by Eva Haining
“I can’t wait to see you.”
“Preach, girl. Florence seems like years ago at this point.”
“Johnny is giving me no end of shit for mooning over you since we got back.”
“I bet he is. Is he traveling with the guys, or is he coming with you?”
“He’s coming with me to K Falls. Is that okay? The guys want to party, which is totally understandable, but he’s not ready to be around that stuff right now.”
“Of course, it’s okay.” I love that he’s so sweet about it. He knows how much I love Johnny, and he doesn’t feel threatened by our friendship. It should always be that way, but guys I’ve dated before never understood. Knox is man enough not to be bothered by my best friend being a dude.
“How’s Kirby doing?” His brow furrows, and his playfulness turns on a dime.
“Not good. I’ve been organizing staff to run the bar because he’s nowhere near ready to be there. He won’t let Mason or Janey out of his sight, so giving him a break to let him grieve isn’t really happening. I’m worried about him.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine what he’s going through. You’re a good friend, and he’s lucky to have you looking out for him.”
“To be honest, I feel fucking useless every time I see him. This place doesn’t seem the same after such a devastating loss.”
“It’s the sign of someone who was very loved. People are resilient. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but in the years to come, Kirby will put one foot in front of the other, and Mason and Janey will be the reason he keeps going.”
“I know you’re right, it’s just hard to see my friend so desolate.”
“And that’s why I love you, Knox. You’ve got a heart as big as your cock.” I thought I’d lighten the mood, and it seems to have done the trick. Knox spits beer all over his phone, and I’m pretty sure some just came out his nose.
Nineteen
KNOX
I’m excited to pick up Belle at the airport today. I have a surprise for her, and I’m anxious to see if she likes it. I set my alarm a little earlier, so I can get to the airport in time to be there when she emerges from the gate.
I jump in the shower and then throw on the blue and white plaid shirt of mine that she loves so much. Every time she’s here, I find her walking around in panties and this shirt, and it always results in me discarding it on the floor so I can ravish her. She looks better in it than I do any day of the week.
It’s not until I grab the keys to my truck and my phone from the nightstand that I notice I have a message from her.
Belle: Something came up, and I missed the flight. I’m so sorry.
I quickly type out a text as I slump down on the bed.
Me: Are you okay?
Belle: Yeah. I’m not hurt or anything. Just a hiccup with my manager.
Me: The one who has seen you naked?
Belle: Yeah. Way to slut-shame me.
Me: What the fuck? Not at all. I’m calling you right now.
Belle: Don’t. I’ll call you later. I don’t want to ruin your big day.
Me: It already sucks because I’m not going to see you. Call me when you can.
Belle: I will. I love you, Knox. I’m sorry.
Me: I love you, too.
Now, I’m worried. What’s so wrong that she can’t be here? I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the fact that she wouldn’t let me call her has my alarm bells ringing. However, I can’t hang around moping. I have to get organized with the farm and make sure everything is going to run smoothly today. At least it serves as a small distraction from whatever is going on with Belle. I take off the shirt she loves so much and set it on the bed before pulling on a t-shirt and heading up to the barn.
Mad and Jax will be waiting for me up at the center in a few hours, so I need to get on with my day. The cows still need to be milked, and the pigs need feed before we have our grand unveiling. I’ve been keeping my surprise for Belle under wraps for weeks. The Mustang guys are the only ones who know what I’m planning. Without their help and guidance, it wouldn’t even be a possibility.
When I get the day-to-day stuff out the way, I head back to the house and shower real quick before it’s time to unveil the new ventures of Knox Farm. Mad and Jax arrive right on time, and I’m really surprised to see Kirby with them.
“Hey, brother.” I pull him into a manly hug and slap on the back. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”
“You’ve been so amazing lately, I wanted to come and support you.” His voice is flat, but I appreciate the sentiment.
“Where are Mason and Janey?” The reason I ask is because he hasn’t left their side since Janey got home from the hospital. It’s a big deal that he’s here right now, and the fact that he’s doing it for me gives me a lump in my throat.
“Lottie’s mom is with them at the house.” Just the mention of her name has him choking out the words.
“How’s she doing?”
“Hanging by a thread.”
“I really appreciate you coming out, bro, but if you need to get back to the kids, I totally understand.”
“Lottie would kick my ass if I didn’t come out to support you. I know wherever she is, she’s proud of you.”
“Thanks, bro, that means a lot to me.”
“Let’s get things moving. Where’s Belle at?” Jax interjects to lighten the mood.
“She can’t make it. Something came up.”
“Fuck. There goes your big surprise.”
“It’s not a big deal. I’ll see her in New York in a few days and tell her about it then.”
“Couldn’t she swing by after the single releases? It would be a shame for her to hear about this second-hand instead of seeing it with her own eyes.”
“Drop it, Jax. It’s really no biggy.” I stare him down, achingly aware that my girlfriend not being here is trivial compared to what Kirby’s going through.”
“Okay, brother.” I’m relieved when he finally cottons onto what I’m trying to say without saying it.
