My finger hovered over the send button. I stared at the message I’d just typed and growled. What the hell are you thinking? Idiot. I smashed my thumb down on the delete arrow wiping the screen clear.
Jesse: Hope you’re happy, baby.
I don’t know why I did it, only that I needed her so badly tonight I couldn’t think straight. That I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out.
She didn’t reply.
I didn’t expect her to.
Lila
I stared at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were pink from riding all day with Everly on Cassy and Cal’s ranch. My best friend trained horses for Dane’s brother and sister-in-law and I went out with her as often as I could.
I missed it. That had been the only good thing about living with my parents. The horses we had on our ranch.
Nope. Not now. Not tonight.
I took a steadying breath.
I looked okay. Nice, actually. I’d been casually dating Brooks Jackson for a few weeks.
He was a nice guy, good-looking, too. I ignored the niggling feeling that kept trying to rear up, that this was all wrong. Because it wasn’t. It was past time to move on.
Bonus. Brooks could ride as well. He also looked pretty great on a horse.
I’d never been allowed to date anyone without my parents’ approval. Which was why I’d only dated Jarod before I moved away.
It’s none of their damned business who you date. Not anymore.
Nope, and that was especially true now. They hadn’t spoken to me since I moved out. They’d cut me off.
Like they’d cut off Kate.
Punishing me for wanting a life of my own. For refusing to let them control me anymore.
It had hurt, a lot. Still did. But I’d gained my independence, and it had been hard won. I forced them out of my head along with the shame, the guilt, all the unhealthy crap they’d spouted while controlling my every move.
My phone vibrated against the bathroom counter and I glanced down at it.
And sucked in a breath.
Jesse: What you reading tonight?
My stomach twisted into a knot. I’d received a random text message from him late at night a week ago.
Hope you’re happy, baby.
I hadn’t known what to make of it, but I’d read it more times than I could count. Now he messaged every couple of days. Like I hadn’t ignored every one he’d sent. I forced myself to look away, to ignore this one like I had all the others
Three minutes later…
Jesse: Bambi? Shit, can we at least be friends?
Friends.
Ouch.
He thought I had nothing better to do than sit at home alone, reading on a Saturday night. For whatever reason, he kept trying to get me to talk to him. Maybe it was guilt? Maybe he wanted me to forgive him for the way things ended between us. Maybe I should? Probably. But I was done ignoring my own feelings to make other people feel better about themselves.
And as much as I wanted to forget the way Jesse ended it, I couldn’t. How could I when the feelings I’d had for him when we first met were still there?
I was trying to move on, to forget him, I was. But he wasn’t making it easy and asking me to be his friend was just another way of letting me know how over me he was. If he’d ever really cared at all.
And it hurt, dammit.
I snatched up the phone before I could think better of it.
Lila: Not reading, getting ready for a date. And as nice as the friendship offer is, I’ll pass.
Jesse: So you are alive?
Jesse: Who’s the guy?
Ignore him. Do not engage.
But dammit, I started typing again.
Lila: None of your business.
Jesse: How’d you meet. The library? What was he checking out? Let me guess…something from the science fiction section?
Heat crawled up my neck, anger firing through me. His implication was clear. Assuming someone who reads is a nerd or a geek was a weak stereotype. And a low blow.
He threw me away. He didn’t want me. And yeah, I could admit that maybe I’d mentioned Brooks because some sadistic part of me wanted to hurt him back, maybe even make him a little jealous. Ridiculous, I know. Why would he be jealous?
But I wasn’t an idiot, he was being a jerk to get me to engage with him.
Still, I couldn’t stop myself from replying.
Lila: Actually, he’s a ranch hand. We met outside the library and he asked around for my number.
Jesse: Sounds like a stalker. What’s his name?
Lila: I’m not giving you his name. Who I date has nothing to do with you. And if anyone’s acting like a stalker, it’s you!
Jesse: What’s his name, Bambi?
Lila: I have to go.
Jesse: Bambi?
Jesse: Lila?
The next day…
Jesse: This old dude just farted in front of me. Loud, babe. Like it echoed off the walls. Dude jumped, actually gave himself a fright. Then he had the nerve to look at me. Like I did it! How do you not know you farted?
Several days after that…
Jesse: Why was the sand wet?
Jesse: Because the sea weed.
Another week and a lot more texting later…
Jesse: Heard there’s a storm coming your way. Don’t drive anywhere. Stay safe.
The next day…
Jesse: The town I’m in right now is really cool. Lotsa old buildings and shit. There’s this garden full of pink flowers. Made me think of you. Know you like pink.
Two days later…
I rolled over and grabbed my phone from the bedside table. It’d died during the night, so I plugged it in and waited for it to turn on.
A few minutes later it beeped several times in quick succession and I checked the screen.
Jesse.
He hadn’t stopped texting, usually once a day. It didn’t matter that I never replied.
I could have blocked him. I hadn’t.
His messages about his day the last two weeks were…entertaining. Some were funny. Others sweet. Getting those texts each day had started to make mine. Which meant I was in seriously dangerous waters. I needed to pull myself out, stop this now, but I was struggling. My resolve was wavering.
