by Aaron Levy
2. How can I support you?
ACTIVITY: THE STAY INTERVIEW
1. Outside of your normal 1-1
2. Start by asking a. What skills are you looking to develop?
b. How can I support you?
3. Shut up and listen
CHAPTER 5: ASK POWERFUL QUESTIONS
Powerful questions checklist
Here’s a checklist to help you determine if the question was powerful or not . . .
ACTIVITY: POWERFUL QUESTIONS CHECKLIST
Is the question
• Open ended?
• Beginner’s mindset?
• Clear and succinct?
• In context?
• Impactful?
• In the moment?
The hot seat
ACTIVITY: THE HOT SEAT
The goal of this activity is to provide you and your team a platform to practice asking powerful questions. I especially love this because it forces you and your leaders to ask questions of real work scenarios you are facing today. In addition to helping you practice, it will also help you and your team solve key people-issues you’re facing.
Prior to your next team meeting, ask one team member to come prepared to share a challenge they are facing, one to which they don’t know the answer. It usually works best when they type up a few notes and share with the team beforehand. Here are a few tips to guide your team member in their preparations.
• The problem: Use one sentence to describe the problem you are looking for help with.
• What’s at stake: What makes this problem so important to solve?
• The facts: What are crucial facts to know about the problem? Describe these in three to five bullet points.
• The purpose: What’s your desired outcome? What would success look like?
Give the team member two to three minutes to describe the challenge and what success would look like for them in the given situation in the team meeting. Then share the powerful questions checklist so all can see. Go around the room, with each team member firing away a question of the presenter with the goal of learning more about the problem and, ultimately, of helping the presenter achieve their desired outcome. Avoid asking leading questions. Allow around twenty minutes for this.
Close out your questions by asking each person what they learned from this activity.
Hopefully, they—and you—will learn the power of asking questions versus giving advice and the impact it can have on someone’s ability to learn, grow, and make impactful change. You’ll also begin to notice what a powerful question looks like. Powerful questions are not formulaic, even when you have a checklist to follow. You can’t simply write down your powerful questions to use again later. You have to step into the unknown and live in the contextual moment. It can feel uncomfortable, but the results are well worth it.
Powerful questions framework
Here’s a framework, a set of steps you can use to help you ask powerful questions more frequently.
CHAPTER 6: ESTABLISH OPEN, HONEST, AND DIRECT COMMUNICATION
Step 1: Draft your rules of the game
Begin by creating three lists: a list of your expectations, a list of your personal values, and a list of values from other organizations you admire. As we begin the process, I encourage you to write down as much as possible in the early part of this brainstorm. What we are doing is gathering all of our ideas, without judging them as good and bad. Once we have all our ideas captured, we’ll narrow down the ideas into a few core team agreements.
List 1: Your expectations
Start by creating a list of all the expectations you have of your direct reports. To help you come up with your list, write down two or more bullets for each question below.
1. How do you know this person is a rock star on your team?
Examples
• He tells me when he’s behind on a deliverable before the deadline has passed.
• She asks for help when she needs it.
• He is unafraid to challenge ideas of others, including me.
• She takes risks and is willing to make mistakes.
2. How do you know they’re not a fit for your team?
Examples
• He thinks he knows all the answers.
• She makes the same mistakes over and over again.
• She doesn’t set deadlines for her deliverables.
• He blames others for his mistakes.
3. What is one thing people on your team do (or one person does) that pisses you off?
Examples
• Show up late to meetings.
• Don’t have an agenda prepared for a meeting.
• Don’t do what they say they will do.
• Need to be told the same thing ten times to make one change.
4. What expectations do you have that you haven’t shared with your team?
Examples
• Before you say something won’t work, do the work and test your assumptions.
• Assume everyone on our team is working together to get to the best possible outcome; no one is trying to intentionally harm you.
• Don’t just identify problems; come to me with a plan to solve the problem, even if it’s as simple as brainstorming a solution together.
List 2: Your personal values
ACTIVITY: FIVE WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOU
At the top of a piece of paper, write down the words “I am . . .” Close your eyes, then put your left hand on your stomach and your right hand on your heart, feeling it beating, pumping blood to all the vital organs in your body. Take a deep breath in, slowly inhaling for five seconds, holding for one and releasing for five. Repeat this for five breaths. After the fifth breath, open your eyes and write down any words to describe yourself. Don’t think; just write the first words that come to your mind.
