Falling for Home

by Jody Holford

  “I’ll take you home, Danielle,” Alex said.

  “I don’t want to be any trouble,” she replied. Alex sighed. Elliot grinned. Cal put his hands on his hips and nodded at Alex.

  “Let’s go,” Alex said. He turned to Elliot. “You got the pictures and the rest of this?”

  “Sure thing, Sheriff,” Elliot replied in his laid-back tone while giving a mock salute.

  Lucy walked up the corridor of the university. It was about a half-hour drive from her house, but not far from the address Dolores gave her. Things were falling into place. They would spend tomorrow decorating for the gala and getting ready for the auction. Her friends had come through for her, and so had the town. She was more excited than Kate to unveil the new rec center. Kate’s mind was occupied with her last final exam and packing for New York. She was trying to downplay her excitement because of the recent chaos, but Lucy was happy she was so thrilled. Everyone else would come around. Char and Luke were planning a Sunday brunch as a send-off.

  It smelled like Axe in the hallways, and Lucy half expected the elevators to open and reveal twenty-somethings with disheveled clothing, just like in the commercials. Too much T.V. Her dad’s office was on the second floor. His door was closed, but Lucy could see through the top half of the door that he was alone. He was talking on the phone, so she knocked softly. When his face brightened at the sight of her, it stitched up one of the torn pieces inside of her. He waved her in, and she closed the door quietly behind her.

  “Okay…Yes…Take a look at the syllabus online and just email me…You’re welcome.”

  Lucy stayed by the door until he hung up. When he did, he came over and embraced her. His hugs were all encompassing. There was no room for doubt inside the circle of her dad’s arms.

  “How are you, honey?” he asked, kissing her forehead and pulling her into the room. They sat side by side on his pale blue leather couch. It was a strange focal feature in an otherwise studious office.

  “I’m good. I came to pick up some logo wear for the auction. The bookstore agreed to donate hoodies, shirts, and hats.”

  “Right. And to see me,” he said. He leaned forward, hung his arms between his legs, and considered her. He didn’t ask anything, but he had that look that demanded, gently, that she tell him. And that he’d wait until she did.

  “We broke up.” Getting the words past her throat caused more pain than she’d thought possible. They were just words. Words shouldn’t hurt, but those ones had daggers.

  His lips firmed and he nodded. He put his hand over both of hers, which were clasped on her knees.

  “I know. Do I need to kick his ass?”

  Lucy laughed, and the feeling felt foreign to her. She hadn’t had any happiness inside of her for days.

  “He thought I was leaving. He assumed I was leaving. Kate is leaving, but he thought it was me,” she said, her words feeling as jumbled as her heart. Her dad sighed heavily but said nothing, which made Lucy babble. “He was the only one who didn’t doubt me. Until it mattered. I’ve never told anyone I love them—other than you guys, and obviously, that’s a little different—but I told him. And I meant it. I mean it. I do love him. I let myself need him, and he didn’t trust me when it really counted. I know he’s sorry. I know that he misunderstood, but he...” Her voice broke, but she didn’t cry. Her dad pulled her into his side and kissed the top of her head.

  “He was supposed to be the one who never doubted you, the one who never pushed you away. He was supposed to know that you wouldn’t leave him,” her dad finished. Lucy nodded. She pulled away and rose from the couch to grab a tissue from her dad’s desk.

  “It’s like he was just waiting for me to let him down.” She wiped the corner of her eyes before the tears could fall.

  “We’ve done that to you as well. We’ve doubted you and teased you about your tendency to roam. But that’s not all that you are. You’re so much more, Lucy. I’m sorry that it took us so long to see that.”

  She rested against the edge of his desk and looked at him, grateful for his words.

  “Thank you.”

  He nodded and leaned back comfortably on his blue couch. His perfectly pressed dress pants and button-up shirt looked at odds with the retro style furniture.

  “Sometimes, in moments of panic, our worst fears fly out of our mouths before we have a chance to process them in our brains,” he said thoughtfully.

