Hector was not having any of this “Queer lark.” So he drew Lesley off a smart right hook to the ear. This stunned Lesley who screamed like a banshee and took off his high heels. He then chased Hector around the car park launching his stilettos, much to the delight of the female audience who’d not had so much fun in ages.
Hector, who was not handicapped by stilettos, managed to make good his escape. ‘Women!’ He said to himself. ‘Evil cows, the lot of them!’
And he certainly wasn’t going to get involved with or take advice from some ‘Jessie.’
‘Who knows where it might lead.’
Hector, being single minded about his “problem” saw this encounter as nothing other than flawed research. He resigned himself to the fact that he should try to seek advice from a professional “Hairdresser” in the future.
The Management of the factory, who had been peering through the venetian blinds to see what all of the shouting was about, were not happy about the disturbance. They put a call into the Police who sent a constable along to Pollards to investigate. He spoke briefly to Lesley who having explained the circumstances accepted that he had probably got what he deserved. He declared it a draw and the constable decided that no further Police action was necessary.
Chapter 9 – Prostrate Trouble.
One aspect of the job that Benny liked was the fact that it was unpredictable and he never knew what he would be expected to deal with next.
Whilst walking the town beat one morning he rounded a corner only to see a man lying on his back in the middle of the pavement. At first Benny thought that the man had taken a fall and that he was unconscious. As he got closer, he saw that the man was lying perfectly still with his mouth open and he was staring up at the sky. He estimated the man’s age to be late 50s, he was small in stature and of wiry build.
Benny spoke to the man ‘You Okay mate?’ He didn’t answer and gave no sign that he was even aware of Benny’s presence. He just continued to stare at the sky, barely blinking his eyes.
Benny was wracking his brains to remember the First Aid that he had been taught at Training School. He continued to speak to the man in an effort to provide some kind of reassurance and he tried to appear to the bystanders as though he knew what he was doing. Benny did not feel at all confident and so, not wishing to inflict more harm on the man, as was his usual modus operandi, he called for an ambulance over the radio.
When it arrived, the ambulance was crewed by a male driver, Colin West, and a young female attendant, Linda Hawes. They gave the casualty, who was later identified as one Simon Vaughan, a quick cursory examination. He was alive but still motionless apart from his eyes which were by now blinking normally. They suspected that Simon may have suffered a stroke and they decided to take him to the Accident and Emergency unit.
Colin the driver, went to retrieve the carrying chair from the ambulance and he brought it back to the pavement. Benny helped to lift Simon and they placed him onto the chair and strapped him in. He was wheeled to the back of the ambulance and with him facing away from the vehicle and Benny and Linda on either side of the chair, Colin began to lift the chair into the rear.
Simon, who hitherto had been very passive, then came to life! He started to lash out in all directions with his arms and with a backward swing of a fist he connected with Colin’s chin. Colin dropped to the floor of the vehicle like a piece of felled timber. He was “out for the count.”
The chair was still balanced on the lip of the tailgate and it was wobbling from side to side with Benny and Linda struggling to prevent chair and Simon toppling onto the road.
He was still punching out for all he was worth and as they struggled with the chair Benny could see several grown men just walk past the ambulance. Some laughed, some stared in amazement and it was clear that none of them were prepared to get involved. He had to virtually order one of them to lend a hand and they finally managed to lift the chair into the ambulance.
Having got the situation under control Linda summoned a second ambulance to the scene.
The driver of the second ambulance was able to drive Colin’s vehicle to Hospital.
Meanwhile, in the rear, Colin was still unconscious.
Benny had to restrain Simon by sitting on his lap and holding him in some sort of bear hug. He was still trying to lash out and he managed to connect with Benny’s head with a couple of punches. All that Benny could do was to keep his arms wrapped around him to smother the blows. Simon, albeit a man with only a slight frame, had managed to summon enormous strength and Benny was struggling to contain his energy. In addition he was making serious attempts to bite him.
