Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 2

by DoctorHepa

  Do you remember the circus? That was fun, wasn’t it?

  You’re hurting me.

  I know, honey. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

  This wasn’t really as big as the Grand Canyon, but I was surprised at how shaken I was by the sudden memory. This hole was almost perfectly round, at least a mile across. It had to be thousands of feet deep.

  As I watched, a train burst through a portal. The cars shot into the air and then tumbled into the pit. They twisted and turned as they fell and fell, landing in a heap at the bottom with a distant crash.

  I strained to peer at the base of the pit. The giant hole was filled with thousands of crashed train cars. Hundreds of fires burned. The tiny dots of figures crawled over the debris. I recognized their gait. Jikininki janitor ghouls. They swarmed like ants over the wreckage. Another train came from a different portal. Then another.

  There’s no engine cars. I remembered what the ManTauR guy had told us. He would go through the portal, and it was just his engine car on the other side. These were all the colored trains reaching the end of the line. The trains were driven through the portals. Only the engine car was teleported back to base. The rest of the cars were just thrown into this pit, like garbage. The conductors and the porters got off the train at the last stop. And when they returned, the train had been reformed. The train wasn’t looping through time. They were building new trains. All except the engine cars.

  “Holy shit!” I cried as a train burst from a portal directly over my head. I ducked as the catwalk shuddered. The train roared as it plummeted into the hole. The wheels spun uselessly as the driverless train nosedived.

  It looked up at the portal.

  Ultima Corp DungeonWerx Industrial Subspace Portal.

  Analyze? Yes/No.

  I clicked Yes, and the page of numbers that appeared was much longer than the last one. I scrolled down to the bottom.

  Warning: You are facing the incorrect side of this portal. Entering through this side will have no effect. You may pass safely through this side, but use caution not to backtrack while entering.

  Type: One-way portal. Gated by conveyance type and to key holders.

  Can you pass this portal? Yes*

  Warning: You must be on a gated conveyance and/or a key must be equipped or held outside of inventory, depending on type. Compatible keys have been marked in your inventory.

  Environment on other side of portal: Compatible.

  Visual Analysis? Yes/No.

  I clicked Yes.

  I was greeted with a screenshot of a massive trainyard. Thousands of trains spread out in all directions. It was only the engine cars. They were all in a high-fenced yard. In the fenced-in area of the yard were what looked like thousands of ghoul-like creatures milling about. They looked like zombies, but from several different races and mobs.

  I moved to another portal down the gangway and took another screenshot. It was the same, but from a different angle. From this direction I could see just past the fence and saw what appeared to be a line of dwarves waiting for the train. The zombies were only in the trainyard. I couldn’t see how the trains were leaving the fenced-in area or how they were keeping the zombies within.

  My eyes did catch something interesting. There was a swirling portal in the corner of the trainyard, much too small for a train. I could only see half of it from this shot. But in that shot I could see the distinctive form of one of those rolling cages like the one I’d looted from the room with the robots.

  A distant roar made me look up. A large, lizard-like monster had spied me and was crawling up the wall to my gangway. Several other of the mobs also started to move in this direction. I still had several minutes before they’d get here.

  I wanted to stay and fight, but I was worried that they’d do something to the walkway, causing me to lose access to the stairwell back to the Nightmare Express. I dropped a goblin smoke bomb, so they couldn’t see which direction I went, and I returned to the stairwell and started to quickly descend.

  Several minutes passed, but it didn’t look like they were following. As I descended, I moved to my inventory. I found a new sort-by option. I could sort out items that have been “marked.” I had three keys that would allow me passage through the portal: The Ochre Key, the Steam Train Key, and that stupid souvenir hat we’d received the moment this floor started.

  Holy shit. That was it? All we needed to do was equip the stupid fucking train conductor hat?

  Carl: So I’m sending this message out to everybody on my chat list. You guys aren’t going to believe this shit.

