“Are you thirsty? Can I get you a drink? A Coke? A beer? A glass of wine? Some water, maybe?”
“I’m fine, Jackson.” She smiled and fluttered her eyelashes at me. “Thank you.”
When we sat down in the rockers, she kicked off her sandals and let out a long sigh. “It’s so peaceful out here.”
“That’s why I built out here. No neighbors for miles.”
“Mrs. Ruby told me you built all this by yourself.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Uh-huh.” She started to rock. “I spent the afternoon with her today.”
“I know.”
She cut her eyes at me. “She told you?”
“How do you think I knew you were at the beach?”
She smiled. “That Mrs. Ruby. She’s something else.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without her. I’m a little worried about her, though. She’s getting forgetful lately.”
“She didn’t have a problem remembering anything when I asked her about you,” she said softly.
“That’s because I’m her favorite.”
Rebecca chuckled. Her smile was kind. Her lips were sweet. So damn sweet. I wanted to taste them again. She was right; there was so much we had to catch up on.
“So, what did she say?” I asked.
The story of my life generally wasn’t anyone else’s business, but Rebecca wasn’t just anybody. Besides, if she’d ever come to love me, I wanted her to love the true me, not some fake version. I was well aware I was no knight in shining armor, but if she gave me a chance, I’d spend every moment of the rest of my life treating her like a queen.
She took a long breath, and I watched her beautiful green eyes glass over as her soft smile began to fade. “We talked about your recovery from the accident, and your therapy, and Andrew and Big Al, and your work, and how you started drinking and fighting, and then how you became a contractor and built this house…”
She paused and looked forward, then started rocking with more vigor. I watched her swallow. Her chest began to rise and fall more quickly. I was unsure how to respond because I didn’t know what she was going to say next. Whatever it was, I was ready to be completely honest with her. There could be no secrets if I expected this to work.
“She told me about Nicole...” She started biting her bottom lip, then quickly wiped a tear as it rolled from her eye.
I watched her profile in the moonlight, wondering what she was thinking, fearing what she might say.
She took a deep breath, then looked at me and continued, “And the baby.”
My heart was pounding. I reached over and gently rested my hand on top of hers. “Savannah?”
Her eyebrows were knitted together, her smile, sad. “Yeah,” she whispered.
“And her heart problems?”
She nodded. Her lip began to quiver, and another tear rolled down her cheek before she had time to catch it. “I’m so sorry, Jackson,” she breathed, trying her best to keep from crying.
I squeezed her hand. My eyes begin to sting. Although I was certain that conversation had to hit her emotions like a tsunami, I was relieved it was all out on the table now. I swallowed hard and clenched my teeth as I tried to hold it together. Rebecca intertwined her fingers with mine. Her hand was soft and felt so small, but it was powerfully therapeutic. We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. There was healing in her touch and hope in her eyes. She was as kind and compassionate as she’d always been.
I brought my fingers to the bridge of my nose and squeezed. “Savannah was born three months early with a congenital heart condition the doctors called ASD.”
“Atrial septal defect,” she said slowly and closed her fingers tighter around my hand.
“That’s right.” I swallowed. “They said it was likely caused by Nicole’s drug abuse.”
“Without a doubt.” Rebecca’s face reflected her heartache. “Savannah’s lucky to be alive.”
“She really is.” I paused, remembering those first critical days. “We almost lost her several times. It was hell seeing all those wires hooked up to her little body. She was terribly small, weighed less than two pounds. And her skin… God, it was so thin you could see her veins. I was terrified she was going to die. And angry because there was nothing I could do about it. I felt completely helpless. I just wanted to hold her and bring her home and take care of her.”
“That’s the way I feel about the children at the hospital where I work. And they’re not even mine. I can’t imagine the agony parents suffer. It must’ve been awful for you, Jackson.”
“It was unbearable.” I sighed and scrubbed my hand across my face. “We hoped a cardiac catheterization would plug the hole in her heart, but the doctors said she wasn’t a candidate for it because of the location of the hole.”