On arrival at the hospital Simon was taken to the Medical Assessment unit to be examined. He had indeed suffered some kind of a stroke and he remained in hospital for a couple of days before he was discharged. After liaising with the Casualty doctor it was decided that it would not be appropriate to bring charges against Simon Vaughan. He had obviously not been in his right mind at the time of the assault and had acted purely on impulse due to his condition.
As for the driver, Colin West, he was suffering with concussion and he was admitted to hospital for observation. He was away from work for a week to recuperate and in the spirit of his profession, he put his injuries down to experience and the hazards of the job.
Chapter 10 – Caledonian Menace.
Lee-over-Sands had one major employer which was the Martello Bay Holiday Camp. It was part of a national group of sites. At the height of the summer season Martello Bay had five thousand punters and eight hundred casual staff inside the wire. In addition there was a cadre of full time staff who occupied the key positions. It also had its own dedicated beat officer. Although there was the occasional punch up between holidaymakers, which was usually fuelled by alcohol, there was no real trouble. Most of the punters were good natured people, with families, who were just intent on enjoying their holiday to the full. The casual staff, however, were something else entirely.
Martello Bay tried hard to recruit reliable staff and although they provided meals and accommodation for many of them, the pay was not high. Martello Bay attracted errant individuals from various parts of the country, some of whom were from the Glasgow area. They had a tendency to commit offences on the site and some even made it their goal to be dismissed at the earliest opportunity. They could then obtain a bedsit in the town and live off of Benefits and go on the “swalli” for the rest of the season and beyond.
They were very tribal, they would drink in the town together and, when not fighting among themselves, they tried to intimidate the locals and local Licensees. They soon gained a fearsome reputation. Nobody really wanted to mess with the Caledonian menace known locally as “The Jocks.”
One such character was Grahame McCracken or “Crackers” as he was known. He was a tall dark handsome individual who bore a passing resemblance to Cliff Richard but although he was on a permanent “Summer Holiday”, he was no Christian. He was a violent alcoholic who, when in drink, had a penchant for carrying out “smash and grab” burglaries on shops in the town centre.
A fairly straight forward offence, one might think, but he committed these offences with an unsubtle twist. He would head- butt the window, for the bottles on display, and this would invariably shatter and having received the inevitable lacerations, “Crackers” would leave a trail of blood back to his flat. It was then just a simple matter for the Police to follow the trail the next morning and arrest him in his Pit.
The Jocks also had a tendency to use Stanley knives as weapons and on two separate occasions, club doormen, who had ejected them, were later visited and cut from mouth to ear. Over a period of months things were getting out of hand and a feud developed between The Jocks and the local criminals who objected to the liberties that were being taken in their town. Violence erupted in the town on several Friday and Saturday nights. On the few occasions when the Police got a tip off about a planned “set to” they would bring in extra officers and lie in wait.
However, these events never seemed to happen as predicted.
Matters came literally to a head, or several heads, when on one Sunday evening a much feared local thug called Paul Gavin was drinking in the Marine Pub in the town centre when six of the Jocks came into the pub. Luckily it was early and there were no other drinkers in the public bar. He only wanted a quiet pint in his local with “Wally”, the licensee. Wally himself had had trouble with the “Jocks” before and this lot were steaming drunk already having been clearly on the “swalli” for most of the day.
‘You lads are barred from here and you know it.’ said Wally. ’I’m not serving you. So you’d best leave my pub.’
Shuggy Hughes, the main man, walked through the open flap and went behind the bar. ‘We’ll serve ourselves then, pal’
‘No you won’t!’ said Wally, who tried to block Shug’s progress.
Incensed by this arrogance, Gavin leapt to his feet.
‘Do you want trouble big man? I’ll cut your fuckin arse for you!’ said Shug.
Wally, fearing the likely appearance of a blade, grabbed a bottle of brown ale and laid it across Shug’s skull and he went to the floor. All hell then broke loose with Shug’s confederates trying to aim punches at Wally over the bar.
