Late in the night, when sleep finally claimed her, she had horrible nightmares. “Mom, mom, wake up!” Mariah had been shaking her awake, screaming at her. Her daughter had tears in her eyes. When Rosalyn had finally opened her eyes, Mariah had hugged her. “What happened? You scared me so much.” Rosalyn could not say anything. She just whispered, “Would you spend the night here.” So Mariah, had stayed the night with her mother, but early in the morning she had gone to her bed. When Rosalyn woke up, the other side of the bed was empty. She did not know what to expect. Was Mariah going to pester her to tell her about the nightmare? She needed to avoid that at all cost. She did not know if she had the state of mind to prevent her mouth from talking.
John had not been a bad kid, he was fun, he like to flirt and socialize, she remembered how many times she had spent her lunch hour starting at him and how carefree he had been. His whole dream had been to become a footfall player. Instead he had become a cop. Had he been affected as badly as she had been that horrible night? Now, she was starting to doubt her actions. Had she misunderstood his conversation? She wanted to believe that.
Rosalyn needed to think about her actions. She knew she liked living in her fantasy world, where she could pretend everything was normal, but her comfort zone was not normal. Most of the people she knew from college or high school were married, some had children, and others had even gotten married and then divorced. All of them had been in long term relationships at one point or another, but not her. If those people knew that her first kiss had happened a couple of days earlier they would have pitied her.
She wondered if John had been right. Was she finding excuses to end something that might have a future? She knew that it was exactly what she was doing. She did not want to hurt anyone anymore. Finishing it would prevent heartache. She burst into tears. It was too late. If she ended it, she would get hurt. She did not think she could handle it. She had to give it a try. At least if she failed, it would not be because she was a coward. Could she ever find happiness? She desperately wanted the happily ever after.
Rosalyn needed to talk to someone; in desperation she called her only friend. "Alana, are you busy?"
Alana had known Rosalyn since college. They lived together until she got married and knew that something was totally wrong for Rosalyn to call her. “Never for you, my friend.”
Rosalyn, who had hard time accepting people being nice to her, started wailing in the phone. Alana was patient and listened to everything Rosalyn had to say. As Rosalyn was telling her life story, Alana was crying for her friend. No one should have to endure so much pain. When Rosalyn was done, Alana took a deep breath before speaking, praying that she would say the right words. “Rosalyn, you are hurting more than any person should. The funny thing, sweetheart, is that you are not responsible, nor are you at fault, for what happened. Bad things do happen to good people and no one can explain the reason. Rosalyn you need to understand something. You are as pure today as you were the night before you were attacked.”
Rosalyn started bellowing, “I am not!”
“You are, and I am going to recommend a therapist I want you to see. He is a friend of mine. With your permission, I would like to call him and set up an appointment.”
Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD,
exulting in his salvation.
Psalm 35:9
Chapter 34
John had had a miserable day, and now he was looking forward to seeing Rosie. He was at the cafe earlier than normal. He had been anticipating seeing her again all day. The guys were arriving later today and he needed to wait for them, but he was hoping to see Rosalyn first. A couple of hours with her and everything would turn out right again. When he had gone to the office, they had sent him to interrogate a stupid kid. That would have been okay, but the jail was over two hours away. On the way home, there had been an accident on the road, and it took an extra hour of travel time.
John had read and studied all the evidence he had gathered on Global International, now it was a waiting game. He knew they had girls somewhere, he just did not know where to look. The guys were going to help him with the surveillance. The little time that John had to do the surveillance had not produced any information. Boris Brockovich went from home to the office and back again. On the surface, he seemed to be squeaky clean, but when John had a hunch, he was rarely wrong. They had to find those girls before it was too late.
The more John waited for Boris to make a mistake, the more determined he became. He knew Boris and his company were involved. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for him because he wanted to know all the people involved and it wasn't enough for the U.S. Attorney because he wanted more than just books to take to court. He wanted physical bodies, witnesses; for that, he needed to find the girls. He had Myrna, but the defense attorney would discredit her because she had killed the senator’s husband. It was not going to matter that it had been self-defense.
He sat outside the building every time he had a chance. He had no choice, but to go to work and solve the insignificant cases they forced on him. How stupid it was to go to the jail to interview someone who had already been arrested and convicted.
So far, all the evidence they had collected had come back to this business. He needed to associate the big players to the crime and he had not found strong evidence on that yet.
When John had finally gotten to the office, tired and hungry and in desperate need of a bathroom, his boss had called him to tell him about rumors he had heard. “I got a call today. It seems that you have so much time in your hands you want to harass Boris Brockovich.”
“I have a hunch and I follow it. I am not using work time, but my own time, so I do not see the harm.”
“The harm comes when I get phone calls from people saying that you are harassing them.”
“I do not know who could have called when I have not spoken to anyone.”
