by Roger Ailes
Whether there’s one person or a thousand people listening to you, or if you’re on television and there are millions watching, the essential principles hold true. The key element is that you not change or adapt your essential “self” to different audiences or different media. The thing that most confuses people trying to learn to be good communicators is the idea that somehow they have to act differently when giving an after-dinner speech than they would while being interviewed on television or for a job, or while conducting a staff meeting. They think they have to act all these different ways, and nobody’s given them the script to do this. Remember: You are the message, and once you can “play yourself” successfully, you’ll never have to worry again.
IT’S ALWAYS A DIALOGUE
The trick in good communications is to be consistently you, at your best, in all situations. All communication is a dialogue. You (the speaker) are selecting and sending symbols (words, facial expressions, and so forth) to the audience. The audience may not be speaking back, but they’re sending you symbols as well—for example, facial expressions and body language. Learn to read those symbols coming back to you.
THE GUEST METER
The best communicators I’ve ever known never changed their style of delivery from one situation to another. They’re the same whether they’re delivering a speech, having an intimate conversation, or being interviewed on a TV talk show.
During the late 1960s, as executive producer of the Mike Douglas television talk show, I would decide who the program’s guests would be and how much airtime each guest should receive. Gradually, my ear became trained to listen for the interesting stories, the easy conversationalists, and the hesitations (“No, I don’t want to talk about that”). I was able to tune in to the rhythm of their voices. Sometimes I’d only have a five-minute conversation from an airport telephone booth and have to decide, right then and there, how good a guest would be, what kind of an impression he or she would make on the TV audience, and how much airtime to allow. I developed an internal “guest meter.” Sometimes I was fooled, of course, but most of the time my first impression of the message the person was presenting—even over the telephone—turned out to be a pretty accurate gauge of that guest’s impact.
Stop and think for a minute. If you were a TV producer, would you book yourself as a guest?
I also had the opportunity to see many of these excellent TV communicators perform in other situations, like after-dinner speaking. It really impressed me how they kept the same personal style and delivery they used on television. They didn’t change a thing. Interestingly enough, Mike Douglas was not a particularly good after-dinner speaker, even though he was terrific as a TV talk show host. Whenever I heard him speak, I used to think, “Mike, if you’d just do up there at the podium what you do on the air, which is to have a good conversation, you’d be great at the lectern, too.” So the principle here is not to change yourself because the environment changes, but rather to become totally comfortable with yourself wherever you are. Once you realize that you are the message, you can transmit that message to anyone anytime and be pretty successful at it.
THE GOOD NEWS
Now that I’ve told you what your goal should be, let me give you the good news. You can become as good as some of the people you admire on TV. And assessing your skills can be fun, because it helps you to know yourself better. It also improves your relationships with the people around you. In short, it helps you get what you want.
One important note: You can’t rely on other people to change themselves to accommodate you. That’s a strategy of reaction. The way to influence others is to do it actively—with your composite message. If there is a misunderstanding between the communicator (you) and the “communicatee” (your audience), it’s the communicator’s fault. This requires that you take complete responsibility for the flow of communications, whether you’re speaking or listening. This is good news, because it empowers you to be, in effect, in charge of every communications situation you’re in. You can change the mood and the flow of the communications exchange.
HOPELESS?
Bob Hope taught me that lesson when I was a young, twenty-three-year-old associate producer of “The Mike Douglas Show.” I unexpectedly met Hope when he was on a media tour to promote his book I Owe Russia Twelve Hundred Dollars. I say “unexpectedly” because Hope was passing through Cleveland, Ohio, where our then local show was produced, when his publicist suddenly called us to say that the great comedian would appear on our program. In the sort of chance that can make or break a young person’s career, all the producers senior to me were either ill or out of town on business when we got the chance to have Bob Hope as our star guest. I was so inexperienced that I thought management would cancel the show rather than let me take charge, but they gambled on me.
Hope arrived at the front door of the television station with a large entourage of public relations people, local friends, and hangers-on. I was pretty intimidated. I knew that Bob Hope’s appearance could be the critical showpiece performance to help catapult “The Mike Douglas Show” into national syndication. As I met Hope, I mumbled nearly incoherently in trying to explain the show to him. Many of the people hanging around Hope were rolling their eyes as if to say, “Who is this kid and what are we doing here?”
I was too scared to say so, but I really wanted Hope to stay for our entire ninety-minute show and sing, dance, and joke around. He wanted to plug his book and leave in five minutes. In the middle of my stammering, Hope grabbed my shoulders and steered me away from the others, through a doorway and into the scenery shop of the television station. Suddenly Bob Hope and I were alone.
He looked at me and said, “Kid, I know nothing about your show. I’ve never been on it and I don’t know what you expect me to do. It’s very important for you to speak up and tell people exactly what you want. I’m a big enough star to refuse whatever you request, if I decide to. But if I don’t even know what you want, there’s no way I can give it to you. Now, tell a little bit about the program and the host, when I’m on, where I enter, and what’s expected of me.”
