“Lila?”
“I’m … I’m here. Just thinking.”
“Do you think I should say something? And if so, what? How do I make him not feel bad?”
“It’s probably stress.”
“Or an affair.” I didn’t really believe it, but I wasn’t immune to insecurity.
“Evelyn, you know better than that.”
“Remember Adrianne Craig?”
“The woman who took down so many prominent men with nothing more than her reckless cunt? Yes.”
“She’s in Ronin’s support group. I caught them having dinner one night.” Caught was a strong word. I wasn’t sure they were trying to hide anything. “And she drove him home a few weeks ago because he had flat tires. She asked me out for coffee.”
“You’re not serious.”
I paced my lab, feeling on edge again. Why did Adrianne make me so uneasy? I knew Ronin would never cheat on me. And he certainly wouldn’t bring his mistress to the house if he did cheat on me.
“I’m serious.”
“Tell him to find a different group.”
I laughed, rubbing the back of my neck. “Then he’ll think I don’t trust him.”
“Tell him it’s her you don’t trust.”
“I don’t trust her to what? Not rape him. He’s twice her size. Clearly, he’ll see that I don’t trust him to resist her if she makes advances toward him.”
“She’s a professional home-wrecker. The thing is … she doesn’t even have to fuck a guy to ruin his life. All she has to do is cast doubt by—”
“Driving him home and flaunting herself in front of his wife,” I finished.
Lila sighed. “Yeah. That.”
“If he’s not sleeping with her, it still doesn’t explain his lack of sexual desire for me. It sucks. It totally sucks to feel like your husband doesn’t want you like that.”
“Tell me about it,” Lila said in a soft voice.
I cringed. “How are things between you and Graham?”
“Fine. Why do you ask?” Her words came sharp and defensive.
“A while back, you told me he basically scheduled time to have sex with you in his office. Things didn’t seem so fine then.”
She sighed slowly, like she needed to exhale but didn’t really want me to hear it. “Nothing to worry about. We’re having sex, still in his office and in bed too.”
I chuckled. “Don’t sound so enthused.”
Lila said it like a description of chores she begrudgingly had to do.
“It’s just …”
“Just what?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Maybe I should talk to him.”
“Don’t. Him thinking I’m telling you things doesn’t make them better. It makes them worse. Would you want me telling Ronin that you’re confiding in me about his issues?”
“No.” I frowned. “I hate that we can’t help each other. Remember when we used to be able to solve each other’s issues?”
“Yeah,” Lila whispered with such a solemn breath. “I miss those days.”
“Me too.”
“Just be patient with Ronin. You’ve both been through a lot over the past couple of years. He was a pillar for you after your mom died, while still dealing with his own addiction recovery. Marriages go through unexplainable rough patches. This is just one. It will pass.”
“Is that what’s happening with you and Graham? A rough patch?”
“No. I think him becoming governor fundamentally changed him. He’s not the same man I married, so either I can accept it or …”
“Leave?”
“Sure. Listen, I have to go, but keep me informed on things between you and Ronin. I’m always here for you.”
“Thanks, Lila. That goes both ways. Please don’t ever forget that.”
I ended the call, feeling a little better in some ways and a little worse in other ways. There was no comfort in knowing that my life wasn’t perfect and neither was Lila’s life. My kind of misery didn’t love company. Her unhappiness compounded my own. It sucked.
Before I could wrap the bars of soap, my phone rang and my sister’s face popped up on the screen. “Hey, Katie.”
“Guess who had IVF this morning?” she practically squealed.
“I’m thinking you, but last month you said you weren’t even close to having the money to try it again.”
“Until Graham gave me the money. He said I was like his little sister and he wanted to see me start a family. Evie, he’s the best! I love Ronin, but how did you not end up married to Graham? He saved Dad’s life, he helped prolong mom’s life, and now this.”
A painful knot formed in the pit of my stomach, another thing forever tying me to Graham Porter, another thing I would never be able to repay—an eternity of indebtedness.
The score: Porters—everything. Evelyn—nothing.
If only I could have saved Graham from a burning building, shielded his body from a gunshot wound, or donated an organ he needed, I might have been able to work my way out of the hole.
“Evie? Did you hear me?”
I cleared my throat and stumbled over my words. “Y-yeah. I … that’s … great. I’m happy for you.” That was on me. Graham asked me about my dad and Katie, and I casually mentioned how they were saving up for IVF. It just slipped …
“I need you to visit Graham and give him a big hug from me. Promise me you’ll do that?”
“Sure.” I cringed. “How’s Dad? I haven’t talked with him since last week.”
“He’s good. Grandpa and Grandma have been going through a bunch of stuff in their attic, and I think it’s been tough to see so many photos and memories of Mom.”
“We need to go through her stuff.”
“I know.” Katie sighed. “Just not now. I’m not ready and neither is Dad.”
I didn’t argue. My plate had reached capacity. The last thing I needed was a stroll down memory lane at a time when I so desperately needed my mom.
“Keep me up to date. Love you, Katie.”
“Will do. Kiss Franz and Anya for me.”