“So, the only treatment is open-heart surgery,” Rebecca said.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “But I’m literally scared to death.”
“Don’t be, Jackson.” She squeezed my hand again. “Many defects can be sewn closed without even using a patch. And I’m sure you know, it’s better to have the surgery as soon as possible to prevent complications from arising later.”
Rebecca’s knowledge was not only surprising, but it was also comforting. Her gentle smile calmed me, and her voice reassured me. She looked so beautiful. So strong. I reached over and placed my hand over our intertwined fingers. “So, how is it you know so much about all this?”
She tilted her head and raised one eyebrow. “It’s what I do. I’m a neonatal nurse.”
“Well of course you are.” I smiled. “Why on earth would you be anything else?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She smirked.
“Nothing at all. The job completely fits you.” I traced lines down her fingers. “You enjoy it?”
She leaned back into the rocker. “More than I ever imagined.”
“Tell me about it.”
She rocked slowly and stared out at the moon. Its light glistened across the pond, scattering a string of diamonds in the distance. For several moments neither of us said anything. The only sounds came from the still summer night. Crickets, frogs, insects. The music they made had a soothing effect. Then finally, Rebecca spoke. Her voice, barely above a whisper.
“There’s nothing like holding a newborn.” She closed her eyes, as if lingering on the thought.
I watched her chest rise as she breathed in deeply.
When she exhaled, she asked, “Do you know what I love most?” She opened her eyes and smiled at me. “The way they smell. They smell like…” She paused. “I don’t even know how to describe it. They smell pure. And fresh. It’s crazy, I know, but it’s like I can smell their innocence. I love that smell.” She continued to rock. “Caring for those little babies, sometimes for months on end. Watching them overcome such life-threatening infections and diseases. Seeing their strength, their will to live. Just being a part of helping them get better. It’s like I witness a miracle each time one of them goes home.” She paused again and bit her bottom lip. “Not every case ends that way, though. There’s nothing worse than losing a child, except for meeting with the parents afterward. That’s the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. But I love my job. I love the babies. And I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.” She squeezed my hand as she looked deep into my eyes. “You know, Jackson, Savannah’s a miracle too.”
I stared back at her. My eyes began to sting again. Seeing things through Rebecca’s eyes, I realized how fortunate I was.
“How is your mom with her?” she asked.
I’d hoped to avoid talking about my mom. Or, frankly, either one of my parents. Too much pain to dig up, and it simply wasn’t worth it. They’d both made decisions that led me to remove them from my life completely. They were toxic people, and I had no desire to expose my frail child to such destructive relationships. In time, Rebecca would learn about all that had transpired in her absence. In time, I would tell her everything. She would be
shocked, she would be angry, and she would be hurt. But she would know the truth—the honest-to-God, ugly truth.
“There’s no contact there.” I watched Rebecca’s eyes widen, but she remained silent. “Savannah has only Granny and me. Everything’s better that way.” I shrugged and forced a smile, casually dismissing the topic.
Rebecca smiled back. Her eyes were gentle and nonthreatening. After a moment, she asked, “Is she with Mrs. Ruby tonight?”
I heard the fondness in her voice, saw the affection in her eyes as she spoke of Savannah.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “She’s spending the night.”
Rebecca’s smile widened. “I bet that’s a treat for them both.”
A treat, I thought. Of course she would consider spending time with a child or an elderly person a treat. That’s Rebecca. Sweet, tender-hearted Rebecca. The same girl I had fallen in love with when I was just a boy.
“Yeah. They’re gonna eat cookies, watch cartoons, and color.”
Rebecca laughed. “What a perfect girls’ night.”
I sighed. “That’s what they do. Every Friday night and every Saturday morning when I have a fishing trip planned.”
“You’re going fishing in the morning?”
“Yeah. My trip was cut short today, and I promised Andrew some fish for his restaurant.”
