by Paul Beatty
Rosie Giraffe mumbles, "White folks crazy."
"I'd like to go there again when I get my birthday money," says Mercedes, and we shove her out the pack so she has to lean on the mailbox by herself.
"I'd like a shower. Tiring day," say Flyboy.
Then Sugar surprises me by sayin, "You know, Miss Moore, I don't think all of us here put together eat in a year what that sailboat costs." And Miss Moore lights up like somebody goosed her. "And?" she say, urging Sugar on. Only I'm standin on her foot so she don't continue.
"Imagine for a minute what kind of society it is in which some people can spend on a toy what it would cost to feed a family of six or seven. What do you think?"
"I think," say Sugar pushing me off her feet like she never done before, cause I whip her ass in a minute, "that this is not much of a democracy if you ask me. Equal chance to pursue happiness means an equal crack at the dough, don't it?" Miss Moore is besides herself and I am disgusted with Sugar's treachery. So I stand on her foot one more time to see if she'll shove me. She shuts up, and Miss Moore looks at me, sorrowfully I'm thinkin. And somethin weird is goin on, I can feel it in my chest.
"Anybody else learn anything today?" lookin dead at me. I walk away and Sugar has to run to catch up and don't even seem to notice when I shrug her arm off my shoulder.
"Well, we got four dollars anyway," she says.
"Uh hunh."
"We could go to Hascombs and get half a chocolate layer and then go to the Sunset and still have plenty money for potato chips and ice-cream sodas."
"Uh hunh."
"Race you to Hascombs," she say.
We start down the block and she gets ahead which is O.K. by me cause I'm goin to the West End and then over to the Drive to think this day through. She can run if she want to and even run faster. But ain't nobody gonna beat me at nuthin.
ETHERIDGE KNIGHT
dark prophecy: i sing of shine
1973
And, yeah, brothers
while white / america sings about the unshakable molly brown
(who was hustling the titanic
when it went down)
I sing to thee of Shine
the stoker who was hip enough to flee the fucking ship
and let the white folks drown
with screams on their lips
(jumped his black ass into the dark sea, Shine did,
broke free from the straining steel).
Yeah, I sing to thee of Shine
and how the millionaire banker stood on the deck
and pulled from his pockets a million dollar check
saying Shine Shine save poor me
and I'll give you all the money a black boy needs—
how Shine looked at the money and then at the sea
and said jump in mothafucka and swim like me—
And Shine swam on—Shine swam on—
and how the banker's daughter ran naked on the deck
with her pink tits trembling and her pants roun her neck
screaming Shine Shine save poor me
and I'll give you all the pussy a black boy needs—
how Shine said now pussy is good and that's no jive
but you got to swim not fuck to stay alive—
And Shine swam on Shine swam on—
How Shine swam past a preacher afloating on a board
crying save me nigger Shine in the name of the Lord—
and how the preacher grabbed Shine's arm and broke his stroke—
how Shine pulled his shank and cut the preacher's throat—
And Shine swam on—Shine swam on—
And when the news hit shore that the titanic had sunk
Shine was up in Harlem damn near drunk
memo #9
1973
doze o blk / capitalists
ain't shit,
the blk / poet sung,
as he hustled his books
for 10.95.
rehabilitation & treatment in
the prisons of america
1973
The convict strolled into the prison administration building to get assistance and counseling for his personal problems. Inside the main door were several other doors proclaiming; Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher, Counselor, Therapist, etc. He chose the proper door, and was confronted with two more doors: Custody and Treatment. He chose Treatment, went in, and was confronted with two more doors: First Offender and Previous Offender. Again he chose the proper door and was confronted with two more doors: Adult and Juvenile. He was an adult, so he walked through that door and ran smack into two more doors: Democrat and Republican. He was democrat, so he rushed through that door and ran smack into two more doors: Black and White. He was Black, so he rushed—ran—through that door—and fell nine stories to the street.
KYLE BAKER
from the cowboy wally show
1988
Chapter Two: Sands of Blood
The Cowboy Wally Show. © 1988, 1996 Kyle Baker. All Rights Reserved. Used with permission of DC Comics.
Chapter Two: SANDS OF BLOOD (Drama, 1986)
Cowboy Wally's first starring role in a motion picture and his second directorial effort ( See "Ed Smith, Lizard of Doom".),Sands of Blood was a milestone in his career. Tor him, it meant areturn to acting, a return to the limelight, and a return to sleeping with the kind of fabulous babes who normally wouldn't give him the time of day.
Stand of Blood was also the film that introduced the writing and acting talents of Lenny Walsh. As Stanley, the young recruit who is forced to kill twelve men, Lenny Walsh exudes a quiet intensity and the refreshing vulnerability of youth. And a vivacious alienation, too,
A hauntingly tragic, but vastly entertaining film,
SPIKE LEE
from do the right thing
1989
EXT: STREET—DAY
Officers Ponte and Long drive down the block and at the corner they stop, glare at the Corner Men.
