by DoctorHepa
“What about gods?”
“That’s a whole different thing, and those don’t appear until the fourth floor. I’ll explain that later. For now, you need to get to work.”
“Okay,” I said, turning back to the village. “So there are shops here. Should we go shopping now? And should we open our boxes now?”
“Yes, shopping,” Donut said. “Definitely shopping.”
“Not here,” Mordecai said. “This is a small village. These shops are overpriced and will gouge you and won’t buy any of your items. You need to get yourself to a larger settlement, and there’s very little time.” He pointed east. “See that wider road there? Follow it for about a half day, and you’ll come across a bigger village. This will have better, richer shops.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
Mordecai pointed at a discolored rock on the ground just outside the gate. “Focus on that, and select the tooltip that pops up.”
I did as he asked. “Holy shit,” I said a minute later.
A holographic sign popped up, growing out of the ground like a tree. It showed arrows with signs and distances in kilometers. Pointing north along the main road it read, “Medium Sized Skyfowl Settlement. 34 Kilometers.” There were other signs, too, pointing to saferooms, restrooms, and most importantly, stairs. The closest set of stairs was six kilometers away.
“So there are saferooms in the ruins? We don’t have to rely on the villages? And do the villages have names?”
“Yes. The saferooms and restrooms will be scattered the same as before. There will not be tutorial guilds in the ruins. Only in the villages. Not that it matters as I’ll teleport to the saferooms anyway. Also, the villages don’t have names. The system designates them as tiny, small, medium, large, and extra-large. Not very exciting. This one is small. You can actually name them yourself if you manage to kill the mayor. Don’t bother, at least on this floor. You’ll likely end up dead, and it doesn’t come with any real benefits when the timer is only eight days.”
“Okay,” I said. “So I guess we’ll grind our way to that other village.”
He nodded. “Make sure you check out the signs every once in a while to make sure you’re still on the correct track. All medium villages on this floor will have a tutorial guild. Meet me there. When you get there, we’ll hit some shops together.”
“Will the monsters be a lot harder on this floor?”
“Oh yeah,” Mordecai said, grinning sheepishly. “I should probably tell you this part. It’s hard to remember without my checklist. So there is night and there is day on this floor. There will always be monsters in the ruins. They are more dangerous at night. The daytime ones should be cake for you two, but you might want to keep Mongo back at first. Don’t go out at night until I say you’re ready. The villages will always be safe during the day. At night, only the village main roads are safe. Usually. The alleys will be very dangerous. In some cases, more dangerous than the ruins.” He flapped his incubus wings a few times and looked directly at me. “Stay away from girls with horns on their heads. Your charisma is a lot higher than it was before, and they are attracted to that. They will be coming out of the woodwork at you. Work on your punching skills, and use that new Fear spell every single fight. Remember to stop at a saferoom so Donut can get her next spellbook from the book of the floor club.”
“I forgot about that!” Donut said.
Mordecai turned and started walking back into the village. He was making a bee-line straight for a pub. He called over his shoulder, “Don’t stop at the first saferoom you find though. Give it at least two hours. Maybe four. And Donut, keep working on that Magic Missile spell. You’re almost at skill level 10. I’ll be on chat if you need me.”
“If I had known he was going to be so bossy, I wouldn’t have picked that Manager benefit,” Donut muttered.
“Shut up, Donut,” I said under my breath as I lifted the latch to the small gate that led out into the ruins. It opened with a noisy screech. The two guards didn’t move a muscle. We wandered out into the streets, leaving the safety of the village behind.
A note from DoctorHepa
Hello everyone! I don't know about you guys, but the walls seem to be moving in on me. Thank goodness for books and arts and Netflix and all the other 1,000 streaming services. I'm almost finished with Money Heist. It is super cheesy, very Spanish, and it is fantastic. High melodrama heist television. Before that, I finished Kingdom, which was great. My wife and Toby are obsessed with 90 Day Fiance. Toby loves barking at it.
