by Helen Lacey
Jake didn’t look the least bit comforted by her assurances, and Abby couldn’t blame him.
“Still, let’s wait a couple of days,” he insisted. “But I would like to see him tomorrow.”
“Sure,” she agreed. “After school?”
Jake nodded. “And then we’ll need to agree to a schedule.”
Abby suspected she’d have to be more flexible than she was used to. Jake had leverage, and she knew he would use it. “You can spend as much time with him as you would like before you leave.”
His brows shot up. “Leave? Where precisely do you think I’m going?”
“Home,” she replied. “Sacramento.”
“I think we both know I’m not about to rush back to California.”
She frowned a fraction. “But your business...your life?”
He made a scoffing sound. “What’s this, Abby? Another one of your tests to see if I’ll make the grade in the father department? To see how far I’ll go to prove I can be an involved and responsible parent?”
“No,” she muttered. “I only thought you’d need to go back.”
“Unless you plan on packing his things and letting my son come with me, then no, I don’t imagine I’ll be returning to Sacramento in the foreseeable future.”
So he was staying. Just like that.
“I didn’t expect you would just drop your life and stay.”
“Then what did you expect, Abby?” he shot back. “Oh, hang on, you didn’t plan on telling me, so the point is moot, right?”
“I was going to tell you,” she refuted. “I tried...last night I tried. But we were...things were...we...”
“You mean sex clouded the truth?” he asked bluntly. “You’re right, it did. It does. Well, we won’t have that problem anymore. The best thing for us both is for us to keep our hands off one another. That way our judgment won’t get clouded again. And our son won’t be stuck in the middle.”
Abby wasn’t about to disagree. Because sex had made things complicated. Wanting Jake and then giving in to that desire had impaired her judgment and added another layer of complication to an already difficult situation.
And what did he mean by the “forseeable future”? She longed to ask him how long he was planning to stick around, but she knew she wasn’t in a position to make demands. Later, once the dust had settled, once T.J. knew the whole truth, then she would ask him for details.
“Well, I guess I should go,” she said quietly and grabbed her tote and coat. “For what it’s worth, I never deliberately set out to deny you the opportunity to be his father. I know,” she said and held up a hand, “that it looks that way. But I always believed you didn’t want to be in Cedar River, and as time passed the idea of contacting you just got too hard. I guess that makes me a coward as well as a liar. See you tomorrow.”
She left the suite without another word and hardly took a breath as she scurried down the corridor and entered the elevator. Once she was outside and back in her car, Abby burst into tears, crying for all she’d done, and all she’d lost. Including the trust of the first man she’d ever loved...and the father of her child.
* * *
As promised, Jake came to see T.J. the following afternoon. Abby had called in sick that day, too weary and upset to drag herself out of the house and face the world. She’d barely slept and knew she looked ghastly pale and tired when he arrived at five o’clock, holding up a couple of bags of takeout from JoJo’s. He’d texted earlier and said he was bringing dinner, and she didn’t have the strength to argue or comply. As he had requested, her grandmother was in attendance. Abby had no idea why he wanted Patience to be there, but she figured she wasn’t in a position to be disagreeable and if her grandmother was surprised by his request, she didn’t say anything.
“It’s good to see you again, Jake,” her grandmother said politely.
“Likewise,” he said and passed Abby the food bags. “Where’s T.J.?”
“Just finishing his reading homework. I told him you were dropping by, and he’s very happy. I didn’t say anything,” she amended when she saw his expression narrow. “As you wanted. His room is the second on the right, just down the hall off the living room if you—”
“Actually,” he said quietly, cutting her off, “I’d like to speak with your grandmother...alone.”
Abby glanced toward Patience and nodded. “I’ll go and see if he’s done with his homework.”
She left the room and could barely make out their quiet voices as she walked down the hall. Of course, she knew her grandmother was her ally and greatest supporter. But she also knew that Patience had spent a long time telling her that Jake had a right to know about his son. And of course, she was right. The mess she was in was all of her own doing.
“Mommy!” T.J. exclaimed when he spotted her standing in the doorway of his bedroom. “Is Jake here?”
She nodded and walked into the room. “He certainly is.”
“Yay,” he said excitedly and closed his book, quickly coming toward her. “I really like Jake, Mommy.”
Abby’s heart clenched, and she marveled at how attached her son had become to his father, without knowing he was his father. Perhaps it was simple DNA, a connection that went beyond acquaintance and familiarity. Maybe nature overrode nurture. Or perhaps it was simply that T.J. longed so desperately for a father that he was instantly clinging to the first man who made the grade.
“I know you do, honey,” she said gently and ruffled his hair. “And I’m sure you’ll get to spend lots of time with him.”
T.J. regarded her seriously. “Is he...”
Abby’s breath stuck in her throat. Her son was smart. Perhaps he’d worked it out. “Is he what, honey?”
T.J. shrugged. “Is he gonna take me snowboarding again?”
“I think so,” she said and sighed softly with relief.
