by Coralee June
Bitter Pills
CoraLee June
Copyright © 2020 by June Publishing
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover by HarleyQuinn Zaler
Edited by Helayna Trask
To my Moms.
Thanks for teaching me that if you can’t say something nice, then you should fucking find something nice to say—choke it out if you have to. Thanks for showing me that being fearlessly kind isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. Thanks for not allowing me to be bitter. Thanks for teaching me how to be a decent human being. Thanks for reminding me that hurt people, hurt people. Thanks for teaching me how to navigate cruelty with my head held high. Thanks for making me a really fucking strong woman.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
22. Chapter Twenty- Two
Epilogue
A Lovely Obsession
Preview
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Also by CoraLee June
Prologue
Sunshine
Thinking of Nix was like sinking my teeth into a ripe lemon. Wondering where he was turned my mood sour. Missing him was like diving headfirst into insanity. I questioned everything. I doubted myself, doubted him, and doubted the bond I was once so sure of. It was karma in its purest form.
But I knew he was watching me. Maybe it was the way our souls were intertwined, a deep connection I could feel in my gut. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Maybe I was drowning in hope and barely keeping my head above the surface. But Nix had his dark, inquisitive, perfect eyes on me. My best friend was out there. I knew it.
“Sunshine, you okay?” a rough voice asked at my back. I spun around to greet Gavriel, a tight feeling growing in my chest at the sight of him. He was wearing his usual: an expensive suit and hooded dark eyes. Gavriel stood tall. The red battle scars on his skin bloomed, reminding me of how godlike he was. Gavriel defied death. He challenged God. He was a mountain of a man, a strong king ruling over the people he loved.
My husband had been working a lot lately, expanding his business to more legal ventures as we settled down. He’d been investing a lot into Ryker’s new MMA club, too. The transition hadn’t been easy, though. Once a Bullet, always a Bullet. The only way out really was death. Gavriel had too many partners who didn’t want to lose their lucrative arrangement and even more enemies eager to take him down.
“Yeah, just thinking about Nix,” I replied to his question with a sigh. I was always thinking about Nix. He was an intrusive thought that called to me like a siren. Inevitable. Unbreakable. He was a constant presence in my mind. Five years wasn’t nearly long enough to dull the pain left in my heart from his disappearance. It was only fair. I had a debt to pay. I never fully understood the turmoil my guys felt when I left them all those years ago, but now I felt the ache with excruciating clarity.
I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy—not that I had any living enemies left to wish it on.
“Come here,” he whispered while sitting down at the wooden kitchen table. I admired the look of him sitting there for a moment, legs parted, his body leaned back like he didn’t have a care in the world. Gavriel’s muscles bulged in his shirt as he stroked his chin, beckoning me. Our new house was being renovated. It was a beautiful property outside of the city, with enough space for all of us. We’d been making our relationships work, traveling and going with the flow. It was fine for a little while, but after five long years of exploring and settling into our relationships, I realized that I wanted to set up roots. All of us. Together. We’ve been working toward that, enduring the growing pains of our happily ever after. Until the house was ready, the guys and I were in transition and staying at Gavriel’s penthouse.
Ryker worked at the gym. Callum started a local business as a private investigator. Blaise took fewer bounty jobs. Gavriel…well, Gavriel was struggling to cut the ties of his bloody business.
And even with the new house, something still felt off. I still felt like I had to look over my shoulder whenever I went anywhere. Our lives lacked routine and the sense of security I craved. I loved each of my men for who they were. I wanted us to fit our lives together, but this puzzle was complex and dangerous. I wasn’t sure a pretty house outside of the city could stabilize the dynamic we had. It felt wrong wanting more, but I did. Hell, I didn’t even know what more meant. I had them. Wasn’t that enough?
I sauntered over to Gavriel and straddled his lap, cupping his cheeks with my hands. “I hate the sad look in your eyes, Sunshine,” he rasped before leaning up to place a soft, tender kiss to my lips. I remembered a time that I thought the only physical relationship between us would be from a place of anger and resentment. I could still feel his heated eyes and furious fingers working my clit as he spewed cruelty like venom from his lips. It seemed so far away, now. Gavriel was gentle with me—unless I pushed his buttons, which happened often.
“I feel like Nix is watching me. It’s so weird,” I replied when I pulled away, licking my lips and tasting sweet iced tea. I couldn’t remember the last time he had whiskey. “It’s like everywhere I go, I can still feel him. Am I crazy?” I knew in my gut that Nix had a reason for disappearing, and I respected him for it. Even though it was painful, I had to trust that he was doing what was best. I, more than anyone, could understand that.
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Gavriel replied huskily. “Wanna give him a show? You know he’s a kinky fucker.”
