I can’t respond I don’t know how to respond to Carl.
“DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME?”
My voice is meek and I answer yes.
“That’s my girl! Now, now don’t cry finish your food. Once you are done working for me you can see your family again. I am going to give you something to take the edge off”
Carl ties off my arm and injects me with what I thought was heroin. Carl brushes my hair away from my face, wipes away my tears and gets up to leave the room.
Carl, I need to use the bathroom please.
“I will unchain you don’t do anything stupid my precious Lily, make it quick.”
I return from the bathroom, Carl chains me back to the bed, and I begin to feel drowsy, I feel high and I have never been high in my life. My eyes begin to grow heavy. I am trying to stay awake. I cannot stay awake I drift off to sleep.
When I open my eyes, I am groggy and there is a sweaty man on top of me. I cannot move I am paralyzed. Is this a dream or really happening to me?
He tells me to keep my eyes shut and not to move. I am terrified, I have never had sex before, I was saving myself for Zack. I was going to marry Zack. Now this is what my life is?
It hurts he is jabbing it in me over and over again. This stranger is telling me I had better bleed for him. I feel like I am being ripped open from the inside. He is not even wearing a condom.
“Be a good little bitch and bleed for me.”
I want to vomit why is this happening to me? I want to go home I want my parents! I need Zack! I need my friends.
“I told you not to move you little slut, do not say a word.” He grabs my throat I cannot breath.
I can hear myself wheezing, hissing, gasping, coughing and panting. I am trying to gasp for air. Everything is going faint. I am subdued, and I cannot fight back. There is nothing but blackness all around me he chokes me out!
Man, after man, hour after hour, and beating after beating is what my life has become? None, of these men use condoms. I wonder if these men have wives, children, and other family members, female cousins and sisters. I wonder how the men would feel is this was happening to their daughter’s or sister’s, hell even their own mothers.
Carl, is cruel I do not think I can take much more of this. I am not sure how long I have been here. I lost count of the number of men Carl has forced me to be with. I have thought about slitting my wrists, just killing myself so I no longer have to feel this pain. I am a full-blown drug addict worthless whore. To be honest I love the feeling of being high. It takes away my pain. My family will never except me back in their lives or understand. I wish I kept everything private on social media. If I had listened to Zack and my parents none of this would be happening right now.
Carl will not let me have a razor. He shaves my legs and my arm pits for me. He even does my makeup. I am not the same girl anymore; all my dreams have vanished I have no hope. I try not think about Zack anymore. I do my best not think about my family. I know they won’t want me back not after all the men I have been with. I am forced to sleep with men six times a week, at times up to 25 a day sometimes less.
I am broken, I am garbage and I am a now a worthless sex worker. I will never be anything, or have anything meaningful in my life. At least I am no longer chained to the bed. I drift off to sleep. I do not hear the deadbolt; door handle and Carl enter the room. I was fast asleep.
“Good morning Lily!” As he approaches, I see someone behind him.
“Lily this is Meghan and she is going to live with us now. She is your new sister. You are going to help her with the rules. Make sure she cleans up after herself and make sure she does as she is told.”
Meghan, could not have been any older than twelve. She appeared to be malnourished and I can see her ribs. She is was too skinny. I think to myself what kind of man would sleep with someone that young? However, I am not surprised. I have encountered so many nasty and brutal men.
For the first time, I had something I had not had in a while. I had hope, the moment I set my eyes on Meghan. I had a reason to fight. Carl said he was going to get Meghan a bed and some food for us. He said tonight is a special night. Neither one of us had to work. I looked at Meghan, and I could see that she was in withdrawal. I told Carl she needed ibuprofen, crackers, toast and Pedialyte Carl actually agreed.
“We are going to welcome our new sister into our home.” Carl leaves, and before I speak to Meghan, I make sure I hear the deadbolt. I wait a few minutes and I start asking her questions.
I ask her what city we are in? She says is not sure, she doesn’t know where we are. She tells me that she has been sold a lot. I ask her how old she is and she tells me she thinks she is fourteen. I ask about her parents. She does not know her Dad and her Mom died from a drug overdose. I assure her that we are going to get out of here. She has so much doubt, she tells me “there is no escaping.”
Also, not to even bother trying. Meghan, says this is all normal and how life is supposed to be.
“No, it is not Meghan there is a much better life out there and you will see it one day I promise.”
I ask her what she saw outside the door. I know we are on a lower level in some type of building.
She said it is an apartment building we are one level down; the hallway is long and narrow. What about upstairs?
“There are several doors I think are people’s homes. I came in two doors and we went to an apartment. Carl gave me these clothes, made me shower and I saw his last name.” Wait you saw his last name?
“Yes, it is Booker!” What about a number on the door you went into?
“Number 3?”
Okay!