When she returned to the kitchen with T.J. in tow, Jake and her grandmother were conspicuously absent. Her son sulked for a moment, until he spotted the takeout bags from JoJo’s on the countertop and then spent several minutes trying to guess what was inside.
It was another ten minutes before Jake and Patience returned through the back door. They were both laughing, and T.J. raced toward Jake and high-fived him, jumping around excitedly.
“Everything okay?” Abby asked, curious and concerned.
Patience nodded. “Of course. I’ve just agreed to lease the apartment above the garage to Jake for a few weeks.”
She stilled instantly. “Huh?”
“What your grandmother means,” Jake said quietly, “is that I’ll be living next door.”
Abby waited for her heart to beat, waited for her breath to push from her lungs, waited for the freight train racing through her blood to come to a halt. Next door? So close he would almost be in arm’s reach.
But so far away...because she knew his arms would never be around her again.
Chapter Nine
Jake couldn’t believe how nervous he was about the prospect of telling a nearly six-year-old boy that he was his father. He’d had twenty-four hours to get used to the idea, but the truth was, he was terrified.
Moving into Patience’s apartment had been a spur-of-the-moment decision and one he knew would be the best thing for his son—even though the thought of being so close to Abby twenty-four-seven made him uneasy. But hearing T.J.’s delighted and animated reaction when he was told he would be living next door, more than compensated for any reluctance he was feeling.
“Mommy,” T.J. said as he pulled himself onto a counter stool in the kitchen. “Can Jake have dinner with us every night from now on?”
Abby met Jake’s gaze and then looked at their son. “We’ll see, okay?”
T.J. rattled the bags of takeout Jake had brought with him. “Now that everybody’s here, can we eat?”
Abby nod
ded, grabbed plates and quickly moved the food and dinnerware to the table. Jake listened as T.J. chatted through dinner, hearing stories about the upcoming concert at school, about when he wanted to have another snowboarding lesson, and how they could hang out all the time now that he would be living next door.
“So, Jake,” Patience Reed said once T.J. had left the kitchen to get his reading homework done. “Abby tells me you have a successful business back in Sacramento?”
“Yes,” he replied and explained briefly what he did. “I got a degree in software engineering while I was in the army and when I retired it kind of all came together. I was lucky to find a good business partner.”
“Yes,” the older woman said as Abby collected the plates. “A good partner is important in all aspects of life.”
He got her point, and wanted to tell her she was way off base. “Mrs. Reed, I—”
“Patience,” she corrected. “It’s probably time you called me that, don’t you think?”
“I guess so.”
“Gran,” Abby said, glancing toward the doorway. “Please don’t—”
“I’ll say this now, and not mention it again,” Patience said quietly. “You both need to get over this tension that’s between you. Because that little boy is smart and he’ll figure things out quickly. I know you’re angry,” she said and gestured toward Jake. “And you have reason to be. But,” she added and offered a supportive smile, “my great-grandson’s happiness is what matters most. And for him to be happy, the pair of you need to get along. Fake it if you have to,” she said and got to her feet. “But do it.”
Once she left and headed out the rear door, Jake stood up and moved toward the countertop. “She’s right.”
Abby stopped rattling dishes and looked at him. “Of course she’s right. That doesn’t make it any easier.”
“I guess not. Can I see him tomorrow?”
She nodded. “Of course. Same time. Only I’ll cook.”
Jake managed a tense smile. “I’ll just drop by his room and say good-night. See you tomorrow.”
Once he’d said good-night to T.J., Jake left Abby’s house and headed back to the hotel. He had a restless night, but looked forward to seeing his son. He didn’t stay for dinner again the following evening, but did hang out with T.J. for an hour. As always, T.J. was happy to see him, and he wondered if his son suspected that Jake was more than a simple friend. And more than anything, he hoped T.J. would be happy with the news that he was his dad.
* * *
On Thursday Jake moved into the apartment above Patience’s garage. It was a big space, with one large bedroom, a kitchen, combined living and dining room and a small bathroom. The place was newly renovated and more than adequate for his needs. The laundry was downstairs, which he didn’t mind, and Patience had agreed he could park his bike in the garage. The most important thing was that it was so close to his son.
His son...
Just thinking about it made him both ache inside and feel anxious. Particularly since he and Abby had agreed they would tell him on Thursday. Jake had arranged for his personal assistant, Roberta, a woman in her late-forties who’d been working for the company since he and Trent had started the business, to pack some of his belongings at his apartment and send them to Cedar River. He was making his latest trip up the stairs at the side of the garage with yet another box when his cell rang. Spotting Trent’s number on the screen, he answered.
“Did you get your stuff?” Trent asked.
“Yes, say thank you again to Roberta.”
“How long are you staying?” his friend queried.
“Indefinitely at this stage.”
His friend and partner knew the whole story, from his brother’s accident and why he’d returned in the first place, to why he was now staying, and in the past couple of days they had discussed ways for them to still run the business from a distance. They were both prepared to give it a shot for the moment, trying out the arrangement for a few months, and considering how easily he’d facilitated the contract for the O’Sullivan Hotel, neither imagined they’d run into any problems. The main thing was, Jake was planning on staying in Cedar River. At this stage, permanently.
