I wanted to ask him why he couldn’t love me back. I wanted to scream it at him. So, maybe he cared about me, but that wasn’t enough.
Wouldn’t ever be enough.
A one-sided relationship would have been hell. I closed my eyes and relaxed my head against him, savoring being with him like this again after weeks of deprivation. Just a little bit of heaven.
His thumb was rubbing circles in my back. I soaked up the feeling of his touch. “Gianna, how the hell did you start hanging out with Ian?”
I lifted my face to look up at him. He was clearly mad. Why? If he didn’t love me, had thought our relationship had run its course, what did he care who I hung out with?
I answered his question with one of my own. “Is that why I’m here tonight, Caleb? Because you found me with Ian and it’s sparked the perpetual competition between you two?”
His laughter was rough and bitter. “Ian is no competition. You’re with me because I can’t stay away from you any longer.”
“Can’t stay away from me?” I challenged skeptically. “Caleb, everything that’s happened between us is because of you. No one is making you stay away from me but yourself.”
His expression was weird. His mouth was opened as if he hesitated to say something. I felt like we were on the verge of something important when he closed his mouth and a guarded look came over him. Deflated, I rested my head back on his chest.
After a minute or two of silence, he finally said, “You didn’t answer my question about Ian.”
Not looking up at him, I explained, “Ian and I are just friends. The first night I went to the club three weeks ago to apply for the dancing position, he was there. He was very polite and asked if he could have my number. I figured, why not, and we’ve been hanging out since.”
“You used your fake id to get the job?”
“Duh,” I teased him, wondering how being with him could still feel so right after everything that had gone wrong between us.
“Are you going to break up with Seth?”
I had to think for a moment. I figured I’d eventually break up with Seth. He was falling too hard for me and I didn’t want to hurt him. The reason I’d gotten with him in the first place was no longer valid.
“I probably will soon.”
Caleb tensed, holding me tighter. “And then you’ll be with Ian?”
I pulled back from him, aggravated that he’d brought up Ian again. “Why do you even care who I’m with, Caleb? You didn’t want me.”
CALEB
Not want her?
I wanted her in so many different ways it scared me.
I wanted all of her, mind, body and soul. It was making me insane that I couldn’t have her. I was daydreaming constantly about murdering Julie. It was getting ridiculous how much I obsessed about finding a way for us to be together. I wasn’t able to concentrate in class, especially the two I had with Gianna. My teachers thought I was slacking off and I’d been reprimanded once or twice.
I wondered if I could convince Gianna to meet me here every weekend. Julie wouldn’t have to know. Maybe I should have told her about Julie’s threats. And maybe Gianna would become so mad with her mom she’d confront her and get shipped off to her dad.
“Gianna, I want to ask you something.”
Her facial expression was cautious. “Yeah, Caleb?”
Grabbing her hand, I held it in one of mine. “Can I see you sometimes?”
She looked mistrustful now. “What do you mean?”
I was nervous, needing to state my next words carefully. “Like on Saturdays. Can we spend Saturdays together? Before you got to work and after?”
“Why?” her voice cracked with emotion on the word. “Why are you doing this to me, Caleb?”
I quickly gathered her in my arms, offering her what comfort I could. “I’m not trying to hurt you, princess. I just need to spend time with you.”
She jumped up, standing a yard away with her arms crossed. “I don’t understand you. You don’t love me, you’ve been okay with our breakup for weeks, but now you need to see me each weekend?”
I ran a hand through my hair, wanting to tear it out in helplessness. “That isn’t entirely true. This is so complicated.”
She laughed humorlessly. “Tell me about it.” She was looking over my shoulder through the open blinds. Through my bedroom window, you could barely make out the top of the Denver skyline. “I should go, Caleb. This is a really bad idea.”
Gripping her arm, I brought her back to me. “Please don’t go.”
“Tell me why I shouldn’t,” she mumbled against my neck. Her soft lips on my skin made me want more of her.
