by DoctorHepa
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Chapter 80
Time to Level Collapse: 8 days and 18 hours.
Views: 50.2 Quadrillion
Followers: 890 Trillion
Favorites: 199.7 Trillion
Leaderboard rank: 6
Bounty: 100,000 gold
The dwarf conductor on the next train was significantly grumpier than Vernon, but by the time we pulled up to station 131, we had the full list of stations all down the yellow line. Mordecai said he thought he might be onto something, but he wasn’t certain yet. Tomorrow we were to attempt to hop over to a line that didn’t intersect yellow and then get the same information. After that we’d start exploring the non-colored lines.
We didn’t get as much killing done on the train as I’d like, but we did manage to kill a whole mess of monsters called Zlurpies, which were waist-high, semi-intelligent warrior armadillo things. They rolled into armored balls when they started to take damage, but they were small enough to be eaten whole by Mongo, who would pick them up and crunch the armored balls like they were blood-filled hard candies.
Halfway through the skirmish with the armadillos, Mongo hit level 15.
He would continue to level after this, but he wouldn’t get any bigger. Which was good because he was now huge. He was the height of a pony, coming up to just below my shoulders. From the tip of his beak to the end of his colorful, red and blue feathered tail, he was about 13 feet long, though more than half of that was tail. The individual claws on his feet were now bigger than his entire body had been when we first got him. He still fit in the individual subway cars okay, but if we came across smaller cars with rowed seating, it was going to be a tight squeeze, especially around the poles. I suspected he was going to be spending a lot of time in his carrier.
“Good boy! Good boy, Mongo! Carl, remember when he was a sweet, tiny, nose-chomping baby?” Donut asked. “He was just a scared little chicken. It seemed like it was just yesterday.”
“It practically was yesterday,” I said. “Look in your pet menu and see if he received any new abilities.”
A moment later, Donut gasped. “Carl, Carl he has a special attack now! It’s called Earthquake! It’s a jump attack! Each time he leap attacks, there’s a small chance he’ll trigger an earthquake when he lands, which will knock the bad guys off their feet. He’ll get another ability when he hits level 20! What a good boy! Mommy is so proud of you!”
Mongo jumped up and down with excitement, forcing me and Katia to flee. He whipped around in a circle, his long tail twirling around the cabin. He roared, long and loud.
Christ, I thought. I hope we never have to fight any of his kind. We’d be fucked.
* * *
Station 131 was significantly larger than 83. It intersected with the Almond Line and the Jasmine Line. When I first saw those names, I thought neither of them were color lines, but it turned out they both were. Almond was represented as a light brown and Jasmine was a pale yellow. Up in the lobby area there was another general store, called Ford’s Fighting Supplies. It was sandwiched by a pair of training guilds—one for longbow and one called “Druids only.” Next to the druid guild was an Arby’s, which would be the saferoom, and then another store specializing in clothes for elves.
And finally was the Desperado Club, just like Bautista had promised. Unlike the massive, block-sized building from the previous level, the one here looked like a tiny dive bar with a small, neon sign.
Imani said she’d be there after the recap episode, which would be in a couple of hours. We had just enough time to eat, open our fan boxes, and take a nap. We’d watch the show and head over.
“Have you ever been to Arby’s?” I asked Katia as we went through the door.
“No,” she said. “I’ve never heard of it.”
I realized I knew next to nothing about the woman. “I know you’re from Iceland, but you knew about the Russian subway. Did you spend a lot of time in Russia?”
“I spent a summer in Moscow when I was a student, working at the Pushkin. It’s a museum. I’ve spent a lot of time on holiday in Europe. We take a student trip to Paris every other year and one to Amsterdam the other years. It’s the only traveling I’ve done recently. How about you? Did you ever leave America?”
I grunted. “I’ve been to the Arctic Circle. I once went to Costa Rica and got to pet a sloth. I almost went to the Bahamas, but I couldn’t get off of work. Oh, and I’ve been to Canada a bunch of times. But it was just Victoria and Vancouver. I really wanted to visit Japan and the Philippines, but I never got the chance.”
The Bopca glared at us from behind the counter. We ordered some food to go, which he gave us in actual Arby’s bags. We took the food and returned to the personal space.
Within, we found Mordecai hunched over the alchemy table. The table had transformed. It was three times the size it had been when I’d pulled it out of my inventory earlier. It consisted of multiple layers of items. A small fire burned at one end of the table, heating a glass container filled with black, bubbling liquid. The whole crafting studio stank like burned rubber.
“How did this happen?” I asked, walking up to the table. Off to the side, I noticed a massive piece of paper filled with writing. He’d outgrown the dry erase board and was mapping out the train lines on the paper. I remembered seeing the roll sitting in the corner of his cluttered space.
“Get back!” Mordecai snapped, not looking up. “I’m almost done. You’ll contaminate it.”
“He used my two table upgrade coupons on the alchemy table,” Donut said. “He asked me for permission earlier. So the table is now level three.” She made a face. “He didn’t tell me he was making stink bombs.”
“I’ll be making worse than that if you don’t get out of here. Eat your food. I’ll be out in a minute.”
