by Stasia Black
What?
WHAT?
Everyone’s head swung in her direction and she looked back and forth like she just realized she’d spoken out loud.
“It, it was just supposed to be, I don’t know, a parabolic microphone or something.” She waved a hand. “But it doesn’t matter because I took it out! There was a battery. Or something.” Her eyes searched the wall. “If it was a bomb then maybe that part was a phone to detonate it.” Her gaze shot back to them. “But I took it out! You have to believe me. I buried the battery back in Jacob’s Well!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jonas asked at the same time Charlie let out an anguished, “Shay, how could you?”
“I didn’t—”
“There’s no time for this,” the Commander said with a sharp swipe of his hand. “Move out,” he ordered again, yanking the door to the garage open and taking Sophia’s arm to pull her along after him.
Henry did the same with Shay but for a long second Jonas couldn’t move.
Who was she working for?
Christ, did it matter? She’d lied. It had all been a lie.
And he’d fallen for it.
Again.
Just like with Kathleen.
So why did it feel a thousand times worse?
Maybe there was an explanation. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as he was thinking and he was just jumping to conclusions?
Memories of Katherine’s tearful pleas flashed through his mind.
We didn’t mean for it to happen. But you were working all the time and—
I was busy ministering to people. I always invited you to come along to the soup kitchen and when I preached Wednesday nights at the—
That was your thing, not mine.
You knew what you were getting when you married me. You knew what life you were signing up for.
I was twenty years old! I had no clue what the real world was like.
What a crock. You started up with Roger just a few months after we were married. You never even gave us a chance.
Well I’m sorry. I’m sorry some of us are human and can’t live up to your perfect standards.
I never asked for perfection. Just fidelity. Which you promised when you accepted my fucking ring on your finger.
You’re impossible! Don’t I deserve some happiness too?
All this while Jonas’s feet moved mechanically. They were hurrying across the garage. Piling into the two vans they’d brought.
Rafe stuck his head out of one. “Damn, thought ya’ll would never get here. Jump in.”
He held open the passenger door and gestured for Shay to take it.
Jonas aimed for the other van.
He couldn’t stand the sight of her right now.
Charlie, of course, followed Shay. Not only that, but Jonas saw him making sure her seatbelt was buckled.
Fucking Charlie. Jonas shook his head.
What a sucker. She’d made fools of them all and there he was, signing up for more.
He was like a golden retriever. Loyal. But sometimes, dumb as a bag of goddamned rocks.
Jonas climbed in the very back seat of the other van.
The Commander was at the wheel, Sophie in the front seat beside him. Then Audrey was in the middle seat with Danny and Mateo on either side of her.
Jonas ignored the twinge he got in his chest thinking of how just last night, he’d had that. Of how perfectly Shay’s body fit against him when he pulled her to his chest. Her head notched right underneath his chin and her hair had felt so angel soft between his fingers as he combed through it while she fell asleep and—
Who was the sucker again?
Jonas slammed the door shut, his jaw working.
Oh she was good, Jonas would give her that.
And he’d thought he was so in command of her in the bedroom. He thought he’d cracked her wide open to bare the deepest part of herself. That they’d connected on some deep almost spiritual plane.
He laughed humorlessly.
“Hold on!” the Commander called over his shoulder as the van burst through the flimsy barrier of the plastic parking gate.
A couple of the others cried out but Jonas just stared out the window. In the light of the early morning, his face was reflected in the glass.
And looking into his own eyes, he knew it wasn’t Charlie who was the fool. After everything he’d been through, he’d still been on a spiritual quest in his time with Shay. A different kind, sure.
But some part of him, a big part, had kept on believing there was more to life than the physical animal.
All this time and he was still looking for significance.
Meaning.
As if, if it was possible to connect so deeply to another person, then it proved… Well, he didn’t fucking know. It proved there was some goddamn point to it all? That he mattered? That any of it fucking mattered?
The van jostled everyone as the Commander pulled a sharp right turn. Mechanically, Jonas reached for the hand rest to steady himself.
He should be afraid right now.
But even as he thought it, it was like he was outside himself looking down at the situation. Nothing mattered, so who fucking cared?
His hand went for his pocket, but it was empty.
Of fucking course.
He would kill for a joint. Or maybe a whole bowl. Or two. Or you know, ten. He wouldn’t mind disappearing for a whole week. A month of drifting in the haze. Not being able to feel his body.
To let the world turn and turn and turn.
Without him.
That sounded just about perfect to him right now.
They pulled another sharp turn. And another.
Jonas let his eyes fall closed.
Not here.
He wasn’t here.
He’d pretend he wasn’t in his body even without the weed. He’d had enough practice at it. He was floating above the van. Above this city. Above the whole damn earth. Looking down from the clouds.
They were all little ants, scurrying around. Sure their little lives were so important.
How God must be laughing. If he ever existed.
Maybe the nihilists were right and God was dead. After he built the world like a complex machine, he saw how they were all fucking it up and threw his hands up, like, a’ight, I’m out!