Everything. Her laughter, her passion, her beauty.
I realized what she was asking, the words she longed to hear. I couldn’t let them pass my lips. If I did, how would I explain why it was impossible for us officially get back together?
Hell, I loved her so much. I skimmed fingers over her face, her lips, down her neck. Someday, I told myself. Someday I’d be able to speak freely of my love for her.
Instead, for now I told her, “Because this is where we both want to be, together.”
She slapped her hand against my chest. “You’re confusing me, Caleb. The way you look at me sometimes makes me think one thing, then the words you say have me thinking something else. You’re hurting me!”
I rubbed her back. “That’s the last thing I want to do, baby. Just know this, Gianna, I haven’t been with any other girls and I’m not going to be, as long as I can still have you sometimes.”
Not entirely true. Even if I couldn’t be with her, I had no plans to be with anyone else. I was desperate at this point. I’d tell her just about any lie to get her to agree.
Gianna scoffed, her pretty features looked disgusted. “You mean, if I let you have sex with me, you won’t be with anyone else?”
“That isn’t what I meant at all,” I backtracked, grinding my teeth in frustration.
Dammit! I couldn’t tell her I wouldn’t screw any other girls no matter what. For the moment, I needed to use that fear against her to get us back into some sort of relationship.
At the same time, I’d be getting Gianna back one day for real, hopefully soon, and I didn’t want any other girls on my conscience. It would hurt my cause if Gianna had any reason to believe I’d messed around with anyone else. Besides the fact I couldn’t see myself being with another girl, period.
I was counting on her territorial feelings to get her agreement.
I was practically rubbed raw from fantasizing about her the past few weeks. Not to mention that being apart from her was messing with my head.
“What I meant,” I explained slowly, “is that I want to spend time with you on the weekends. Whether or not we have sex is up to you. Just being with you is enough for me.”
I was given hope by the thoughtful look on her face. I’d said the right thing, thankfully without giving up too much information.
“Caleb, you do realize how pathetic it’d be of me to accept a half-ass relationship from you?”
Kissing her cheek, I forced a lighthearted smile. “It won’t be half-ass. You’ll have all of me. It’ll just be stored up all week for you. You just can’t tell anyone about it.”
An unexpected elbow hit my stomach right before she pushed me down onto the bed, climbing on top of me. All hopes of being ravished were dashed when her angry face hovered over mine.
“Are you freaking serious, Caleb? How stupid do you think I am?” She sat up straight. “Let me get this straight. You want to ignore me all week, see me on Saturdays only and you want me to keep it a secret?” She held both hands over her heart and asked sarcastically, “Oh really, Caleb, can I be your secret girlfriend?”
When she laid it all out like that it sounded bad. And strangely funny.
“I just think we should keep it to ourselves.”
Both her hands landed on my chest. “What the hell for? So your other hoes won’t find out?”
/> Before she could react, I flipped her over onto her back and pressed my lower body against hers. “I told you already, no other girls. Of course, I’ll expect you to cut off all other guys.”
She grunted, trying to buck me off her. Being a cheerleader, she was strong, but not strong enough. “Get the hell off me! I’m not going to be your secret booty call, Caleb! You can go and sleep with any girl you want for all I care and I’ll be doing the same thing!”
I ground my hips into hers and kissed her forcefully, holding her chin when she tried to turn away. “No one else touches you, Gianna, and you’ll meet me here next Saturday or I’ll come find you to drag you here.”
She screamed in frustration. “I’ll be with Ian next Saturday and I’ll be sleeping with him!”
That did it. All rationality flew out of my head because there was only enough room for the extreme jealousy lashing through me. If she had sex with Ian, I’d kill him and lock her away somewhere only I could get to her.
I’d kill him and anyone else who touched her.
I started tugging away at her clothes, imagining Ian putting his hands where only I’d touched. I needed to show her I should be the only one touching her. Not until I had her practically naked, only in her panties, did I come back to myself and realize she was crying.
