by Paul Beatty
1. The tone of the narrative is . . .
a. jocular
b. bitingly sarcastic
c. caustic
d. conversational
2. The Deacon is described as
a. fiery
b. corrupt
c. valiant
d. all of the above
3. The most precise title for this passage is
a. Glory! One Chapter in the Struggle
b. The Deacon's New Car
c. Shameless: The Buying of Deacon_____
d. Free at Last: " I Won't Be Takin' No Bus No M o ' ! "
4. In line 17 "integrated" means
a. your daughter can now marry anyone
b. improved
c. Afro-Americans have no more excuses
d. all of the above
5. In line 22 the Deacon's speech is
a. fake, contrived, as if written by a Northerner
b. not even remotely believable, but brilliantly inciteful nevertheless
c. wholly believable and effective, except that "key to the gates o' heaven" business
d. good. I liked it very much
6. The anecdote itself is
a. absolutely believable
b. believable, but a bit overdone, especially the end
c. true, trust me, I'll even tell you his real name if you want
d. true, but not such a big deal as the author would have us believe. After all, they did get what they wanted
"We are both of us so rich and possessing such impossibly good looks, let us make love like a proud stallion and a mare, or perhaps like two Greek statues newly come to l i f e , " husked Wayne as he sipped his Moet in his 150-foot yacht bound for Portofino.
"Zere's nothing Greek about what we're going to do, mon cher," chortled Monique as she let slip her diamond-sequined ball gown, revealing two perfect globes of lust, then stepped into the life raft filled with caviar and thusly concealed her neatly trimmed, keystone copse.
He untied his Giorgio Armani black-silk bow tie and tossed it into the churning wake of the expensive ship, then disrobed from his Pierre Cardin double-breasted tuxedo and threw the entire suit into the sea, leaving himself naked save for the silk, custom-made shoulder holster cuddling his Beretta 48C he had nicknamed "Sinbad."
"Zon't zou zare throw my gown overboard, bee-cauze iz ze ony clothz I bring," throated the naked Frenchwoman.
Wayne picked up her Yves Saint-Laurent original, the sequins twinkling in the moonlight, and unceremoniously balled it up. "Neither of us will be needing any clothing on this trip," he cooed deeply as he pitched the shimmering frock into the turbulent waves, which made him recall his rough-and-tumble childhood bouncing from foster home to reform schools, making friends only by being the best sandlot pitcher and hardest hitter in all of West Philly.
" C'est la vie, maiscom on zin, ze l'eau iz fine , " nasaled Monique sexily as she splashed herself with the Russian beluga, then fingered some caviar off her proud and jutting pencil erasers and licked her fingers clean.
"In a minute, froggy," gruffed Wayne as he donned his wet suit and scuba gear. " I ' ve got an illegal underwater plutonium-mining operation to blow up."
7. Monique is
a. a tease
b. Mata Hari
c. a whale of a gal
d. typical
8. If Monique had succeeded in luring Wayne into the caviar bath,
a. he would have stealthily disconnected his twin prosthetic breasts and deeply growled, "Secret agent man, the jig is up. Did you forget I, your evil nemesis, Dr. Zamboni's thick calves so soon?"
b. she would have made love with him wildly, then tried to sever his brain stem with a hairpin just as he gruffly grabbed her wrist, made her cry, and spilled the beans.
c. she would have looped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly, then pulled him gently on top of her, arched her muscular, smooth, tanned back, and guided him gently into her valley of the shadow of Love.
d. she would have run her arms over his rippling biceps sprinkled with scratches and scars and asked where each wound came from, then kissed each scarred arm, then his chest, his stomach, and down and down, until he would no longer remember his name, nor would he care.
