I did.
Yes, it was my fault he didn’t know. I realized that and accepted the repercussions, but it didn’t make my decision any easier. Neither did loving him. He may have left thinking I hated him, but he was wrong. It’s why his departure hurt so much and why I couldn’t tell him goodbye the day he got on the tour bus. Had I gone to see him off, I knew I would have told him I was pregnant.
A knock on the door sent my thoughts scattering. I crossed the room and opened it without checking to see who was on the other side. I had a feeling I knew who it would be anyway. Of course I did. She was coming to check on me like she did every day.
Andi’s smiling face greeted me. Then her eyes trailed over my dress. Her mouth fell open as she whispered one word. “Whoa.”
“Thank you,” I teased.
“You look amazing in that dress. I still can’t believe you’re—”
“Watch it,” I warned her.
“Sorry.” She readjusted her mask as she waited for me to close the door and join her in the hallway. “There isn’t anyone in this building that can hear us right now, so don’t worry.”
We made our way out of the condo, stepping into the cooler air. The sun was setting behind one of the valleys toward the west. The warmth it provided felt good on my skin, but the breeze had me regretting my decision not to bring my wrap. At least it would be warm inside the arena.
“Are you feeling okay this evening?”
I glanced at Andi as we gathered the bottom of our dresses, making our way across the grounds toward the arena. “I’m tired, just like every other day. I keep waiting for this burst of energy I’m supposed to be getting in my, uh . . .” I peeked around to make sure no one was close enough to hear us, “in my second trimester.”
“If you’re tired, your body is trying to tell you to slow down. I can take part of the workload off you, Mia. You should get more rest.”
“Impossible. If I’m not busy, I’m thinking about Ayden. Do you realize they’re due back in another month and I’m no closer to making a decision about our relationship than I was before he left?”
Andi opened her mouth to say something but decided not to when we passed a few staff members. Four of the guys from the maintenance crew were chatting with a couple of security guards. All smiled and wished us a good evening as Andi and I walked by.
The moment we were out of hearing range, she looked at me again. “Maybe you haven’t made a decision about Ayden because there isn’t one to make.”
“Beg your pardon?”
“You love Ayden. He loves you. Now there’s . . .” Her eyes lowered to my waistline and then made their way back to mine. “Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something.”
“You’re forever the optimist, aren’t you?”
She shrugged while sporting an impish grin. “All I’m saying is this. Things aren’t over between you and Ayden. You can deny it if you want, but you know it’s true.”
Even if she were right, I wouldn’t tell her. I couldn’t deny how I felt about Ayden, but it still didn’t mean we were meant to be together. When would she realize that? My inability to decide came down to one thing. Our child. I had to do what was best for the baby.
Making our way inside the arena, I considered taking a detour to the bathroom but decided not to. I needed to go inside and find D. Any other time, I’d head to the bar and have Max fix me a glass of his special Witch Brew, but alcohol was off limits.
As soon as we entered the bar, I gazed across the arena, admiring the people on the dance floor. Since this was a special occasion, I made arrangements to have tables brought out to the main level, but the majority of the space was left for dancing.
Waving at a few guests, Andi and I walked to the edge of the dance floor. Couples twirled and spun as gowns in an array of colors swayed to the rhythm of the music. I couldn’t count one person who didn’t have on a mask.
This was where D promised to meet me. Thankfully, he told me what his mask looked like. I wouldn’t be able to pick him out from the crowd had he not described it.
“Everything looks so pretty, Mia. Once again, you’ve transformed this place into a beautiful masquerade ball. I can tell this event’s popularity is increasing.”
“You’re right. We sold three times as many tickets this year as we did last year.”
“Guess we should probably mingle with the guests. Maybe some mysterious stranger will whisk me away for a dance. I just wish it was Bentley who was doing it.”
My chest tightened at Andi’s response. Slumping my shoulders, I motioned her to lead the way. I followed her toward the row of stools at the bar. She approached the CEO of one of the local banks and began a conversation.
It didn’t stop there. We worked our way down the bar, chatting with each and every person. I followed her lead, shaking hands, welcoming people to the ball, and thanking them for coming.
Once we made our way around the left side of the bar, we proceeded to the right. We were halfway there when I sensed something weighing on me—a heavy gaze. I found a pair of eyes staring at me from a black and red horned dragon mask.
D.
He was standing near the edge of the dance floor between the two bars. As soon as Andi spotted him, she stopped walking and looked at me. “Who is that, and why is he staring at you?”
“It’s D, and he’s not staring. He’s waiting for me.”
She folded her arms over her chest. “What do you mean, he’s waiting for you?”
“He asked me to be his date tonight. It’s just as friends, not a real date, and it’s just for a couple of dances.”
She thought it was a bad idea. I could tell by the way she shook her head and averted her eyes, but she didn’t say anything. There was no time. One of the techs from the lighting department approached, asking for her help. Before she walked away, she glanced at me again and sighed. “Enjoy your dance. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
I waited until she was out of sight before looking at D. His eyes trailed over me, met mine again, then he offered me his hand.