Chapter 51
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Donut worked on Mongo’s training while we walked along the road. I pulled a stick from my inventory and tossed it. She was working on getting him to stay put until she told him to go fetch it. He was about 80% of the way there already. The problem was when he got too excited, he absolutely refused to listen to orders.
Donut stopped at the first restroom we found. She went inside, and the little dinosaur went berserk at the door, attacking and scratching at it and screaming at the top of his lungs until Donut came out.
“You need to learn patience, Mongo!” Donut said. “Follow mommy’s example.”
“Yeah, because you’re known for your patience,” I said.
I marveled at the ceiling as we walked. It was much, much higher here than it’d been in the hallway. Some of these buildings were four stories tall. In the smoky distance, some were even taller than that. But I could still tell the sky was but an illusion. Lights reflected off it oddly, revealing the facade.
Zev: Hello, hello.
Donut: HI ZEV!
Zev: Hi Donut! Good news, you two. Odette’s show was another hit. But more importantly, the majority of viewers are giving thumbs up to your choices for class and race. A few people have expressed confusion as to why Donut chose Artist Alley as this floor’s selection, but generally people like the idea of the Former Child Actor class. A couple people are grumbling that it doesn’t allow for growth, but most seem to believe it’s offset by Carl picking something that requires such rigorous training. Also, so far both of you have picked unique classes. Nobody else out there has chosen them. That’s always a plus. There are a few other Primals out there, but not many. No straight cats, though someone chose a were-cat race. And there’s a few cat girls walking around. It’s still early. A lot of crawlers haven’t picked yet.
Donut looked absolutely scandalized. I laughed.
Carl: Good to know, Zev. Question. Can people see Mordecai now?
Zev: No, not generally. They know you have a manager, and they got to see him when he introduced you into the world. But from now on, it’s how it was before. By the way, I checked, and no VIP crawlers are nearby as far as I can tell. I’d avoid adding any of the close-by locals to your party. They’re all too boring.
Donut: WHAT IS THE NEXT SHOW WE ARE GOING ON?
Zev: So, this floor is eight days. I’m still in negotiations with a few programs. It’ll likely be during the fourth night, but I haven’t locked in an interview yet. I’ve had to take in a few extra people just to field all the interview requests.
Carl: Okay, thank you Zev.
Zev: Ta-ta for now.
Donut: BYE ZEV!
“What is a cat girl?” Donut asked. “I don’t like that. And a were-cat? Whoever that is needs to just learn to commit.”
“Watch out,” I cried, jumping back. The knife bounced off my chest, clattering harmlessly to the ground. I looked up at the creature who’d thrown the blade, a monkey wearing a painted human skull as a mask.
Former Circus Lemur – Level 8
Grimaldi’s Traveling Circus was one of the Over City’s favorite attractions before that fateful day so long ago. Hundreds of years later, the feral and transformed descendants of that circus still stalk the ruins, seeking out adults and children alike to dazzle and entertain.
And by dazzle and entertain, we mean devo
ur the flesh from their bones and use their remains as armor.
Grimaldi’s Amazing Juggling Lemurs were one of the circus’s key attractions. Children from all over the realm would laugh and clap as they watched these funny little creatures juggle all manner of items, from balls to pins to knives.
You can probably guess where this is going.
The red-furred monkey thing—apparently a lemur—wore a black and red-painted human skull as a mask. It’d appeared in the second-floor window of a dilapidated building. It was just sitting on the window ledge, little legs dangling off. He hadn’t appeared as a dot on my minimap until after he’d thrown the knife, which he’d tossed directly at my head. Luckily the knife flew low and hit me in the chest, bouncing off my jacket thanks to my cloak’s anti-piercing benefit.
“Oh fuck,” I cried as four more lemurs appeared in the window. Donut and I jumped into an alley as more knives sliced through the air. Two of them embedded in the wooden floorboards.
Mongo screeched in rage, and Donut yelled for the dinosaur not to rush out into the street.