9. How many times has "globes of lust" (line 8) appeared in print?
a. just this once
b. twice
c. in Squirt magazine alone, 3.5 x 104 (as of 3/1/84)
d. more times than I care to remember, thank you
10. How did Wayne get so wealthy if he grew up in foster homes and reform schools? (line 24)
a. One day, a large yacht moored on the lake near his last juvenile hall. He stowed away on the vessel, and when he was discovered, the yacht's owner so admired his chutzpah, he adopted him.
b. He was a hustling and scamming ragamuffin, stole when he had to, extorted when the need arose, amassed a large fortune eventually, but when the Internal Revenue Service caught wind of his little scam and was hot on his trail, they offered him one last out: "Work for us," they said, "and you won't go to the hoosegow."
c. Attending Stanford University on a basketball scholarship, his gregarious nature and winning good looks soon earned him a berth in the easy elitism of the school's fraternity system. Through these contacts, he met and married a meat-packing mogul's homely daughter, Megan Winston, who wound up the victim of a tragic gangland slaying.
d. A good-looking boy of fourteen, he would mow lawns of the mansions on the other side of the tracks. One day, a wealthy divorcee paid him $100, saying, " I ' ve got a lawn to mow inside too." (Repeat)
The good, homely folk of Lowndes County never expected they would ever get a gander of the likes of this here. Little Eehssi Robinson, Pernice's baby daughter, burning down Route 69 in a brand-new, shiny red foreign number, coming in even faster than she had fled their quaintproudnoblesimplejoyousglorious-triumphalnice hamlet ten years before to attend university. They all knew she was living in California; probably in one of those big, fancy old houses up on those hills they'd seen in the moving pictures every Sunday, and she'd become right famous and won prizes, and her books were in the library and all, but no one, not even the boozy preacherman, expected such a shiny red sports car.
So there they were, the whole town out on their clean-smelling front stoops watching that shiny red streak and the plume of dust that followed close behind like Ham's ghost.The streak and that ghost—that brown cloud of memory—finally slowed down to brave the cratered drive up to the house from where the writer was birthed.
"He-llo, Ma-ma," enunciated the jubilant writer. " I am absolutely fatigued after such a long journey. . . Oh, and, Mama, 'fatigued' means tired."
Mama, her nostrils proudly flaring like a holy god's chariot-pulling mare, her heavy, joyous bosom rising and falling with every profound breath of that sweet Georgia wind, her legs as strong and as stout as the mighty Georgia pines, exuberantly hoisted that heavy iron skillet high over her kerchief-covered head, the skillet from which she had fried the eggs and bacon and ham and apples and cornbread, and had cooked the grits and greens and black-eyes and chit'lin's and okra for her thirty healthy children, and she swung that skillet down with a quickness far beyond her seventy years onto the hot-combed hair of her youngest daughter, Eehssi, killing the child with a clonk.
"'Fatigued,' my ass."
11. How would you describe the style of this passage?
a. neoclassical
b. postmodern
c. Afro-Baroque
d. mock Afro-Baroque
12. If Eehssi had not said, " 'Fatigued' means tired" (line 21), how would the story have ended?
a. Little had changed in her sleepy little hamlet. Where she had expected envy and ignorance, she found instead a spirituality that had been missing from her life ever since she had left. It was precisely at this moment that she decided to return—not once a decade as she had previously done—but every summer; not for the people, not even for Mama, but for her own now-blosso
ming soul.
b. The sun was warmer here, the air sweeter, and the smiles so much broader, and it was then and only then that Eehssi could not remember why it was she had ever left.
c. "Welcome home, child," said Mama quietly. Eehssi glowed. Somewhere in the distance, watchful hounds barked. They too welcomed her home.
d. An old turkey buzzard circled aimlessly in the endlessly blue sky as the smell of cooking molasses—the best smell in the whole wide world, she thought to herself—tickled her nostrils with sweet, deliciously sweet memories of a little pigtailed girl with honey knees and ashy elbows who one day said to no one in particular, "l-am going to be-a writer."
STOP!
End of Section Three (3)
You may review THIS and ONLY THIS section.
DO NOT go on to the next section until told to do so.