I hummed a mm-hmm before pressing End.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“You can’t just close down a whole restaurant for me.” I frowned at Graham as he stood from the table in the far corner of the posh downtown Denver sushi bar. I called him the day before, requesting lunch in the next few weeks. He made it happen the very next day.
Private jet transportation.
Car waiting for me at the airport.
And a closed down restaurant.
“I can and I did.” He pulled me in for a hug.
A little too tight.
A little too long.
His hands a little too low on my back.
Lips that lingered too long next to my ear when he whispered, “Anything for you, Evelyn.”
Graham Porter, the boy in college, befriended me. Governor Porter, the man with more money and power than one person deserved, manipulated my feelings, my family, my job, my whole damn world. Hence the reason for requesting lunch.
After I wiggled for him to release me, he let me go and slipped off his black suit jacket. My friend was unquestionably a very handsome man in a three-piece suit—very David Gandy.
“A soup and sandwich lunch, Graham. This is all very unnecessary.” I sat down as a waiter rushed to lay a crisp white napkin on my lap and scoot my chair in a fraction.
“If you want soup and a sandwich, I’ll have it brought here.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure the owners of a sushi restaurant would love for you to have food from another restaurant delivered here.”
“Fuck them. If they don’t like it, I’ll buy the restaurant and turn it into a soup and sandwich joint.”
“You’re insane.” I brushed off his comment, even though I knew he would do something that crazy without thinking twice. “Katie called me.”
“Oh, yeah.” He took a sip of his water. “How’s she doing?”
“Well, she
could be pregnant. But you know this because you gave her money for IVF.”
He shrugged that same stupid I-do-whatever-I-want shrug. “And?”
“You have to stop buying my family.”
“Buying?” He chuckled, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, eyes dancing with mischief. “I’m pretty sure everything that I’ve done for you and your family is considered helping, not buying. I’ve never asked for anything in return. Not so much as your vote when I’ve ran for office. But I’m dying to know … did you vote for me, Evelyn?”
“Why pay for Katie’s IVF? You’ve been in the same room as her maybe five times, counting Mom’s funeral. It doesn’t make sense.”
The waiter filled the table with plates of food that Graham must have ordered before I arrived.
When he left us alone, Graham shifted his gaze to me. “I did it for you.”
“I don’t think friends pay for things like this. Maybe if Katie were your friend, but she’s not your friend.”
“You’re my friend.” He placed several pieces of sushi onto my plate.
“That’s not enough.”
“It’s everything.” He paused, dark eyes lifting to me again. “Lila can be your best friend, but you are mine.”
My gaze averted to the chopsticks by my hand. I picked them up and rolled them between my thumb and index finger as I weighed my words. “You make me uncomfortable.”
“Why?”
I couldn’t look at him, but I felt every ounce of his gaze on me. “Because the things you say, the looks, the way you touch me … it feels inappropriate.”
“Inappropriate or wrong?”
Risking a glance, I narrowed my eyes. “Is there a difference?”
He took a bite and chewed slowly, studying me with a cocked head. “Wrong is when it feels wrong because it is wrong. Inappropriate is when something is wrong, but a need or desire whispers to our conscience that it doesn’t completely feel wrong. An affair is inappropriate.”
“An affair is wrong.” I bit out the words so quickly it made his head jerk backward.
“Rape is wrong. An affair is inappropriate. Robbing a bank is wrong. Fingering your wife under the table during the annual Governors’ Dinner at the White House is inappropriate.”
I clenched my jaw, priming my comeback. “Tell me you love Lila.”
He smirked bringing another bite to his mouth.
“I love Lila.”
“We love Lila more.”
He chewed, inspecting me through eyes formed into slits.
“Tell me you love Lila more,” I said.
Graham dabbed his mouth with his napkin. “More than what or whom?”
“More than everything and everyone.”
Rubbing his lips together, his gaze fell to his plate. My heart fell into my stomach, heavy and pulsing. Painful and terrified.
“More than me,” I whispered. “Tell me you love Lila more than you love me.”
His Adam’s apple dipped when he swallowed. “I married her,” he murmured.
Tears burned my eyes. “Tell me you love her more than you love me.”
The man I loved right down to the deepest parts of my soul couldn’t look me in the eye or face me at night when we slept. He held my heart hostage, each breath captive … waiting for a look, a smile, the tiniest touch.
The man I vetted, molded, groomed, and campaigned for my best friend to marry … he gave me everything money could buy. Sometimes he gave me a look, a smile, a touch … but it wasn’t the look, smile, or touch. My heart didn’t belong to him. And while I loved him for many reasons, none of those reasons came close to the one reason I loved Ronin Alexander—that one completely wordless reason.
My heart just knew. One feeling. One force. One moment in Vancouver that told me I had arrived.
“Why …” Graham sighed, shaking his head. “Why did we bring so many people into this? Why were you so stubborn? This could have all been avoided.”
I squinted. “Wh-what are you talking about?”
Rubbing his temples, he closed his eyes. “We married the wrong people.”
No. No, no, no!
My jaw unhinged as I stared at him without blinking, waiting for him to open his eyes and see that he was so very wrong. But he didn’t open his eyes, and I couldn’t find a single word. I could barely find my next breath. Tossing my napkin on the table, I shoved my chair back and ran toward the restroom.