CLOSE—OFFICER POINTE
CLOSE—SWEET DICK WILLIE
CLOSE—OFFICER LONG
CLOSE—COCONUT SID
ANGLE—POLICE CAR
OFFICER PONTE
What a waste.
ANGLE—CORNER
Sweet Dick, ML, and Coconut Sid stare right back at the cops.
ANGLE—POLICE CAR
It drives off.
ANGLE—CORNER
COCONUT SID
As I was saying before we were
so rudely interrupted by the
finest.
ML
What was you saying?
Coconut Sid blanks.
SWEET DICK WILLIE
Motherfucker wasn't saying shit.
ML
Look at that.
COCONUT SID
Look at what?
ML points across the street to the Korean fruit and vegetable stand.
ML
It's a fucking shame.
SWEET DICK WILLIE
What is?
ML
Sweet Dick Willie.
SWEET DICK WILLIE
That's my name.
ML
Do I have to spell it out?
COCONUT SID
Make it plain.
ML
OK, but listen up. I'm gonna
break it down.
SWEET DICK WILLIE
Let it be broke.
ML
Can ya dig it?
SWEET DICK WILLIE
It's dug.
CLOSE—ML
ML
Look at those Korean motherfuckers
across the street. I
betcha they haven't been a year
off da motherfucking boat before
they opened up their own place.
CLOSE—COCONUT SID
COCONUT SID
It's been about a year.
CLOSE—ML
ML
A motherfucking year off the
motherfucking boat and got a
occupying a building that
had been boarded up for longer
than I care to remember and
I've been here a long time.
CLOSE—SWEET DICK WILLIE
SWEET DICK WILLIE
It has been a long time.
CLOSE—COCONUT SID
COCONUT SID
How long?
CLOSE—ML
ML
Too long! Too long. Now for
the life of me, I haven't been
able to figger this out. Either
dem Koreans are geniuses or
we Blacks are dumb.
This is truly a stupefying question and all three are silent. What is the answer?
COCONUT SID
It's gotta be cuz we're Black.
No other explanation, nobody
don't want the Black man to
be about shit.
SWEET DICK WILLIE
Old excuse.
ML
I'll be one happy fool to see
us have our own business right
here. Yes, sir. I'd be the
first in line to spend the
little money I got.
Sweet Dick Willie gets up from his folding chair.
SWEET DICK WILLIE
It's Miller time. Let me go
give these Koreans s'more
business.
ML
It's a motherfucking shame.
COCONUT SID
Ain't that a bitch.
EXT: STOOP—DAY
Da Mayor sits on his stoop and a kid, EDDIE, runs by.
DA MAYOR
Sonny! Sonny!
Eddie stops.
DA MAYOR
Doctor, what's your name?
EDDIE
Eddie Lovell.
DA MAYOR
How old are you?
EDDIE
Ten.
DA MAYOR
What makes Sammy run?
EDDIE
My name is Eddie.
DA MAYOR
What makes Sammy run?
EDDIE
I said my name is Eddie Lovell.
DA MAYOR
Relax, Eddie, I want you to go
to the corner store. How
much will it cost me?
EDDIE
How would I know how much it's
gonna cost if I don't know
what I'm buying?
DA MAYOR
Eddie, you're too smart for
your own britches. Listen
to me. How much do you want
to run to the store for Da
Mayor?
EDDIE
Fifty cents.
DA MAYOR
You got a deal.
He gives Eddie some money.
DA MAYOR
Git me a quart of beer, Budweiser,
say it's for your father, if
they bother you.
Eddie runs down the block just as Ahmad, Cee, Punchy, and Ella pass him.
AHMAD
Who told him he was Da Mayor
of this block?
CEE
He's self-appointed.
ELLA
Leave him alone.
PUNCHY
Shut up.
DA MAYOR
Go on now. Leave me be.
AHMAD
You walk up and down this block
like you own it.
CEE
Da Mayor.
PUNCHY
You're old.
AHMAD
A old drunk bum.
Da Mayor stands up from his seat cushion on the stoop.
AHMAD
What do you have to say?
DA MAYOR
What do you know 'bout me?
Y'all can't even pee straight.
What do you know? Until you
have stood in the doorway and
heard the hunger of your five
children, unable to do a damn
thing about it, you don't
know shit. You don't know
my pain, you don't know me.
Don't call me a bum, don't
call me a drunk, you don't
know me, and it's disrespectful.
I know your parents raised you
better.
The teenagers look at Da Mayor.
ELLA
He told you off.
Da Mayor sits back down on his seat cushion on his stoop.