I prepared a smoke bomb as I examined the map, figuring out the best way to get to them. There were no windows facing the alley, but they’d figure out where we were in a minute. An unsettling, throaty roar filled the streets, followed by an answering call from several blocks down. There was a lot more than just five of them. I put the smoke bomb away and pulled one of my boom jugs.
Admin Notice. A new tab is available in your interface. Quests.
“The hell?” I said.
A musical chime, like trumpets blaring, filled the air. It only lasted a second. Sparkles and illusionary streamers danced at the edges of my vision.
New Quest. The Show Must Go On.
The words appeared spinning in the air, slamming into place in front of me, like the title of an old-school television special. Sparkles cascaded off the word “Quest.”
You’ve discovered the remnants of an ancient circus. Hundreds of years after the toxic cloud that devastated the Over City, this traveling circus endures. But instead of joy and laughter and cotton candy, it now delivers devastation and pain. Their cotton candy is probably really gross by now, too. Find out why this circus still exists and put an end to its reign of terror.
Reward: You will receive a Gold Quest Box.
“What the fuck is this?” I said. “A quest?” Mordecai had mentioned quests once or twice, but we’d never talked about them.
Carl: Mordecai. We just walked into a quest. Should we stay here and try to figure it out?
Mordecai: You should try to figure out your face.
Carl: What?
Mordecai: Mom loved him more. Well who’s the dead one now? I’m glad that cat used her ashes as a bathroom.
“What’s wrong with Mordecai?” Donut said.
Carl: Are you drunk? It’s been like 15 minutes!
Mordecai: Did you know incubi have a very low tolerance for…
Carl: Mordecai?
He didn’t answer.
“Shit. It looks like we’re doing this on our own,” I said. We couldn’t stay here. I pointed across the street to the next alley down. There was a safe room about three blocks over. “Get ready to run.”
I jumped from around the corner. My plan was to try to toss it through the window, but I now saw multiple lemurs on the building’s roof. I added a bit of extra oompf to the toss, arcing it high. I pulled myself back into the alley and crouched low as more knives slammed into the ground. The jug detonated, and the building against my back shuddered. High-pitched, frenzied screams rose, and I could feel the heat from the building.
A flaming lemur leaped from above and landed in the alley. I punted it, and it flew across the street, flying way further than I expected. It cracked into the stone wall of a building. Behind us, more flaming lemurs started to fall from the roof.
“Run,” I cried.
We rushed from the alley, crossing the street. Multiple red dots appeared behind us. The entire top of the now-engulfed building was filled with the X’s of dead lemurs.
“Goddamnit, Mongo,” I cried at the little dinosaur as he broke away and headed right for the now-dead lemur I’d punted. He screeched, jumping through the air, legs first and executed a perfect pounce onto the corpse. The dinosaur growled with glee as scorched lemur fur went flying. I altered course to grab him.
The dino chicken howled in rage as I scooped him up. A knife bounced off the bricks, inches from my head. I hazarded a look over my shoulder, and I stopped dead at the sight.
A giraffe. A goddamned giraffe ran down the street at us.
The giant animal was covered in lemurs who clung onto its neck like it was a tree trunk. The giraffe was about a block away. It bent then flipped its neck, flinging a dozen of the lemurs into the air in our direction. One of the little monkey things was flung too high, and he bounced off the rocky ceiling with a crunch. He plummeted to the ground, smashing into the wooden street.
The remaining lemurs screamed as they flew, brandishing shining knives as more knives flew at us from the windows of the now-burning building. I ducked, but most of the blades clattered onto the street, flung from too far away. The giraffe-riding lemurs landed and pulled more knives from bandoliers draped across their shoulders. They bounded sideways toward us, howling in a deep, guttural screech.
“Control your damn chicken,” I cried, dropping Mongo to the ground as I pulled a smoke bomb. I lit it and dropped it as we turned down the alley and fled. We rushed to the next street over and crossed, entering another alleyway, this one much tighter than the last.