I tossed my head back and laughed before giving his offer some thought. “Callum just texted me to say he’ll be working late. Caught a lead on a missing person case. Blaise should be home soon, though. We could make it a party.” I winked.
“We do have a lot to celebrate,” Gavriel replied before palming my breasts, kneading me as he leaned in to lick my neck.
Gavriel was talking about me finishing my third year at Penn State. It made me warm and fuzzy to know how supportive and proud of me they all were. I only attended a few classes a semester, but I was proud of my slow progress. “Let’s not get too excited. I could still flunk out,” I replied with a self-deprecating chuckle.
“Sunshine Moretti, you are the smartest, most resilient woman I know. You couldn’t fail even if you tried. Besides, you already passed college algebra. I think you can survive anything now.”
I trailed my fingers up his black tie before crushing the fabric in my fist, yanking him closer. “I love it when you say my full name, Mr. Moretti. Say it again.”
“Sunshine Moretti,” he growled while digging his fingers into my waist, pushing up my black tank top in the process. “I’m going to bend you over this kitchen table and make you come while Blaise watches.”
“Oh really?” I asked b
efore standing up, pulling him with me.
“Really. Take your fucking clothes off and show me what’s mine.”
Chapter One
Grace
I bought an air mattress for fifty-seven dollars at a local superstore. It was a frivolous purchase, but being a Moretti made me accustomed to wasting money on silly things. My own brother practically stole a factory in Germany last year simply because the original owner gave his wife a lingering, suggestive look. My brother knew nothing about making parts for airplanes, but he wrote it off as a good investment. Maybe my air mattress wasn’t as senseless, but that didn’t mean the purpose behind my purchase wasn’t. Despite the five-thousand-dollar luxury mattress in my bedroom, I would be spending the night on this glorified pool floatie.
I made a big production of inflating it on the balcony of my fifteenth-floor apartment. Early fall in Manhattan felt cool and brisk in the evening. I listened to cars honk on the street below and shooed away fearless pigeons that were curiously watching me wrestle with the air pump. After dragging out some pillows and blankets and pouring myself a glass of wine, I waited.
And waited.
I wouldn’t say I was obsessed with the person living across from my building, though I couldn’t find an appropriate word to describe my strange need to watch him. Curious, maybe?
I couldn’t stop staring at the man tragically tethered to me—the man in love with Nix.
Alessandro Gray.
When Alessandro moved in, I knew he had ulterior motives. He was burdened with the insufferable task of keeping me under his thumb. I couldn’t go anywhere without him silently following me. Oh, he gave me the illusion of privacy, but I knew he was always there. Watching. Listening. Protecting. I ignored it for the better part of five years.
Until three months ago.
One late night on my balcony helped me come to the conclusion that every other Tuesday night, Alessandro brought over a different man to fuck in his living room with the blinds open. And I didn’t mean simple, faceless romps over in thirty minutes. This was hours of angry fucking, sucking, and everything else. I figured if he could follow me around New York, I could watch him have sex with randoms. At least this way, the intrusion on privacy was mutual.
The first time I saw him with another man, I was smoking a joint and thinking about birds born from flames. I casually stared at the building across from mine while wrapped in a cloud of smoke and blanketed with a high so palpable it consumed my consciousness and made me think about running away.
I wasn’t expecting to see Alessandro with his hand wrapped around another man’s throat with his cock jerking in and out of his partner’s ass. It was a brutal, passionless sort of fuck. Just something to get off to on a Tuesday night.
The next time I saw him, I brought popcorn to enjoy the show. The time after that, I grabbed blankets. Tonight, I was doing a full-blown campout. I’m sure he could see me in the glow of the city lights, which was perhaps why I made such a production of peeping through his windows. It wasn’t like he closed the blinds. Alessandro and I struggled with our differences, but we also didn’t work to put distance between us, either.
When the light flicked on in his apartment, I took a sip of my wine and settled under the blankets, prepared to watch. Alessandro opened the door, and I grinned in anticipation. He looked handsome in his suit. I couldn’t see his dark gray eyes from here, but I imagined them sparkling with anticipation. His chestnut hair was curled and touching the tips of his ears. His long legs stalked into the room, purpose driving every step, with another man following behind him.
The man with him looked older. I could tell from my perch across the street that he had salt-and-pepper hair and tan skin. His muscles were defined but not massive. He was attractive but didn’t have the masculine presence Alessandro did. I didn’t feel compelled to stare at him. I tried to see if Alessandro had a type, but every Tuesday, he brought home someone new, someone different. Blond. Bulky. Thin. Aged. College students. Short. Tall. Black. White. The only commonality between them all was the appendage dangling between their legs.