Shaking my head, I got a grip on myself, finally coming to my senses. What the hell was wrong with me?
I cupped her face in my hands, leaning down to press my lips against hers. “Shh, baby, don’t cry. I’m so sorry, I would never hurt you. Just, please, don’t say anything like that again.”
Taking a deep breath, she finally stopped crying as I wiped away her tears. The wide-eyed look on her face let me know how much I’d freaked her out.
I used to be normal before I met her. Life was simple. I knew nothing would ever be the same and somehow I didn’t care. I couldn’t even relate to the guy I was before.
Lifting her slightly, I pulled the comforter back and threw it over her. I stood up to strip off my jeans and shirt, letting them fall to the floor. Joining her under the covers, I took her into my arms.
“Let’s just go to sleep, we’ll talk about it in the morning.”
She didn’t answer.
*****
I’d said we’d talk in the morning, but I woke up with a raging hard on and a sexy Gianna curled up against me wearing almost nothing. She was still sleeping sweetly, her beautiful features soft in slumber.
Unable to resist, I lifted up the covers to peek at her body. I needed to be inside her. Hopefully, she’d agree.
I started stroking her body while she slept, rubbing gently, hoping to get her aroused enough in sleep she wouldn’t be able to resist me once awake. She groaned sexily, making my hard on twitch in response. It recognized the sound.
Pinching her nipple gently had her coming awake. As her eyelids fluttered, I whispered in her ear, “Morning, pretty girl.”
She ran a hand over her eyes. “What are you doing, Caleb?”
“I planned on making love to you.”
“You have to actually love me to-”
My mouth on hers cut off what she’d been about to say. I slipped my hand into her panties, stroking her. She forgot her protests and fell into enjoying what I was doing to her. I was enjoying it myself. Watching her pant softly, her pink lips parted, was hot.
I sat up to pull her panties down her legs, my boxer briefs following suit. Stroking myself a couple times, I kissed her breasts, nipping them with my teeth. Gianna’s fingers weaved through my hair, gently tugging at it.
Between her legs, I rubbed myself against her then slowly started to enter. She felt as tight as the first time. Fully inside her, I thrusted slowly, savoring the return to paradise. Trying to tell her with my body what I couldn’t allow myself to put into words.
Her nails dug into my back as she grazed my neck with her lips. Her head dropped back down onto the pillow, half-closed eyes holding mine as I made love to her. She climaxed, moaning her pleasure, heightening my own.
I could sense her remorse as she settled in my arms afterwards. I had no regrets. We’d come together as we were meant to be. She should feel the same way. “I missed you, Gianna.”
She sighed. “Me, too.”
I didn’t want to have to bring it up, but my need to chain her to me didn’t involve propelling her into early motherhood. “I’m sorry I didn’t use a condom. I promise I will next time.”
“I got on the pill a couple weeks ago, so don’t worry.”
In my desperation over the past three weeks, one of the plans I’d contemplated was to purposely knock her up. What could Julie do, then? As the father I’d have rights to see my kid, therefore have access to Gianna. Julie would have to admit defeat.
Or at least any sane person would.
Unfortunately, neither of us was ready for a kid and a baby deserved better than that. Tempting, but it was the wrong way to secure a future together.
“Let’s take a shower,” I suggested, praying my mom didn’t come home anytime soon. Getting up, I grabbed some towels, expecting her to follow me. When I glanced back, she was sitting up on the bed, biting her lip. “Come on, princess.” I held my hand out for her, mentally willing her to take it.
She gave me just enough trust to take my hand. She gave me a little more of her trust when she let me make love to her again in the shower.
Once we were both dressed and Gianna had dried her hair with my mom’s blow dryer, we walked to the diner for a late breakfast. I allowed Gianna to order for herself this time.