Gavin then produced a cut-throat razor from his back pocket and he swiftly pulled it open. He sprung at James Donaldson and Dougie Henderson who were both trapped against the bar. With one sweep of his arm he cut Donaldson behind his ear and with a return sweep caused a deep incision across the forehead of Henderson. The blood began to flow.
He then turned his attention to Malky Henderson who attempted to aim a blow at Gavin’s head with a glass ashtray but due to his drunken state, he was too slow to connect. Gavin got under his reach and bundled him to the ground. Malky was slashed across the face and his right ear, having been removed from his head, was flicked under one of the tables.
Wally, at this point was bombarding Shug and the others with empty glasses from the bar. This went on for a few seconds during which time Gavin fled through the rear doors and away into the warren of back alleys when the sound of Police Sirens were heard approaching. As luck would have it, Wally’s partner, who was in the Saloon bar and who had expected violence as soon as the Jocks came into the pub, had put a pre-emptive 999 call into the Police.
When the officers entered the bar they were confronted with a scene that resembled something from a Wild West film.
Malky Henderson was on his hands and knees searching under the tables for his missing ear and his brother, who had run into the gent’s toilet, had torn the roller towel from the wall and was trying to stem the flow of blood which was pouring from his wound. Shug and the other Jocks had gone out of the back door in pursuit of Gavin. Dougie Henderson was seated in the corner with his head in his hands and blood was seeping through his fingers.
Wally was allegedly unconscious behind the bar and when questioned he said that he didn’t really know the man who had attacked the Jocks but that they had tried to steal the takings from the till.
The wounded were all arrested and they were taken to hospital by ambulance. Having taken full advantage of the NHS they were eventually transferred to the Police Station where they were interviewed by the Police about the incident. The CID could get nowhere with them. There were no independent witnesses and they were not about to take “Wally’s” account as being reliable.
The interviewing officers were told by the Jocks to ‘Get to fuck.’ and they would say no more than that. The next day they were bailed but nothing further came of the matter. At least, not officially.
At any one time the Jocks totalled no more than about 15 or 20 souls but they had an impact on the town of Lee-over-Sands that was far out of proportion to their number. Apart from an occasional term of imprisonment, the Police never really got to grips with them. But life did. More specifically heroin did. They enjoyed their reputation and the access to the booze, drugs and women while it lasted. But a violent reputation could not alter the passage of time and it could not save them from themselves. Those who survived can now be seen shuffling around the town, with little to their name. Like the living dead.
Chapter 11 – Bit of a giggle.
Life at the Guest house went on as usual. Eleanor had returned from Brighton and a new season of home and away matches were about to begin. Benny did not really get to speak to her for the first week or so but after a few days he managed to get her out for a couple of drinks in the Imperial. He was a bit concerned that she was no longer interested in him. But he need not have worried. She was her usual self. Swinging between being intense and spiritual on the one hand and to being free and easy on the other. In the present day such a set of behaviours would probably be diagnosed as Bi-polar disorder.
This was a part of her attraction, at least that’s what Benny told himself, and her body wasn’t half bad either. She was fit.
‘I’ve really missed you Benny.’ She said. ‘How about I cook you a special meal on Saturday and we can really catch up then?’ ‘That would be great.’ He replied, ‘I’ll get us a bottle of wine shall I? And we’ll have a nice night in.’
Saturday morning arrived and Eleanor would not permit Benny to enter her room as she did not “want the surprise to be ruined.” In truth, she was trying to cook something special and she was struggling.
Benny played football for St Osyth in the afternoon, against their arch rivals Great Bentley, and he had scored a couple of goals. He was feeling very pleased with himself. After the match he had a couple of pints in the Working Man’s club after which he returned home. He was really looking forward to the night ahead. That morning he had bought himself a new Ben Sherman shirt and a pair of black strides. Benny shaved and changed. He then went downstairs to the kitchen to collect the bottle of Blue Nun that Doris had, after much questioning, allowed him to keep in the fridge.