I scanned the first message. It’d come during the night.
1:28 a.m.
Jesse: Sometimes I just want to keep riding, forget the club, my family, my responsibilities. All the other bullshit, you know?
1:32 a.m.
Jesse: I know I did you wrong, babe. But shit, I need you to know you’re important to me.
1: 38 a.m.
Jesse: We’re friends, right, Bambi? Don’t think I could handle it if you never talked to me again.
1:48 a.m.
Jesse: Had a really shit day, Lila. Fuck, I wish I could talk to you.
I stared at his texts. Something was wrong.
This wasn’t like Jesse. It felt almost like—a cry for help. I chewed my lip, reading his words over again. I didn’t want to, but I still cared. I cared a lot. I didn’t know what he was doing or where he was, but Dane had said it was something to do with his brother.
Had something terrible happened?
I had to know he was okay.
Taking a deep breath, I hit the call button and held the phone to my ear. God, my hands were shaking.
I sat on my couch, then I stood again. I couldn’t sit still with my belly all flippy-floppy like it was.
The phone clicked like someone answered, followed by rustling sounds. “Yeah?”
My heart did an almighty thump behind my ribs, stealing my breath. That was not Jesse's voice. Nope. That was a woman.
An image of him in bed with the owner of that voice sliced through me. I wanted to throw my phone away like it was a poisonous snake.
“Hello?” the woman snapped.
I swallowed, audibly. I should just hang up, I wanted to hang up, but those pesky manners forced into me all my life would not all
ow it. There was also the fact that he might see my number in his recent calls list, and then he’d want to know why, which would mean an awkward phone call…well, another one. Because this was shaping up to be pretty hideous.
“Ah…sorry to disturb you, I was just… Is Jesse there?”
Silence. “Jesse?”
“Sorry, I mean Grifter.”
“I know who you mean. Who is this?”
Oh hell. “I’m a…a friend. Is he there?” I winced.
Another beat of silence. “He had to go out.”
No doubt for food after hours of vigorous sex. “Oh…okay. Just tell him Lila called.”
“Don’t call again,” the woman said.
“What?”
“Riff has his hands full right now.”
The with me echoed through my head. “I had no idea, I didn’t realize…”
“Well, you do now.”
The phone went dead, and I sat there frozen, numb. How could I have been so damn stupid?
I’d tried to deny the thoughts sneaking back in. But every time he messaged me, he was chipping away at my resolve.
That’s the real reason you called, wasn’t it? Because you wanted him to tell you he cared, that he’d made a mistake.
That he wanted you back.
How stupid, how gullible could I be? I’d actually—God, I’d started falling for him all over again.
You never got over him.
My eyes stung, and I gritted my teeth and fought back the tears. All those texts from him felt wrong now. Not sweet or funny, but sordid. Like I was some dirty little secret. Had he been lying beside her while he was messaging me? I hated that idea. Hated it.
You have no right to be jealous.
But I was. So much it hurt.
There was only one solution. I quickly deleted his texts and blocked his number.
Jesse Thomas didn’t exist to me, not anymore.
Chapter Four
Jesse
Two months later
The town hadn’t changed. Not that I’d expected it to.
I stood by my bike outside Rocktown Ink and took in the small shops, the people walking about. I’d been on the road for nearly three months. It felt like three years. And I still wasn’t home. There’d be another hour of riding before I got to sleep in my own bed.
I didn’t think I’d ever been this tired in my life. After dealing with Trip, I’d had to clean up the trail of destruction he’d left behind.
That shit had been messier than anyone thought it would be. But I’d done my job. Like I always did. I’d hunted down the rest of the Ramblers who’d betrayed us. They wouldn’t be a problem anymore.
Now all I wanted was a beer in front of my big-ass TV, on my own couch. And maybe a blow job before bed. Too bad I still only wanted one woman.
It was cooling down. I grabbed a jacket from the back of the bike, shrugged it on, and pulled Sofia’s out as well. I didn’t want her freezing her ass off on top of everything else.
Going by how cold it was, I guessed we only had a few weeks of riding left before it started snowing and I’d be forced to use the Bronco instead of my bike. Fuck, I hated winter.
I glanced up as the door to The Mule opened across the street.
A group of people walked out, said their goodbyes, and headed off down the street. A lone figure stayed, looking down at her phone.
I froze.
Lila.
My heart smacked against my rib cage.
Fuck, I’d thought about her every day. Every night.
Thinking about her gorgeous smile, her sweet scent, her soft lips. Those goddamn lips. She didn’t know it, but she’d gotten me through every shitty goddamn day.
I ate up the sight of her. The last couple of months I’d forced myself to stop texting her, convinced it was the only way to get over my obsession with this girl.
But seeing her now—I’d been full of shit.
I wasn’t fucking over her.
I inwardly cringed. I’d sent her a bunch of humiliating messages after one particularly crappy fucking day. I’d spilled my guts like a loved-up, pathetic teenager, basically begging her to talk to me.