Grabbing her hand across the table, I asked, “So, when are you going back to the crew?”
Staring down at our hands, she shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“It makes you happy. You must miss them.”
She turned her head to look out the window at the people passing by. “I don’t know what I want now.”
When this was all over, when I had worked out the Julie problem, hopefully she’d still want me.
“Eat up,” I told her when our food arrived. She dug into her omelet while I demolished my pancakes. When she didn’t finish her hash browns and sausage, I ate those also.
Holding hands as we left, I asked her, “Where’s your car?”
She looked unsure and the answer hit me before she said, “At Ian’s.”
I scowled at her as she held my stare defiantly. “You’re not my boyfriend, Caleb. You can’t get mad about me having guy friends.”
Grabbing her hips, I yanked her against me. “I may not be your boyfriend, but I’m still your man.”
She rolled her eyes, smirking. “Hooking up once a week won’t make you my man.”
I went for an innocent expression. “But, we’ll be doing other things, too.”
Her look was doubtful. “Like what?”
I pecked her on the lips, wanting to kiss away her doubt. “Whatever you like.”
“Shopping?”
I cringed inwardly. “Yes.”
“Chick flicks?”
I kept a grimace in check. “Sure, if you want, but you don’t like chick flicks.”
Her smile was pure feminine glee. “Maybe I’ve decided they’re not so bad. There’s this new Emma Stone movie I think you’ll love!”
Ugh! I couldn’t stand Emma Stone.
She bounced in placed with excitement. I couldn’t tell if she was messing with me or not. I wouldn’t put it past her to find satisfaction in torturing me. “Oh, and next month there’s a new romantic comedy coming out!”
“Yay, romantic comedy,” I mumbled weakly. Romantic comedies usually consisted of clumsy chicks falling all over clueless guys. Pure torture.
“It’ll be fun,” she assured me.
I gave her a naughty grin. “Do I get head from you in the theater?”
She giggled, slapping my arm playfully. “You’re such a pervert. Maybe I will if chick flicks turn you on that much.”
I planted kisses randomly over her beautiful face. �
��Being with you in the dark turns me on that much.”
“I need to go get my car!” she protested, trying to escape.
Not letting her go, she was forced to give up. “I’ll take you to it. How far is it?”
She glanced down the street. “Just a few blocks away.”
I grunted unhappily. “That douche lives by my mom?”
“He lives at Riverfront Park,” she mentioned nonchalantly.
I whistled. “That high rise is expensive to live in.”
“It’s pretty nice,” she commented vaguely.
Stopping, I turned her to face me. “Is his bedroom nice?”
She let out an exasperated breath. “Quit acting jealous, Caleb. You’re not even my boyfriend.”
Jerking her hand out of mine, she walked ahead of me. I caught up, falling into step beside her and hooking an over her shoulders.
While we waited at a corner for our turn to cross, she said, “Oh, and his room is like out of a magazine, professionally decorated in different shades of gray.”
I noticed she was trying not to smile. “Why the hell would you need to see his room?” I growled irritably.
“I was helping him pick out something to wear to the club.”
As if Ian hadn’t been dressing himself for years. “He’s not the type of person you should hang out with.”
Her laugher bubbled out. “He’s just like you. Maybe you’re not the type of person I should be hanging out with.”
Too true, not that I gave a damn.
I swooped down to kiss her cheek, not able to get enough of her after so long apart. “You’ll come over next Saturday?”
Her frown wasn’t reassuring. “I don’t know yet, we’ll see. I’m supposed to hang out with Ian.”
I groaned, wishing Ian to hell.
Her face brightened. “Hey, maybe we can all hang out together!”
It was me who was in hell. And Ian was the devil. “Not happening, babe.”
We reached the high rise Ian lived in and Gianna insisted on going up to say hello to him. For some reason I didn’t understand, she felt bad about running out on him last night. I felt pretty good about it, myself.
Danger! Bad Boy Page 11