Benny knocked on Eleanor’s door. ‘Just a minute’ After a few seconds the door opened and although the main light was off an aromatic candle was burning in the corner and Ellie could be seen wearing a tight T shirt and hot-pants. There were joss sticks burning and a mild smell of curry filled his nostrils. ‘This has all of the ingredients of a good night.’ Thought Benny.
He had to open the wine by pushing the cork through into the bottle with his finger, as a corkscrew could not be found. She poured two glasses and they settled down on Ellie’s bed. It was good to be with her at last. Since she had returned from Brighton they had hardly seen each other due to his shifts and her lectures.
Ellie served up a very tasty, but hot, vegetable curry with rice and Naan bread. This was followed by a warm chocolate sponge and ice-cream which soothed the path taken by the curry. It was so good he had second a helping. The wine had barely lasted the length of the meal so Benny opened a bottle of Cherry Brandy that he went to fetch from his room. Benny quickly liberated Ellie from her clothing and they got into bed and lay wrapped around each other listening to “Tubular Bells” on the Stereo. They made love and afterwards they laid back. Benny was pleased that Ellie did not bother to smoke. ‘Perhaps she’s given it up.’ He thought.
As they lay there listening to various albums Benny felt happy. In fact the happiest he had felt for a very long time. The music seemed to take on a clearer meaning and he softly sung the words to himself. He loved the Eagles, Roxy Music and the Rolling Stones.
He wasn’t the least bit self- conscious. He was soaking up the experience and this was blissful. Was this what real happiness felt like? And why had he not reached these heights before? They made love again and it seemed to go on for ever. She was definitely “Special.”
Then he started to giggle, and giggle, and giggle. Everything was hilarious.
Ellie also started to giggle. ‘I’ve never had this effect on a woman before.’ Thought Benny. This euphoric state continued on until the early hours when they eventually succumbed and drifted off to sleep.
The next morning Benny came awake with Elli
e standing over him with a mug of tea. He had a thick head but took a couple swigs of tea after which he almost immediately felt better. He was buzzing again.’ Where shall we go for breakfast then you sexy minx?’
They walked to a “greasy spoon” in the town centre, which was run by Dean, one of Benny’s football mates, where Benny ordered a full English breakfast and Ellie had beans on toast. The café was quite busy with the residue of the previous night’s clubbers and a few Sunday market traders who were collecting their bacon sarnies.
Over breakfast Ellie broached the subject of the night’s anniversary celebration and she started holding forth over the benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. Even though Benny was tucking into his beef sausage and eggs he was almost persuaded by her argument. Natural organic products, herbal remedies, nature’s bounty?
Then Benny began to feel a tightening in the pit of his stomach as a very large penny dropped. Bile arose within him like a volcanic eruption. Benny managed to conceal it from her but his mind was feverishly working through the events of the previous night. He knew now that she had drugged him in some way. How could he have been so fucking naïve? Benny had to work hard to contain his anger. He wanted to throttle her.
Benny paid for the meal and they left to walk back to the house. He said nothing on the way back and returned to his room having made his excuses. He knew that one way or the other if he made an issue over what had taken place it would seriously rebound on him. He now suspected that it was the cake. In fact he was sure of it. Why was he such a bloody fool around women?
Benny was furious and having mulled it over he decided against confronting Ellie. He felt stupid enough and to do so would only make matters worse. He immediately went to see a couple of colleagues, Tom and Neil who shared a flat and who Benny knew had a third bedroom they were trying to let. He was too ashamed to explain his sudden need and they wouldn’t really have been all that interested, other than to take the piss. He proposed that he take on the third bedroom. They were only too pleased to share the burden of the rent. So Benny made arrangements to move in.
An Oik's Progress Page 5