  * * *

  Carl: In case you haven’t heard, the stairwells are all at stations 12, 24, 36, 48, and 72. The problem is we all started higher than station 80, and it doesn’t look like there’s a way to backtrack. Here’s what we have gathered. So far we know for sure of two ways to get to the early stations, and we’re pretty certain about two more. Spread the word.

  One. If you equip that stupid hat and just ride a train to the end of the line, you’ll get through. Problem. The train car you’re riding in won’t get through, which means you’ll be teleported into a train station filled with literally thousands of zombies.

  Two. You can kill an engineer and get an engineer’s key. You will be transported to the same trainyard, but you’ll be inside of a train car. Problem. You’ll have to manage to do that without crashing the train. You can possibly jump ahead using one of the named lines. But let me tell you, those named lines are a bitch. Also, we don’t know what you can do after you get to the station. If you have control of the train you can possibly drive it out of there, but we’re not sure.

  Possible Solution Three. Station 435 is where the employees get off. There’s supposedly a portal there that takes you to the headquarters. I believe the headquarters is on the other side of the zombie fence. Problem. It sounds like there’s a boss monster at these stops called The Kravyad. Also, it appears if you go through this portal you lose time and memories. Plus we’re not certain you can get through these portals. If someone tries this, let us know your experience.

  Possible Solution Four. If you get on a named line that has a stop at station 436, and you get control of the train, you can use the switching station to get back to the base. I’m not certain how that works yet, but we’re going to try to figure it out.

  I know there are other solutions. If you find them, please let me know. Stay safe out there everybody.

  Porter T: Thanks, mate. You’re not nearly as crazy as they make you look on the show.

  Mei W: We sold our hats. Everybody in the party sold them! They were offering 5,000 gold each for them.

  I continued down the stairs, answering a wave of messages. There were rumors of a hidden train that moved backward, down the line and not up it. But you had to break through a wall to get to it. I was half expecting to find my train gone, but it remained on the track, boiler chugging in standby mode. I got in, knocked on the fire door so Fire Brandy knew I was back, and I pulled out of the station. I slowly increased the train’s speed, getting it up to about 50 miles per hour. Behind, the cars still sparked and rumbled ominously, but they remained on the tracks. I should have unhooked them, but I didn’t have anywhere to put them. If we could figure out the switching station, maybe there’d be a way to ditch the extra cars.

  Donut: CARL, HURRY UP AND GET BACK. I GOT MY FIRST BENEFACTOR BOX AND IT’S THE GREATEST PRIZE IN THE HISTORY OF PRIZES. PRINCESS D’NADIA HAD IT MADE ESPECIALLY FOR ME. I WANT YOU TO SEE IT. IT’S A SURPRISE!

  Katia: It’s a surprise all right.

  Donut: DON’T RUIN IT, KATIA.

  Carl: I can’t wait.

  Donut: ALSO I FORGOT TO TELL YOU I WENT UP TWO LEVELS TO LEVEL 30. MY CHARISMA HIT 100, AND I HAVE A NEW SPECIAL ABILITY!

  Carl: That is good news. You can tell me all about it when I get back.

  Donut: IT’S CALLED LOVE VAMPIRE. IT’S AWESOME!

  Carl: I’m going to make one more very quick stop before I get back. The
train is moving a bit slower than usual, so it’ll still be a couple of hours.

  Donut: WHAT KIND OF STOP?

  Carl: I’m going to try to make a trade over at station 83. Let me know when I’m getting close. In the meantime, you should head over to the Purple or Mauve platform and grind on the monsters riding in from station 282.

  Katia: That’s what we’ve been doing, but the trains stopped coming on the Purple line. The Mauve line is still moving. Also, I spent some time clearing the track of debris. In my larger form, it’s a lot easier to pick up the big stuff. There’s still stuff strewn across the track, but I don’t think it’ll be a problem now.

  * * *

  About two hours later, the Nightmare Express returned to station 283. Katia had cleaned the track pretty well. Most of the remaining debris I hit was caught by the cow catcher, and it eventually flew to the side of the narrow path or broke into narrow chunks. The train occasionally bucked, but we remained on the tracks.