INT: SAL'S FAMOUS PIZZERIA—DAY
ANGLE—PAY PHONE ON WALL
Mookie is on the phone.
MOOKIE
I know I haven't seen you in
four days. I'm a working man.
TINA (VO)
I work too, but I still make time.
MOOKIE
Tina, what do you want me to do?
TINA (VO)
I want you to spend some time
with me. I want you to try and
make this relationship work.
If not, I'd rather not be
bothered.
MOOKIE
Alright. Alright. I'll be
over there sometime today.
TINA (VO)
When?
MOOKIE
Before I get off work.
TINA (VO)
Bring some ice cream, I'm
burning up. Do you love me?
MOOKIE
Do I love you?
CLOSE—SAL
SAL
Mookie, get offa da phone.
CLOSE—MOOKIE
MOOKIE
Be off in a second. Tina, I
dedicated a record on Mister
Señor Love Daddy's show to you.
TINA (VO)
Big deal.
CLOSE—SAL
SAL
Mookie! How is anybody gonna
call in?
CLOSE—MOOKIE
MOOKIE
Big deal? If that's not LOVE,
I don't know what is.
CLOSE—PINO
PINO
You deaf or what?
CLOSE—MOOKIE
MOOKIE
Gotta go. See ya soon.
(he hangs up)
Everybody happy now?
The phone rings right away and Pino picks it up.
ANGLE—PINO
PINO
Sal's Famous Pizzeria, yeah,
two large pizzas, pepperoni and
anchovies, hold on. . . . See,
Pop, Mookie fucking talking on
the phone and people are trying
to call in orders. He's making
us lose business.
CLOSE—SAL
SAL
Mookie, you're fucking up.
PINO
Twenty minutes.
(he hangs up the phone)
How come you niggers are so
stupid?
CLOSE—MOOKIE
MOOKIE
If ya see a nigger here, kick
his ass.
CLOSE—PINO
PINO
Fuck you and stay off the phone.
CLOSE—VITO
VITO
Forget it, Mookie.
ANGLE—PIZZERIA
MOOKIE
Who's your favorite basketball
player?
PINO
Magic Johnson.
MOOKIE
And not Larry Bird? Who's your
favorite movie star?
PINO
Eddie Murphy.
Mookie is smiling now.
MOOKIE
Last question: Who's your
favorite rock star?
Pino doesn't answer, because he sees the trap he's already fallen into.
MOOKIE
Barry Manilow?
Mookie and Vito laugh.
MOOKIE
Pino, no joke. C'mon, answer.
VITO
It's Prince. He's a Prince freak.
PINO
Shut up. The Boss! Bruuucce!!!!
MOOKIE
Sounds funny to me. As much as
you say nigger this and nigger
that, all your favorite people
are "niggers."
PINO
It's different. Magic, Eddie,
Prince are not niggers, I mean,
are not Black. I mean, they're
Black but not really Black.
They're more than Black. It's
different.
With each word Pino is hanging himself even further.
MOOKIE
Pino, I think secretly that
you wish you were Black. That's
what I think. Vito, what do
you say?
PINO
Y'know, I've been listening and
reading 'bout Farrakhan, ya didn't
know that, did you?
MOOKIE
I didn't know you could read.
PINO
Fuck you. Anyway, Minister
Farrakhan always talks about
the so-called "day" when the
Black man will rise. "We will
one day rule the earth as we
did in our glorious past."
You really believe that shit?
MOOKIE
It's e-vit-able.
PINO
Keep dreaming.
MOOKIE
Fuck you, fuck pizza, and fuck
Frank Sinatra, too.
PINO
Well, fuck you, too, and fuck Michael Jackson.
CUT TO:
RACIAL SLUR MONTAGE
The following will be a QUICK-CUTTING MONTAGE of racial slurs, with different ethnic groups pointing the finger at one another. Each person looks directly INTO THE CAMERA.
CLOSE—MOOKIE
MOOKIE
Dago, wop, garlic-breath, guinea,
pizza-slinging, spaghetti-bending,
Vic Damone, Perry
Como, Luciano Pavarotti, Sole
Mio, nonsinging motherfucker.
CUT TO:
CLOSE—PINO
PINO
You gold-teeth, gold-chain-wearing,
fried-chicken-and-biscuit-eatin',
monkey, ape,
baboon, big thigh, fast-running,
three-hundred-sixty-degree-basketball-dunking spade
Moulan Yan.
CUT TO:
CLOSE—STEVIE
STEVIE
You slant-eyed, me-no-speak
American, own every fruit and
vegetable stand in New York,
Reverend Moon, Summer
Olympics '88, Korean kickboxing
bastard.
CUT TO:
CLOSE—OFFICER LONG
OFFICER LONG
Goya bean—eating, fifteen in a