We sat at the kitchen counter. I introduced Katia to curly fries. She was not impressed.
A few minutes later, a triumphant-looking Mordecai entered the room. His arms were full of items. He paused, looking Katia up and down. “You look different.”
“Donut is helping me,” she replied.
“I can see that.”
He piled the items on the counter. There were two pairs of potions and about twenty green-hued balls that looked like perfectly-round avocados. He wrangled the balls into a pile to keep them from rolling away.
“I didn’t have enough time nor enough supplies to make some of the best stuff, but this is a good start,” he said. “You say there’s a Desperado Club out there? Good. We’ll go later and pick up some supplies. Plus the casino will now be open, and you can cash in that chip.”
“Oh yeah!” Donut said. “I forgot about that!” I’d received the poker chip for surviving Signet’s attack on us. Donut hadn’t received anything because her health had zeroed out. She’d only been saved by her Cockroach skill, which allowed her to survive the first fatal hit of a fight.
“So what do we have here?” I asked, picking up the first potion.
Mordecai’s Special Brew
A potion designed by a shifty Changeling who has a tendency to kill those who count on him the most, this special potion combines the effects of a Gold Standard Healing Potion and the Troll’s Second Wind to create a de facto immortality for a period of thirty seconds. It has a few unfortunate side effects.
“I only had enough materials to make two of these. I need at least four more.”
“What are the side effects?” I asked. I chose to ignore that first section of the description. I knew how the system labeled items I had created, which meant whatever they said was not entirely accurate.
“Okay, so what this potion does is create a constant stream of
healing mixed with rapid regeneration for thirty seconds. So it’ll heal almost anything and keep that health topped up. But it is not an invulnerability spell. It won’t protect you against blowing yourself up or being decapitated or anything that would normally cause you to die instantaneously. Unfortunately, the side effects are pretty severe. It ups your potion sickness countdown by about ten hours. So you won’t be able to take any potions afterward for that time. Also, you can only take two of these before they stop working all together. I’ve been trying to fix that for ages, but I can never get past it. Maybe if I can manage to get a table higher than level nine, but I’ve never had the chance.”
I picked up the next potion and examined it. It was orange and bubbly.
“Those are both for Donut,” he said, turning toward the cat. “These are stat potions. Similar deal with that other potion. You can only take two of them. But you can and should take them both now. When I get the ingredients, I’ll make two of these for everybody with all of the stats. If you happen to find more of these potions before I get to it, don’t take them unless they’re labeled Superb. Those are the only ones I can make that might increase it by four. That two potion limit doesn’t care about the quality. They’re easy enough to make once you know the recipe.”
Superb Constitution Buff Potion.
Drinking this mixture will permanently increase your Constitution by a random number between one and four. You may only drink two of these during your time in the dungeon. Why? Because drinking more would be cheating. And if anyone is going to cheat, it’s going to be me.
I slid the potions over to Donut. She pulled them into her inventory.
“So, are superb the best, then?” I asked.
“Sort of,” Mordecai said. “There’s another type called a ‘Cosmic Buff’ that raises a random stat by 10 points, but I don’t know the recipe. They’re so rare I’ve only seen them a handful of times. Those aren’t the same type of potion anyway, so they aren’t restricted to the same limits.”
Donut drank the first buff potion.
“Well that was a waste,” she said. “It only went up one point! Mordecai, are you sure you made these right?”
We waited for her potion countdown to wear off while Mordecai rolled his eyes at the cat. The second potion raised it by three, giving her a net gain of four, making her base Constitution eight. With her anklet and the buff from her brush, plus the temporary 10-point boost she got on this floor only from her Hooligan class, she had a Constitution of 21.
“Four points is good,” Mordecai said. “But we need to keep looking for items that buff it further. It’s still much too low.” Mordecai’s frog tongue darted out, and he stole a curly fry from my bag.
I picked up the final item. It felt like a hardened rubber ball. I squeeze it, and a split in the rubber appeared.
Fragmenting Potion Ball.
A full potion vial may be transferred to this ball.
That was the whole description.
“I need more gossamer thread, but they’ll have some at the Desperado Club. It’s cheap stuff. But I had to upgrade my table to three before I could make these. Once we upgrade the table to five, I’ll have two heating elements, and I can make these twice as fast. At six I’ll have a full autoclave, and I can make 100 at a time. They’re simple enough. You take a potion and pour it into the ball. Then you can throw the ball at an enemy. With your xistera and a few poison and fire water potions, you’ll have a deadly arsenal. In a few floors I’ll be able to make some truly devastating attack potions. I have an idea for a chain lightning potion that is going to be a thing of beauty.”
“They don’t have to drink the potion?” I asked. I tossed the ball in the air and caught it.
“Be careful,” Mordecai said. “They’ll break apart if you throw too hard. Don’t be tossing these around once they’re armed unless you’re throwing them at a bad guy. And no, they don’t have to drink it. Potions work on mobs if you throw them at them. It doesn’t make sense, but it works. It’s always been that way. Also, in case you’re wondering, mobs don’t get potion sickness. Not as far as I can tell. NPCs do.”