  I stopped the engine about halfway down the platform. Katia stood there, leaning against a ceiling support. She was about half-full of transformation mass. She looked like a pink-skinned She Hulk, but with spikes on her back. She’d given herself a leather outfit and black boots. The purple mohawk had returned.

  Donut was also there, sitting upon the back of Mongo. I noticed the new addition to her outfit right away.

  “Sunglasses, huh?” I said as I stepped off the train.

  “Aren’t they just to die for!” Donut exclaimed, hopping off the back of Mongo, who was jumping up and down wildly at my return. I patted the dinosaur on the head as Donut leaped to my shoulder. “They’re not just couture. They’re super sunglasses.”

  They were large and round, making her look like a bug. They were similar to the movie star-style sunglasses Bea was wearing on her head in that picture Donut had received. These seemed to be magically affixed to Donut’s face. The frames had no arms, and her nose was too squished to properly hold them up, yet they remained firmly plastered to her face. I examined their properties:

  Prism Industries Capacitating and Focusing Goggles. Special High-Fashion Edition. “The Princess Donut.”

  This is a Unique Item.

  This one-of-a-kind item was a gift from Princess D’Nadia of the Prism Kingdom to Princess Donut of the Blood Sultanate. It was personally signed by Princess D’Nadia.

  Protects the eyes from a variety of environmental hazards, including magic-based attacks that render the user blind. Enhances all dark vision effects. Allows for heat vision and other visible-light viewing options.

  In addition, any energy-based spell that originates from the ocular region is caught and focused by these goggles, which allows for multiple combat and targeting options.

  “Holy shit,” I said, reading it a second time.

  “It turns my Magic Missile into a laser!” she said. “I can shoot four at the same time! I’ve been standing on the back of the Mauve Platform, and when the doors open, I can shoot inside four doors at once. It can even hold onto the energy of one shot and add it to the next. Plus they’re beautiful. I look like Miss Beatrice. Don’t you just love them?”

  “Those are pretty good,” I agreed. I wondered how much it cost D’nadia to get the box to Donut. I glanced up to Katia. “Did you get anything?”

  “No,” she said. “None of the daughters have gotten anything yet, either.”

  I still didn’t know what Katia’s sponsor’s angle was. I wouldn’t be surprised if Katia never got a prize at all. “I am absolutely starving,” I said, trying to change the subject. “Let’s eat and take a nap and reset our buffs because I don’t know how long before we’ll find another safe room after this.”

  “We’re going through the portal?” Katia asked.

  “I just want to see if we can get through and then come back using the Nightmare Express train. If not, it’ll give us time to figure out what our next move will be. If we can set up near a stairwell and just grind for the remaining time, that’ll be ideal.”

  “And if we can come back?” Katia said. “We’ll return?”

  I held up my hand as I read the new message that just popped up.

  Elle: Hey Carl. We have found ourselves in a bit of a pickle. I wanted to give you a head’s up.

  Carl: What’s wrong?

  Elle: We just cleared out stop 275 on the Camel Line. Killed one of those Krakaren bitches. It was easier than Imani thought it would be. Anyway, we cleared the area, and we went back to the station to catch the next train to 277, which is a transit station. But the train never came. We’re stuck here. We’re going to have to walk.

  Imani: I think it was that Quan Ch guy. There’s chatter in my inbox that people keep seeing him blowing up trains. He’s farming the train drivers, but he’s making it so everybody is getting stuck. If he keeps it up, all of the train lines will be stopped.

  Carl: How far is it to station 277?

  Imani: Far. 276 is probably twenty or thirty miles, and by the time we get there, the monsters at that station will be starting to transform and will be on the tracks. It’s another thirty after that to 277.

  Elle: Yeah, so instead we’ll be taking the druggie portal back to station 272 and then we’ll hike down to 271. It’s still far, but not nearly as much. We’ll still have to walk on the tracks. That’s why I’m letting you know. We’ll be out of commission for a day at least. There’s a named train at 271, and if the Cobalt line is also out of commission, we’ll have to take that one. It’s called The Eviscerator.