Meghan, and I sat on the bed quietly until Carl returned. Meghan is having serious withdrawals’ she is so sick. I was so apprehensive about what was to come. I began to wonder why didn’t any of the neighbors find it suspicious all the traffic coming in and out? Why wasn’t anyone asking questions about people coming in and out of the lower level? Is anybody even aware of what is going on in their building? Are these men from this building?
Then Meghan broke the silence and asked if Carl was going to be good to her? I said as long as you listen and do as he says it will not be that bad. I had to lie to this little girl. Then she hugged me and said she had always wanted a big sister to look out for her.
That was the first time Meghan had ever hugged anyone.
“Meghan, I promise you we are getting out of here.”
Meghan is so sick. I have never seen anyone sick like this before. Hours pass and Carl has not returned I hope he never returns. I listen for the familiar sound of the deadbolt unlocking. I hear nothing. I would unlock the dead bolt myself but it is a double-sided deadbolt.
Meghan and I dozed off, when I wake up, she is cuddled up next to me. She is sweating profusely. I make she is okay because she is shaking, I try my best to comfort her I give her a cold wash cloth to help. She puts it on her head at first and starts to wipe her body. There is nothing to do but sleep and be depressed today. I try not to think about Zack and the memory implanted in my brain of him being shot. I try not to think of my family I miss all of them. I know school is over and I did not graduate. Zack and I did not have the chance to go to my Senior Ball.
I know that one day both Meghan and I will be free. However, I know Carl is never going to let us go on our own. I know I have to try to escape.
I hear the sound of the key and the deadbolt I have to start planning. I have to get Meghan away from here and this life. Meghan needs to see the world is not always dark and cruel.
“I am back and I got dinner for my two favorite girls. Tomorrow you will work double and there will some girl on girl with four men. No arguing you two will enjoy every minute of it and act like professionals. I can make so much money with you two beautiful girls.”
Carl walks in and hands Meghan dirty sheets. He brought Meghan piece of crap wooden bed panel, a frame, a filthy mattress and a dirty box spring. These items smelled of piss and s
hit.
Carl tells us we are to put it together. Before we eat dinner. He is so selfish, a psychopath and a narcissist. He did not bring her any clean sheets because he did not care for either of us. He is so cruel he beats on me shoves pills down my throat and shoots me up with heroin. I wish he would just fucking die.
Carl gives Meghan the crackers, toast, Pedialyte, bananas, Pepto Bismol and Ibuprofen. Meghan is really sick. She tells Carl she does not feel good and she needs something. I know Carl will absolutely have no issues drugging Meghan. I don’t want her to be drugged. I plead with Meghan to hold out a little longer. Carl leaves the room and comes back with Methadone pill for Meghan and Meghan takes it.
Carl, starts to bombard Meghan with questions.
“Meghan, what nationality are you?” Meghan replies “I don’t know”.
“Well do you know what your Mom is?”
No, my Mom died.
“What about your Dad?”
No, I never met him.
“Well, Lily you are becoming old and used. I am going to have to trade you in for a new model.”
Once Carl said that to me it was time to make for me to make a plan and get us the hell out of there. I cannot let this young girl live like this anymore. I cannot live like this anymore. I have to survive; she has to survive. I know in my heart that Carl will kill both of us.
4
The Plan
As Carl leaves the room, I am looking at Meghan. I tell her “don’t worry Meghan he will not be back tonight. He will wake us early in the morning and we pretty much have to work all day. Do as he say’s and you will be fine. We both will be alright.”
I ask if she is feeling any better? She said yes, a little and she says she is happy to have me watching out for her. Meghan asks me about my life before all this. I tell her about Zack, and my family and that I think of them all the time. I dream of being reunited with them very soon. How close we were and how we ate dinner together every night. She tells me it sounds nice to have people who love you. Meghan says that she has never had anyone love her. She asks me how long I have been with Carl. I tell her I don’t know.
I ask Meghan about her life and she tells me that she was sold to two pedophiles at the age of ten. She says she has been in and out of foster homes. She has been beaten, burned, starved and branded. She did not know her father and her mother died when she was seven.
I gave Meghan a hug and just held her. Again, Meghan tells me nobody has ever hugged her before. I tell her we are getting out of here and she will have a great life.
I begin to think of ways to escape what if I take the hinges off the door? That could work, I need something to pry them off with. What if I pick the lock? What if I start to manipulate Carl into bringing me things? I am sure I could get him to let his guard down. Meghan and I can ask for small things at first. I took acting in high school. I can mirror his behavior.
I can definitely be charismatic and exude confidence. I can learn from him; Carl is a master manipulator. I will study him; I can definitely read him; he watches the news a lot. Carl is someone who is not too emotional. He needs the facts first; Carl is more rational. Carl does not have a strong guilt reflex. He is somebody that I cannot play on his emotions. I can ask him for something unreasonable first. Then I can follow up with a much reasonable request. Maybe an unreal request before my actual request. He does not feel guilt and I cannot use fear with Carl.
I may be able to bribe him; my parents do have a lot of money. Or I can do something nice for him. Logic is good and playing the victim will not help Meghan or I. I have to stay focused I cannot break Carl will know and figure out what I am trying to do.
