by Hope Ford
Since I’m the only one working, I know I’m going to have to go back out there and see what he wants. I guess my time for being mortified is not over yet. I suck in a deep breath, then another one, pull my shoulders back, and walk out from behind the shelves again. I slowly walk to the counter where he’s standing.
Determined not to say his name again because who knows if I’m going to moan it again or what, I ask, “Can I help you find something?”
He holds out the cup and the bag in his hand. “Hey, Sierra. Violet was going to bring these to you, but I offered to do it. I hope that’s okay.”
I don’t have any choice. I’ll just make a scene if I turn down the things he brought. “Yes, of course, that was so nice of her... and you for bringing it. Thank you.”
I take the Styrofoam containers from him and walk around the back of the counter. I need to put space between us, that’s for sure. I set them down on the counter and clear my throat. “So yeah, uh, thank you again.” And I force myself not to say anything more. Why is it I can’t talk to him like a normal person?
“Yeah, you’re welcome. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you, but you don’t look anything like you did in high school.”
This time, there’s no way I can keep my face guarded because his words sting. I’m no longer the tiny girl I was in high school. Yes, I’ve gained weight, and obviously that’s the first thing he’s noticed. I hold up the bag that I’m sure has the cake in it. “Uh, yeah, I just can’t seem to turn down the cake. So I need to get back to work.”
I don’t even wait for him to respond. I turn my back to him and grab some books off the shelf behind me. I walk back around the counter and away from him, hoping he gets the hint and leaves.
3
Evan
I’m so stupid. That’s the only excuse I have. I’m used to dealing with the hard-edged men and women I served with. Obviously, I shouldn’t be out in public. Even though I went there with an apology in mind and to thank her for the care packages, I totally screwed that up. When I made the stupid remark about not looking anything like she did in high school, I meant it as a compliment even though now, I realize it would have been an offhanded one at that. But before I could right my wrong, I saw the tears well up in her eyes and the way she wanted far from me. There’s no way I was going to follow her and make an even bigger mess of it.
So what do I do? I tuck my head and walk back across the street to the office.
“How’d it go?” Sam asks.
“You don’t want to know.” I shake my head, remembering too late that he wasn’t asking about Sierra, he was asking about the quote for Violet. “I mean the quote is fine. I’ll drop it off this afternoon. Pretty cut and dried.”
I walk past him and drop into the desk next to his.
Sam is watching me, no doubt wondering if he should ask me what’s wrong or not. He’s been walking on eggshells ever since I got back, and even though I probably need to talk to someone about Sierra, I’m not ready to yet. I’m not entirely sure why I’m so upset about the whole situation. It’s not like I did anything wrong, really. But the fact I hurt her, even without meaning to, is weighing heavily on me. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him before he decides to ask me about it.
Sam blows out a breath. “Okay then. Well, we got a call from the city while you were out. They are wanting to update the security cameras in their city operated buildings.”
I sit up, paying more attention now. “Like the library? When do we start?”
His forehead creases. “Yeah, the library, the courthouse, city hall, the civic center... and we start tomorrow.”
“I want the library,” I tell him, not even considering beating around the bush. I have to find a way to talk to Sierra, make things right.
Sam has the gall to laugh. “Ahh, so you’ve seen Sierra, I take it?”
My whole body tenses up. Surely my older brother doesn’t have a thing for the pretty librarian. If he does, I’ll be nipping that in the bud. “What do you know about Sierra?”
He crosses his arms over his chest with a smirk. “Like you don’t know?”
Really confused now, I ask, “Know what?”
He shakes his head. “Well, let’s see, where do I start? She’s liked you since high school...”
“She has not!”
He barks a laugh that echoes in the room and then rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you’re right. She was a nerd—”
“Hey!” I say, instantly taking offense to that.
He shakes his head. “There’s nothing wrong with it. But even knowing that, she came to every one of your games and couldn’t take her eyes off you. She started coming around the house, helping Mom in the garden, talking to her about books. I mean, hello. She’s sent you care packages for the last four years.”
My mind starts to race. I don’t remember her coming over to the house. “She was never at our house.”
“All. The. Time. She would sit and wait, just hoping to get a glimpse of you. I felt bad for her actually, but you were always at practices or hanging out with your girlfriend or your jock friends. You didn’t even notice her.”
I get up and start pacing the room. Is he right? Did Sierra like me in high school? Is that why she sent the care packages with the sweet notes? I run my hand through my hair. Did I ruin any chance I have with her by opening my big, fat stupid mouth?
“The library... I’m starting it today.”
He moves and stops in front of me. “The contract starts tomorrow.”
I grit my teeth. “If they have a problem with it, I’ll pay for it out of my own pocket. I’m starting it today.”
He wants to argue with me, and I don’t blame him. He’s been the boss here since I left, and he’s let me come in after four years away and be his partner. I’m probably pushing it, but I have to at least try and talk to Sierra today. If I go over there to apologize, she’s going to run me off. But if I’m working on something that the city ordered to be done, she’ll have no choice but to deal with me, and hopefully I can explain.