If you pause, you are likely thinking about the words to describe yourself instead of letting them come from within, from your core. If this happens, stop, even if you’re only at one word.
Share your list with a close friend, a family member, and a coworker. Ask them to share their opinion on the accuracy of these words in describing you and whether they feel the urge to offer a word or two that were missed. You can choose to add their words to your list, or not. These words are yours.
Here are mine as a thought starter for you.
I am. . .
• Loving
• Caring
• Funny
• Honest
• Courageous
List 3: Values you admire
Finally, make a list of values that your company currently holds and ones you like from other companies that aren’t already on list 2. Look at other team agreements you’ve seen from brands you like, from competitors you admire, and from mentors you look up to. There are great team agreements all around us, so take a moment to write down your favorites now.
Drafting your team agreements
Now what we are going to do is narrow down our ideas from all the lists to come up with your team agreements.
Look back at your three lists and circle the five most important values and expectations. The question I want you to focus on when narrowing down your list to five, when deciding which expectation to keep and which value to let go of, is this: What agreements or values are most important for my team to perform at its best?
Defining success
For each agreement, ask yourself how you will know if an employee is exhibiting this agreement. What would success look like? What actions would he or she take? This last step is crucial: The more specific you are, the easier it will be for you to hold your employees accountable to the agreements.
Step 2: Turn your agreements into action
After you’ve clearly defined your team agreements, the next step is to gain alignment with your team.
Here are a few steps to getting aligned:
• Schedule two meetings.
• Whiteboard your drafted agreements.
> • Share the meaning of each agreement.
• Encourage your team to ask clarifying questions.
• Follow up in writing.
• Make deals as a team.
Step 3: Embed your agreements into your day-to-day work
After you have alignment on your agreements, you can start to make them a part of everyday life within your organization or team.
Here are some best practices for incorporating your agreements into your everyday people practices:
• Add your agreements to your interview process.
• Don’t just assess performance KPI; add in values KPI too.
• Follow up and follow through.
Step 4: Model open, honest, and direct communication with your team
Team agreements are not meant to be used simply as inspirational quotes. To work, they need to be used daily.
Craig Wortmann, a clinical professor of innovation and entrepreneurship at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, teaches this four-step process for making feedback a habit with your team.
ACTIVITY: MAKE FEEDBACK A HABIT WITH YOUR TEAM
1. What’s one thing you did that worked well?
2. Here’s one thing I think you did that worked well . . .
3. What’s one thing you would do differently?
4. Here’s one thing I think you could do differently . . .
CHAPTER 7: HOLD CRITICAL CONVERSATIONS
What makes a conversation critical?
Here is a quick set of questions to ask in helping you determine if you need to have a critical conversation.
ACTIVITY: CRITICAL CONVERSATION CHECKLIST
□ Is something at stake?
□ What’s the impact if nothing changes?
□ Is action needed from both parties?
□ Is it a conversation or ultimatum?
The steps of having a critical conversation
Part 1: Take a Step Back
STEP 1: IDENTIFY THE PURPOSE
ACTIVITY: IDENTIFY THE PURPOSE
• Document the purpose of the conversation you need to have.
• What are you hoping will be different as a result of having the conversation?
STEP 2: FOCUS ON THE FACTS
ACTIVITY: FOCUS ON THE FACTS
• Document the facts of your situation—and only the facts.
• What would the hidden camera see or hear?
STEP 3: OWN YOUR REACTIONS
ACTIVITY: OWN YOUR REACTIONS
• Go back to your situation, replay the inciting incident in your mind, and notice how it felt.
• What thought(s) crossed your mind?
• What emotions came over you?
• How did it feel in your body? Did the muscles in your neck tense, or was it a pain in your stomach?
STEP 4: STAND BY YOUR COMMITMENT
ACTIVITY: STAND BY YOUR COMMITMENT
• What is your commitment as a leader?
• Are you upholding that commitment in this conversation?
Part 2: Have the conversation
STEP 5: GIVE A HEADS-UP
STEP 6: SHARE WHAT DIDN’T WORK AND ITS IMPACT ON YOU
ACTIVITY: THE ROOT CAUSE
• Restate the purpose of the conversation.
• Write down what didn’t work. − Look back at your facts section, and pick the action the other person did that didn’t work. It is OK to share a few actions that highlight the main action.