“Will it work on party members?” I asked. “Like if Donut is across the room, and she needs a healing potion, and I nail her with one of these, will it work?”
“You will not be lobbing balls at me, Carl,” Donut said. “My word. Do I look like a cocker spaniel to you?”
Mordecai looked thoughtful. “No, I doubt it. Not on other crawlers. That would work on NPCs, though, now that I think about it. It’d probably work on Mongo.”
Throughout the day, I’d received a handful of achievements, but I’d only been awarded one prize from a Gold Looter box. It ended up being yet another Determine Value skill potion. I drank it and moved to my inventory. Not much had changed. I still couldn’t see an actual monetary value of my items, but I could now see the rarity of items.
I filtered it so I could only see Unique items. I only had one. It wasn’t Carl’s Doomsday Scenario, the about-to-explode nuke. That was listed under Pretty Damn Rare. The only unique item was that odd, stuffed Kimaris figure on the horse. I knew it was valuable, but I hadn’t realized it was one of a kind. The description didn’t give any information. It read:
Stuffed Kimaris Figure. (With tags)
It’s impossible to accurately portray Kimaris’s usual I-hate-this-and-I-hate-you scowl, but this collectible bean bag makes a valiant effort.
It was still listed as my most valuable item. The about-to-explode bomb was at the very bottom of my value list.
A message popped up. Our fan boxes were ready. A few minutes later, Donut received the same message. She started hopping up and down with excitement. “Carl, Carl, hurry up and open yours so I can do mine.”
“You know what? You go first,” I said.
“Yes!” Donut said. She was trembling with excitement.
Mordecai settled next to Katia at the kitchen counter. “When you’re done with this, I want to show you guys what I’ve discovered with the rail system. I’m pretty sure I know how to get to the stairwells. They’ve done this sort of thing before, but on a smaller scale.”
I braced myself. Donut’s last fan box had been a picture of Bea. Hopefully this would be something better. Mordecai said since this was a Platinum box, people had to actually pay a credit to vote, so the voting was less likely to be trolled. But I wasn’t so sure about that. Now that we had enemies both inside and outside the dungeon, I couldn’t count out the idea we were about to get slammed with something awful.
She opened the box. She gasped in pleasure.
“Oh my god, thank you! Thank you everybody! I love you all so much!”
I exchanged a look with Mordecai. Wonderful, I thought. Just wonderful.
“Look, Mongo!” Donut said. “Our fans got us a saddle! I can ride you now! It matches your feathers! Carl, put it on Mongo!”
“We’re going to have to rethink some of those battle formations,” Katia said.
I examined the blue and red, tassel-covered, obscenely garish saddle. It looked like something you’d see on a horse during a Fourth of July parade in the deep south. Mongo sniffed at it and growled.
“Actually,” Mordecai said. “That’s a really good prize. But you’re gonna need to get Mongo on board. I’ve never seen anybody ride one of those things.”
Enchanted Mongoliensis Saddle. Adjusted to fit Cat species.
Magically affixes itself to the dreaded Mongoliensis, turning everyone’s favorite murder chicken into a mount. Riders in the saddle are afforded the following bonuses:
+15% to all offensive spell damage.
Anti-Piercing Resistance.
In addition, the saddle gives the following bonus to the attached Mongoliensis:
+20% Constitution.
+20% melee damage while saddle is occupied.
“So Donut gets bonus damage to her spells, and Mongo gets 20% more Constitution? And 20% more damage as long as Donut’s butt is in that thing? I
like the Constitution buff, but I don’t like the idea of Donut sitting on his back while he’s fighting. She’ll be too vulnerable.”
“Agreed,” Mordecai said. He looked at Donut. “You’re going to need to practice jumping out of the saddle when Mongo attacks. That attack bonus is great, but you’ll be a prime target sitting up there.”
“Yeah, yeah, put it on him, Carl!”
There were no straps on the saddle. It looked as if it was missing most of the required saddle parts. It was just a seat and a pommel. And a bunch of tassels. There were no reins. I had no idea how Donut was going to stay on or how she was going to control the dinosaur once she was on.
“Come here, Mongo,” I said, picking up the saddle. The feathered dinosaur cocked his head to the side and then grunted, backing away. I tossed him a curly fry. He snapped it out of the air. “Come here, you bastard.”
“Don’t be mean, Carl. Mongo, listen to Uncle Carl,” Donut said.
He lowered his head and let me approach. I placed the saddle onto his ridged, feathered back, and it clicked in place. It was the same sound as when I placed a table in the crafting room. Mongo howled with displeasure and started bouncing around the room, trying to dislodge it. I had to jump back so I wasn’t whipped in the face with his tail.
“Uh, maybe you should wait until he gets used to it before attempting to ride him,” I said.
“Oh all right,” Donut said. “Now open your box up!”
“Okay,” I said. I opened it up.
For a long moment, nothing happened.
The lights to the room dimmed. Music started playing. Cheesy, 1970’s-style game show music with trumpets and keyboards and percussion music in a disco beat. Colored lights flashed. Mongo stopped howling and jumping and rushed to Donut’s side. We all stood from the kitchen counter. All except Mordecai whose frog face had suddenly taken on a stony expression.