HARRYETTE MULLEN
any lit
1991
You are a ukulele beyond my microphone
You are a Yukon beyond my Micronesia
You are a union beyond my meiosis
You are a unicycle beyond my migration
You are a universe beyond my mitochondria
You are a Eucharist beyond my Miles Davis
You are a euphony beyond my myocardiogram
You are a unicorn beyond my Minotaur
You are a eureka beyond my maitai
You are a Yuletide beyond my minesweeper
You are a euphemism beyond my myna bird
You are a unit beyond my mileage
You are a Yugoslavia beyond my mind's eye
You are a yoo-hoo beyond my minor key
You are a Euripides beyond my mime troupe
You are a Utah beyond my microcosm
You are a Uranus beyond my Miami
You are a youth beyond my mylar
You are a euphoria beyond my myalgia
You are a Ukrainian beyond my Maimonides
You are a Euclid beyond my miter box
You are a Univac beyond my minus sign
You are a Eurydice beyond my maestro
You are a eugenics beyond my Mayan
You are a U-boat beyond my mind control
You are a euthanasia beyond my miasma
You are a urethra beyond my Mysore
You are a Euterpe beyond my Mighty Sparrow
You are a ubiquity beyond my minority
You are a eunuch beyond my migraine
You are a Eurodollar beyond my miserliness
You are a urinal beyond my Midol
You are a uselessness beyond my myopia
jinglejangle
1991
ab flab abracadabra Achy Breaky Action Jackson airy-fairy airfare
Asian contagion analysis paralysis Anna banana ants in your pants
Annie's Cranny Annie Fanny A-Okay ape drape argle-bargle artsy-fartsy awesome blossom
backpack backtrack Bahama Mama balls to the wall bam-a-lam bandstand
Battle in Seattle beat the meat bedspread bee's knees behani ghani best dressed
best in the West BestRest Best Western Betsy Wetsy Better Cheddar Big Dig bigwig
bird turd black don't crack blackjack blame game boho boiling oil
Bone Phone Bonton Bony Maroni boob tube boogie-woogie
boohoo book nook
boon coon Bot's dots Boozy Suzy bowl of soul bow-wow
boy toy brace face
brain drain bric-a-brac bug jug bump on the rump
Busty Rusty
cachi-bachi caffe latte cake bake candy's dandy Care
Bear cash for trash Cat in the Hat
chalk talk Chatty Cathy cheers & jeers cheaper to keep her
cheat sheet Chester the molester
chewy gooey chick flick Chilly Willy chips & dips chitchat
chock-a-block
Choco Taco chop shop chrome dome Chubby Hubby
Chuck & Buck chugalug Chunky Monkey
cigar bar Cinni Mini claptrap Click & Clack clink-clank
clipclop Coca-Cola cock block
cock doc cock sock cookbook Cool Yule Cracker Jack
crack shack crack's wack creature feature
crick-crack crinkly wrinkly crisscross crop top crumb bum
Crunch 'n Munch
culture vulture curly-whirly
date rape deadhead deep sleep dikes on bikes dilly-dally
ding-a-ling ding-dang dingle-dangle
ding-dong dirty birdy Dizzy Lizzy dog log Don Juan
Donut Hut double trouble downtown dramarama
drape shape dream team Dress for Success drill & kill
drip-drop drunk skunk dry eye
eager beaver Earl the Pearl easy greasy Eat a Pita
eenie-meenie Etch-a-Sketch
Evel Knievel Even Stephen Eye in the Sky
fag hag fair share Fakin' Bacon fancy pants Fast Gas fat cat
Fax Pax Fay Wray
fender bender fews & twos fiddle-faddle fight or flight Fij
i file or pile fill the bill fine line
finer diner fine wine Flavor Saver Fleet Street flim-flam
flip-flop Flirty Gerty Flo Jo
flower power flub-dub fly-by fly-by-night fly guy fogdog
four-door four-on-the-floor
Foxy Roxy frat rat Freaks & Geeks freaky-deaky free bee
frick & frack
fried, dyed, laid to the side fright night Froot Loops FuBu