His family had taken the news about T.J.’s paternity with a varying degree of responses. Mitch was naturally annoyed by Abby’s deception and cautioned Jake to take things slowly, but mostly they were all delighted by the idea of having a nephew to dote on. He discovered that Ellie wasn’t all that surprised and muttered something about them having the same name, something she’d discreetly questioned T.J. about during the sleepover after the wedding.
“Good luck,” Trent said.
“Yeah,” Jake said and chuckled wryly. “I’m gonna need it.”
Jake ended the call and spotted Abby and T.J. at the bottom of the stairs. She wore jeans and high boots, a bright purple sweater, and a white wool jacket with matching beanie and scarf and looked so damned beautiful the air rushed through his lungs like wind. And then he cursed himself for being so predictable. He’d been fighting his attraction for her all week, using his resentment to fuel his anger, but keeping his feelings in check so that T.J. wouldn’t pick up on any tension between them. The last thing he wanted was for his son to suspect they were in the middle of a silent war. Because that’s what it felt like. And crazily, it was rougher than any real war zone he’d been in. He wanted to hate her so much he could taste it. But he couldn’t. And that was the damnable misery of it. Which helped with his resentment, of course, and amplified the self-loathing he was experiencing. The truth was, they’d barely spoken two words all week. She’d tried a few times while he’d been visiting with T.J., but Jake was so freaking mad he barely responded, figuring that at this stage silence was better than all-out confrontation. Or maybe they needed an argument to help him get the frustration out of his system. And sure, Patience’s warning was never far from his thoughts. He knew he had to get his act together—but he was so damned hurt by Abby’s betrayal, he could barely think straight.
“I need to go into town for a few things,” she said, looking up at him. “Can you watch T.J.?”
Jake nodded. “Of course.”
His son quickly raced up the stairs, and Jake experienced an unfamiliar sensation in the center of his chest. Joy, he thought absently. Knowing how much T.J. was pleased by the idea of spending time with him.
They’d been moving and unpacking boxes for about twenty minutes, with T.J. chatting on about school and how he was looking forward to snowboarding again that weekend. There was something infectious about his little-boy laugh, and Jake couldn’t help but marvel at how incredible he was. He was smart and had a natural curiosity about things and was always asking questions.
“Jake?”
Jake was under the desk in the corner of the living room, plugging in the small printer to finish off the nook as his office, when he spotted T.J. standing at his side. “Yes, buddy,” he said and continued with the task.
“Are you my daddy?”
Jake jerked and hit his head on the underside of the desk, cursing silently as he quickly shifted position and sat up. T.J. was regarding him thoughtfully, his head to one side, biting his lower lip exactly as his mother often did.
“Ah...what makes you think that?” he asked, barely able to breath.
T.J. met his gaze. “Because Mommy said I looked like my daddy. But my angel daddy had red hair and freckles and I don’t. I have brown hair and no freckles,” he said and reached out, threading his small fingers through Jake’s hair for a moment. “Like you.”
Jake took a breath, considered the importance of the moment and knew he wasn’t in a position to lie or make excuses or be evasive. In a perfect situation, he and Abby should have been telling him together. But it wasn’t a perfect situation. And his son—this beautiful child who needed him to be worthy of being his father—deserved the truth.
&
nbsp; “Yes,” he said quietly, grasping T.J.’s hand. “I am.”
T.J.’s eyes widened. “Like...you’re really my daddy?”
Jake nodded again. “That’s right. Is that okay?”
Jake watched, fascinated as his son considered the news, anticipating more questions, more query and explanation. But T.J. only smiled and then unexpectedly threw himself against Jake, wrapping small arms around his neck. As the shock subsided, Jake experienced something...a feeling completely new to him, one that threatened to rock him to the soles of his feet and the core of his very being. His chest tightened, and suddenly it was impossible to breathe. His eyes burned, his ribs hurt and everything he’d imagined he would feel spectacularly disappeared, and he experienced an acute and intense surge of love and affection for the little boy who was clinging so joyously to him. He blinked away the heat in his eyes and hugged him back, all his fear disappearing, because T.J. made it so easy.
“I’m so lucky,” T.J. said happily. “I have an angel daddy and you, Jake.”
Jake swallowed hard, fighting back emotion. “You certainly do.”
They talked for a while, with his son bouncing out questions about all the things they could do, all the places they could go. T.J. didn’t ask any difficult questions, about Tom, or his mom, or about why Jake hadn’t been around, but he suspected they would come. When Abby returned about an hour later, the first thing T.J. did was race to the door to greet her and make the big announcement.
“Mommy, Mommy, Jake’s my daddy!”
Jake was by the door in a few seconds and caught her frown. “How about you let Mommy come inside out of the cold.”
He stood aside and let his mother pass, then gave them a quizzical look. “I’m gonna go and tell Great-Gran. Is that okay, Mommy?”
He saw Abby nod vaguely, and once T.J. was down the stairs, Jake spoke. “Before you react and start blaming me for overstepping, I didn’t tell him, he asked me.”