Her brow furrowed. “What happened?”
I twisted my mouth and raised an accusing eyebrow. “Well, this beautiful woman I knew a long time ago showed up at my house last night, and I’ve been nuts thinking about her.”
Rebecca grinned. “And that messed up your fishing?”
“Hell yeah, it did,” I grumbled. “I couldn’t sleep a wink last night.”
“You poor baby.” She snickered.
“And then I got seasick…”
“Seasick?” She laughed.
“It’s not funny.” I frowned. “I never get seasick. But for the life of me, I couldn’t stop puking.”
“Maybe you had a bug.” She giggled.
“I had a bug, all right. A bug named Rebecca.”
“Don’t you go blaming me, now.”
“Well, I sure will. You’re absolutely the reason. The way you kissed me last night—”
“Jackson!” Rebecca gasped, then pursed her pretty lips. “Don’t you dare. That was you, and you know it.”
“That’s right. It was me.” I grabbed her and pulled her close, then pressed my lips to hers, kissing her softly. No tongue, just lips. “You make me crazy, Rebecca,” I whispered, caressing her face with the tip of my nose. I knew for as long as I lived, I’d never forget the first taste of her mouth. Lord, she was sweet.
As I pulled away, I stroked her jaw with the back of my fingers. Our eyes were locked again, and passion fogged my brain. It took everything I had in me to keep from lifting her from the rocker and carrying her to the bedroom. I needed to control my desires, but she was making it so damn difficult. She had agreed to come over so we could talk. I thought we’d talked enough. But as I stared into her bright green eyes, I knew she needed more time. And I had no choice but to give her all the time in the world. Pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear, I asked her to tell me how she ended up living in New York.
“Oh, goodness,” she said, then blew out a sigh. “That’s a terribly long story, Jackson.”
“I’ve got all night.” I smiled and slowly leaned back.
Rebecca licked her lips and lowered her eyes away from me. Her brow creased in anguish. “After your accident, I fell into a deep depression.”
I squeezed her hand, supporting her, loving her, hurting for her. It pained me to hear her speak of herself that way, but I was touched she was opening up to me. I wanted her honesty, and I wanted her trust.
She lifted her gaze and continued, “I stopped eating, stopped going to school, stopped talking to anyone. All I wanted to do was stay in bed with the blinds closed and the lights out and just cry. I couldn’t bear the thought of being without you.” She paused. Her eyes were glassy.
I knew it was difficult to talk about, so I waited patiently and gripped her hand tighter.
“I was admitted to the hospital, where I stayed for several days. I was prescribed meds for anxiety and depression, but I refused to take any of it. I never returned to school. Two days before graduation, I was hospitalized again.” Rebecca pressed her lips together and shook her head. “All I could think about was you, but I wasn’t allowed to see you. Your mom had told the nurses she only wanted family members visiting you, so Mrs. Ruby was kind enough to keep us informed. I remember when she told us you’d opened your eyes. I begged my parents to let me go to the hospital, but they refused. Then a few weeks afterward, you were transferred to Orlando… and I never got to see you again.”
My jaw clenched as I felt anger rising. I had no idea any of that had taken place. But the past was the past, and I had to let it go. None of it mattered anymore. All that mattered was the future. And right now, if I focused on the important things, my future looked more promising than ever before. I tamped down my emotions and listened intently as she continued.
“In the meantime, Katie hadn’t left my side. And with your prognosis, I had a renewed hope. The more good news I heard from Mrs. Ruby, the easier it was for me to get better. Then Katie’s parents offered to send Katie and me to Staten Island for a little while. I’d never been out of the state of Florida, so New York was like a dream for me. Momma and Daddy were reluctant to let me go at first, but Katie and her parents insisted. Katie was moving to California to attend Stanford in the fall, so that meant it would be a while before we’d see each other again. And since I’d already had one important person snatched from my life, they gave in.”
“They made the right decision. You needed the distraction.” I gave her a warm smile. “Tell me about the trip.”
