beautiful lips, that heart-shaped face, and I can't help myself. She can yell at me later.
Without saying a word, I take her in my arms and kiss her. The feel of her lips against mine, my hands wrapped around her soft luscious curves...it's pure heaven.
Nothing else matters. Our anger toward each other. Our differing opinions. None of it matters. It all fades away when I hold her like this. Kiss her. And feel her body pressed against mine.
She's not fighting me. Not even trying. She's just letting me have her. Because she's mine. And I'm hers. For as long as she'll have me.
"I love you," I say against her lips, then I hug her into my chest. "I love you so damn much."
I feel her pulling away and start to panic. Maybe she doesn't want this after all. Maybe letting me kiss her was her way of saying goodbye. Letting me down easy. Shit, I hope not.
"We need to talk," she says, looking up at me.
And there it is. The words everyone says before breaking up with someone.
"Skye, before you do this, I need to say something. I need to explain. I was actually on my way to your apartment to do just that but then you showed up." I glance at her car. "Is it really making a noise? Because if so I can—"
"No," she says, shaking her head. "I just needed an excuse to come over here. Can we go inside?"
"Sure." I move over and watch as she goes through the door. I follow her in and we go upstairs to my apartment. She sits on the couch but I remain standing. I do better getting my words out when I'm standing or walking around.
"Can I start?" I ask, feeling nervous and a little queasy. I can't screw this up. If she came here to break up with me, I need to find a way to change her mind. I can't lose her. Just a week without her and I could barely function. I can't go this long without talking to her. Without seeing her. So I can't lose her. I have to convince her to stay.
"Go ahead," she says. "You want to sit down?"
"I need to stand for now."
"Okay. Go ahead."
I take a breath. "I was wrong. What happened last Sunday? How I reacted? What I said? I was wrong. I judged you when I shouldn't have and I let my own opinions get in the way of understanding what you were going through. I still don't understand how you felt that night. How you felt that was the only option. But I don't need to. You told me how you felt and I should've just accepted that and b
een grateful you opened up to me like that, instead of criticizing you and telling you it was wrong. That's not what you needed to hear, especially from the guy who's supposed to be your best friend, your boyfriend, the person you're supposed to be able to count on and trust."
She stands up and walks over to me. "I do trust you. And I know I can count on you. I can't blame you for how you reacted that night. What I told you was...hard to hear. And if you were the one telling me that, I might've reacted the same way if I hadn't experienced it myself. I know you were angry at me that night. And I understand why. But I don't understand why you haven't talked to me since. I was going to call you but I wasn't sure if I should. I wasn't sure if you were still angry."
"I wasn't angry." I pick up her hand and hold it. "I just didn't know what to say to you. When you told me about the night we met, I panicked. All I could think was, what if she tried again? And all last week, even when I was no longer angry, I couldn't stop thinking that. What if she tried again?" I inhale a breath and let it out. "I can't lose you, Skye. Just the thought of that scares the hell out of me. I fell for you the moment we met and every day since then, I've fallen even harder. Losing Seth was a loss like I've never felt. It hurt so damn bad, and soon I'll be losing my dad. The thought of losing you too was too much. That's why I stayed away from you. I had this intense need to protect myself. I didn't want to be with you if I was going to end up losing you." My head drops. "It was stupid. I get that now. But when you've lost someone you love and are about to lose another, you don't always think straight."
"It's not stupid." Her hand tightens around mine. "Travis, look at me." I do, and she continues. "What you said makes total sense. I didn't even think of it that way. Can we go sit down now?"
We go to the couch. I feel calmer now that I’ve told her all that, but I'm still not sure how this is going to end.
"I went to my aunt's party," she says.
"I'm sorry I didn't go." I take her hand again. When I'm with her, I can't help but touch her, and I've missed holding her hand. "How was it? Were you okay?"
"Yeah. And actually, I'm glad you didn't go. If you had, I wouldn't have talked to my aunt."
"You talked to her? Just her, or her and your uncle?"
"I talked to both of them but mainly her. I went shopping with her after the party and when we got home we had a long talk and I think we finally straightened things out."
"What things?"
"Just stuff about how she's treated me since I was a kid. And stuff about last year. Pretty much everything I thought about her was wrong. She doesn't hate me. She loves me. She just sees so much of my mom in me that it makes her sad. She really misses my mom, and she's angry that she took off like that. Some of that anger she takes out on me. She doesn't mean to but sometimes it happens without her realizing it. She asked me to tell her when she does it so she can stop. She really wants to work on this and make things better between us."
"Skye, that's great. You know, that day I met your aunt, she took me aside and said to take care of you. That you were the most special person in the world to her. She said it like we were already dating. It's like she knew we'd end up together."
"Why didn't you ever tell me that?"
"She asked me not to. Maybe she thought you'd be mad at her for telling me that."
"Maybe." She chews on her lip, a faraway look in her eyes.
"It's good you went home. Sounds like things will get a lot better now, with you and your aunt."
"Yeah." She looks down at our joined hands.
"Skye, I need to know what you're thinking here. What's going on with us? I think I made it pretty clear I don't want this to end. I fucked up last week and I'm sorry for that. I'll apologize a million times if I have to. Just please tell me this isn't over."
