by BJ Harvey
“Ash…” I say deeply, making it clear I’m not letting her shy away from me.
“I came prepared,” she whispered.
“Are you a girl scout?” My lips twitch.
Her eyes narrow but she can’t back it up because a slow-growing smile soon appears. “Hopeful?”
I shake my head. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I have an idea…” she replies.
I growl and dip my head, giving her a kiss that’s hard and fast and full of meaning before lifting one hand and reaching over to the top drawer, finding a box of condoms and a bottle of lubricant. When I don’t say anything, she continues, “I, uh, heard from a friend that lubricant can make it easier sometimes.”
She’s right, but that’s not why I’m quiet.
I’m silent because the enormity of this moment has just hit me like a freight train. This gorgeous woman is trusting me with her first sexual experience. No one has ever given me anything that precious in my entire life.
I grab a foil wrapper and the lube and drop them onto the bed beside her. I lower my body down to hers and run my tongue along the seam of her lips, slowly delving inside, exploring her mouth as I rest more of my weight against her. She parts her legs, making room for my hips to slide between them.
We lie like that for a while, just kissing and touching until she’s almost trembling, her eyes blazing as they stay locked with mine.
“Are you ready for me, sweetheart?” I ask, my voice rough, giving away just how far gone I am.
She nods, watching as I reach for the condom. I kiss her one more time before standing at the end of the bed. Ripping the packet open with my teeth, I hold my cock, then carefully roll the rubber down my shaft until it’s firmly settled at the base. Ash watches on with avid fascination. After snapping open the lid of the lubricant, I pour some into my palm and stroke myself up and down, making sure my cock is slick. I spread the rest between her legs, her eyes dropping to half-mast with every swipe over her clit.
Bending down, I kiss the ball of her foot, earning a giggle as she tries to wriggle away. My lips move against her skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake as I slowly make my way up her body. Nipping, licking, and sucking my way up, only stopping when I’m back where I belong, braced above her, my hips resting against hers, poised at her entrance.
The only thing I see shining back at me in her big blue eyes is absolute trust—no sign of the nerves from before. My body is almost vibrating with need, but I know this is the moment where everything becomes real. This is when she gives me the biggest gift of all.
I lower myself onto my elbows, I dip my chin to kiss her softly. “I’ve never done this before, so I’m going to go slow.”
She tilts her head to the side, lifting up to bring her mouth to my ear. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” she whispers. “I’ve never done this before either.”
I pull back and smile down at her, running my hand through her hair, brushing over her jaw as I move my hand lower, locking one of her thighs over my arm.
Her eyes widen, her breath hitching.
“Breathe, Ash. I’d never want to hurt you. This is the only time I’ll ever do it willingly,” I murmur against her lips.
As soon as her arms wrap around my shoulders, I push in with a firm, smooth thrust. She whimpers, a little cry escaping her mouth and making me still when I’m fully inside of her. Her muscles grab ahold of me, clenching as tight as a vise, my climax threatening to rush at me at warp speed.
“Ash, breathe, baby. I’ll stay here for as long as you need me to.” I rub my cheek against hers, feeling the tension leach out of her as the seconds pass.
She drags her hand around to my face, turning my head so she can look straight at me. “You’re the only man I ever wanted to share this moment with. But right now,” she says with a kiss so passionate and sweet that I swear she’s trying to kill me, “Right now I really need you to start moving.” She gives a little tentative roll of her hips, her expression only just giving away a slight wince. I stay stock-still as she tries it again, gritting my teeth at just how fucking amazing she feels when she’s doing it.
When she bucks up against me hard and firm, I pull back as she drops down, her fingers returning to my back, her nails gripping tight, the burn breaking through my control as I drive back into her in slow, steady, long strokes. Her thrusts against me in near-perfect harmony. Our kiss turns messy and rough, reckless and oh-so-fucking right as our tongues duel. Her hands explore, my muscles burn, and her body clamps down on me so fucking tight I swear I’m at risk of a serious injury, one I’ll welcome willingly while feeling this damn good.
Her arms draw me in, crushing my chest to hers as her breathing goes ragged. Her heartbeat thrums like a thousand horses against my skin. Her whimpers turn into cries and moans. My hips stutter as all conscious thought escapes my brain, and together, we race toward the edge. Her soft mewl is music to my ears as I grind into her once, twice, three more times before burying my face in her neck and growling her name as I fall headfirst into the abyss.
We lie like that for ages afterward. I shift my weight to the side, and we pull each other close, my brain completely shutting down. All thoughts of guilt and how wrong this might be are nowhere to be found. My sole focus is the woman in my arms.
Whatever it takes, whatever trials and challenges I have to face along the way, I want this to last. I want to be able to take this out from the shadows and into the light. I need Ash in my life for the hope she represents, the hope she gives me.
She won’t be my dirty little secret. I won’t let her be that for me. I need to sort my head out, sort my life out, work out how we can ever make this happen between us without breaking apart her family that’s become as close to me as my own mother was.
Then she speaks and ruins me in the best possible way.
“I love you.”
