I stood up and walked to the kitchen, trying hard not to drag my feet. My euphoria over my opportunity with Mari dwindled as my mom beat me to the coffee machine.
“Okay, so, I can see that you texted me from the front door letting me know you were walking in, but that doesn’t actually explain the reason that I have been wonderfully blessed with your presence this fine day.”
She sat there, frowning at me for a few moments, as if not really sure how to take that statement. Which is why I worded it that way. It was a great way to buy time if I tied her brain up in some knots.
“I hate when you do that, I know it’s on purpose.”
I just grinned at her, knowing that I had successfully thrown her off of the reason for her visit, even if only temporarily.
“Oh, I remember now, I came to see if you...”
Her words faded out as her eyes widened. She was looking somewhere over my right shoulder, and I frowned as I turned to figure out what she’d fixated on. Honestly, for a second, I was really concerned about mom’s mental state, because it wasn’t like her to be that scatterbrained.
I was concerned until I realized what it was she saw. At that moment, I went from concerned to downright terrified.
She might be older, but by God, she was still quick. She did some crazy maneuver around my attempt to block her before descending upon the wedding invitation I had left on my coffee table.
“Kaylie Mathilde Jacobson and Mariana Veronica DePina Andrade. Wow, young men have such strange names these days, I can’t tell who the groom is and who’s the bride.”
She looked at me with a slightly confused look on her face, and I did my very best not to roll my eyes and slap my forehead.
“That’s because Kaylie and Mariana are both women, mom.”
Her eyes and mouth both formed an amusing ‘O’ of surprise, before she looked back down at the invitation and examined it as if it were a piece of evidence at the crime scene.
“Wow, it’s so feminine, that’s unexpected, isn’t it? My friend Marjorie has a great-niece who is a lesbian, and she isn’t feminine at all.”
Oh, dear lord.
“Mom, you know that everyone is their own person, right? Like, they are all individuals. It’s not like they get slapped with the lesbian stick and suddenly walk around wearing camo board shorts, wife beaters and wearing a buzz cut.”
“If they’re lesbians, they probably haven’t been slapped with any kind of stick.”
I spat out the coffee that was in my mouth, spraying the kitchen with the best part of waking up.
Jesus, that was the most unexpected thing to come out of her mouth, and believe me, mom had some doozies.
“Get it? Because she’s a lesbian, she doesn’t like to have sex with anything that has a peni…”
I held up my hand to stop her mid-sentence.
“No, mom, please, don’t continue that sentence. Kaylie and Mariana are some of the sweetest people you would ever meet. They are not a stereotype, they just are themselves, two absolutely beautiful women who fell in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together.”
“This is fucked up.”
This time it was my eyes that shot up in surprise.
“Jesus Christ, mom, have you been drinking?”
I’d never heard my mom drop an F-bomb before. This was unchartered territory, and I wasn’t at all sure how to deal with it.
“Well, it is.”
She was damn near pouting like a four-year-old. I never would have pegged my mom as a homophobe, and I felt the burning sensation that reeked of disappointment bubbling up from my stomach because her actions indicated that she might be.
“Their parents will be grandparents before me. Meanwhile, I have four children, straight children, who can’t seem to find themselves a suitable mate to settle down with and make me some grandbabies. You, well, you managed to blow it with Mari, and I really liked her. Your brother is a – oh, Lord, what was that phrase again… a manwhore. That’s it, your brother is a manwhore. And your sisters, I don’t know what on earth I did to create two of the most career driven females ever, but I want some damned grandchildren, and you are all conspiring against me.”
“Mom, are you off your meds? Seriously, I need to know. Because this is some high-level crazy talk right here, and I am not sure if I should call dad or the nice men in the padded vehicle with the white jackets that have extra-long sleeves.”
She sat on the couch and glared at the offending wedding invitation.
“Maxine’s daughter is pregnant. Again. The woman couldn’t help but brag about it at bible study today. She knows I want grandchildren more than anything, and she just rubs my nose in the fact that I’ll never know the joy of holding a sweet grandchild in my arms.”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten while rubbing the bridge of my nose in a lame attempt to alleviate the stress that my mother had a knack for causing.
“You either need to drink more, or drink less, Mom, I can’t figure out which. I think between the four of us, we will be more than capable at providing you with at least one sweet babe to hold in your arms. But, seriously, is that why you came over here, to complain that I’m not procreating?”
“Well, not just you, I mean, you’re not my only child.”
She paused for a second before continuing.
“So, how do you know these two?”
She waved at the invitation, indicating that she was referring to Kay and Mariana.
“Kaylie is Mari’s very best friend. Seriously, they are more like sisters than friends. And Mariana is a package deal with Kay.”
Her face brightened up at the mention of Mari’s name.
“Wait a minute, you’ve been invited to the wedding of your ex-girlfriend’s best friend? Which means Mari will probably be there, too?”
“Already two steps ahead of you on that one, mom. I’m definitely going. I just have to figure out who to take as my plus one, but I have a little over a month before I have to worry about that.”