“Stay away from them. One more phone call, and you are not going to be happy anymore than I will.”
John had walked away from that office full of questions. Who could be the one to be calling? And where did he get spotted? He needed to see Rosie, before he figured out how to handle the rest. He had a bad feeling and he needed to make sure she was okay.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever.
Isaiah 40:8
Chapter 35
Rosalyn went to see the therapist, and as she was sitting in the waiting room, two things came to mind. The first, this guy was obviously a Christian, what had Alana been thinking of? The second was that after living with Alana for about six years, she had not known she was a Christian. Why not?
It had been simple. She never gave her a chance. Alana had loved her and had been there for her, but she had never given her the time to have a conversation. She always thought of her as a girl who only wanted to have fun. Alana did like to go out, and she was fun to be around, but now Rosalyn realized that it had only been one guy during those six years. That had been Luke, the man she married. Luke had never spent the night, and when she had the chance to move in with him, she had not.
Rosalyn looked at the heavens, and took a deep breath. I see it now. I didn't want to see You anywhere, so I blocked anything that came from You. I see now that You are not giving up on me. You keep sending me all these people, who are patient and loving to me, while I've been petty and selfish. If I had wanted to be left alone, why haven't you? ‘Because I love you.’ Came the reply.
Now I am officially crazy. Where did that thought come from?
"Ms. Miller, Rosalyn Miller." She heard the receptionist call. Rosalyn immediately got up, and tried to wipe her face as fast as she could. She had not realized she was crying, and was embarrassed to have people see her like that.
Inside the therapist’s office, she opened up. It was much easier this time, after she had told her life story to both Sean and Alana. It was as if the words had been waiting to get out f
or so long, now they run out.
The therapist was kind and was listening patiently while she spoke. He took notes and encouraged her to speak with a nod or with a 'continue,' every time she paused. When she finally finished, he looked at her intently, and then said, "We are going to get through this, but right now I want us to start with what I believe is more pressing. Are you in love with this John fellow?"
She was silent for a while, trying to figure out how to answer. "I don't know. I do like him."
"I want you to listen carefully to what I am going to say. God loves you, and He is not punishing you. Yes you did lie to your parents, but God knew of that lie before you lied, and He has already forgiven and forgotten about it. He has never turned his back or his love on you. Again listen carefully. GOD LOVES YOU. It is important that you understand that. You are punishing you. No one else is doing the punishment. Second thing, 'You, Rosalyn are worthy of love.' God loves you so much, that he gave his only son to pay for your sins. Yes the lie was forgiven two thousand years ago, because Jesus took it upon himself to be punished for that lie, and for anything else you or I do, or fail to do. If He loves you that much, he has already forgiven you, who are you not to forgive yourself. Thirdly, and this is very important, you are as pure today as you were before you were raped. Don't believe for a second that you are not."
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Proverbs 28:13
Chapter 36
John continued to blame himself for what happened to his Rosie. He had to take a deep breath. What happened in the past needed to stay there, in the past. He had to see her. He had to apologize and then ask her for a chance to see where life might take them. He felt that if he let her go, if he let her run again, he was going to be missing out on the most important thing in his life.
Now, he realized that he had been so stupid, because his Rosie was all he ever wanted in a woman. He needed to break those barriers she had built around her. He understood it was self-protection, but enough was enough.
He laughed at himself now. All his childhood dreams were shallow. He actually thought he could make a life out of football. How silly that was, when he could barely make it on the team. He had given it everything he had and then some. At 5'10 and at 140' pounds he was smaller and skinnier than most of the other players. His coach was terrified that he was going to get killed on the field, but finally after much work, in his senior year, he made quarterback. He had been good, but not good enough. He was glad that life had brought him to this.
He loved what he did for a living. He loved his life as it was. Now he had fallen in love with Rosie. He knew he was ready for a happily ever after, as she had said. Was she ready for him? Was she ready for a relationship? How would life be different if the events of fifteen years ago had not happened?
For the last fifteen years he had asked himself 'what if' questions. He knew those questions were a waste of time. He could never change the past, he could only learn from it. He couldn't help it. What if he had not asked for her help? What if he had put his priorities straight and concentrated on his education instead of sports? What if, what if, what if. The answer today, was that if that had not happened, he would never have experienced the best kiss of his life, a kiss that offered so much more. She would probably be married to a doctor or a scientist, with a bunch of kids in tow. Although he could never be happy that she got hurt, he was extremely happy that she was single, and he would make sure to take care of that.
He had sat down, ordered coffee and after 30 minutes of not spying Rosie, called the waitress over. “I thought this was Rosalyn’s station. Is she running late?”
“No, she called in sick. I answered the phone she has a horrible cold. You know, she sounded very nasal. You know, congested. Yeah, it’s better she stay in bed and not share with the rest of us.” The waitress had replied. John knew not to ask any more questions. He could not handle another 'you know.'
