I think I went out for drinks with Kaylie on my last birthday. Hell, I was pretty sure that’s what we’d done the last five birthdays. I couldn’t quite comprehend someone being so birthday crazy over the age of ten, but it was kind of cute.
And annoying.
“I’ll see you there at six thirty. Anything you need me to bring?”
“Naw, I’m good. Thanks though. If something comes up, I’ll be sure to ask.”
“Okay, love you, see you then.”
I hung up the phone, once again enjoying the way my tough as nails friend was flustered by her love.
We’ll be there in five.
I looked down at the text and turned to fill everyone in.
“Hey, guys, I just heard from Kaylie, and they’ll be here in about five minutes.”
There was an excited murmur around the room, everyone thrilled to be a part of surprising Mariana. Apparently, this was the type of thing she always did for other people, but no one had ever put that much effort into making her day special. Her mom told me this several times, her hand over her heart dramatically, while tears pooled in her eyes.
I wasn’t very much of an emotional person, so I never really knew how to handle when people showed their feelings so openly. It really threw me off of my game.
We all got quiet and stood in the back corner of the small room where we would be eating, just like Kay had asked us to. That way, Mariana couldn’t see us easily as they walked towards the table.
I could hear Kay talking a little louder than normal as they approached. And by ‘a little louder’, I meant that they probably could hear her a few restaurants away. I laughed at her lack of subtlety. Quietly, of course.
We waited until they walked through the door before pouncing on her.
“Surprise!”
She shrieked like a little girl. Then burst into tears. Like, full on waterworks.
I looked at Kaylie, who had the same look of shock mirrored on her face.
Was this a good thing?
I shrugged, and turned to look at Mariana’s mom, who also had tears pouring down her face. The two of them ran towards each other and hugged, both sobbing ugly wet tears on each other, and then talking in rapid fire Portuguese while gesturing around the room wildly.
I honestly still had no idea if this was a good thing, or if she was pissed off.
They kept looking at Kay while talking, and she looked more and more uncomfortable, as if she’d made a mistake holding this birthday party. I bet she was going to learn Portuguese really quickly, so that she wouldn’t be stuck in a long-term relationship where she has no idea what’s being said around her.
Finally, Mariana broke away from her mom and ran over to Kay. She wrapped her arms tight around her, and Kay visibly relaxed.
Whew.
Mariana reached down and held Kay’s hand, intertwining their fingers so that there could be no doubt to anyone in her family that this was a relationship, a couple hood, and walked her around, introducing her to each of her family members.
Kay’s skin was pink to the tips of her ears, embarrassed at all of the attention. She’d not had the best luck with families growing up, so she was a bit gun shy about doing things that involved family members. Her dad was a politician in the state, so her being a lesbian with brightly colored hair didn’t exactly fit the mold of the good little girl on the campaign trail.
Well, at least not until some inside polling was done and found that the younger vote was totally cool with it, and then suddenly he wanted her by his side. He’d even gone so far as to ask her to dye her hair the campaign colors. She politely declined, which put further strain on their already fragile relationship. They were a work in progress, but Kay’s heart broke daily that the father who raised her and loved her had become a near stranger to her. So, walking into a room with an extremely tight-knit family had her all sorts of nervous.
She actually looked like she might throw up at any minute. I saw her eyes dart around the room, and I imagined that she was looking for the exits, to keep them in mind at all times, in the event she needed to make a quick escape.
Everyone finally sat down for the food, and oh my goodness, it was like a three-ring circus. Mariana’s grandma barely spoke a lick of English, so there were conversations going on around the table in both languages. The voices kept raising, not out of anger, just to be heard.
I looked at the end of the table, and Kaylie looked absolutely miserable. I caught her eye and tipped my head toward the bathrooms, silently asking her if she needed a quick break.
She nodded and got up quickly, and in her haste she hit the table, which caused Mariana’s mom’s wine to spill all over her skirt.
The entire table got quiet immediately, staring at the red stain growing all over her outfit.
Kay stood there, shocked, tears pooling in her eyes as everyone turned and looked at her. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, no sound coming out, as she felt the weight of all of those eyes on her at once.
“Just go.”
Mariana whispered the words to her sharply, and Kay nodded once, and fled. She literally ran out the door. I intercepted a look that said, ‘go follow her’.
I got up carefully, and walked quickly to the bathroom, where I could hear her hiccupping sobs coming from the back-corner stall.
“Hey, twat face, I’m coming in.”
The door was locked so I had to get on my hands and knees to crawl under the door. I would say I was grossed out, and I may have gagged once or twice, but the truth was that it wasn’t the first time I’d been on my knees in a public restroom.
Don’t judge.
“On her mother, Mari. I fucking spilled wine all over her mom. That shit won’t come out. She’s going to look like a Halloween massacre for the rest of time.”
“Or like shark week.”
“Not helping.”
“Sorry.”
We sat in silence, her sniffling and blowing her nose into toilet paper, me leaning against the door, just watching her. Maybe I should have gone over and hugged her or something. But she was sitting on the toilet. Granted, her pants were up and fully in place, but that felt like it would be crossing some sort of unspoken line between us.