Maybe he’d had moved on to some other universe to start over.
So they might as well just give up too and forget about their useless fucking existences and—
The van came to a sudden stop and Jonas’s head smacked into the back of the seat in front of him.
Son of a bitch!
Jonas rubbed his forehead. Shit. Well, while he was stuck in this earthly body, it would probably help if he wore his seatbelt.
But before he could even reach for it, he realized the van had stopped because they’d reached their destination.
He followed Audrey and her clan out of the van.
And regretted it as soon as he did, because before he’d even gotten a foot fully on the pavement, Shay was grabbing his hand.
“Please, you have to let me explain.”
Jonas jerked his hand back but Shay was looking around to everyone now.
“It was Jason. Travis, I mean. My two children. Nicole and Matthew. He didn’t kill them after we attempted to escape the first time. But he branded Matthew like he did me. And he took them away from me. Nicole is his daughter but Matthew—”
Jonas took a step back. She’d been with fucking Travis? Been with, been with? Had a kid with him?
“I was pregnant when Travis came to San— When he came to the town where I was going to college. It was horrible before he came. The looting and riots. The women—those of us that were left were barely hanging on and when he came with his troops.” She shrugged, crocodile tears running down her cheeks. “I didn’t realize what he was until it was too late. Far, far too late.”
“How old is Nicole?” Jonas asked, jaw so tense he felt like his teeth were going to crack.
Shay looked confused by his question. “She’s six.”
“So that means you stayed with him for years even after you realized what he was?” He emphasized the words she’d used to describe Travis.
Shay swiped at her eyes. “You don’t just leave a man like Jason. And I told you, when I tried, he caught us.”
“Which explains why you’re working for him now… how?” Jonas asked, hands out.
“I’m not working for him!” she exclaimed, then took a huge breath. “But I was. I stopped, though.”
Jonas scoffed. “Like we believe that.”
“It’s true,” she said, glaring at him with tears again glittering. “He took my kids away and threatened that if I ever stepped out of line, he’d kill Matthew. So I did what he said, cooked, cleaned…” Her eyes dropped. “Came when he called. And,” her eyes shot to Charlie, “when he told me to take food to a new prisoner, I didn’t think anything of it.”
“But then he pulled me aside and said he had a mission for me. He brought Matthew in the room with us.” One tear spilled down her cheek. “It was the first time I’d seen my boy in a year and a half. He’d grown so much but he was still my little boy. A man held a knife to his throat. He even nicked him and drew blood. I shouted that I’d do anything—anything—as long as he didn’t hurt my boy.”
Shay’s chest heaved as she took a deep gulp of breath.
Henry moved beside her and rubbed her back. “It’s okay. We’re here for you.”
Charlie took her other side, clasping her hand.
But Jonas stood stock still and stared Shay down. “So your boy lives but all the people in Jacob’s Well die for him instead? Including your stepsons?”
“No!” Shay cried. “I changed my mind. I stopped working for him. I took down all the listening devices I’d installed in my sculptures.” Her eyes went to Sophia and then Audrey. “I’m so sorry. And I’m so sorry I didn’t tell anyone earlier about Travis’s plans for Jacob’s Well. I didn’t know who I could trust. But it’s no excuse. If I could have warned someone…” Her voice broke.
“You tried,” Henry said. He pulled Shay even tighter to his side. “She told me everything last night before any of this started.”
Then she looked back to Jonas. “But I swear, I swear, I thought I’d taken out the battery from the device Travis gave me to plant in the President’s portrait. I thought that would stop it from working. And I never thought it was—”
“And you didn’t think to tell anyone, hey, one of the most powerful governors in the country told me to plant a bomb in the President’s apartment?”
“It didn’t look like a bomb!” she said. “I had no idea, I swear.”
“See,” Jonas said, “You keep swearing. But that doesn’t really mean shit coming from a habitual liar.”
“Hey,” Henry said, taking a step toward Jonas.
Jonas laughed and took a step of his own until their chests were all but touching. “Oh you wanna fight me? Let’s go. You’re what, a buck eighty? If you’ve had your morning latte? Pretty sure I can take you.”
“Oh and you’re such a big man,” Henry said, narrowing his eyes. “Cause you were a track star and everybody’s golden boy. You had a big fucking silver spoon shoved up your ass your whole life and then you wanna whine about how hard things are for you when you never knew a real day’s work in your whole damn life.”
“Enough,” the Commander said forcefully, his voice brooking no argument. “What’s done is done. We’re in danger every second we stay in this city. All we can do is move forward.”
“So what do we do?” Sophia asked. “Where do we go from here?”
“Take the vans. Get out of town. Clark,” he looked to one of Audrey’s husbands who worked with Henry, “you have a safehouse on the outskirts of town, right?”
Clark nodded.
“Good. Don’t tell me where. Just get everyone there and sit tight until you hear word from Jacob’s Well.”
“Where are you going?” Sophia asked. “And why don’t you want him to tell you where it is?”
“Sweetheart.” The Commander moved to her and took her face in his hands, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. “I have to go back for Drea.”