  “He gave me his house key. I accepted it. How could he think I would leave?”

  “Wow. Well. I think I should kick his ass, but we’ll come back to that,” Mark said, his eyebrows pinching together. “The thing is, Lucy, even if you weren’t a traveler, a wandering spirit, anyone who loves with all of their heart secretly fears losing the person they’ve given their heart to. It’s human nature to fear losing what you love the most.”

  Lucy thought about that. Alex didn’t even like to travel, but there were moments that she felt so overwhelmed with loving him that she had feared she would mess it up, wreck things between them.

  “So now the worst has happened. You’ve lost each other. What now?” Mark asked, coming to his daughter and standing in front of her.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I guess you need to figure it out. And make a choice that you can truly live with.”

  Lucy didn’t feel like she had a choice. Her heart had already given itself over to Alex like a traitor.

  “How’s Lucy?” Danielle asked as Alex pulled his truck up to the curb outside of her apartment.

  “She’s okay. We broke up,” Alex said. The words tasted foul in his mouth. He shut the truck off and came around for Danielle. He took her arm as she got out of the truck.

  “I’m sorry. She’s a really good person. So are you. You guys … fit. That’s too bad.”

  They walked up the narrow path to the three-story building, and Alex thought that was such a simplistic way of summing it up.

  “It sucks. I hurt her and there’s no excuse for that.”

  Danielle struggled with keeping her purse open and digging in it without jarring her wrist. Alex took the purse and held it open for her, not even daring to navigate its depths.

  “Lucy makes you want to be a better person,” Danielle said softly, pulling her keys up and out. Alex locked eyes with Danielle’s; it was the perfect way to describe Lucy.

  “She’s the best person I know. When she needed me to believe that, I doubted her,” Alex said, unable to cover the regret in his voice. Danielle put the key in the lock, but Alex turned it for her. She paused once he had opened the door.

  “She forgave me when she didn’t have to … because I asked,” she said, encouragingly. Lucy didn’t talk about the tension between her and Danielle, so Alex had never pushed.

  “What happened?” he asked now. Her lips firmed and her eyelids lowered. She brought her gaze back up to his before she spoke.

  “I slept with her prom date,” Danielle told him, contrition in every word. “On the day of prom.”

  Alex sucked in a breath and Danielle’s cheeks turned red.

  “How did she find out?”

  Her blush spread, making her whole face pink and she cast her eyes down.

  “He and I lived a few doors down from each other, and he’d asked if I could come in and show him how to tie a tie. Lucy stopped by. He thought she’d just let it go. No big deal. That’s what he said to both of us.”

  All these years, all the rumors—which had been fast and furious immediately after graduation—and Lucy had never defended herself. She had never spoken badly of Danielle, and she had let others think what they wanted. Even if what they wanted to think was that Lucy was just unreliable, the Aarons sister that couldn’t even sit still long enough to make it to prom. She had taken off shortly after.

  Alex thought of how humiliated she must have been. But she hadn’t let it define her. Because Lucy was so much more than what people saw in a passing glance. As he had told her, she was everything. Alex realized he wa
s still gripping the door, holding it open for Danielle when she stepped into the small but clean lobby of her building.

  “Thanks for the ride, Sheriff.”

  “No problem. Get some rest.”

  He turned to go, but she called his name, so he turned back.

  “Don’t wait as long as I did to tell her how sorry you are.”

  With a shy smile, she let the door close. For the first time in too many days, he found the energy to smile back.

  Chapter 25

  Lucy parked her car in the driveway of Dolores’s exceptionally bright home. It was a nice street in a quiet neighborhood with slightly outdated homes. She could probably afford a home in this area. It didn’t have the same quaint charm as her parents’, but it also didn’t have Alex across the yard. She knocked on the front door, unexpectedly charmed by the cheerfulness of her window planters. She couldn’t name any of the flowers, but they made her smile.