I realized in a flash that I had one chance and had better go for it. I admitted to Hope that I was not the producer but that an awful lot depended on his staying for the entire program, to entertain as well as to plug his book.
He started to laugh and said, “The network is paying me a hundred thousand dollars to do that.” He patted me on the shoulder and said, “Okay, now that I know what you want, I’ll let you know what I’ll do later. Let’s see how it goes. In the meantime, just tell me when and where I go on.”
As it turned out, Bob Hope stayed for the entire show. Once he was in front of the audience his natural performer instincts took over. He enjoyed Mike, they sang a duet, Bob danced and joked with the audience. His command performance undoubtedly helped “The Mike Douglas Show” later to be sold into national syndication.
After the show, as he was leaving, he saw me and said, “How’d I do, kid?”
“You were great, Mr. Hope.”
He turned and pointed at me. “Next time, speak up.” He smiled and left.
I never forgot that lesson—and I’ve never been afraid to speak to anyone since then. It’s your responsibility—not your listener’s—to insure that your message gets through, and if you don’t speak up, people can’t help you get what you want.
Let me demonstrate with one simple example. If you say to me, “I’ll never lie to you,” but you’re looking at the floor when you say it, I could doubt that message or at least wonder, “Why doesn’t he look at me when he says that? Maybe he’s not telling the truth.”
On the other hand, if you take charge and look me in the eye, the statement becomes not only believable but also reassuring, strong, and positive.
HAPPY TO BE HERE?
The words you choose to speak are important, but they’re just part of your message. However, many people think that their words are the whole message. Corporate executives are famous for
this. They often get up and send all sorts of weird signals to their audience. My favorite is “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m very happy to be here.” But they’re looking at their shoes as they say it. They have no enthusiasm whatsoever. They look either angry, frightened, or depressed about being there.
In fact, they’re often only reading these words. So while the words say “happy to be here,” the rest of the person is sending a very different message. The signals are confusing, and the audience will always go with the visual signals over the verbal ones. They’ll say to themselves unconsciously, “He’s telling me he’s happy to be here, but he’s really not. Therefore, he’s either uncomfortable or a liar, or both.” The speaker is the message and the message is negative.
SPEECH-READING TIPS
I once heard a story, which is probably apocryphal, about an executive invited to address a very distinguished audience at the Harvard Club. The night of the speech, the executive went to the platform carrying a long, erudite text written by his Ph.D. speechwriter. As he prepared to launch into reading the scholarly but dull remarks, he suddenly changed his mind, stopped, and looked up at the audience. He said, “You know, ladies and gentlemen, I pay a brilliant speechwriter a great deal of money to make sure that I sound intelligent, don’t make any mistakes, and never utter an expletive.” Then he smiled and added, “Well, the hell with that. I’m just going to talk with you tonight from the heart.” He threw the speech aside, delivered his remarks extemporaneously, and got a standing ovation.
Of course, there may be times when you must read a text. But the point is, when you can, extemporize, using an outline. That makes you appear to be more comfortable. However, if you must read, you can become very skilled at making yourself sound conversational. Never write “I’m very happy to be here” to open a speech. In fact, the only thing you should have at the top of the page is the word “Greeting” and the name of the group you’re addressing, so that you can’t blank out on that. Then you’re forced to extemporize the opening.
Look at the audience when you speak, and speak with sincerity. Don’t make sentences too long. Use short, punchy phrases so you can scan the paper with your eyes and look up and deliver the speech. Don’t be afraid to pause between lines. Don’t look down to read the final word of every line. Instead, quickly glance down to “scoop up” the last few words of a sentence. Pause. Look up and speak directly to the audience. Then pause again for a “beat” before you look down to scoop up your next phrase.
Take your time. Most people rush back into the text because they’re afraid they’ll lose their place. Their heads bob up and down like yo-yos. Use one index finger to guide you back to where you left off in the text. To repeat: Go slowly. Time gets distorted when you’re in front of an audience, and you may think you have to rush more than is necessary. Pace your looking down and looking up so that your eyes are always up at the end of a sentence. To achieve that, feel free to take an extra beat to silently scoop up the final words of each sentence with your eyes before delivering them directly to the audience.
Try reading the following remarks in that manner. Note how the text has been laid out for easy “scoop reading” and delivery.
IT IS NOT THE CRITIC WHO COUNTS;
NOT THE MAN WHO POINTS OUT
HOW THE STRONG MAN STUMBLED,
OR WHERE THE DOER OF DEEDS
COULD HAVE DONE BETTER.
THE CREDIT BELONGS TO THE MAN
WHO IS ACTUALLY IN THE ARENA;
WHOSE FACE IS MARRED
BY DUST AND SWEAT AND BLOOD;
WHO STRIVES VALIANTLY;
WHO ERRS AND COMES SHORT
AGAIN AND AGAIN;
WHO KNOWS THE GREAT ENTHUSIASMS,
THE GREAT DEVOTIONS,
AND SPENDS HIMSELF IN A WORTHY CAUSE;
WHO AT BEST KNOWS IN THE END
THE TRIUMPH OF HIGH ACHIEVEMENT;
AND WHO AT THE WORST
IF HE FAILS,
AT LEAST FAILS WHILE DARING GREATLY,’
SO THAT HIS PLACE SHALL NEVER BE
WITH THOSE COLD AND TIMID SOULS
WHO KNOW NEITHER VICTORY NOR DEFEAT.