“Fine.” Sam sighs, moving out of my way. “Just don’t upset her. She’s a good woman, Evan.”
I nod but can’t look him in the eye. I’ve already fucked it up and upset her earlier, but I’m going to make it right. I grab my equipment and head back across the street and into the library.
She’s sitting behind the desk this time, and I walk straight up to her. She pops up when she sees me, and it’s obvious she’s already looking around, wondering how she can get away from me. “Hey, Sierra.”
She fidgets her hands in front of her but juts her chin at me. “Hello, Evan. Is there something I can help you with?”
I hold up my notebook, as if I have the contract in it when I don’t. “Yeah, the city made an order for us to update the security equipment.”
She breathes a sigh of relief. “Oh, okay. Well, I’ll let you get to it then.”
She’s walking to the edge of her desk, and she’s going to escape, I know she is, but I’m quicker than her. It’s the quickest I’ve moved in a while. Since I started having vertigo I’ve had to really slow down my movements and be more intentional. But I’m not letting her escape.
She almost slams into my chest, and I drop the notebook so I can grab on to her shoulders to catch her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
She nods but won’t look up at me, and that’s not going to do. I need her big brown eyes on me when I try to explain. “Sierra, look at me.” I put a finger to her chin and tip it up.
Her eyes widen, and she looks frightened. I smile, doing my best to put her at ease. “We need to talk.”
She blinks and continues to stare at me. At this point, I’m not going to ask for more. “I owe you an apology for what I said earlier and for not remembering you when I first saw you.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine, really. I’m pretty forgettable.” She winces, and because I don’t want to let her go, I put my hand on the side of her nec
k and rest it there. My thumb strokes right over her pulse, and it’s practically vibrating under my touch.
“First of all, you’re definitely not forgettable. I was a stupid kid... a dumb jock.”
“You were not, you were smart.”
I smile because even though she has every right to be mad at me right now and say some shit, she’s still defending me. Maybe I haven’t totally screwed up my chances. I take a deep breath. “No, if I was smart, I would have skipped the parties and instead I would have been hanging out with you.”
She’s shaking her head. No doubt nothing I’m saying to her makes sense.
“Thank you for sending me the care packages.”
Shock registers on her face, and she pulls out of my grasp. “You’re welcome. I just wanted you to know that we were thinking of you. I’m glad you’re home and safe.” Still she looks as if she’s been caught. “I mean, I would have done it for anyone.”
I nod, but we both know the truth. I decide right then that I can’t just let this go. “Go out with me?”
She’s already shaking her head. “No, that’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?”
She picks up books off the table and holds them to her chest. Her long black hair is in waves across her shoulders, and the way she’s holding herself it’s like she’s trying to hide her face from me. “Because you feel bad for this morning. That’s the only reason you’re asking me out. I’ve forgiven you. It’s done. Thank you, but no thank you.” And this time I know the only way to stop her from leaving where I’m at is to physically stop her, and already I know I’ve lost some of her trust, so I’m not going to do that. I step to the side and watch her walk off.
Her pants are tight against her shapely curved ass, and I don’t want to look away. How in the world did I ignore this woman in high school? How did I find interest in anyone else when she was right under my nose?
I go to the back of the library and check the rear door, measuring and looking at the hardware already in place. It’s an industrial door, and I’ll have to bring more parts to do it, which is fine by me. It will give me an excuse to come and see her again tomorrow. I walk to the front of the library and install the camera, rewire the outlet, and update the code panel. When everything is ready, I call her to the front. She walks slowly toward me, no doubt worrying what I’m going to say next. I know I don’t even have a chance to get close to her if she has her guard up with me all the time. “Hey, sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to go over the new alarm.”
She nods and stands beside me to look at the panel. Her soft flower scent fills my nose. “Uh, you hit this button, then the code.” I show her the numbers. “And then you hit the away button when you’re leaving. If you are staying, you would then push stay instead of away.”
She repeats everything I just said. When I nod my head, staring at her, trying to will her to look at me, she doesn’t. She just says “thanks” and walks back to her desk.
I’m not used to being dismissed, but I can’t be mad about it. “I’ll be back in the morning to install the rear alarm.”
She nods and starts helping someone else. Reluctantly, I walk away.
4
Sierra
He feels guilty. That’s all. That’s why he asked me out. I repeated that to myself all night last night and this morning as I walked into the library. I refuse to let myself get caught up in the past. At one time, all I could think about was Evan McCarthy. I refuse to fall into that trap again.
I’ve had to mentally prepare myself all morning knowing that I’m going to see him today when he comes to finish the alarm system. I barely get to the front of the library when I can feel his eyes on me. “Morning, Sierra.”
I plan to only glance his way, but the smile on his face and the way the blue of his shirt brings out the blue of his eyes gets me all messed up. I trip over my own feet, and I prepare to fall through the glass door of the library, clenching my eyes tightly shut. Before I can hurt myself, Evan’s strong arms go around me, and he pulls me tight against his body.