  “Oh, you made it! Come on in. Andrew isn’t home. He’s out with some friends, which is just great. He doesn’t get out enough. Anyway, between running errands and working, I haven’t even had a chance to talk to him, but I just know he’s going to be so excited that one of his paintings is going to be part of something so special,” Dolores said in one long-winded breath.

  Much like Dolores, the home was colorful. It was less cluttered than Lucy would have expected, but every color imaginable existed between the front door and what she could see of the living room. There were two steps down into the sitting area where a red velvet couch sat across from a white leather one. They looked like the angel and devil version of couches. Lucy wondered if Dolores chose where to sit based on her mood. On the walls, there were photographs of Dolores and her son. He was a good-looking kid despite the sullen frown that graced most of the pictures. Dolores’s smile in each photo made up for his obvious lack of enthusiasm.

  “I just have to grab a couple from his room, okay?” Dolores said excitedly.

  “Sure,” Lucy replied, hoping that the art would sell. Dolores would be so disappointed if they didn’t. Lucy took the steps down into the sunken living room and moved toward the fireplace, drawn to the abstract painting that hung above it. The colors were beautiful, dark swirling with light. If this was the quality of Andrew’s work, there was a good chance that his art would bring in some money. Lucy’s eyes were caught in the movement of the lines, the way they merged together, not quite circles, not quite meeting in the middle before they burst away from each other in new colors. She tilted her head a bit, stepped closer, and when the lines in one corner merged into a heart-like shape with a curved tail, she sucked in a breath.

  “Told you he was talented,” Dolores bragged, her heels click-clacking over her laminate floors. Lucy turned, wide-eyed. Dolores had two small canvases. She placed them on the couch so Lucy could see both. One was abstract like the one over the fireplace, but now that Lucy knew what she was looking for, she spotted the heart symbol immediately. It was harder to spot in the second print of a woman’s back, the delicate curves of her hair flowing over her shoulders. A blanket was pooled at her hips. In the cascading movement of the blanket, the symbol, was nestled quietly. Lucy bit her lip, struck by the beauty of the paintings and the reality of them. She needed to talk to Alex. Breathe. Stay calm.

  “They’re amazing. You’re sure he won’t mind parting with these?” Lucy asked, hoping her voice sounded normal. To her own ears, it was tinny and far away.

  “You know what? If I wait for him to believe in himself, I’ll be waiting forever. Sometimes, you have to give the people you love a nudge in the right direction.”

  Lucy nodded and forced herself to meet Dolores’s proud eyes. She was so happy for her son. She truly had no idea. Lucy thanked her several times, desperate to get out of this woman’s house, desperate to see Alex, and desperate to avoid running into the town’s vandal and arsonist.

  Alex knocked harder than he’d meant to on his father’s door. He could hear Chuck inside, music blasting. Jesus, it was like they’d reversed roles and his dad was now the teenager. Loud music, sneaking around, making out with women… Alex shuddered as the image flashed in his head. Chuck yanked the door open, scowling at his son.

  “Why the hell are you mad at my door?” he barked, looking back and forth between Alex and the door.

  “I’m not. I’m mad at you,” Alex returned. He was ready for this, braced for the fight. His dad was strong enough to take it, and Alex could really use a punching bag to unload everything that had happened in the last week.

  “What else is new?” Chuck asked, walking away, leaving Alex to follow. Alex closed the door quietly to compensate for the desire to slam it. The television was blaring and the sounds of the game show pressed on Alex’s already-stretched nerves.

  “You’re fucking Dolores.”

  Chuck whirled, and Alex wondered if he had ever seen his dad that angry. He clenched his hand around the remote, the knuckles turning both red and white. He clicked mute, and the silence was louder than the show had been.

  “You watch your mouth,” Chuck said, his voice barely controlled.

  “That’s not much of a denial,” Alex said, ignoring the obvious signs of rage boiling beneath his dad’s surface.

  “I don’t have to confirm or deny anything. This is my goddamn house, and you’ll speak respectfully of her or you’ll get the fuck out of it,” Chuck boomed. He threw the remote onto the couch but kept his fists clenched. His anger doused some of Alex’s. This kind of anger didn’t come from a fling or a backroom tryst. His dad cared about Dolores.