“Do you think they’d notice if I just walked out the door? And never returned?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Drama queen much? Listen, it was an accident. You clearly didn’t mean to ruin her mom’s nice outfit. It happened though, and you need to move on. Being a total pussy and hiding out in the bathroom, or running home during your lady’s birthday party would be a cowardly move, and you are not a coward. Clumsy as fuck, maybe, but never a coward. So, you need to pull on your big girl panties, walk back in there with your head held high, apologize to mom for the carnage, and let your woman know you love her. Stop acting like you’re not good enough, because you are seriously the best thing going.”
She started crying all over again, and then jumped off the toilet and gave me a big hug. All of her mascara had already worn off, so at least I didn’t have to worry about her ruining my outfit with tarantula tears.
“Bitch, you’re getting snot in my hair. I don’t love you enough for snotty hair.”
She laughed, which was progress. I mean, it was still a pretty watery laugh, but it was a laugh nonetheless.
“Mar, you’re the best sister-wife I’ve ever had. You know I love you, right?”
I grinned, knowing that those words had only started to mean something to her other than empty promises. Hearing those three little words from her meant more than they would ever mean from a guy.
“Yeah, babe. And you know I love you forever and always.”
I gave her a big smacking kiss on her cheek, glad she was able to pull herself together.
She grinned at me and walked out of the bathroom, her head held high and me following closely behind.
“Mrs. Andrade, I’m very sorry about your outfit. I’d promise that nothing like that will ever happ
en again, but I’m incredibly klutzy, so that would be a lie. I shouldn’t be allowed around glass vases, sharp objects or anything that stains. I will happily pay to have it dry cleaned.”
Mariana’s mom didn’t even look slightly pissed, she actually smiled at Kaylie, like it really hadn’t been that big of a deal to her. She even gave Kay a little nod and a wink.
When Kaylie saw that wink she nodded back, took a deep breath and turned to Mariana.
And dropped to one knee.
She fucking dropped to a knee and opened up the ring case with that gorgeous ring she showed me, right in front of everyone that mattered to the two of them.
I had never been so damn proud of my girl in all my life.
“Mariana, you are my air. You have held me together when I’ve fallen apart, pulled me close when I was drifting away, and anchored me when I couldn’t deal with my life and my entire world spinning out of control. Your amazing heart has healed me, has brought me back from a horrible place where I could trust no one, where I didn’t feel worthy of being loved, where I didn’t believe in love.
Baby, my life didn’t start until I met you. There was nothing but horrible grey monotones and black and white. Shadows of people and experiences that I pushed myself through but never lived. You have brought color and flavor to my life. You brought fresh air and happiness into my life. I’ve been so damn happy ever since you said you’d go out to dinner with me that first time, and now because of you I can take all the bullshit that life throws at me and turn it into sparkle farting unicorns. You are everything. You are more than everything, more than my world, more than my universe. You are my more and forever. Mariana, please be my forever. Will you marry me?”
The whole table gasped and looked at Mariana’s mom, who was sitting there, beaming from ear to ear with pride and happiness. It was almost as if she knew what was happening.
Mariana was openly sobbing, and I didn’t mean to be a bitch or anything, but she was an ugly crier. Like, damn. I was snapping off pictures with my cell phone because it was the right thing to do, but it was hard to get an angle that wouldn’t need a shit ton of touching up and crazy filters to make it social media worthy.
“Mariana?”
“Yes, yes, I will marry you. Oh my god, baby, I will marry you every day.”
The room cheered as the two of them hugged each other as if their life depended on it.
“Mami, do you see?”
She held her hand out in the classic engaged woman pose, perfectly extended fingers wiggling just a little to assist the stone in catching the light.
“Sim, minha filha. I see. Your sweet woman came to me and your Avó and asked for permission. We give our blessings, now and always.”
I felt chills run up and down my back and arms. Not the chills of fear, but those type you get when you are ridiculously happy, and your body and mind can’t fully process how happy you are, so it just does weird shit like random chills. I wanted to jump up and down. I wanted to shout to the rest of the people in the restaurant about this gorgeous proposal. I wanted to sob like a baby out of joy for the two of them.
But I couldn’t do all of that, so instead, I stood there, smiling with weird back chills.
The rest of the evening included a bottle of champagne from the restaurant, a lot of laughter and more than a few tears. Mariana’s mom hinted at grandchildren more than once, and I loved the way Kaylie’s face lost color every time. Thinking back to when the two of them started, I remembered Kay was afraid to launch initially because Mariana had never been with a woman, and she was afraid that it wasn’t a real relationship, that Mariana was trying on being a lesbian for size. Also, within her culture, lesbians hadn’t exactly had a great time within the families. The fact that everything had turned out so amazing was the happiest ever after that anyone could have in an infinity of forevers.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jamison
“Aly, can we talk.”
She damn near jumped out of her skin at the sound of my voice. She obviously wasn’t expecting me to be standing outside of her office building like a stalker, waiting for her to appear.