Mad, as usual, is the one who seems to change direction with effortless tact. “So, I’ll be feeding you tonight, Knox. Don’t make any plans.”
“I have zero places to be. Sounds good.”
“Perfect, then let’s go do this ribbon-cutting shit and get the show on the road.”
“Amen to that.” Just as the four of us are heading in the direction of the new buildings, Jasper and Maisie appear on the edge of the field, walking hand in hand like high school sweethearts, and I realize that I feel nothing when I look at them—in a good way. After being shoulder to shoulder with Jasper at the funeral, any animosity I was holding onto just left like a thief in the night. I barely noticed it happen.
Being in love with Belle has softened me toward Maisie because now I know how it feels to fall for someone you never planned on letting into your heart. Belle encompasses the polar opposite of what I thought I wanted, and yet my mood is somber today because she’s the person I want to share my achievements with. And I want to champion hers.
“Are you going to punch Hollywood again today?” Trust Jax not to let a second go by without ragging on me.
“No punches today. To be honest, I’m happy for them. You’ve got to let the small stuff roll on by. I’m done being pissed about something that has no bearing on my life at this point.”
“Really? I’m impressed.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed getting that punch in, making him marginally less handsome for a day or two, but I’m serious. You can’t choose who you love, right?”
Kirby is silent as he tugs on random blades of tall grass while we walk. He looks like he hasn’t slept in months—I guess he hasn’t. Not really. It’s as if he’s physically here, but his soul died with Lottie.
Maisie and Jasper catch up to us as we saunter through the fields, and I can tell he’s sizing me up after last time.
“Don’t worry, Hollywood, I’m not going to punch you this time.�
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“Lucky, because if you tried, I’d knock you the fuck out. I was serious when I said you got one freebie.”
“Relax. Bygones?” I hold out my hand to shake on it.
“Is this a trick?” He eyes me warily.
“No. I get it now. I met the woman of my dreams, and that shit finds you, even when you’re not looking for it.”
“Very true.” He takes my hand in a firm shake. “Bygones.”
“Now that we’ve gotten that over and done with, can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Fire away.”
“How do you and Maisie make it work? You’re constantly traveling and working on your own movies. And yet, here you are walking through a field, all loved up with a house here in Kingsbury Falls. How do you do it?”
“Is this about Belle?”
“Yeah.”
He takes a moment to consider his answer. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s hard. The distance thing blows big time. Sorry you’re dealing with that. And being in the public eye is a pain in the ass at times, but the positive advice I can give you is this… if you know she’s the one, none of the rest of it matters. But I suspect you already know that. Whether you’re ready to commit to it or not is between you and Belle. My two cents, she’s worth it.”
“And how do you know that in your infinite wisdom, Hollywood?”
“Because she dropped everything and came to be with you for the funeral. She came here when shit hit the fan with her bandmate. You’re her North Star, man, so don’t blow it. Isn’t she supposed to be here right now?”
“Yeah. Something cropped up, but when I asked her about it, she didn’t want to give me any answers.”
“She’s just starting out, so it could be one of a million things and none of them bad. Trust me, she’s being pulled in every direction right now. Managers, agents, her label, tours, releases, photo shoots, PR… it’s a lot when you’re not used to it, but she’ll find a balance. You both will.”
“I hope so.”
Jax slings his arm over Jasper’s and my shoulder. “Look at you guys, starting a bromance over here. Should we leave you two alone to wax each other’s nutsack? Oh wait, you’re probably shit out of luck, Knox. I bet Hollywood already gets the back, sack, and crack wax.”
“You’re an asshole, Jax,” Jasper jibes.
“That may be so, but it’s a hairy asshole, just the way God intended.”
“Fuck.” I shove him off me. “Why’d you have to go and put that visual in my head, bro? That’s some gross shit.”
“I take no responsibility for you conjuring my chocolate starfish in your mind’s eye.”
“As if my day hadn’t already gotten off to a rough start, now I’m ready to barf.”
Mad turns to see us all jostling with each other. “Y’all are children.”
“Come on, Mad, you know you want to laugh. If my hairy starfish doesn’t get at least a small smile, I’m losing my touch.”
Kirby turns to face us. “He’s right, Mad. Surely, you can crack a smile.” We all burst out laughing at his pun, and I know none of us want to draw attention to the first glimmer of hope that our friend might find his way back from the darkness that surrounds him. It’s a small glimmer—a fleck—but it’s something.
“Good one.”
“Y’all are looking at me like I’ve just grown two heads.”
“Sorry, bro. One head from now on. You’re too ugly to have two. Kirby in stereo makes me shudder at the thought of it.” I can always count on Jax to diffuse an awkward moment.
“We’re not all blessed with your good looks, pretty boy.”
“Hey, if anyone gets labeled pretty, it’s Hollywood. I’m ruggedly handsome.”
“Either way, we need to stop talking about your ass hole.”
“Agreed,” Mad interjects.
We walk the rest of the way, making mindless chit-chat, but I’m acutely aware of Belle’s absence. Before we get started, I check my phone for the millionth time to see if she’s text me to tell me what the fuck is going on. Guess not.