I run my hand up her back, resting on her hair and tucking her in tight under my chin. My eyes are glued to the bright lights of the city below, and I say my own three words back to her, the only three I’m willing to say until I can irrevocably make her mine. “Forever and always.”
Drew, 23, Ashley, 20
Having finished work for the week, I walk through my front door and drop my keys on the hallway table, bending down to place my briefcase on the floor beside it. After standing up straight, I make my way down the hall to the kitchen as my fingers work to loosen the tie that started to feel like the noose of a long week a few hours ago. What got me through was knowing that Ash is flying in from Boston for the weekend for a last reprieve before finals start kicking her ass.
The past two years had seen us fall into a comfortable non-relationship where we’ve remained as close as ever, but we aren’t together. She’s busy with school, and I’ve been focused on forging my own career post-college, studying for my MBA part-time and working for Roger, the same boss who took a chance on me for my summer internship my sophomore year. It seems my loyalty has paid off because he’s taken me under his wing and I appreciate it more than he could ever know.
Ashley and I don’t talk about who we’re dating or even if we’re dating, something which I am extremely grateful for. I’m not sure how I’d react if she met someone and got serious with him. I may have no claim to her, and I’ve never once tried to stop her from enjoying everything college life has to offer, but just thinking about her moving on with someone who’s not me has my gut twisting. When we’re together, it’s like we’re in the Bermuda Triangle: nothing comes in, and nothing goes out, it’s just us.
Millen and I are still as close as ever. He’s working his way up the Ross family chain, and we try to catch up as much as possible, whether it be for holidays, vacations to exotic—and sometimes strange—places, or other family events.
My relationship with my dad is still a work-in-progress. I even went to his house to spend part of Thanksgiving with his family—I guess my family—last year. It hasn’t been easy, especially with the clo
ud of how I came about hanging over all of us, but nothing has happened to make me think we can’t keep working on things.
Ashley and I have had years of stolen moments and small grabs of time when we can actually just be us, but as much as she’s the person I love most in the world, we’re not in that place where we’re ready to face the consequences of being together. If we ever will be. But knowing she’s coming to California this weekend has had me counting down the days.
Despite long periods of not seeing each other, we’ve kept in contact. We send messages every day, sometimes call, and sometimes email. Knowing she’s there for me—and that I’m there for her—means everything to me.
When I reach the kitchen, I catch a red light flashing on my answering machine. Not thinking anything of it, I press the button, expecting to hear a telemarketing call. The sound of Ash’s croaky voice stops me in my tracks.
“Hey. I’m not going to make it this weekend. I’ve been feeling off the last few days and woke up this morning with the flu from hell. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can make it. I’m just going to sleep it off and hope I’m feeling better tomorrow to study. I’ll be back in a few weeks, and we can catch up then. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you. Stay out of trouble… shit… I mean… yeah, bye.”
Love you.
Two words she’s said to me time and time again since that night in Vegas, but every time I hear them my heart jumps. It’s like anything heavy in my life gets lifted off my shoulders for just a moment. There’s no gnawing guilt. No problem too big. Nothing but memories of Ash and how she always makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. I’ve never said them back to her, that’s something I’ll do the moment I know she’s mine forever, but I hope she knows I feel the same way because every single time she says I love you, I say my own three words back to her. They’re not the same, but the soft look she gets in her eyes when I say them tells me that means the world to her.
But she’s sick, and disappointment that we won’t get to connect hits me low in my gut.
A quick glance at the wall clock says it’s just after four—more than enough time to book a red-eye to Boston if I hurry.
Cue twelve hours later and I’m grabbing my bags out of the back of a taxi along with supplies I picked up on the way. I knock on her door at nine a.m. Saturday morning.
A minute later she’s standing in front of me, her cheeks flushed, her nose red, her eyes half-closed, and her mouth dropped open.
“Drew?”
Shit, she sounds sicker than she did last night. “Get inside, Ash. You’ve gotten worse,” I say, passing by her and shutting the door behind me before grabbing her hand and leading her into the living room where she has set herself up with pillows, blankets, tissues, a water bottle, and a bottle of cough medicine.
Once she’s in front of the couch, I gently nudge her down and get her settled again before pressing my hand against her forehead. “You’re burning up.”
“What are… you doing here?” she croaks, her voice low and rough.
I run my hand down her face, relishing being in her presence despite the unfortunate sickness. “I’m here to look after you.”
Her eyes widen before she barks out a painful-sounding cough. Definitely worse. “You didn’t have to come.”
My gaze softens. “You’re my girl. Of course I’d come. I wanted to see you.”
“Not like this,” she rasps.
“I wanted to see you regardless, and now I’m here to help you get better and ace those finals of yours.”
“But Millen—” Her eyes widen.
I give her a gentle squeeze. “I told Millen I’m on the East Coast for work. It’s not entirely a lie. I did bring work with me, and Roger knows I’m going to be here for at least a week and I’ll be working while I’m away, so everything is fine. I was due here in a month anyway, so I just brought everything forward.”