I knew that her dad still ran the joint, so I was somewhat surprised that he hadn’t had me arrested. Although, it had been over a decade, he probably didn’t recognize me.
“Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing here?”
She glared at me and then looked nervously toward the building, as if being seen with someone like me would be too damaging for her professional image. As if ‘Eau de White Trash’ would somehow cling to her, rendering her ineffective in negotiating deals and designing office buildings.
“Like I said, we need to talk. We probably should have talked a while ago, so this is long overdue. But you have answers, and I need to hear them.”
I tried to tone down the automatic anger that had become my default in all things Aly. Getting pissed off and barking at her won’t get me anywhere. The fact that memories of her, both good and bad, kept popping up in my mind meant I needed some sort of closure. I didn’t want to come across as some sort of fucking hippy needing to sing Kumbaya around a camp fire while holding hands or anything, but I needed her chapter of my life closed for good.
“Why should I talk to you? After everything you did, you come to me like you have any right to me? Like you have any say in whether I talk to you or not? You have a lot of fucking nerve even thinking you have the right to look at me, let alone talk to me.”
“Please.”
It stung me to say please, like I was begging her.
I could see the battle in her eyes, and for a moment a hint of what looked like sadness. She wrapped that useless emotion up and tucked it far away somewhere inside of her. But for half of a second, I felt like I could see my Aly hidden somewhere in this ice queen called Alicia.
She sighed and rolled her eyes, and I knew that I had somehow won a round in this battle that had waged between us for years, even though the two of us hadn’t had any contact. Between the day her dad told me she had aborted our child and when I ran into her at that bar, I hadn’t seen her.
She started walking, so I followed her. Not in an aggressive manner, but a step or two behind, until she turned and entered a small coffee shop at the corner. Perfect.
She ordered herself an espresso, and I ordered just a regular coffee, black.
When I sat down and looked at her, I found myself unable to speak at first. I wanted the answers, but did I?
“How have you been?”
She sneered at me, with nothing but contempt in her eyes.
“Really? How have I been? This is the so called ‘burning question’ you need answered? Next time, send me an email.”
She started to get up, as if she was going to walk away from me. What the fuck was her problem? Like seriously?
“What the fuck, Aly? Okay, you want to know my question? Fine. Why did you do it?”
She turned slowly and looked at me, the contempt in her eyes so strong that I could feel it burning a hole in the center of my forehead.
“You wanted me to do it, so don’t act like a goddamn martyr. If you hadn’t fucking abandoned me, and left me to deal with your mess, maybe things could have been different. But no, you took the coward’s way out, you piece of shit.”
Her voice rose with every word, until we had everyone in the shop staring at us. Women were openly glaring at me in a show of female solidarity over a situation they knew nothing about.
“What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t want you to abort our child, I wanted to raise our baby with you. Did you know I’d bought clothing for it? I had toys already bought and set aside. Obviously, I had no idea if it was a boy or a girl, because it never got that far, but I got some of everything. I was making shit pay but didn’t care, I was going to take care of that baby of ours if it killed me. Instead, you killed it. You killed our baby. You killed our dreams. You killed me.”
While I spoke, her face grew pale and she looked for a s
econd like she was going to throw up. Maybe I was too harsh, I mean, women’s right to choose and all that. But, didn’t I have any rights? It was my baby too, and I would have fought tooth and nail for it had I been given a choice.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Jamie?”
She whispered the words to me, lethal words that sliced my heart deeper than her yelling had.
“What do you think I’m talking about? You had an abortion. You were pregnant with our child, and you deemed that baby unworthy because it was half me and you cut it out of your life. You’re sitting there looking like I’ve just slapped you, like you’re somehow a victim. Yet, I was going to be a dad. A daddy. Someone’s dad. I wanted it to be a little girl, with blue eyes and hair just like you. I wanted her to be your clone, so that I could experience twice the love of the women in my life, to make up for my piece of shit example of a mother. But I never got that chance, did I?”
My voice started to crack, so I stopped. I had already shared more of my feelings than I should have. I gave her the power, she saw my vulnerability and she had the ability to cut me down quickly. I still had the image in my mind of what our daughter would have looked like. I carried it my heart, buried deep. So deep, I’d managed to hide it from myself. Lately, with the scab of my deepest wound having been ripped off so suddenly, all of my hidden feelings, and images, fears and desires were surfacing. And it sucked.
Holy hell, it sucked so bad.
I was supposed to be a fucking bad ass biker. I was supposed to be an ‘alpha asshole’. Yeah, I knew people who read chick books, so I knew the term. I had heard it as I walked by. I reveled in it, because it was a persona I could live up to. I could be a total dick, a dick with swagger.
But this scab being ripped off forced me to face everything I’d easily turned my back on.
It made me face her. It made me face my daughter. I knew in my soul that she was carrying a little girl. The first and only female who wouldn’t break my heart, who wouldn’t let me down.
Until We Fall (Trust Duet Book 2) Page 16