He doesn’t let go. He stands there with his arms tight around me. “That’s twice I’ve almost caused you to fall, but I’m not going to lie to you, I like the way you end up in my arms.”
My hands go to his chest, and I mean to push away, but what do I do? I curl my fingers into the front of his shirt and hold on tight. I’m staring up at him, completely lost in his gaze and speechless. His lips are so close to mine, I could just raise up an inch on my tiptoes, pull him down by his collar, and kiss him.
His hands tighten on my waist. “I would like to kiss you right now, but I’m guessing you don’t want Cassie over at Sugar Glaze to tell the town that I’m violating you in front of the library.”
I reluctantly drag my eyes from his and look down the block, and sure enough, Cassie is standing outside the bakery watching us. I step out of Evan’s embrace, and for the briefest of seconds, he hesitates on letting me go. He could have kissed me and I wouldn’t have tried to stop him. As a matter of fact, there’s no way I would have been able to stop him.
I turn quickly and pull my purse off my shoulder to dig out the keys while Evan picks up his papers he dropped on the ground. I walk into the library, the buzzing of the alarm sounding. I have thirty seconds to put the code in, and I’m drawing a blank, staring at the panel. Evan comes up behind me, his front to my back, and reaches around to punch in the code.
I mumble “thanks,” slide under his arm, and go to my desk. My resolve to stay away from Evan McCarthy is weakening, and I know I need to put some space between us. I gather some books to start putting them away, ignoring him. Eventually, he goes to the back without another word. He works in the back, and I get lost in straightening the library. I love the mornings at the library. It’s the least busy time, and usually when I get everything set up for the day, I’m able to peruse the aisles to find the next books I want to read.
Evan comes from the back, and I do my best to look busy, but that doesn’t stop him. “Hey, Sierra. I’m done with the back door.”
I paste a smile to my face. “Great. Thanks for doing it.”
He nods and walks toward me. “I just need you to sign here that the work is complete.”
I take the pen from him, making sure I don’t touch his fingers, and then sign my name.
I can feel his gaze boring into me, but I don’t look up, I can’t.
“Do you want me to show you how it works?”
Instantly, I shake my head side to side. “No, that’s okay. It’s the same as the front, right?”
“Yes, the very same, it just required a bigger panel and more wires.”
I walk away while telling him, “All right, well you take care. It’s good to see you home again.”
I don’t expect him to follow me, but he does. “Go out with me,” he tells me. And then, as if realizing how bossy and demanding he sounds, his voice softens. “I mean, will you go out with me?”
I shake my head, eyes clenched before I finally peel them open and stare at him with sadness. “Please quit asking me. It’s not a good idea, you and me.”
He takes a step toward me. “Yes, it is.”
I take a step back, holding a hand up to stop him from advancing. “No, it’s not. Please quit asking me.”
Evan
I wait for a hint that she’s weakening, but her face is guarded, telling me nothing. Could I have had it wrong? Maybe she sent the care packages for the reason she said. Maybe she would do it for just anyone. Maybe I’m not special to her at all.
I clasp my mouth shut and with one last glance, I walk away. I don’t plan to give up, but obviously what I have going on is not working. I get almost to the door when she calls out my name, and I spin on foot so fast I almost lose my balance. The vertigo strikes, but luckily there’s a tall sturdy bookshelf next to me, and I reach out to grab on to it. My eyes close, and the room starts to spin. I don’t open my eyes, but I can hear her feet pounding on the hardwood floo
r as she runs to me. Her hands go to my waist. “Evan. Evan. Are you all right?”
I leave one hand on the shelf, but the other goes to her shoulder. I want to look at her, but I’m afraid to open my eyes. Sometimes it makes it worse, and sometimes it helps. All I know is when it’s worse, nausea rolls in my stomach, and I definitely don’t want to throw up here in her library.
She holds me tighter. “Evan, talk to me. What do I need to do? Do you have your pills?”
I nod and reach for the front of my jean pockets, but my hand is shaking so bad finally she moves my hand and digs into my pocket, pulling the small bottle out. “How many?”
“One,” I moan.
“Let me get you some water.” She’s about to let go, but my other hand goes to her shoulder to hold her still. I chance a peek at her and open my eyes into small little slits. “I can take it without.”
She puts the tiny pill into my hand, and I take it quickly.
We stand there just like that, and I’m kicking myself for letting her see me like this. “I gotta go.”
She grabs on to my shirt and pulls me over to a table, pulls the chair out by hooking her foot around the leg and then helps me sit down. “You aren’t going anywhere. Not until I know you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” I mutter, tension thick in my voice. And then it hits me. She knew. She knew I was on a pill. She knew what was wrong with me.
“How did you know I have vertigo?”
Her face is stricken, as if she just got caught telling something she wasn’t supposed to. But instead of apologizing, she tells me plainly, “Your brother told Violet, and I promise you that I’m the only person Violet has told.”
“Fuck.” I grunt, rubbing my hands across my face. I can’t look at her. “So that’s it, huh?”
Her hand goes to my knee, and I stare at her fingers with the pink on her tips. “What is it?”