Her eyes fill with tears, gratitude, and relief shining back at me. With a weak hand behind my neck, she pulls me down into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I dip my chin and press a kiss to her hot forehead
Fuck it’s good to hear her say that. It makes me feel like I’m the king of the world.
Bracing my arms on either side of her head, I look down at her. “Seeing you like this, I’m glad I’m here too.”
She gifts me with a weak smile before covering her mouth for another coughing fit.
“Now you’re going to lie here and behave while I go put my stuff away and start making my mom’s world-famous chicken soup.”
“You’re going to cook?”
“Hey, no complaints from the patient, thank you. You know I like to cook.”
“I do,” she replies, her soft eyes spearing through me. Damn, this girl gets to me every time. “But I’m sick already. I really don’t want to feel worse.”
I narrow my eyes as she struggles to keep a straight face before a wry grin curves her lips. “Normally I’d kiss the smartass out of you, but until you’re better, I’ll just keep count.”
“Oh, really?” she wheezes, coughing again. She needs good food, fluids, Tylenol, and rest, and I’m definitely glad I’m here to make sure she gets all of that.
“Yes. So lay back and relax, and let me take care of you.” I stand and grab the bag of food from where I dropped it on the floor. Just as I move away, she reaches out and wraps her fingers around my wrist, getting my attention.
“Love you, Drew,” she says softly, her eyes closed as she burrows her head into the pillow.
“Always, Ash. Forever and always.”
Three days, six movies, and a few TV series later, I roll over in Ash’s bed to find her leaning into her hand, watching me.
Quirking my brow, I study her, noting her no longer flushed cheeks, her eyes clear and bright and her fresh face. Everything indicates that she is feeling a hell of a lot better than she was yesterday and the day before that.
I reach over and place the back of my hand against her forehead. “No more fever.”
“Nope. Definitely on the mend.” She shifts toward me, pressing her naked body into my side. “I think there’s just one thing I need.”
Absolutely feeling better.
Flipping her on her back, I brace my arms on either side of her, leaning down until our lips are barely touching. “Doctor’s orders are you take it easy.”
She scrunches her nose in the same cute way she always has whenever there’s something she has to do but doesn’t really want to. “I should start studying. Finals are only a week away. But you’re here, and it feels like we haven’t seen each other in ages.”
“I’ve been here three days.”
“And I’ve been a drugged-up zombie for most of that. Today we should have some fun.”
“What did you have in mind?” I ask with a grin, having a fair few ideas of my own but most of them including us not moving from the bed.
“We could go out for lunch since I’m finally fit for public consumption?”
I look her over, my smile widening. “You definitely look fit for my consumption.”
She hooks her ankles behind my calves and runs her legs up until her thighs are curled around my hips, bringing her flush against my now-raging morning wood. My entire body is vibrating with how much I want this woman, and the slight tilt of her head and her teeth sinking into her lip tell me she knows just what she’s doing to me.
I take her mouth on a growl, dropping my body against hers. Her heat searing as my cock glides between her legs, finding her wet and ready for me.
“Fuck, Ash,” I groan, burying my face in her throat. I kiss my way along her chest, taking my time as I run my tongue down and around her nipples before continuing my descent. I press my lips just below her navel, pausing as I do it and watching her face. She breathes fast now, one hand fisting the sheet, the other gliding through my hair and holding me there.
“You just gonna stay there?” she asks, all breathy and hot as fuck. I break our gaze and lift my head, looki
ng down to where we both desperately want me to be before ever so slowly meeting her eyes again.
“I’m wondering…” I say, pressing another barely- there kiss against her warm skin, “… if you’re up for it…”
I shift down her body, dragging my lips lower and grazing her clit with the tip of my tongue. Bucking her hips, she flexes her fingers and pushes me down just how we both like it, putting me to work so I get her where she wants to go. And, with a smile on my face and two hands framing her hips, I set out to give my girl exactly what she wants.
Two orgasms later, she returns the favor, crushing her mouth to mine as I growl my release inside of her.
A few hours, a long, thorough shower together, and one coffee later, we’re walking hand in hand into Boston Common, a picnic basket in my arms. I swear, this could be a fucking Hallmark moment. I turn my head, my eyes widening when I see Benny—Millen’s friend Benny—with his phone to his ear, walking toward us. His step falters when he spots us, his gaze going from me to Ash, then down to our laced fingers.
I jerk my hand away as if it’s on fire. Ash gasps beside me, but all of my attention is on the man in front of us. Holy shit. If I was religious, I’d make the sign of the cross right now.
“Yeah… I’ll call you back. Something just came up,” he says flatly into his phone just as he reaches us.
“Drew… Ash… funny seeing you here. Together.”
I open my mouth to explain, but Ash beats me to it.
“Hey, Benny,” she says, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He returns the hug, suspicious eyes locked on mine. She pulls back and smiles at him, one of her completely disarming, impossible-to-ignore grins that would render even the strongest man weak. “Long time no see. What brings you to Bah-ston?” She nails the accent like she’s been here all her life, not almost three years. Her distraction technique works like a charm. Benny’s attention is completely on Ash—at least for a moment.