The older man stripped immediately and dropped to his knees as Alessandro unzipped his pants and pulled out his hardened monster of a cock. My mouth watered, and my skin hummed as his large hand reached out and grabbed the older man’s chin. I could see his mouth moving, but didn’t make out the words.
I watched through the bars of my balcony while chewing on the inside of my cheek. The man’s head started bobbing, and Alessandro tipped his chin up, mouth parted in angry ecstasy. I watched with shaking fingers. Up and down. His back flexed. His body moved. Alessandro fucked his mouth frantically and furiously, grabbing the back of the man’s head and deep throating him with a vengeance. I watched transfixed by the way Alessandro moved.
And then his piercing gaze zeroed in on me. His awareness slipped through the window, through the bars of my balcony, and straight to my hooded eyes and parted lips. I debated on ignoring his gaze, but instead, I lifted my hand and waved, my fingers wiggling flirtatiously.
Alessandro shoved the man off, then tucked his hard cock in his jeans before exiting his apartment.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I didn’t bother getting up or running. Alessandro would find me. I thought my brother kept me on a tight leash, but Alessandro put the Moretti overprotective gene to shame. I sipped on my drink as he made his way over to me, and my glass was empty by the time I heard the lock to my front door click through my open window. I listened to his angry footsteps trek across my small apartment until he was sliding open the patio door and stopping in front of my inflated bed.
“Grace, what the fuck are you doing?” he growled while I fumbled with the corner of my blanket. I knew I couldn’t look up at him. I’d get lost in his gray eyes and forget that Nix was gone.
"Watching you get your dick sucked by that silver fox. Is he any good?"
I caught movement out of the corner of my eye as he crouched down to peer at me. I sucked in a deep breath and rolled my neck.
"You're camped out on your patio, watching me get off? Don't you have anything better to do? You're a senior in college now—again. Go study." He was seething.
"All my classes are online," I grumbled. "It's a Tuesday night. And we both know I don't date. I'm too busy pining for a dead man." I regretted my words immediately. Alessandro hated when I referred to Nix as dead.
His hand shot out and wrapped around my throat, squeezing with threatening intensity that forced me to look up. Alessandro had a lethal inferno burning in his expression. His olive skin glimmered in the city lights. His scruffy jaw was clenched with barely contained anger. That handsome asshole.
I didn't move. We'd done this song and dance plenty of times before. "He's not dead," Alessandro whispered threateningly.
I couldn't speak, but I wanted to scream that he was. He had to be. Because the alternative hurt too much. I didn't want to think that the man who swore never to leave me was choosing to be away.
I kept still as my vision blurred, specks of black faded and curled around the edges of his face. My lungs burned. My pulse felt like it was throbbing.
Alessandro let me go, and I sputtered and gasped for air. "Phoenix Bailey is not dead," he repeated. Hearing his name seared through me. It was a familiar sort of pain that made me want to reach for another glass of wine. Fuck Alessandro. Fuck Nix.
It was bad enough that I had to grieve a man I never truly had. I also had to share a ghost with his ex-lover. Alessandro and I were bonded by Phoenix--and he settled like a wedge made of spikes between us.
"You're a mess, Grace Moretti," Alessandro snapped while standing. He kicked at a pillow on the ground before shrugging out of his suit jacket and sitting beside me on the inflatable mattress. My weight shifted, and I slumped over toward him.
"Why did you move in across from me?"
"Why do you watch me out here?" he retorted with a sneer.
"It's not like you bother to close the blinds. A
nd you're fun to watch. Although last week, when you brought out that gigantic butt plug, I felt my asshole pucker."
Alessandro sighed while adjusting the blanket over his legs and lying back. The New York air was chilly and biting. I lay down next to him, our arms brushing as we looked up at the sky. There was too much light pollution to see the stars, but I imagined them up there twinkling and judging me.
I hated how comfortable I was with Alessandro, but I was thankful for it too. "How is school going?" he asked.
"I'm not in the mood for small talk. Don't you have a fuck date to get back to? I was really hoping to watch."
"Shut up, Grace. I'm closing the blinds from now on."
I scoffed. "No you won't. Stop pretending like you didn't know I was out here. Today was just the first time I made a production of it."
"Tell me why," he insisted.
"Tell me why it's been five years and you still follow me."
"You know why."
I licked my lips and sighed. I didn't want to do this. I just wanted to rub one out on the privacy of my balcony and forget all the bullshit. "I think you keep an eye on me for him, but you do it a little bit for me, too."
"I do nothing for you, Grace.”
I sucked in a deep breath, feeling the fire in his damning words bloom in my lungs. Alessandro and I did better when we weren't talking. Every day, his annoyance with me grew and grew. One of these days, he would get tired of protecting the girl Phoenix loved. And I knew that day would destroy me.