  “Do you love her?” Alex asked, shocked at the possibility.

  “Of course I love her, you idiot. You think I’d be running around with her if I didn’t? Protecting her and hiding things from you until I figure out what the hell is going on?”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

  “Firstly, it’s none of your business. We didn’t expect it, but you with your stick-up-your-ass ways… We didn’t want to say anything until we were sure there was something to say. Now we’re sure. I’m going to ask her to marry me,” Chuck said, defensiveness clinging to every syllable.

  Alex took a step back, pushed his hands through his hair, and stared at his father.

  “Holy hell. Marry? How long have you guys been together?”

  “Not that it matters, but about six months. When you know, you know,” Chuck said, unclenching his hands.

  “Like you knew with mom? That worked out real well,” Alex snapped. His phone buzzed, but he ignored it.

  Chuck’s shoulders slumped. He shook his head at his son and sat on the couch. Alex took the chair across from him.

  “Your mother and I didn’t handle our divorce well. I shouldn’t have left. She shouldn’t have left you. We screwed up. I’ve tried to make up for it. I’ve tried to be a good father to you since the minute she dropped you here. Obviously, I didn’t do so great, even when I was given a second chance,” Chuck said. He was looking at Alex like he was just coming to this realization.

  “I never said you weren’t a good dad,” Alex said grudgingly.

  “I was angry at her, too. I didn’t think about how that would affect you. Over the years, you let it go. You forgave without even meaning to. I should have told you that I wasn’t angry anymore. That it wasn’t just her fault. I should have talked to you about how she left.”

  “What difference would that have made?”

  “Maybe you would have felt less abandoned. I don’t know. Hindsight is a kick in the ass. She loves you, Alex. She always has.”

  “Not enough to stay. And that’s not what this is about,” Alex said, jumping to his feet, sick of the pressure in his chest.

  “It damn well is. Your suspicious nature makes you a good cop, but it makes you wary of anything good. Like it can’t last. Like somehow, the good will slip away no matter what you do. That’s bullshit. You don’t want the good to slip away, then you hang on tighter. You hang on to it
harder than you hold on to the anger and the bitterness, or you’ll end up empty and alone. I don’t want to be empty and alone anymore, so even if it pisses you off, I’m hanging on to Dolores.”

  Chuck stood as well, to punctuate his words. They stared at each other, stuck between the past and the present. Move forward. Let go of the past. If he were honest, Alex knew that he wasn’t angry at his mother anymore. She’d been trying to get in touch with him for a good five years now, but he hadn’t been strong enough to forgive her. A man who needs forgiveness ought to be able to give it. Especially after all this time.

  Lucy’s fingers were shaking as she texted Alex that she needed to see him. She met Kate and Char at the rec center. They were hanging tulle elegantly along the sparkling white walls. Music was coming from one of their iPods. Tables were set up but not dressed and packages lined the walls, all items to be auctioned.

  “Look who decided to show up,” Char joked, then looked stricken. “I’m just joking.”

  “I know. You guys, I know who the arsonist is,” Lucy blurted. Char dropped the tulle she was holding, and Kate gaped at her from where she was standing on a stepping stool.

  “What are you talking about?” Char asked.

  Lucy told them everything, barely pausing when she spoke. By the time she finished, she was out of breath like she’d run a marathon without water. Her hands were still shaking.

  When his dad went to grab them both a drink, after some of the tension had ebbed, Alex grabbed his phone to check his messages. His heart thundered when he saw there were several texts from Lucy. He scrolled through them, and his heart marched its way up to his throat, pulsing painfully when he got to the last one. It’s Andrew. Dolores’s son. He’s the tagger. Alex. Phone me. PHONE ME. PLEASE. Chuck walked back into the living room, two Coronas in one hand and a bag of Doritos in the other. Alex stood.

  “Dolores’s son. His name is Andrew?”