  I’d seen that one listed a few times. I cursed that Quan asshole. He had to know what he was doing. What a selfish prick.

  Carl: What kind of monsters are at stop 272?

  Imani: Gross Atomizers. Floating bags of gas. They’re easy to kill, but they have a poison cloud area attack. We can handle them. It’ll also give us a chance to look at these robots you’ve been talking about.

  Carl: Okay. Good luck. See if you can find a secret way out of that robot room. We’re going to try to take the Nightmare through the portal. I’ll let you know what happens. Keep me updated. Stay away from the third rail.

  Elle: Oh you know it. Kill, kill, kill!

  I laughed.

  * * *

  “So tell me about your new vampire skill,” I asked as I ate a corndog. The saferoom was bigger than usual. It was a self-enclosed mall food court. Only one of the many restaurants was open. A Hotdog on a Stick. The bopca even wore the absurd hat the workers had to wear. Katia was scandalized by the restaurant’s normal menu. She’d instead talked the bopca into some sort of fish recipe from Iceland.

  Donut had also ordered the fish. She currently had a piece of broken mirror propped up on the table and was practicing her voguing. She looked up at me. The sour look was ridiculously enhanced by the sunglasses.

  “It’s not vampire, it’s Love Vampire. I had three choices, and I picked that one.”

  “Did you actually read the descriptions first?”

  “Of course I read them, Carl. Besides, it’s the one Mordecai told me to get when we talked about this before.”

  I relaxed. “That’s good. What does it do?”

  “It makes one enemy my level or lower give me his heart. That’s what it says. So if I get stabbed, they take the damage instead of me.”

  “Wait, really?” I said, intrigued. “How often can you do it? How long does it last?”

  “It lasts until they’re dead. I can do it every couple of hours. Now let me do this, Carl. We’re going on the show later and I need to perfect my look.”

  I sighed. Zev had said we’d only be doing voiceover stuff on the show, but I wasn’t going to point that out now.

  I moved to my loot boxes. The boss boxes were typical Neighborhood Boss items. The best prize was a Scroll of Upgrade, which had been good to me so far, but when I applied it, all it did was add +3 Dexterity to my Trollskin Shirt. That was a decent upgrade, especially since I’d been planning on throwing a couple of points into Dext
erity, but it wasn’t a great one.

  The Platinum Big Daddy Box contained a regular, unenchanted toothbrush, plus a tiny, travel-sized tube of toothpaste. The tube was red with a black skull on it. It had “Carpe Diem” written on it in what appeared to be Comic Sans font.

  Seize the Day Toothpaste – Five Applications.

  You know that feeling you get when you walk out into the world with minty-fresh breath? It’s like you can take on any challenge that is thrown your way. It gives you confidence. It boosts your self-esteem. It makes you feel like you’re on top of the damn world.

  Well, this stuff does none of that. However, if you brush your teeth using this enchanted, cherry-flavored toothpaste, you are imbued with the following buffs for 30 hours:

  +Three Times Damage to all Boss Monsters.

  or

  +Four Times Damage to all Boss Monsters if the Boss is a Province, Country, or Floor Boss.

  This buff may only be applied in a safe room.

  That was a fantastic prize, but it would only be useful if I knew I was going to face a boss that day. With only five applications, I’d need to be stingy with it. I added it to my stash.

  From there, I assigned my stat points, adding six to my strength and three to my constitution.

  I needed to sleep, but I found myself spending too much time using the chat feature. I’d traded away all of my Louis L’Amour books, and I’d suddenly realized how much I’d gotten used to reading, even if it was only for a few minutes before I slept. So instead I moved to the chat feature. I was starting to see a reoccurring theme in my small chat group. The trains were going out of commission at an alarming rate. People were getting stranded. We still had six days left, but that wasn’t nearly enough time if people were going to have to hike dozens of miles a day.