He led me further onto the dance floor but not far from where we had been standing. Once he faced me, I placed my hands on his shoulders. When his hands rested above my hips, I tensed. I didn’t want him near my abdomen.
While I might not be showing yet, I noticed how firm my belly had become a few days ago. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. Then D would ask questions.
Relaxing my muscles, I allowed him to pull me closer. He didn’t say a word once our eyes locked. Instead, he led me into a slow dance as the music changed.
During the time we spent together in L.A., he’d comforted me on more than one occasion. That included hugging me. Being close to him shouldn’t feel weird, and yet it did. His firm muscles held more tension than usual.
Was D nervous about being close to me? Perhaps that was the real reason behind his mysterious text earlier. He mentioned that he wanted to keep everyone guessing who he was, and he was willing to remain quiet to keep up the ruse. I thought he was doing it as a joke, but now, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was wrong.
Maybe he was doing it to protect our reputations, preventing the rumor mill from spreading stories about us. He knew I was undecided about my relationship with Ayden. This was his way of enjoying my time without anyone connecting us and causing problems.
With each day that passed, I appreciated him more. Part of me wished I was still in love with him. It was our breakup that helped him mature into the man he was now, but my heart wasn’t on board. It beat vigorously for another . . .
“I’m glad you asked me here tonight. I didn’t realize how much I need this.”
A smile crept over his lips. He nodded at me but never said a word. This was his way of keeping up the charade, and I had to play along.
“The last couple of months have been stressful with Izzy losing her baby, Ayden and I separating, and my . . . health issues.
This time, his arms tightened around
me like he’d flinched at what I’d said. Much like Ayden, he knew something had happened to me at the hospital, but he didn’t know what. I still hadn’t mentioned my pregnancy to him. It had been tempting, but I couldn’t say anything to him before I told Ayden.
Even so, I wanted him to know I was okay and how much I appreciated what he had done for me.
“D, I hope you know how much I value our friendship. I know we’ll always care about each other, but there are times I wish we still loved each other the way we used to.” I glanced at his chest, trying to steady my voice as much as find the right words to say. “I wish I loved you the way I love Ayden.”
When I looked at him, he nodded. For a moment, I lost myself in his eyes, the way they burned into me, the emotions they carried within them. D wanted to say so much, and maybe he would have if he hadn’t come up with this crazy idea to be my mysterious date for the evening. Yet what he didn’t say with words, he showed me in the way he held me close, the way he hung on my every word, and how he stared at me like I was the only person that mattered.
Ayden used to look at me the same way, and had up until a few months ago. I missed him. I missed us. Unfortunately, with my sister hanging around, we’d never get to be us again. I couldn’t keep putting Ayden through hell because of Izzy’s jealousy. If he found someone else to love him, someone that wasn’t me, maybe my sister would let him live his life in peace.
Then again, if Izzy’s wasn’t acting out because she hated me, it meant she loved Ayden. It was a sick and twisted kind of love, but love nonetheless. If this were the case, my sister would never let him be happy with anyone except her.
I had to face it. As long as Izzy was at Music Haven, Ayden and I couldn’t be together. She would always be there to interfere.
The heat of D’s body chased away the chill that ran down my spine. With one flex of his muscles, he pulled me to his chest. I found something familiar in his gaze, and yet, something about it was different.
Perhaps I was making myself feel weird because I was carrying another man’s child inside me.
No. It wasn’t the baby. It was something about D, the feel of his firm body, the heat of his embrace, the warmth of his breath against my cheek. We shared a bond—a friendship—but this . . . This wasn’t platonic.
As he lowered his head toward mine, I half expected him to whisper something to me. Instead of leaning toward my ear, his lips grew closer and their warmth radiated to mine. I stood in disbelief. Perhaps this was why he wanted his identity to be a mystery.
D was going to kiss me.
My heart slammed against my chest. Unsure of what to do, every muscle in my body was screaming at me to back away. My feet felt as though they had become one with the ground. I couldn’t move.
D’s breath teased my cheek as he tugged at my mask. There was no time to react. Just as he peeled it away, I broke free of his embrace. My chest heaved with heavy breaths as I stood in front of him, staring at the mask in his hands.
Why did he remove it?
“What are you doing, D?”
Staring at me in silence, he held my mask in one hand as the other went toward his. He caught the edge with his finger, drawing it over his face. By the time he yanked it off, all I could do was stare in disbelief. No wonder the connection between us was off. The man standing in front of me wasn’t D.
It was Ayden.
~Ayden~
Fire shot through my body as Mia stared at me. Her chest rose and fell with every rapid breath. I didn’t expect her to have a different reaction to seeing me. What I hadn’t prepared for was the fact that she admitted to still being in love with me, not Darius.
The thought caused the thumping in my chest to increase. So did Mia. I couldn’t believe I was standing in front of her. More than that, I had held her in my arms again. I’d come so close to kissing her, but I couldn’t do it under false pretenses. She thought I was Darius. I wanted her to know the truth.
Perhaps my old mentor would be the one standing in my place had the guys and I not come back to Music Haven. We weren’t due back for another month. Luckily, the last few performances were canceled after Dark Souls’ lead singer came down with pneumonia.