—Theodore Roosevelt
Don’t use stark white, shiny paper. If you deliver the speech in a room that has bright lights overhead, the page will reflect, making it difficult to see. Instead, use off-white, matte-finish, porous paper. Have the speech typed on the upper two thirds of the page, double-spaced between lines, and sextuple-spaced between paragraphs. With that spacing, there is less chance of losing your place, and your eyes are never forced to the bottom of the page, making you look too far down and away from the audience. This helps you maintain eye contact.
Depending on your eyesight, you may need to adjust the size of the type and the darkness of the print. Generally, a slightly blown-up typeface is easier to read. Large type sizes are available on most typewriters or word processors today. Have the speech typed in such a way that ideas or sentences end on a page (see our sample above). Try to limit a single thought to one or two lines so that your eyes can scan it easily. It’s better to have more pages than to have the speech crowded together and difficult to read.
Be sure you number the pages in case they get out of order during a practice session. I once saw a man run from a trailer to an auditorium with a forty-page speech. The wind caught the pages and blew them all over the parking lot. The good news was that they found all the pages; the bad news was that he forgot to number them and he was due on stage at that moment.
Never flip the pages on the podium so that they’re upside down. When you finish a page, just slide it to the side, face up. That way the audience does not become overly aware of all these pages flying; otherwise they might pay more attention to that distraction than to the speech itself.
Never rush the speech just to get it over with because you’re reading. If it has no value and isn’t worth reading, don’t do it. If it does have value, read it slowly enough and with enough pauses that the audience can follow what you’re saying.
Just like the beginning of the speech, the ending should be pretty well memorized so that you can deliver the last few lines while looking at the audience. Again, the same comfortable feeling used in all good communications should be used here. The audience knows you’re reading and so do you. There’s no need to try to hide it, nor is there a need to feel self-conscious about reading. If the speech is interesting, and you’re comfortable and committed to what you’re saying, the audience will go away feeling, “That was an interesting speaker,” not just “That was an interesting speech.”
4
INSTINCTS AND RULES
A few strong instincts and a few plain rules suffice us.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Many traditional how-to books advise you to stride into a room and forcefully take charge, purposefully invading others’ space and asserting your personality in an attempt to dazzle and impress. These books say this gives you charisma. They offer formulas on how to mix and match the “right” clothes. They instruct you to greet others by using viselike “power handshakes.” They tell you to rivet your eyes on the other person as if you were a hypnotist. They even tell you what to order for lunch. If you follow all this advice, not only will you drive everyone else crazy, you’ll drive yourself crazy.
In this book, we’ll show you why immediately projecting yourself when entering a room is a mistake. We’ll discuss how best to analyze or “absorb” the moods, feelings, and hidden agendas of the other people in that room. Only then can you project appropriately for that situation.
The problem I’ve always had with the exclusive use of “how to speak” books was that as I read them, I wondered, “How am I ever going to remember all these helpful pointers when I stand up to speak or otherwise communicate with others?”
I quickly realized that what was needed was a new, more instinctive approach to communications. That’s when I began to develop You Are the Message. The idea really came from observing
so many good communicators in the early days of television, watching them perform before live audiences as well as before the camera. I realized that these communicators didn’t change their style from private conversation to an appearance before a large audience. They simply increased their energy at times but otherwise stayed conversational in every format.
In the old days, we’d read a book and it would give a list of dos and don’ts like “Stand up straight. Use your arms. Know your subject. Don’t sway back and forth. Use eye contact” and so on. But today we sit in front of a television set and watch great communicators in our homes. We absorb everything about what they do—how they move, how they look, their sense of humor, their attitudes. This is how people learn to communicate today. It’s visual. It’s intuitive. It’s kinetic. It’s watching, feeling, sensing, hearing. We use our senses to observe and learn the process of communications.
Many of the people who study public speaking today take courses that are based on outdated approaches. Even contemporary “experts” still teach by the methods of thirty or forty years ago. Famous comedian and talk show host Steve Allen wrote a book on how to give a speech, but the best way to learn how to give a speech is to watch Steve on television. There he’s at his best in conversation, and good speech is good conversation whether you’re seated or standing.
Television techniques are exciting, loose, and comfortable. That’s why when my associate, Jon Kraushar, and I teach communications, we don’t use rigid rules or repetitive exercises. We avoid drills. We don’t use textbooks. But we do use video. Because if you can see yourself doing something well and can re-create it the next time you get up, you’ll improve over and over again. Compared to the textbook method, it’s like the difference between reading about how to swing a golf club and watching a video of yourself swinging a golf club. There’s no substitute for the hands-on approach. You try, you watch yourself, then you refine.