I fiddled with my pen. “I’m hoping sooner rather than later. I have to make a choice by next week. Are you and Jesse still set on going to GA Tech?”
She nodded, smiling. “I’m excited.”
Lena quipped, “Pretty soon we’ll be calling you Professor Reyes.”
Ella was set on studying some type of science, probably something in biology, getting her PhD and eventually becoming a college professor. If anyone could do it, that girl could.
What it must have been like to be Ella, to just know what you were passionate about and know exactly what path you needed to take for the rest of your life.
More than ever, in every area of my life, I felt lost.
Twenty-Three
I switched between the two tabs on my computer.
Each one had a college website. The two colleges I had to pick between in a matter of days, and I just couldn’t decide.
Blowing out a breath, I closed both tabs and placed my hands over my face, my elbows on the table.
I would be so glad when all of this was over. The problem was I just couldn’t picture where I’d be when that happened.
Neither school offered much in creative writing.
I sighed. If I picked Hugo’s school, that would be easier. The school was only a half hour away. I could live at home. Hang out with Harper. If I picked the other school, well, I’d have to live there. It was a couple of hours away. I wouldn’t know anyone there, but it was a bigger campus. Offered more programs.
Not any program that particularly interested me, but…
My phone went off, interrupting the panic session inside my mind.
It was a video call from my mom. She was staying with my aunt tonight and helping her get back on her feet after a knee surgery.
I hit the answer button and smiled. “Hey, mom.”
She went through all the usual questions. How was school? Did I have homework? Did I see the dinner she’d left in the fridge? Were my brothers home yet? Did they have homework? If so, could I make sure they did it and put it in their backpacks tonight?
“Sure, mom. Don’t worry,” I replied to her last question.
“Oh, and honey,” I was doing some research during Aunt Paula’s surgery, and I found some interesting information online. I can’t wait to sit down and show you. But I was thinking about your blog and your writing and everything.”
Uh oh. Had she found some kind of summer internship for me or something? Because that was definitely the kind of thing that would get my mom all riled up like this.
She went on, and I bit my lip, wondering what was coming. The front door opened, and in walked Hugo, his backpack on his shoulder. “So anyway, I was showing your #TheStoryOfMyLife blog to this wonderful woman in the waiting room. She loved your posts—”
No.
“—Mom,” I tried to cut in, but it was too late.
Hugo’s gaze settled on me. “What did she say? Your what blog?”
But I could already see the wheels turning in his head. He set his backpack down. “Wait. That was your blog?”
“Mom, I’ll call you back,” I said quickly and hung up.
Hoping Hugo would just let the whole thing go, I got up and headed to the kitchen.
But he was right behind me. “Rey,” he called.
I stopped in my tracks, my mouth in a grimace.
Hugo came around so he could face me. “Did mom just say ‘your blog’?” He waited for me to respond, but I stayed quiet. Then he stared off into space. “#StoryOfMyLife…” he said slowly.
His eyes locked on mine. I could see the full realization entering his gaze. “That…that was you? So…”
I couldn’t do anything except stand there and let him figure it all out.
“You and Wes?” he finished quietly. “What you wrote was about you two?”
I opened my mouth, with no idea how to make him see that we’d ended it for him. That Wes and I were long over. “Hugo, I promise—”
But Hugo shook his head and backed up. “I can’t believe this. Why would you go behind my back? I don’t get it. I’m your brother. You guys couldn’t just talk to me about it?”
The look of disappointment on his face tore me apart. This was Hugo, who’d always stood up for me.
I took a step toward him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”
He ran his hand through his hair. “That’s right. You didn’t think. I mean, just the fact that you guys hid it from me. Even mom knew…” He began walking away.
“Hugo,” I tried.
A knock came at the door, and my stomach lurched.
Oh no.
Wes turned away from the foot of the stairs. He walked over, and I automatically took a step or two closer too. For what, I don’t know. I wasn’t going to stop him.
He swung open the front door, and there stood Wes.
As soon as he saw my brother, his smile disappeared. He glanced at me, and I looked away.
Hugo’s voice ended the silence. “Perfect timing, dude.”
My hands over my face again, I heard Wes say, “Hey, man, are you okay? What’s going on?”
Then Hugo laughed. “What’s going on? You of all people should know, man. You kissed my sister? Were you ever planning on telling me the truth?”
I turned back to them, and Wes glanced at me for a split second, clearly as torn as I was. “Hugo, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he replied.
His words sliced my insides, but I knew it was for the best.
If my brother ever forgave us.
Hugo scoffed. “Didn’t mean for it to happen? Seriously? That’s all you’ve got?”
Wes stared at the floor.
Hugo checked his pockets and pulled out his keys. “You know what? I’m out. Don’t talk to me.”
He shoved past Wes and made for his car.
Within seconds, he’d sped off.
My phone buzzed with a text from my mom asking if everything was okay.
Nothing was okay.