− For example, “Kevin left the room” highlights the main action of him shutting down the conversation after I shared a different idea.
• Document the impact of the main action.
STEP 7: MAKE A REQUEST
ACTIVITY: YOUR REQUEST
• Write down your request now.
STEP 8: CREATE AN OPENING FOR POSSIBILITY
ACTIVITY: DIAGRAMMING THE DISCUSSION
This diagram should give you a better picture of how important creating an opening is.
5 minutes Share what didn’t work, its impact and your request
20 minutes Create an opening for possibility
5 minutes Align on next steps
STEP 9: ALIGN ON THE NEXT STEPS
SCRIPT FOR HOLDING A CRITICAL CONVERSATION
STEP 1: IDENTIFY THE PURPOSE
What are you hoping will be different as a result of having the conversation?
• I want us to be better at communicating disagreements with each other.
STEP 2: FOCUS ON THE FACTS
What would the hidden camera see or hear?
• Kevin raised his voice and asked me if I cared about the business and then left the room.
STEP 3: OWN YOUR REACTIONS
Go back to your situation, replay the inciting incident in your mind, and notice how it felt.
What thought crossed your mind?
• I thought he was being shortsighted and didn’t respect or value my opinion.
What emotions came over you?
• Anger, fear, and doubt.
How did it feel in your body? Did the muscles in your neck tense, or was it a pain in your stomach?
• I clenched my fists and felt the muscles in my neck stiffen.
STEP 4: STAND IN YOUR COMMITMENT
What is your commitment as a leader? Are you upholding that commitment in this conversation?
• I want to help us unlock the potential of our business and thus of our working together.
STEP 5: GIVE A HEADS-UP
• “Kevin, I wanted to sit down because I’m concerned about how we communicate disagreements with each other. I’d like to share my perspective, hear yours, and have a conversation about how we can improve the way we communicate.”
STEP 6: SHARE WHAT DIDN’T WORK AND ITS IMPACT ON YOU
• “During our account review meeting last week, after I shared an idea for how to solve ABC Corp.’s complaint, I noticed you ended the conversation by leaving the room.”
• “It stopped our meeting in its tracks. We weren’t able to come to a solution for how to approach ABC Corp. I fear our inability to communicate disagreements with each other will hold us back from serving our clients’ needs and succeeding as a business.”
STEP 7: MAKE A REQUEST
• “When we come to a disagreement, I’d like you to ask me for the reasoning behind my opinion.”
STEP 8: CREATE AN OPENING FOR POSSIBILITY
• “I had to shut up and listen to Kevin’s side of the story.”
STEP 9: ALIGN ON THE NEXT STEPS
Get clear on your next steps in the meeting and follow up with an email.
Kevin, thank you for taking the time to sit down and talk about how we can improve the way we communicate with each other.
Here’s what I heard as next steps from the conversation; please review and let me know if you heard the same. When we come to a disagreement, one that is heated, that ends up with us ending the meeting, this is what I understand:
• I agree to allow you space to think and remind myself that you are frustrated with the situation, not with me.
• You agree to come back to me within twenty-four hours to meet again and determine the best next steps together.
Is this what you heard too? If not, let’s reconnect and realign on our actions.
Cheers,
Aaron
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER: STEPS TO MOVE FORWARD
The one-on-one meeting
Use this agenda outline as a launching point.
• Updates: Here is a chance for both of you to share any relevant updates, to review goals and actions taken from the last check-in.
• Working items: This is the time to help the employee with issues from the past week.
• Action items: End the meeting aligning on next steps for each of you; recapping this in an email is an effective way to hold both of you accountable.
The performance conversation
Make sure to hold a performance conversation—ideally quar
terly or biannually.
Here are a few sample questions I ask my team:
• What are some significant accomplishments from last quarter?
• What didn’t go as planned? What happened? What did you learn?
• What is an area of growth you want to focus on for next quarter?
• What can I do to better support you?
Plan for between sixty and ninety minutes for each review, with at least thirty minutes of prep time ahead of the meeting.
The self check-in
Here are three steps to follow when conducting your weekly self-reflection:
Reflect on the past week
Take a look at your calendar, your to-do list, and your goals to clarify what you accomplished, what you missed, what you did well, and what you’re proud of. This step is designed to help you identify gaps and celebrate successes.
Plan the week ahead