“Mongo, follow!” Donut cried as she leaped to my shoulder. She landed backward and fired a pair of magic missiles. Mongo screeched and flapped his little arms, but he kept up with us, running along my left side.
This next street, the last one before the saferoom held a single red dot in the center. I pulled another smoke bomb and tossed it ahead of me.
“Hit it with a missile as we cross!”
Smoke filled the street ahead of us, but it caught on a breeze, blowing in the wrong direction. Shit. These things suck. At the last moment, I remembered Mordecai’s advice that I use my Fear spell as much as possible.
We rushed into the street, and I cast Fear just as Donut shot a full-powered magic missile. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the creature.
Warning: scary-ass mobs are immune from Fear effects.
My first impression was Slender Man. Slender Man dressed as a clown. Holy shit.
Donut’s missile flew low, but I realized that was on purpose. She hit it in the leg, and it toppled over. As the clown creature fell, its description popped up.
Terror the Clown – Level 10
It’s okay if you just pissed yourself. You wouldn’t be the first.
Standing just over 11 feet tall, the clown-on-stilts was always a favorite amongst the snot-nosed kiddos visiting Grimaldi’s three-ring circus. Now, ravaged by time and the curse of the Over City, the once-affable stilt-clowns have been transformed into tall, blood-thirsty monstrosities who want nothing more than to make balloon animals out of your intestines.
The monster was humanoid, but with splotchy pale, white skin, no eyes or nose and a red, tooth-filled mouth that was much too large. It wore tattered and bloody clown clothes over its emaciated frame. Its extra-long arms hung almost to the ground. It held a giant butcher knife in each hand. It wore a red, curly-haired wig with a little hat with a flower.
Donut shot it directly below the knee, causing it to topple over. It flew onto its back, throwing a massive red shoe into the air. Blood gushed from the wound. The place she’d hit should have been a stilt, but it appeared the monster’s legs actually were that long.
A health bar appeared, but the magic missile had only taken about 20% of its health.
After a quick glance of the minimap—the lemurs were still a block away—I sprinted toward the monster as Donut pumped it with two more missiles.
“Watch its
arms,” I cried as I formed a fist. Donut leaped from my shoulder.
“Sic ‘em,” she cried as she skidded to the ground.
Mongo and I both leaped into the air. I landed on the clown’s chest as Mongo screamed and started tearing at the prone clown’s ankle just above the shoe.
The clown’s chest caved in with a crack as I landed. It felt as if I’d just crunched into a wooden pallet that had splintered under my weight. I fell to a knee and pulled my hand back to punch.
Another missile crashed into the clown’s raising arm as I punched it in the face as hard as I could. Its neck snapped back. A long, forked tongue lolled out. The little hat went flying, and the red wig fell off. I pounded again and again until its head caved it.
The mass of red dots were getting closer, and they’d be here in fifteen seconds. I pulled up the clown’s inventory
Clown Meat
Big Top Ticket
35 Gold.
I looted it all, plus both of the oversized butcher knives, the red wig, and the little hat. Mongo remained at the clown’s ankle, tearing at the skin and growling like a dog with a bone. I bent to pick him up, and I realized he’d gotten noticeably larger. I picked him up anyway, and he squealed in rage. I put him back down a foot away.
“Tell him to follow us,” I said as I turned toward the next alley. “Hurry.”
“Mongo, come!” Donut cried.
This alley curved into a small labyrinth, dotted with doors and stone walls. The saferoom appeared to be a tavern about fifty meters down a dead-end alley. A sign hung in front of the tavern, naming it “The Belly-Rubbed Pug.” A pug in a top hat and a suit appeared on the sign. I worriedly watched the wave of red dots swarm into the main street as I pushed open the door and ran inside.
* * *
Unlike the saferooms from the previous two floors, this appeared to actually be some sort of renaissance fair-style pub. The three television screens remained, and the general layout was similar to the manned saferooms. A Bopca protector stood behind the counter, looking at us with curiosity as we entered.