I turned to Wes, who remained in the doorway. He finally looked at me.
I’d never seen him so upset. Not him or my brother. Now he looked like he hated nothing more in the world than himself.
I opened my mouth to say something. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for him to find out. He just happened to overhear—”
“It’s not your fault,” he said, no longer looking at me. “It’s mine. I should have known better.” He exhaled. “Hugo’s my best friend. So I’m sorry, but I have to fix this. I hate to say it, but what happened with us… it was a mistake.”
Another knife to the chest.
All I could do was nod and blink the tears away. “Yeah,” I said, hating the way my voice sounded. “I understand completely. You should try talking to him later. He probably just needs some time.”
Without another word, Wes closed the door behind him and left.
I stood alone in the living room, wondering how all of this had happened so fast.
It felt like a bomb had gone off in my life, and all I had left were fragments.
Would I be able to put them back together?
Twenty-Four
As soon as my dad came home, I mumbled something about working on a last-minute project at Ella’s house.
I grabbed my overnight bag, filled it with a few essentials, and said I’d text him when I got there.
“Huh? Uh, drive safe!” he called.
It wasn’t even five minutes before my phone began buzzing like crazy with a call from my mom.
I pulled into a gas station and put the car in park. Then I called my mom back.
“Honey?” she answered. “Is everything okay?”
I stared off into the sunset, wondering how I was going to make it through the rest of senior year at this rate.
Life had always been pretty good, but lately, it was like things just kept getting worse and worse.
“Mom,” I cried, letting the tears fall down my face.
“Rey, w
hat is it? You’re scaring me. Where are you?”
“I’m okay. I’m on my way to Ella’s house. I just couldn’t stay home. Our call earlier?” I said.
“Uh huh?”
“Hugo found out about my blog, and he put two and two together, and he hates me,” I finished.
“Oh, honey,” she sighed, and I could tell from her voice that there was no making this better. “It’ll be okay. He might be mad now, but he doesn’t hate you. He never has.”
I kept crying quietly into my phone, my head down.
My mom’s voice reached me again. “You know, I still remember the day you were born. He was so so happy to be a big brother. You know what he said?”
Clearly, she was waiting for me to respond. “What?” I muttered.
“He said, ‘Yay, sis!’ And he gave you this giant kiss on the forehead. It was just about the cutest thing I ever saw. And you know he’s always looked out for you. Remember your first day of school?”
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “I was so scared.”
“And he walked you all the way to your classroom.”
Every single day. Up until he left for middle school. Even then, he hadn’t been one of those siblings that pretended not to know me. He’d always looked out for me, even when I’d started sixth grade and some of the eighth grade boys wouldn’t leave me alone. Seventh grader Hugo had found out and gotten three days ISS after punching one of them in the lunchroom.
The only blemish on his school record, he’d joke.
And then I’d gone and done this to him. Created a giant rift between him and his best friend.
I wanted to disappear.
How could I have done this to him and Wes?
Everything that had happened the past several weeks, kissing Wes, all of that felt like it had been done by somebody else, a naive, clueless, and selfish Rey. One who hadn’t considered the consequences of her actions.
“Rey, listen to me,” Mom said. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow.”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little at her words, laugh at the horror that was my life right now.
“But it’ll get better,” she promised. “Everything. This thing with your brother and Wes. Senior year. College. I know you’re stressed about that too, but sweetie, you’re going to figure it all out, okay?”
I sniffed. “Can you just figure it out for me?”
Mom chuckled on the other end. “I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way anymore. You’re eighteen. Part of me wishes I could just guide you through life, tell you do this, don’t do that, but the truth of the matter is, I didn’t want my parents doing that for me at your age. I’m not going to do that to you either. I’m always here for you, no matter what happens, no matter what choices you make. But they’re your choices now. You may stumble at times, but I know you’ll find your way.”
How had we gotten so deep all of a sudden? My mom always talked about consuming enough nutrients and the importance of sleep and the effect of drugs on the teenage brain, but now it felt like she’d handed over the reins to me.
I’d never been more scared in my life.
I thanked my mom and told her I’d be fine. I just needed to get away for a night or two. And she was free to check in on me.
I hung up and sighed.
How was I going to fix things between Wes and Hugo? I didn’t even care about me and Wes anymore.
Now more than ever, I realized what had happened with us had been a mistake. We should have gone about things a different way, been honest, I don’t know. Never let it happen in the first place.
As right as that kiss had felt, I didn’t think Hugo would react like this. But I couldn’t blame him.
Trust was huge for him and him finding out like this…
I just wanted him and Wes to make up and go back to being friends.
For him to not hate me forever would be a nice bonus.
Wes was right. We had to do right by Hugo. It was the least we could do. Hugo had always been there for both of us.
I unlocked my phone and opened up the #BFFs thread.