John pulled his wallet out, and put a ten-dollar bill on the table before he walked out. This day could not get any worse. He began dialing her number. There was no answer. Was she hiding? No wonder, she had not answered any of his texts today. He was thankful that he knew where she worked, but he had been told to stay away from there.
John went to her house looking for her. He needed to have a serious conversation with her. As he approached the door, he heard crashing sounds and suddenly the same young lady he had seen once before opened the door, slamming it shut behind her. She walked away angrily.
He stood on the sidewalk stupefied. The door opened again, and Rosalyn was there.
“Wow! What was that about?”
Rosalyn shook her head. “This is a daily occurrence. I told her she could not go to a college party. She’ll be back in an hour or so.”
John was still looking after the dust Mariah had left behind in her departure. “I assume that's Mariah"
"You assume correctly"
"Rosie we need to talk. You are right it is not fair that I keep information from you.”
Rosalyn was too tired to deal with any more drama, but nodded and let him come in.
“I started investigating the company before I came to your house. The fact, that you worked there was a surprise to me. I could not tell you anything because I did not know exactly what I was investigating. It started as a sexual harassment, and after you gave me the books, I knew it was bigger than that.”
“John, stop. You do not need to explain. I did want you to go away, but truthfully, I don't think I could handle it if you walked out on our friendship. Thank you for not giving up”
“Rosie, I am never giving up. I want a chance for something more than just kisses and I do not want any doubts between us.”
Rosalyn sighed, “Kisses is all I can give you. It’s not right for me to lead you along. You need to find a good woman to love you. I don't think I can give you more than that.” Tears were streaming down her face. John pulled her next to him and began giving her small kisses. He would not give up on her.
“Listen Rosie, those animals took something more valuable than your virginity. Understand something, that is just a piece of skin, or a finger nail you cut.” He saw that she was ready to protest and he lifted his finger to her lips to quiet her and then gave her a quick kiss. “Listen to me baby, the one thing you have allowed them to take is your choice to be happy. Right now, you are so afraid of getting hurt; you are running away from anything that makes you feel good. Do you not see that you are allowing them to win. You need to make the decision to let go. Give me; give us a chance. Please.” John felt desperate. He knew that if he did not convince her to give him a chance, he would always feel incomplete.
Rosie knew he was right, and right now she wanted to run away but he was kissing her. She so desperately wanted to believe in the happily ever after fantasy.
When she felt under control, she changed the subject; she loved his kisses, but she could not lead him on. He would eventually get tired of her. “I heard Mr. Brockovich and his two friends talking about a nosy cop. I think it’s you and they are planning on getting rid of you.”
John smiled, gave her a kiss that made her toes curl. “I have to go, but I promise I'll take care of myself. Please stay safe. I do not like you working for those people.”
As he was entering his apartment, he heard the guys behind him. It was so nice to see them. “Hey big brother” he heard Andrew say as he walked toward him. Both brothers embraced each other. Then John and Marcus shook hands. “Lets come in and I’ll fill you in.”
For I, the LORD your God,
hold your right hand;
It is I who say to you, “fear not,
I am the one who helps you.
Isaiah 41:13
Chapter 37
John had been desperate. He had called her, and called her again until his phone had run out of battery. This morning he had called her again,
and she had not answered. He knew that she was not running. They had settled things yesterday, and now she was not answering the phone. He had a bad feeling.
He had gone straight to her office and had seen her drive in. He felt better, and continued to his office. Was he becoming paranoid? That was so unlike him. As he walked into his office, two things happened. The first one had been a phone call from a college friend requesting his help. His daughter had run away and he was desperate. As John was starting the computer to set up a BOLO, his boss came in and sat. John, who did not know how to be politically correct, looked at him and groaned, "Now what?"
"John I gave you a warning. You continue to go there. As a matter of fact you were there this morning. I am transferring you." John was so angry he refused to answer. He had learned that he needed to calm down if he was going to argue something. His boss stood up and walked out.
After a short prayer, John had turned the computer on and after setting up the BOLO for the missing girl, typed his letter of resignation. He was not going to hand it in unless it was absolutely necessary. If his boss tried to stop him from doing his job, he knew what had to be done. Besides, he had to see her and she worked there.
Immediately after, he had driven to her office. He was getting out of his truck when he saw her drive away. As he was getting back in, he saw an elegant car drive out of the parking lot immediately following her. His gut told him not to pass, but to follow. He did at a safe distance.
Rosalyn had been called to the big boss’ office. She hated when he called. That man always gave her the creeps. She could not understand her feelings, since he had never done anything wrong. Perhaps it was the way he saw her, as if he was undressing her with his eyes. It was funny, because since that one day when he declared his love to her, he never did or said anything uncalled for.
Second Chances: The Power of Renewal Page 13