And sweet little Lila had made her feelings clear by saying nothing at all. I didn’t blame her. I sure as shit wasn’t right for her. Which was why I was going to stay away. It wasn’t going to be easy, and it sure as hell didn’t feel natural. When I wanted something, I went after it.
This time I couldn’t have what I wanted. It pissed me off.
She was studying her phone, a little frown on her beautiful face.
Christ, she was gorgeous.
I wanted to stride across the street, pull her into my arms, and own that mouth so bad I actually took a step forward. The door opened again and a guy walked out, tall, wearing a cowboy hat and a cocky shit-eating grin. Lila turned, straightened her glasses, and smiled at him.
Fuck, no.
Cowboy douchebag slung an arm around her slim shoulders and she leaned in.
My heart wrenched out of my chest—
She glanced up.
Her big brown eyes came straight to mine, pinning me to the spot. It hit like a forked lightning strike. Head. Heart. Balls. A three-in-one shot.
I stood frozen as she tilted her head slightly to the side. I didn’t look the same—my hair was buzzed and I had a pretty decent beard—but then her eyes widened, recognition hitting her just as hard, there was no missing it.
Yeah, Bambi, I’m back.
She sucked in a breath and her eyes moved over me. Christ, it was like she was touching me.
The door opened behind me, and then Sofia was there, pressing against me, clinging to my side. Lila flinched as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, holding tight.
Lila’s gaze dropped to her feet, then she was walking away with cowboy-fuck-face toward his truck.
“Okay, Soph?” I forced out past the bolder in my throat.
My sister-in-law nodded, face pressed against my chest. “It’s done.”
Trix, one of the tattooists at Rocktown Ink, stood at the door, her dog Jimmy Chew at her side. I could have done this, but Sofia’d been touchy, nervous, even around me these last few months. Inking over my brother’s name on the front of her hip would have been too much for her right now.
Trixie was a pro, someone removed from the situation, and I knew she’d do Sofia right. I gave her a chin lift. “Thanks, Trix.”
“No problem.” She had an odd look on her face that I couldn’t read, but it was gone when her gaze returned to my sister-in-law. “Take care, Sofia.”
Soph smiled at her. “Thanks again, Trixie.”
Trix dipped her chin and led her dog back inside.
Soph put on her jacket and I climbed on my bike, starting it. She climbed up behind me as I glanced up. A truck passed by us. Lila was sitting in the passenger seat, that fucking asshole driving, and she was purposely not looking at me.
But then her eyes lifted at the last minute, locking on mine. Omph. Another lightning strike. She quickly looked away, like she didn’t know me. Like I didn’t exist.
Cool. Cool. Cool. That didn’t feel like she’d stomped on my balls at all.
You’re the one who ended it, asshole.
And the reason for walking away from Lila was still there. Nothing had changed. She was still a sweet little librarian. And I was a biker who regularly cleaned up my club’s messes with my fists.
She was innocent.
I was an emotionally stunted manwhore with no morals.
She was perfect.
I was a piece of shit who came from a long line of pieces of shit.
My fingers curled into a tight fist as I imagined smashing it into cowboy-shrimp-dick’s face. The skin pulled over my already abused knuckles, opening a couple of cuts put there by some other asshole’s face.
Yeah, fucking up her boyfriend will totally earn you brownie points, dickhead.
I pulled out onto the street, and Sofia wrapped
her arms around my waist, leaning into the corner with me as I headed for home.
As much as I hated that guy with Lila on sight, there was no doubt in my mind that he was better for her than I’d ever be.
I had to stop thinking about her. I was home. She’d moved on. I needed to stop fantasizing about her. Stop wanting her.
When I finally settled down, it’d be with someone more like Soph. Someone used to the life, who understood it. Someone who’d drink and party and laugh with me, then fuck until dawn.
That’s what I needed.
A nervous little librarian who blushed when I squeezed her tit, who fucking gasped and slammed her legs shut when I tried to touch her pussy, who stammered and trembled when I said dirty shit to her was not for me.
I’d shake this obsession I had for her.
I had to.
Lila
I was running late to open the library.
“Espresso, coming up,” Addie said, grinning at me.
“You’re an angel, you know that, right?”
Addie owned the Lake’s End Café. Her business was set up at the front of the small cottage, and she lived in the back. She had the magic touch. Anything she cooked, baked, or poured was pure heaven.
This morning I needed caffeine, big-time. Sleep had been elusive last night, had been all week. All I could think about was Jesse—no, Grifter. Jesse seemed too personal now. I couldn’t get the image of him and his gorgeous, stunningly sexy girlfriend cuddled up together by his bike out of my head.
Which had led to images of them cuddled up in his bed. Though I’m sure they were doing more than cuddling. Doing things I’d shied away from. Been afraid of. Scared to be anything but the good girl my parents had forced me to be for the longest time.
My reusable to-go cup was suddenly under my nose, as well as a brown paper bag. “Here you go, Ly. And a muffin, ’cause you look like you could use it.”
I smiled at Addie. “I love you.”
Bad For You (Rocktown Ink Book 4) Page 3