There are so many ways Meghan and I can manipulate Carl.
Meghan and I begin to talk for a while. I begin to wonder if I am giving her false hope? I guess some hope is better than having no hope at all. I tell Meghan what Carl is doing to us, is modern day slavery. What all these men have done to both of us is illegal and is rape. We can put them in prison for a long time.
Meghan tells me that, she will always be owned and her debt will never be paid. She says that she will die a whore, men have hurt her; her entire life. She says that she does not cry anymore. Hearing that breaks my heart, she is broken and I wonder can she be fixed? Can I be fixed?
I start to ask Meghan more questions about what she saw upstairs, she doesn’t remember. I am not going to overwhelm her. I can see she is struggling. We both drift off to sleep I think it might be late. We have no clocks. No way to tell time. I need to help this child escape this life; she is a little girl addicted to drugs and she has been abused all her life.
That night I dreamt of my family. I dreamt of driving up the Pacific Coast Highway and feeling the Seabreeze on my face. Zack is with us and we are all happy. Gabriel is smiling, the sky is blue and there are so many clouds in the sky. We are in the mountains in Oregon and my family and I walking through the forest. Mom and Dad are thrilled, I graduated from high school and I am going off to college. It is a celebration of life, like we always celebrated life. We are all together and are happy.
I wake up it is the following morning. I didn’t want to awake from the dream. It all seemed so real. Meghan is sleeping next to me in my bed. She looks a little better today, than she did yesterday.
This room is depressing, this place is dreadful. This whole situation we are in is demoralizing. Time drags on here. I often wonder if this is what my little brothers fish feel like? They are stuck in the fish bowl swimming around day after day. I feel like his pet fish.
I feel like a prisoner in my mind. I try to recite my favorite music in my head. Just so I do not go crazy.
Somehow, I find myself playing the iron spindles on the bed and I realize two of them are loose. I keep fiddling with them to see if maybe they have some give. I begin to lift up on them and one of them pops out from the bottom I quickly put it back in the hole. I begin to play with the other. The same exact thing happens.
I can hear the familiar sound of the key and the deadbolt.
Carl, walks in he tells Meghan to wake up. He has our breakfast and tells us we are to eat. He hands us each a pair of stockings. Carl has duct tape in his hand. He sets down the duct tape on the table near us. Next to the lamp that is chained down. Carl gives Meghan another Methadone pill and she takes it. He leaves the room and tells us he will be back. He has to grab some stuff. Carl forgets the duct tape. I listen for the deadbolt to click. I tell Meghan to eat a banana, use the Pepto Bismol and take an Ibuprofen, so she doesn’t get sick from the pill.
Realization sets in and I begin to take the spindles off. I tell Meghan to give me the duct tape pronto.
She says “what are you doing?”
I tell her we are getting out of here. I tape the two spindles together. I place them behind the bed. Meghan puts the duct tape back on the table, and we begin to eat our breakfast. I have so many emotions running through my body fear being the biggest. I must remain calm. I have self-doubt and I wonder if I can actually go through with this. I know that it is too late to turn back now. I have to see this through. I will overpower him and we are escaping today.
My body is shaking and I take in deep breaths. My heart is pounding and I swear it is about to beat out of my chest. I begin to feel the dampness from my sweat on my chest, head and armpits. My hands are sweating and shaking. I manage to calm myself down and begin to think about being reunited with my family. I begin to think about Meghan’s future.
Carl comes back, I hear that sound of the deadbolt and I know it is going to be the last time. Carl is carrying a video camera, a bag of clothing, a makeup bag and a plastic shopping bag. Carl also has two large tarps with him. I knew when I saw the tarps, he was going to kill us. Carl tells us that he is going to film us today.
We are doing a porn. He says that we are going to have sex with 4 men. He asks “if you girls ate all of your breakfast?” We reply yes.
Carl tells Meghan she is showering first. Meghan complie
s, and Carl explains that he is going to shave her legs and arm pits. Meghan, and Carl head into the bathroom, and I hear the water turn on. Meghan gets in the shower. I reach behind the bed and I grab the iron spindles wrapped in duct tape.
I wait until I know it is time. This is the moment.
Carl, is distracted by Meghan. I sneak up behind him. I strike him in the head he falls forward. I hit him again across the back at this point he is on his knees; he is keeling over in pain. I hit him in the legs. I hit him in the ribs and I can hear a cracking sound. Again, I bash him in the skull. His head splits open. I hit him again and again on the head. I can smell the blood, but I do not see it or feel it on my body. I keep hitting him over and over again.
I hear Meghan screaming for me to stop. I stop, and I look at her, the shower is still on and blood is running off of her. I tell her to get the duct tape. She goes and grabs the tape. I tape Carl’s legs together. I grab his arms and put them behind his back and tape them.
Trafficking the Disappearance of Lily Rose Flannery: Based on Many True Stories Page 3