Before the door completely closed behind me, I felt his presence looming over me like a storm cloud. I rested my hands on the edge of the sink and squeezed my eyes shut, erratic breaths congesting in my throat as they tried to make their way past the boulder of emotion.
I stiffened when he pulled my hair off my shoulders, letting it slowly fall from his fingers, down my back. “You regretted our night together. I never did. You put words in my mouth like I surely regretted it too. You were the one who said we could be friends or nothing, but if we were more than friends it would end badly. You made the best night of my life sound like a clumsy fucking mistake. Yet, we’d agreed to officially start dating weeks earlier. Sex is part of dating. Why did you end it just when we were getting to the good part? Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”
With tears trailing down my cheeks and my heart slowly cracking, I glanced up in the mirror to his red-eyed reflection. My mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. What could I say?
I’m sorry?
I never knew. I honestly never knew he really wanted that.
“Y-you made fun of me—my twiggy figure, tiny boobs, and bleached hair. You said I fit in with the guys because I looked like a guy.”
His head moved side to side in tiny increments as pain etched his whole face. “It was my stupid, childish way of flirting with you. I could have had any girl, a million friends, a nicer place farther from campus, but I chose you. How could you not see it?”
My brain felt like a ten-car pileup in the middle of a snowstorm.
I couldn’t see through my blurred vision.
I couldn’t hear past the blood rushing through my ears.
And the iciest of chills crawled from the bottom of my spine to my head, intensifying the ache.
“You wanted Lila,” I whispered.
“I wanted to make you jealous.”
I shook my head over and over. “You chased her.”
“You said she’d never give me a chance. I wanted to prove you wrong. I wanted to prove to you that I was worthy. I thought if I could make Lila love me that you’d see me differently too. You’d see me through her eyes. And I liked a challenge.” He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, making a tight fist with his fingers. “And you did too. You. Did. Too.” His hands fell to his sides, and he blew out a quick breath as his shoulders folded inward.
I turned to face him, drawing in a long, angry breath. Why? Why did he have to ruin everything? “You don’t make someone jealous by using their best friend as a pawn!”
“You don’t make love to someone and call it a fucking mistake less than twenty-four hours later!” He planted his hands on his hips and leaned in toward me a fraction.
He looked … hurt. The anguish on his face. The unshed tears in his eyes. The way his angry tone broke when he said the words “make love.”
Sixteen years.
Our friendship spanned sixteen years. Nearly ten years longer than I’d known my husband. Graham wanted for nothing. And even if he had, I didn’t have a single thing to offer him. I had never been more than a science geek with a bath shop and sick parents. I wasn’t the prettiest. I loved sports, but I couldn’t stand up on skis, make a basket, catch a football, or hit a golf ball. Graham’s parents didn’t care for me.
Yet, there I stood in a bathroom with the Governor of Colorado, wondering why he looked at me like I crushed every single dream he’d ever dared to imagine.
He swallowed hard, but refused to blink, refused to release a single tear. “You married the wrong guy.”
/> Oh, Graham, Graham, Graham …
“No. I didn’t. You fell in love with the wrong girl.” I didn’t hold back a single tear. My hand reached for his chest, and I placed my palm against his heart. “But you married the right one. And she loves you. And I know you love her too. Maybe …” I bit my lips together for a few seconds, finding the courage to say what I needed to say to my friend. “Maybe what you and Lila have is not the same kind of love I have with Ronin. But that’s okay. My father lost his first, and maybe his most powerful love, many years ago. It didn’t keep him from loving my mom. If you love me, Graham, you will love Lila as your wife and me as your friend. And we will not speak of this again.”
We wouldn’t speak about it, but I would never forget it.
I would never forget the day Graham destroyed the four of us.
I would never forget the day he took away my plausible deniability.
“I’m a patient man.” He lowered his mouth to my forehead, resting his lips there while I stood stone still, scared of his touch, devastated by his confession. “I’ll wait for you.” When he stood tall again, taking a step back, his signature cocky smile slid up his face. All signs of the broken man just seconds earlier vanished. “Let me know when Katie gets a positive pregnancy test. She promised to name it Porter if it’s a boy.”
My stomach churned, pushing bile up my throat. He made her promise to brand my nephew like a reminder, once again, that he owned my whole family.
“Don’t give me that frown, Evelyn.” He tugged on the cuff of his shirt, and his cufflink fell to the floor with a clink. I gripped the edge of the counter as he hunched to retrieve his gold cufflink that landed right between my hot pink tennis shoes. After he plucked it from the ground, he leaned forward, putting his nose a half inch from my crotch without touching me.
My stomach churned more, and I could taste the acid on my tongue. He made me feel trapped, responsible, like a terrible friend to Lila and wife to Ronin. Graham had to give me one last reminder that I became friends with the Devil and my life would always reside in a special kind of hell.
Taking a long, embarrassing, nerve-grating, bone-chilling sniff, he lifted his gaze to mine. “I’ve never forgotten the way you smell.” He blinked slowly like my scent intoxicated him. “The taste of you on my tongue.”
The Life You Stole Page 11