“We were the typical tourists in the beginning. Katie was determined to keep me busy. We shopped the malls and boutiques, went to Central Park, Times Square, the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, and Rockefeller Center, ate more food than you could ever imagine, and saw some amazing shows. Then we spent the rest of the trip on the beach.”
“I’m sure you enjoyed that,” I said.
She wrinkled her nose slightly. “Not as much as you’d think. Those beaches aren’t like ours. They’re far too crowded and not nearly as beautiful. But if I had to pick my favorite, it’d be a toss-up between Long Beach, Coney Island Beach, and Manhattan Beach.”
I lowered my brow. “Manhattan Beach sounds like an oxymoron.”
She laughed. “I guess it kinda does. That’s where I was discovered by a modeling scout.”
“Discovered? As in they wanted you to model?”
“Elite Model Management. Crazy, right?”
I shook my head. “Not at all. I’ve always thought you were a knockout.”
She sucked her teeth and smiled. “You’re crazy.”
I squeezed her hand. “You’re blushing.”
She gave an exasperated sigh. “Well, anyway, once our vacation ended, we jetted back home to Florida. Katie packed for California, and I told my parents I’d been offered a job in New York to model. But that conversation didn’t go very well. Momma about died. She feared I was gonna end up getting kidnapped or mugged, or even murdered if I went to live in New York all by myself. Plus, she didn’t want me to throw away my future by not going to college.”
“A parent’s worst fear. No college, no future.”
“Right? Don’t get me wrong, education is valuable. But college is such a scam. In the end, my parents supported my decision to make a go for it. I hated to be so far away from you, but I knew your recovery would take time.” Her eyes dropped, and she started picking at her fingernails. “So, I took the plunge, signed a three-year modeling contract, registered for classes at Columbia University, and moved into my tiny dorm room. I lived on campus for the first year, but after that, I moved in with Jasmine, one of my modeling friends. She had a
two-bedroom apartment in Hudson Heights, and her grandmother, Mrs. Darlene, paid the rent.”
“That was kind of her.”
“Yeah.” Rebecca nodded. “She’s just thoughtful like that. Plus, she had more money than all the banks in New York. After Jasmine moved in with her boyfriend, Mrs. Darlene would visit me and take me out for a meal at least once a week. She was always doing nice things for people. Wearing her purple outfits and big red hats.”
“Oh boy. A Red Hat Lady.” I chuckled.
Rebecca tilted her head. “How’d you know about that club?”
I cleared my throat. “Some of my clients are… uh… mature women.”
“I bet they are.” She waggled her eyebrows at me and giggled.
“Don’t even think such a thought. They give me good referrals, so I try to keep in touch. Most of them are widows.”
“Uh-huh. So you like the older girls?”
She was giving me some kinda look, so I played along. “Speaking of older, we’ll be thirty in a couple of years, you know.”
“Shut your mouth. I’m still eighteen in my head.”
I let my gaze travel the length of her body. “Still look it too.”
She sucked her teeth. “You’ve lost your mind.”
I sighed. “That’s what the doctors told me.”
She pursed her lips again. “Uh-uh. You don’t get to say that. It’s not funny.”
“Sorry, ma’am.” I tipped my head. “So, Mrs. Darlene? Does she still visit you?”
“Yeah. We’re girlfriends. She’s also a widow. But not a sad widow. Her motto is Live, Love, Laugh. And she definitely lives by it. Always smiling and always involved in charity work of some sort. She funds safe houses for abused women. And she’s a huge advocate for literacy. I think she’s opened three libraries. She has this deal with one of the publishing companies in New York to keep all the children’s hospitals stocked with books.”
“She sounds like a real nice lady.”
“She’s the best. We still get together at least once a week and go out for a meal, or a Bushwacker, if she’s craving one.”
“A Bushwacker?” I laughed.
“Mrs. Darlene loves her some Bushwackers.”
Worth the Risk Page 19