“You should take Alicia.”
“Not a fucking chance in hell, mom.”
“Dane, language.”
“Nope, sorry mother of mine. You no longer get to hold the ‘language’ card over me. You not only dropped the granddaddy of all curse words, you did so after bible study. Like, that’s got to earn me a few passes.”
She sat back in a huff and crossed her arms while working through what I just said. Finally, she nodded.
“Fair enough, I probably should watch my language around you kids. I’d hate for you to pick up some bad habits, but that Maxine really got my goat. Anyway, you should bring Alicia. I know you find her about as cuddly as a porcupine, and I agree, she’s become somewhat of a frighteningly frigid individual, but it could make Mari jealous and force her onto your arm. Oooh, maybe they’ll have a cat fight over you.”
“Jeez, Ma, I’m not even sure who you are anymore.”
And yet, there was an odd buzzing in the back of my head that felt like going along with this colossally bad idea.
No, absolutely not. The last time I went along with one of my relatives’ stupid ideas it ended up resulting in a really pissed off woman, and rightfully so. My sisters had been making sure to remind me on the regular that they’d told me that I was making a piss poor life choice, and they were right.
Ugh, I hated admitting that. Also, I’d given them plenty of discussion material for their online book clubs. Apparently, they were starting to rate males in the club members’ lives based on their ‘book boyfriend worthiness’. I was currently pretty damn low in the rankings.
“I don’t think that’s too good of an idea, Mom. One, that could royally blow up in my face, resulting in the opposite of what we want. That would suck. Two, it could give Alicia the wrong impression. She’s been trying to get me to hook up with her for years, now, and honestly, she’s been making me a bit uncomfortable with her intensity. I don’t get the impression that people tell her ‘no’ very often,
so I don’t want to take any chances.”
“Okay, it’s all set.”
“What are you talking about?”
This was by far the most confusing conversation I’d ever had with my mom, and that was really saying a lot.
“Alicia. It’s settled. I texted her mom, and she’s going to pass on the message to her. This is going to be perfect.”
She sat back, so proud of herself while my head exploded. Literally, exploded. I was trying to figure out how I could have made my position any clearer.
“Why do you look angry at me?”
“Mom, I just told you, in explicit detail, why I was vehemently opposed to the idea. Why the hell would you think I would be pleased that you went ahead and did what you wanted anyway?”
“You didn’t tell me you hated the idea.”
“Mom, yes. I did. I was just telling you that before you announced that everything was all set.”
“Oh, well, I was busy texting her mom, so I really wasn’t paying attention to you. You know how that goes sometimes. It’s too late now, though. You’ll be fine.”
She shrugged, brushing off the entire incident as if it was no big deal, meanwhile, I knew it was going to be a humongous, ginormous, explosive big deal.
“Anyway, I have to scoot. You’re coming for dinner on Sunday, right?”
Sunday dinners at my parents. A standing tradition that was more a requirement and expectation than an invitation. I knew better than to turn her down. I missed a few when preparing to open up the QB2, and you would have thought that I had broken my mom’s heart, murdered a small child, or both.
“Of course, ma’am. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Plus, it would give me a chance to let the sibs know what crap mom just pulled and get them to give her a piece of their mind. Not that it would change anything, but it would make me feel better. And that was worth something at least.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mari
“I fucking hate you.”
I glared at my now former best friend as she literally rolled on the damn floor laughing at me as I stood in front of the three-way mirror.
“It’s not that bad.”
She managed that once she had finally caught her breath.
“Bullshit.”
I pictured ways to kill her. No soft and easy death, no, it would have to be torturous. Slow, painful torture. Maybe I should start by slowly cutting off her fingers, one by one. Let her bleed and writhe in pain.
“I’m going to cut one of your tits off, shove it in your mouth and watch you suffocate to death, because that is the only form of torture that is worthy of this.”
The elderly store owner walked in the room just as I mentioned my decided upon way to kill off Kay and made a strangled noise before pivoting on her heel and damn near running out. I didn’t know that senior citizens could move that quickly.
I turned back to look at the dress, one of many I had to try on for the wedding that was taking place in about a month. Like, no stress there. I was the damned maid of honor and was told that they were putting wheels on the wedding date and speeding it up.
Jesus, if they were straight we’d all be making comments under our breath about a pissed off father and a shotgun.
So, my little scissor lovers had backed me into a corner of having to get something off the rack, with no real time for alteration. I was thankfully thin, so for the most part sizing wouldn’t be an issue. But I had almost no boobs and I was short as hell.
Why couldn’t I have a best friend who was a gay male instead of a lesbian? They were renowned for their phenomenal sense of style, and they would never have allowed this hideous collection of fabric anywhere near my body.
Then again, Kaylie used to be my personal ‘stylist’, so maybe falling in love was making her soft or something.
The dress was pink. Not a lovely blush pink, but like, middle of the crayon box, Pepto Bismol pink. It had this weird matching tulle sash thing tied around the waist and a god-awful bow right over my ass.