Half the town turn out for the official Mustang/Knox joint venture opening. The center looks great, and I have a huge sense of pride as I take it all in. It’s one thing to see it all being built and know what the end result is going to look like, but it’s another thing to see the final product. The place looks great and is already booked well into next year, and the new staff we hired is going to take all of this and run with it.
The whole branching-out process got me thinking about my future—the one I want to build with Belle. As the day wears on, I begin to wonder if the plans I’ve been making over the past few months have been misplaced.
By the time we’ve cut the ribbon, toasted with champagne, and talked to everyone who turned out for the opening, I make a quiet exit and head back to the house. Sitting on the back porch with a cold beer, I pull up Belle’s number and dial.
It doesn’t ring for long. “Hello?” A guy’s voice greets me. Probably one of the band members.
“Hey, it’s Knox, is Belle around?”
“This is Stuart.” I can feel my blood boiling that he feels comfortable enough to answer her phone when he obviously saw it was me.
“Is she there?”
“No, she left her phone in my hotel room.”
“Of course, she did. Where is she now?”
“She went back to her apartment to shower. It’s been a long day, and she was all hot and sweaty.” If I could reach through the phone and strangle him right now, I would.
“Well, go and give her the fucking phone back so I can talk to her.” His self-satisfied laugh infuriates me. “You want me to go over to her place and give her this phone in the shower? Can do, my friend.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“I don’t have one. I’m here with her and all the delights our friendship affords.”
“She’s your fucking client. That’s a very different thing.”
“Call it what you like, but I’m not the guy she’s avoiding right now.”
I take a deep breath, unwilling to rise to the bait. “I get it. You were fuck buddies. Belle told me everything. That time is over. She’s with me now, and the delights you’re implying are reserved for me.”
“Are you really that naïve? You’re a backwater, small-time hometown cowboy. You milk cows. When are you going to get the message? You’re dead weight. The best thing you can do for her is let her go. The label doesn’t want her coupled up, it’s bad for PR. She’s sexy as hell, and they want guys all over the country to covet her. Her being in a relationship with a farmer isn’t good for her image.”
“You’re a dick. Belle doesn’t need you talking for her, she’s got a mind of her own. If she doesn’t want me, then she can tell me that herself.”
“Whatever, bro. I might be a dick, but I’m a dick your girlfriend loves to suck.”
“You better hope you don’t see me in person, you little piss ant. I’ll rip your fucking throat out.” I end the call and throw my phone out into the tall grass. “Fuck!”
“I was just thinking the same thing.” This is all I need. I’m not in the mood to fend her off right now.
“Hey, stranger. You’re a big shot now. All anyone is talking about today. I’m proud to say I’ve taken a ride on the Knox express.”
“Yeah, who’ve you been talking to? Obviously, that person was drunk or deluded.” I sling back the rest of my beer and grab a few bottles from the cooler. “You want one?”
“You know I never say no to you, cowboy.” She’s not wrong. I’ve yet to be knocked back when I call her on a Saturday night for some extracurricular activity. Just for a second, I forget my conversation with Stuart.
“What do you want, Jen?” Jen is one of my frequent fliers and an employee. I know I shouldn’t dip my stick at work, but she’s got a voracious appetite and a smoking hot body.
“I saw that you didn’t have your new lovesick puppy trailing you today. Is she
out of the picture?”
“No. I don’t know. If you’d asked me an hour ago, I knew the answer.” That piques her interest.
“I’m asking now. If you’re not sure, then maybe I could persuade you?” She sidles up next to me on the porch stoop. Reaching out, she runs her hand up my leg. “We’re hot together, Knox. No one needs to know.”
I take a long swig of my beer.
“Not interested, Jen. Whether Belle sees me as temporary or not doesn’t factor into the equation. For me, she’s it. I won’t jeopardize that for a quick, meaningless roll in the hay with you.”
“It’s not cheating when you’ve already slept with the person. It’s more like… recycling… reminiscing. She’s not here, and I am. I know you, Knox. You can’t go this long without sex and be okay about it. I could be your stress relief.”
“No offense, Jen, but this isn’t happening. I’ve got really fucking blue balls right now, but I’m not wasting my chance at forever with Belle over one night with you.” I see the moment her switch flips. Jen has always had a fierce temper—great for the bedroom but otherwise fucking scary.
“You’re such a doormat, Thomas Knox. First, it was Maisie making a fool out of you, and now you’re letting this singer chick do the same thing. If you don’t want to be pitied by people in this town, then stop embarrassing yourself. Don’t come crying to me with your dick out when this all goes south.” She throws her beer at me, soaking my hair.
Fucking brilliant.
She storms off in a sulk, and I don’t give a flying fuck.
As I head inside, it dawns on me—if Belle is hooking up with her manager again, I’ve just screwed myself on some regular tail and made myself a laughing stock in this town for a second time.
Deep down, I don’t think she’s cheating on me, but I need answers. I switch the shower on and start peeling off my sticky, beer-soaked clothes when I hear my phone ringing. It’s Belle, and she’s trying to FaceTime me. I consider letting it ring out, but then I remember that fucking manager of hers and answer.