It was unfortunate for him, but a stroke of luck on my end. Darius played his part too. He’d kept tabs on Mia for me while I was gone, assuring me that she was doing okay and hadn’t passed out anymore. As soon as he found out we were coming back, he reminded me about the masquerade ball.
I still remembered the words he told me when I asked why he was helping me. He swore Mia’s feelings for me hadn’t changed, no matter how much she denied it to everyone. Her admission tonight confirmed that.
Afraid she would pull away, I slipped my mask back over my face then did the same with hers. She didn’t flinch when I pulled her back into my arms. Her mouth parted as if she wanted to say something, but no words came out.
As the music changed again, we swayed. The weight of Mia’s gaze grew heavier the longer we remained quiet. By now, she had figured out that Darius had helped me plan this ruse. I hoped she didn’t get too pissed off at him. He had the best intentions. Still, she had confessed to something dire while thinking I was her ex. I couldn’t ignore that fact any longer.
“Did you mean it?”
Her body tensed. “Mean what?”
“What you said earlier when you thought I was Darius.”
Her mouth parted again as the sweet scent of her breath filled my nose. “Don’t make this into something it isn’t, Ayden.”
She tried to back away, but I tightened my arms around her, trapping her against my body. “I’m not making this into anything. I just want to know the truth.”
“What truth?”
I nosed closer. “You said you wished you loved Darius the way you love me.”
Several seconds passed while she did nothing but look into my eyes. I knew she was struggling to answer because doing so meant telling me the truth. If she lied, I would call her bluff.
“Mia—”
“Ayden . . . Yes, I still love you.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her answer, but it soon faded when I noticed her shaking her head. She wasn’t finished.
“Me admitting I love you changes nothing.”
“Bullshit. It changes everything. You know I love you. We feel the same about each other. Nothing’s going to change that.”
“You’re the one who said you shouldn’t be in a relationship.”
The tension in my muscles released as I slumped my shoulders. “I was upset and confused. Looking back, I know I should have kept my big mouth shut. It always gets me in trouble.”
“Ayden . . . I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything. Just hear me out. Please.”
Her mask made it hard to read her facial expressions, but I could tell by the thin line of her lips that she was upset. The tension in her body was enough of a clue for me to know she wanted to get away from me.
I would release her in a moment, but not until she heard what I had to say.
“It killed me to get on that tour bus and leave this place. I wanted to make things right before I left, but you didn’t give me a chance. It’s affected me, Mia. I’ve been lost without you.”
“Again, you’re the one who said—”
Placing my finger to her lips, I waited until she stopped talking before I removed it. “I didn’t mean what I said to you at the hospital. I love you, Mia. I don’t want to be with anyone but you. I’d rather be alone than choose someone else.”
“You can’t say stuff like that, Ayden. You don’t know how you’ll feel in a year from now.”
“Yes, I do.” My raspy voice caused her to wince. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. For Christ’s sake, ever since I left here, I’ve been having nightmares, Mia.”
“About what?”
This time, her voice held no cynicism. Instead, I heard concern. It was enough to give me hope. She still cared, and deep down, I
was sure she still wanted to be with me too.
Leading us to the edge of the dance floor, I stepped onto the carpet and away from the crowd, but I didn’t let Mia go. Keeping her in an embrace, I eased back so I could study her face. It wasn’t easy to admit this. I only hoped it would help her understand.
“This will sound crazy. Believe me, I’ve questioned why it’s happened almost every night since I left.” I drew in a deep breath and prepared to tell her the rest. “The dream starts off in a room. I’m not sure where it is, but I hear a baby crying. Once I find a crib and go toward it, you show up. You block my path and tell me it’s too late, that you’re . . .”
My throat grew dry. It was hard enough admitting this to Bentley. Confessing to Mia was worse.
“You tell me you’re with someone else. I never get a chance to ask who it is, because the guy shows up and pulls you away.”
She peered at me from behind her mask. “Who is the guy?”
My body grew cold at the thought of answering her question. It meant admitting that Darius was the man in the dream. After everything he did for me, I didn’t want it to seem as though I resented his relationship with Mia, and I sure as hell didn’t want to appear intimidated.
But I couldn’t lie to her.
“It was Darius.”
She pressed her lips together and shook her head. It wasn’t the reaction I wanted. My hands began to sweat even though the rest of my body was shivering. Maybe it was my conscience reacting to this conversation. God knows it was getting the best of me.
“Mia, say something.”
Her attention shifted to my arms. I worried she would pry them away from her waist, but she didn’t move. “What can I say, Ayden? First, you tell me that I’m better off without you. Now you’re having bad dreams about my ex and me getting back together. I don’t know what to think.”
“I’ve feared the thought of losing you to Darius since you brought him here when you returned. I get why he was in the dream. What I don’t get is you blocking the crib and telling me I’m too late.”
The tension between us grew noticeable as she took a step back and hugged her chest. “I’m sure it has something to do with the baby my sister lost. It’s been in the back of your mind.”
Love Deserved (Rock N Roll Heiress Book 3) Page 2