Her eyes lift to mine but she doesn't say anything.
"I'll throw in free oil changes for life," I say, trying to make a joke even though my heart's pounding through my chest as I wait for her answer.
Her lips slowly turn up. "I could definitely use the free oil changes."
I smile. "Is that a yes? We're still dating?"
"It's a yes." She smacks my arm. "How could you even question it? I love you."
"Then why didn't you tell me that sooner? I've been sweating bullets here."
She laughs. "You deserve to sweat after not talking to me for a week."
I pull her into my arms and kiss her. "I'm sorry. A million times over. And I promise to never do it again. I can't. Going a week without talking to you was killing me. I barely slept. Couldn't eat. And apparently I wasn't too pleasant to be around. By Friday, Laney was so fed up with me she threatened to quit if I didn't fix things with you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I told her I was going to go talk to you today. She said if I mess it up to expect her resignation on Monday."
Skye laughs. "You must've been really bad last week."'
"That's what I'm trying to tell you. This week just proved it. I'm no good without you. And the shop isn't either so I expect you to be at work tomorrow."
"What? You said I was paid up."
"I lied. You still have $1579.27 left on your bill."
"You just made that up."
"Nope. That's what you owe. To the penny. Laney calculated it for me."
"Okay, fine," she says, feigning annoyance. "I'll show up tomorrow." She grins. "Do I still get to sleep with the boss?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way." I kiss her and lie her down on the couch, continuing to kiss her as I undress her.
We make love on the couch, then do it again on the bed. She stays the night, and in the morning, we do it once more before she heads to class.
Skye and I still need to talk about stuff, like her guilt over Amy's death. I didn't want to bring it up last night but it's something I need to work on with her. She can't keep holding on to that guilt. If she does, she'll never move on. She'll always have that darkness hanging over her, preventing her from being happy.
She wasn't the reason for the accident. She doesn't believe that but I need to help her realize that. I just haven't figured out how.
23
Travis
"Some guy's here to see you," Skye says, putting on her coat as she walks up to the car I'm working on.
"What guy?" I ask, setting the wrench down.
"I don't know. He says he knows you."
"Where is he?"
"In the waiting area. I locked up and everything's put away." She gives me a kiss. "I have to go. I'm late for my study group. I'll come back when I'm done."
"Why don't I stay over there tonight? We can grab something to eat by your apartment and then maybe get a movie."
She shrugs. "Okay. See you in an hour?"
"Maybe an hour and a half. I gotta finish this up. I'll text you and let you know."
"Okay. Bye! Love you!"
"Love you too!" I say as she leaves.
Danny walks in from the break room. "You guys are so annoying."
"We're in love. That's not annoying."
"It is to people who are single," he mutters as he puts his coat on.
The girl Skye set Danny up with ended up getting back together with her ex. She had three dates with Danny and it seemed to be going well until her ex-boyfriend showed up and said he wanted her back.
"You'll find someone," I tell him. "Hey, before you go, could you go out front? Skye said there's some guy out there who wants to talk to me. Could you send him back here?"
"Sure, boss." He goes out the door to the waiting area, then comes right back. "He had to use the restroom. Said he'll be here in a minute."
"Thanks! Have a good night!"
"You too." Danny leaves and I get back to work on the car.
"Travis?" I hear a voice say.
I look up from the car and do a double take when I see who it is. "Marcus." I set down the wrench and walk over to him. "Good to see you, man." I smile. "Been a while."
Last time I saw Marc
us was the day Seth died. He stopped by the garage to talk to Seth about their plans for that night. Plans that never happened. The next day the army shipped Marcus overseas and I haven't seen him since. He's bigger than I remembered. Wider and more muscular. He's wearing his uniform and seems a lot more mature than he when he lived with Seth. He was always joking around with a goofy grin on his face. He's not grinning today, his face serious, jaw tight. His shoulders are stiff and straight, like a soldier standing at attention.
"Good seeing you too."
I almost laugh at his stiff posture. "At ease, soldier. You're home now."
He smiles a little. "Sorry."
He shakes my hand but I lean in and give him a shoulder hug. "What are you doing here?"
"On leave. Only here a few days. Shipping out tomorrow."
"So how's it going? You liking army life?"
"It's okay." His eyes bounce around the garage. He seems anxious and way too serious. The army's really changed him. He's not the dorky kid I'm used to. "So you took over the garage, huh?"
"For now, yeah."
"You're not keeping it?"
"Not sure yet."
He nods. "How's your dad?"
"Not doing so well. His memory's getting worse. I see him two or there times a week. Half the time he thinks I'm Seth."
His eyes dart back to mine. "He doesn't remember?"
"What happened to Seth? Sometimes, but usually not. Telling him would just upset him so I just go along with whatever he says. Hey, you want to go sit down? We could go up to the apartment. Have a drink."
He shakes his head. "I can't stay."
"So you just stopped by to say hi or what?"
"I um, I wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"I wanted to know if you'd do me a favor. Actually, it's more for Seth than for me. I should've done it sooner but—"
With Every Breath Page 24