Sophia threw her arms around him, nodding into his chest. But then she pulled back. “I’ll go with you. I can help you. I can—”
But he was already firmly shaking his head no.
“But—”
“No. Sweetie, you know me.” He looked at her through lifted brows. “You know I’d never, ever willingly put you in danger like that.”
Sophia huffed but then closed her eyes and gave a small nod.
The Commander kissed her forehead again and looked like he was about to walk away when Shay spoke up.
“Wait.”
The Commander turned back around.
“I need a car. Or truck. Or motorcycle. Anything. Do you know where I can get one?”
“What—?” Henry and Charlie started at the same time but Shay spun on them.
“Travis never stays behind when he sends his troops out. It’s a point of pride with him. With all his soldiers at—” She swallowed and looked down, but only briefly before lifting her gaze to the Commander and standing strong. “I’ve seen him mobilize his troops twice before, and each time, he leaves a skeleton crew behind in Travisville. Right now is my best chance to get my kids out. He won’t be there and almost all his artillery will be out of town. I have to try.”
“Do it,” the Commander said, his hard gaze softening the tiniest bit. “I understand just how much a person will sacrifice for their child.”
“But Shay,” Henry started. “You can’t—”
Shay spun and interrupted him. “I can and I will.”
Henry held out a hand to her. “I was going to say, you can’t go alone. I’m coming with you.”
Charlie and Rafe stepped up too.
“It kills me that you didn’t think you could trust me,” Charlie said. “But I believe you. I know you.” His eyes searched hers. “I trust you.”
Jonas just barely held back his sarcastic scoff.
And then there was Rafe, holding out a hand to Shay. “He threatened your son’s life. When it comes to family, we’re blind to everything else.”
“So where exactly were you again while everything was going down?” Jonas asked, taking a step closer to the happy huddle. “Let’s say Shay’s not lying, for once,” he slid hard eyes her direction, “and she did disarm whatever device she put in the President’s portrait. Who did?” He glared Rafe’s direction.
“You got something to say, you just come out and say it, mijo,” Rafe said, going to toe to toe with Jonas.
“Fine,” Jonas said. “Maybe you’re working for Travis too. And if you go with Shay now, you’ll just turn on her as soon as you cross into Travis Territory.”
“Big words from the coward staying behind, not standing up for his woman.” He looked to Charlie, Henry, and Shay. “C’mon, let’s get outta here.”
“Not so fast. I’m coming too.”
Shay’s face shot toward him, hope in her eyes. Or what looked like hope. Christ, she was such an actress.
And if she wasn’t? a tiny voice at the back of his head asked. What if she was telling the truth?
It still didn’t change the fact that she’d lied to them. Straight to their faces, for months. Or that she’d put everyone in town in danger. Women, other people’s children.
Either way, he couldn’t afford to let her out of his sight.
He looked around, eyes pausing on Rafe.
He couldn’t let any of them out of his sight.
If he’d learned anything in this fucking useless life of his, it was that you should always expect the worst of people. A lesson he thought he’d learned already, but obviously not.
Charlie glared at him. “If you come, are you going to be a problem?”
Jonas held up his hands and pasted on his most flippant smile. “Who, me?�
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“Henry, you’re resourceful. Can you get a spare set of wheels?”
Henry just lifted one eyebrow. “Why use wheels when we can fly? You were in the Air Force, right Rafe? You think you can still fly? Because I might have a little something stowed away for a rainy day.”
Rafe’s face lit up like he was a kid and a decade of Christmases had just been given to him at once. “Yes, sir.”
Chapter 32
CHARLIE
Charlie didn’t like it. Any of it.
He didn’t like being up in a tiny commuter plane with a retrofitted engine that Henry had just happened to have stashed away for what he called a ‘rainy day.’ Henry never would give a straight answer as to where he’d gotten it from. Much less when it had last been up in the air or been given a thorough inspection.
Charlie didn’t like the fact that Shay had lied to them. He could understand her not trusting the others.
But him?
He’d thought of them as a team. Yeah, he’d eventually accepted the other guys in as part of their family, but at the core, it was always him and Shay.
Apparently she had never felt the same.
It hurt. Which was stupid.
That bastard Travis had threatened her children.
Her children who were alive after all.
He looked over at Shay who sat in the seat beside him, her eyes closed. She wasn’t sleeping though. He could tell by the way her hand clenched the side rest between them.
He could understand. Turbulence had been shaking the plane for the last half-hour and even he’d been tempted to give the barf bag a go a few times.
He reached down and pried her hand off the arm rest and interlaced his fingers with hers. The look of gratitude reminded him of why he was here instead of heading to the safehouse with the others.
Yes, she’d lied.
Yes, there were consequences to those lies.
But the simple truth was, he’d stand beside her no matter what.
And not just because of the vows he made that night of their wedding, though he did take those seriously. When he’d vowed to stay by her side in good times and in bad, he meant it. Come what may, he’d committed his path in life to walk beside hers.
But what had him immediately taking her side back there when she confessed?