fuck a duck fuddyduddy
fungus among us fun in the sun funny money fur burger
fuzzy wuzzy
gal pal gang bang gas grass or ass gator bait gay for pay
Geechee gender bender
Georgie Porgie gewgaw gherkin jerkin gibber-jabber glad pad
gloom & doom goof proof
googly-moogly Gorgeous George gory story Greeks & geeks
Greek Week green bean
Green Jeans grinning & skinning
Hackensack hackmatack hackysack hair care hairy fairy
Handy Andy
handy dandy hanky-panky hari-kari Happy to Be Nappy
harum-scarum
haunch & paunch haste makes waste heart smartHeckle &
Jeckle heebie-jeebies
Hegel's Bagels hell's bells helter-skelter Henny Penny
herky-jerky heyday hickory-dickory
hi-fi higgledy-piggledy high & dry hinky dinky hip hop
hippy dippy hobnob hobo
Hobson-Jobson hockey jockey hocus-pocus hodgepodge
hoi polloi hoity-toity
Hojo Hokey Pokey holy mole holy moley Home Alone
honey bunny Hong Kong honky-tonk
hoodoo hooked on books hook or crook hootchie-kootchie
hotch-potch Hotel No Tell hot pot
hot shot Hottentot How now brown cow hubbub
Hubba Bubba hubble-bubble Huckabuck
huff & puff hugger mugger Huey, Dewey, Louie Hully Gully
humdrum hump & dump
Humpty-Dumpty hurdy-gurdy hurly-burly Hurry Curry
hurry-scurry hustle & bustle
Icky Ricky I Like Ike ill pill ill will Increase the Peace
inky-dinky
ism jism I Spy itsy-bitsy itty-bitty
jai alai Janet's Planet jeepers creepers Jeez Louise jelly belly
jet set Jew canoe jig rig jimjams
jinglejangle Joe Blow Joe Schmoe Juicy Lucy June gloom
June moon junkie's monkey
junk in the trunk junky punky
killer-diller King Kong Kit Kat kiwi knickknack knob job
Koo Koo Roo
kowtow Krik? Krak! kudu Kundun
Laffy Taffy lame brain large & in charge late great later gator
Lazy Daisy
Lean Cuisine lean & mean lean mean machine legal eagle
Leggo my Eggo
Lexis Nexus lick dick Lickin' Chicken licking stick
Liddle Kiddle liquor's quicker
lit crit liver quiver lizard's gizzard local yokel long dong
Loony Toons Loopy Doopy
>
loose screws loosey-goosey lovie-dovie low blow lucky duck
lump sum lunch bunch
lust in the dust Lynyrd Skynyrd
Mac Attack mad dad made in the shade Magilla Gorilla
mainframe maitai Mango Tango
Manila Thriller Mantan Mars bars master blaster Maui Wowie
May Day Meal Deal
Meals on Wheels mean green meet & greet mellow yellow
Messy Bessy
Micmac might makes right Mighty Aphrodite miles of smiles
Milli Vanilli
Mingus Among Us mishmash Missy-Pissy mock croc
Mod Squad mojo moldy oldie
Money Honey moose on the loose mop top Mork from Ork
motor voter muckamuck
muck chuck mukluk multi-culti mumbo jumbo mu shu
mushy-gushy my guy
namby-pamby name game nature nurture near beer nice price
night light
nig-nog niminy piminy nitty-gritty nitwit
no finance, no romance
no glove, no love no go no muss, no fuss no pain, no gain
no show no way, Jose
nudie cutie Nut Hut Nutter Butter Nutty Buddy
Ocean Potion odd jobs Oingo Boingo okey-dokey old gold
ooga-booga
Only the Lonely oodles of noodles Oshkosh B'gosh
Paco's Tacos page gauge pale ale paranoid android
Parappa the Rapper party hearty Patel hotel
paunch & haunch payday pay & play pee & see peewee
peg leg pell-mell peter beater
Phantom Anthems phone home phony baloney Pick Up Sticks
picnic pie in the sky, by & by
Piggty Wiggly ping-pong pit-a-pat pitter-patter Plain Jane
plaster caster plastic fantastic
play as it lays pocket rocket poet don't know it pogo
pooper scooper pot shot pope-soap-on-a-rope
Pop Shop poptop Post Toasties powwow poxy doxy prime
time pump & dump psychedelic relic Puff 'n Stuff