Over.
My.
Ass.
Nothing like putting a big fucking neon arrow on the area of a woman’s body she was inevitably most self-conscious over.
The skirt came out in sort of an A-line, which wasn’t bad, except for the tulle roses that were scattered all over it.
“It’s really not that bad.”
She sounded as if she was trying to convince herself, not me.
“Lies you tell. Are you trying to make sure that I don’t get laid the day of your wedding? Because this... this... whatever the fuck you call this is going to make sure I remain celibate.”
She rolled her eyes at my dramatics.
“Celibate my ass. Just because you’ve got a guy with a hair trigger cock who couldn’t finish the job properly does not make you celibate.”
I flipped her off, my go-to when I had no other appropriate response. And I didn’t. I hadn’t had the heart to let Sebastian know that it wasn’t quite working for me, and because he was there the night that Kaylie proposed, he automatically assumed he was going to the wedding with me.
I hadn’t corrected him, so it turned out that he would be my plus one.
At least if I wore this dress, we both would be disappointed in how the evening would turn out, because there was no way in hell any man’s libido could survive this much… whatever this was.
“Whatever, next please.”
My skin felt like it was crawling in this mess of a dress, so I couldn’t get it off soon enough. Over dramatic, perhaps. Didn’t care.
“Well, hopefully you at least don’t hate the next one, because it’s our last option.”
I eyeballed the form-fitting silver number on the hanger and sighed. I was being a shitty maid of honor with my major attitude issues over wardrobe. I mean, in the long run, it didn’t matter what I looked like, it was all about the bride. And if I looked stupid as hell in her wedding pictures for years to come, well, that would be her own damn fault.
“Okay, then lunch, right? At a place that sells hard liquor?”
I looked at her with hopeful eyes, and she laughed at me while shaking her head.
“Yes, with liquor. I’m glad you finally get to meet Jennifer, because she’s coming to the wedding, too. And you will be nice, right? I swear, you will love her.”
I tried to keep a very neutral facial expression with a pleasant smile. One that wouldn’t offend anyone. But apparently, she read right through it.
“I’ll be nice.”
I pulled the curtain closed that separated my little changing room from the main area where she sat, waiting to judge the outfits, and started changing into the next contestant.
“So, what was that ‘OMFG’ text I got yesterday about?”
I had to think, because that was yesterday, and I could barely remember what I had been doing five hours ago, let alone a whole day ago.
“Oh, you will not believe what happened. You remember the ice queen bitch who is friends with Dane and wants to ride him hard and put him away wet? The one that is my client and who has been happily making my life a living hell by changing her mind on everything every fucking minute?”
“Yeah, Alicia, right?”
“Yeah, that’s her. Damn, the name gives me spine shivers, and not the fun, spanky type. Anyway, we were ready to have a final meeting over the latest version of our marketing strategy. It was supposed to be yesterday, the whole team was there, brought out the best bagels and cream cheese in wall the city. Totally pulled out all the stops. Then, nothing. The frigid bitch doesn’t show up, but her dad did, the guy that is running the company. Like, we’d never even met the guy, and he steps in. Let us know she’s taking a leave of absence or something, and he would be finishing the project. That’s cool, I mean, he was total business and all, and didn’t give off ‘asshole’ vibes or anything.”
“Wow, so this should make you super happy, right? You may never have to see her again.”
“I’m lost.”
“Yeah, so were we. It turns out that darling daughter went all rogue and was making changes just to be a bitch. We couldn’t exactly throw his kid under the bus for those changes, so we were there having to eat crow while Louisa scrambled to find the original proposal. We re-pitched it, got the sign off, and are good to go.”
“Holy shit. Well, I guess it’s awesome that you got the approval, right?”
“Yeah, we looked like fucking idiots in the process, but yeah.”
With that, I walked out of the changing room looking like I should be carrying a small tray of drinks to a table somewhere in Vegas.
To Kaylie’s credit, she did bite her lip to stop herself from laughing.
“Well, what do you think?”
She looked at me expectantly, but also with a slight cringe, as if she was waiting on the onslaught of words tearing this option to shreds.
“You know what? I think it’s your wedding, and whatever you want me to wear will be absolutely perfect.”
Her eyes teared up as she jumped up to grab me in a huge hug.
“Thanks, Mar, that means so much.”
“Plus, if I look like a hooker, you’ll get to enjoy it for years to come, every time you look at your wedding album.”
Her mouth opened and closed a few times, before she shoved me away from her embrace.
“Bitch.”
I just laughed as I returned to the dressing room to change into normal clothes.
My sides hurt.
Fuck, but I hated when Kaylie was right.
This chick, Jennifer, was legit the craziest bitch I’d ever met, and I loved the hell out of her for it. Immediately in love. Like, in romance novels it’s that ‘insta-love’ shit that seemed to happen.
Now, I wasn’t about to propose to her or anything, but I could see the three of us being unstoppable as a three-some.
Until We Fall (Trust Duet Book 2) Page 18