Rey: Headed to Ella’s house. Could use an ear and shoulder tonight if anyone else is free. Maybe a sleepover? For old time’s sake and before senior year finishes zooming on by? :(
I felt a little guilty adding that sad emoji and pressuring everyone to hang out with me and commiserate, but boy did I need my friends tonight.
I needed Lena’s loud laugh, Tori’s sarcastic eyerolls, Ella’s smile, and Harper’s hug tonight.
The thought of not having them around anymore killed me inside, and it brought back the tears full force.
What was I going to do without them next year?
My mom was amazing, but there was nothing in the world like being surrounded by Harper, Tori, Ella, and Lena. Joking around together, doing each other’s make up and hair, telling each other what was going on in each other’s lives, and watching movies.
By the time I got to Ella’s house, I was crying for a completely different reason. Maybe both reasons. Maybe both parts of my life had just merged together into this perfect storm of rain, rain, endless rain.
When I knocked on the door and Ella opened it a second later, I ran straight into her arms and sobbed.
She hugged me tight, her voice soft. “Oh, Rey.”
“How did my whole life turn upside down?” I managed into her shoulder.
Another set of arms enveloped me from behind.
“Rey!” It was Lena. Good old Lena.
We stepped inside, and within minutes, everyone else was there. Tori and Harper wrapped their arms around me as soon as they saw me.
Harper sat down next to me. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
My lip trembled, and I knew that I could no longer hold everything in. “Everything.”
Twenty-Five
I told them how everything had unraveled.
About Hugo finding out about the blog. Hugo storming out. What Wes had said, how I felt so incredibly dumb and selfish.
How scared I was for the next several weeks until graduation.
Afraid to be left alone and forgotten.
I wiped away tears and Tori pulled me close. “Oh Rey, of course we’re not going to leave you behind and forget about you. How could you think that?”
Harper put her hand on my shoulder, and Ella said, “I’m actually offended that you think we won’t be friends anymore, Rey.”
“Of course, we’re still gonna be friends and hang out when we can,” Harper added.
Lena smiled. “You guys may as well be my sisters.”
Oh, how I needed to hear those words.
I squeezed Tori back.
Then I turned to them. “Everyone has their life together except me. I’m so lost.”
Lena smiled. “Are you kidding me? I’m trying to survive senior year myself. I can hardly keep up with everything we’re supposed to be doing. Ella over here has been like my manager, making sure I turn in things and order a cap and gown on time.”
Ella giggled. “I expect a 15% cut too.” She turned to me. “Seriously, though, Rey. I don’t know about everyone, but I’m super nervous about college too.”
“You already got in, though. You know where you’re going,” I said. “Your grades are perfect, and Jesse will be with you every step of the way.”
She glanced down. “It’s still scary, though. I feel like college is going to be so much harder, and what if my grades go down?” She paused and exhaled. “What if Jesse meets someone else and decides he wants to take a break or something?”
Now her eyes filled with tears. I grabbed her hand. “He would never do that to you.”
She nodded. “It’s like part of me still can’t believe that he chose this.” She looked down at herself, arms kind of raised. “The girl with giant glasses and a messy bun every day who would rather hit the books than hit the movies or something.”
Lena put her hands on her hips. “G
irl, how many times we gotta tell you? GUYS LOVE THAT.”
That had everyone laughing for about a minute straight.
Tori wiped away tears. “It’s true. Noah tells me the same thing when I say that I’m a complete mess and I haven’t even had a chance to get my face on.” This totally swoon-worthy look came over her face. “He says that’s when I’m my most beautiful.”
Harper clutched her chest. “My heart.” She turned to Ella then everyone else. “Guys, sometimes I think about the same exact thing. The next four years is a long time. Anything could happen. I don’t know what I’d do without Emerson, but you know what? We can’t live in fear of what might happen. We have to live for today and make the most out of each and every day we’re going to have. And just trust that whatever happens is just leading us to where we need to be.”
“And who we need to be,” Lena added quietly.
I nodded. “Oh my gosh, Harper. You need to be a motivational speaker or something.” She smiled, but it was true. She was so right.
I had to stop living in fear. I just had to be me and do what felt right.
About everything. College. Wes. Hugo. My life.
I let myself fall back in Ella’s bed and just stared at the ceiling. Being around my friends, hearing them talk, getting out of my own head and whirlwind of debilitating thoughts? Some of the weight from my life was already lifting off. It reminded me of the aftermath of a tornado or something. When everything is so serene and quiet and even though there’s literally wreckage surrounding everyone, people just start to pick up the pieces and give thanks that they’re okay.
Already I felt the loud winds that had unsettled me today starting to quiet down and go away.
At least for now.
This weekend, I was going to just enjoy being with my friends and give Hugo time away from me.
I was also going to make every single moment with Harper, Ella, Tori, and Lena count. Graduation was right around the corner, and I wanted us to make the most of the time we had together in high school
And then…I’d go back home and make things right.
By Sunday, my heart was telling me to write a letter.
#BreakingTheRules Page 12