by Kait Nolan
“What’s up, Abs? You seem a little tense.”
The smile was gone when she rounded on him. “I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me.”
“Okay.”
“What has Kyle said about me?”
He’d suspected it might be something to do with Kyle, but he hadn’t expected this. “In what context? That’s pretty broad.”
She crossed her arms in a self-protective gesture. “Emerson said something about me being the one Kyle screwed up with. I want to know what he said.”
Was she agitated at what Kyle might have said or that Caleb himself might know something? “I’m the one who said that. Because he did.”
The knuckles of the fingers gripping her elbows went white. “What did he tell you?”
“Nothing. He’s never told me what went down all those years ago. But you don’t suddenly stay away from one of your closest friends unless something major happened.” Caleb had his suspicions about the nature of that something major, given how things had been changing between Kyle and Abbey that last summer. But if they’d crossed that line from friends to something more, he’d never had it confirmed. “All he’s ever said when I asked was that it was his fault and to leave it alone.”
She released a slow breath, the tension going out of her shoulders. “At least he can be honest about something.”
“What wasn’t he honest about?”
Abbey shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“If it doesn’t matter, why are you still upset about it?”
Her eyes flashed with a mix of temper and hurt. “I didn’t say I was upset.”
Caleb folded his arms. “You dragged me off away from everybody to ask me about something that happened more than ten years ago. If you weren’t upset, you would have let it go.”
“I just wanted to know how he was spinning the narrative and why he was talking about something from back then.”
“He’s not spinning anything. The only narrative he’s ever put forward is that what happened was his fault and an apology can’t fix it.”
Abbey looked off toward the big picture window that opened onto the mountains. “Maybe it might have back then. But after all this time…” She trailed off on a heavy sigh.
“Why won’t you two just talk to each other?”
Her shoulders tensed back up. “I don’t want to talk to Kyle.”
“Look, you don’t have to be friends. Maybe you can’t go back to what you were before after all this time.” Which was a damned shame because they were perfect for each other. “But for God’s sake, you both need closure. The pair of you need to put on your grown-up pants and have the shitty, awkward conversation you’ve been avoiding all this time so you can both move on with your lives. Life is too fucking short to be carrying around all these regrets.”
“I don’t have regrets. There’s no point in them. You can’t go back to change the past.”
“But if you both pull your heads out of your asses, you can have the future.”
Abbey’s lips curved into a sad smile. “I’m happy for you about Emerson, Caleb. But don’t go putting your love goggles on everybody. We don’t all get happy endings.” Without another word, she left him standing there in the dark atrium.
Stubborn as mules. Both of them. They were too mired in the past, in their respective hurts, to try to fix things. But this was as close as he’d gotten to confirmation that something had happened between them that went beyond the friends they’d always been. How could they let one tough conversation stand between them and what they both clearly wanted?
How could he? He wanted a life with Emerson. Marriage, children, the whole shebang. He was willing to wait for them until she was ready, but Porter was right. He needed to know whether they were on the same page or not. And if not…he had to figure out whether that was something he could live with.
Chapter 13
Caleb stayed quiet on the drive home. Not broody, but obviously thinking hard about something. Emerson might have been anxious about that but for the fact that he kept her hand in his for as much of the trip as he could. She’d been doing a lot of thinking herself about her conversation with Pru. Being around all those families, especially Caleb’s sisters, with all their newlywed and new parent vibes, had her biological clock sounding a gong.
Maybe that should’ve been scary. Instead, the possibilities excited and energized her. She was starting to see how things could be with Caleb. That wasn’t a clarity she’d ever had in prior relationships. Was it because she knew herself and what she wanted better than she did before? Maybe. But as he pulled into his driveway, she looked over at him, taking in his profile and the shape of the jaw she now knew by touch. She could see the possibilities because she knew him. Because she loved him.
The realization slammed into her.
Holy shit.
Shutting off the truck, he glanced her way. “You okay?”
For a moment she couldn’t speak.
She loved Caleb. She was in love with him.
Because she didn’t want to just blurt that out until she’d had more time to turn it over in her brain, she scrambled for something else to say. “I like your family.”
His smile lit up his face. “They really liked you.”
Because she couldn’t just sit there and didn’t know what else to say, she slid out of the truck. They grabbed their bags and headed toward her house. It wasn’t a question that he’d be staying the night, since he’d be on shift again tomorrow morning. So many things between them had simply been implied. They fit on multiple levels, and suddenly, she didn’t want to leave things implied. She wanted to talk about the future and what they both wanted.
As they stepped into her front entryway, she turned. “Caleb, I wanted to ask you something.”
He dropped his bag. “Me too.” Sliding her duffel bag off her shoulder, he backed her against the wall. “Yes.”
The possessive move already had her blood going hot, her mind not quite able to hang on to the threads of conversation. “What?”
“Whatever it is the answer is yes.”
He couldn’t just say that. “You don’t know what I’m going to ask.”
“It’s you. I know you, so I have a good idea. And I’m all in.”
Caging her in, he took her mouth in a deep, devouring kiss that fogged her brain and set her on fire. Rising to her toes, she pressed against him. Serious conversation could wait until later. It might even be better had naked. That was logical, right?
The light in the living room clicked on. “What the actual hell?”
Caleb’s embrace was the only thing stopping Emerson from jerking away from him like a guilty teenager at the sound of her own teenager’s voice.
Shock, guilt, and dread swirled through her in a noxious cocktail of emotion. Emerson didn’t know how to react. They were certainly busted.
“What are you doing home?” Okay, probably not the best thing to lead with, but it was all she could come up with.
“Do I need to announce when I come home now? I guess maybe I do.”
Heat burned her cheeks. Thank God they hadn’t gotten any further in the naked portion of the program. “That’s not…this is…Caleb and I are…”
Fi crossed her arms. “Sleeping together, obviously.”
“We are in a relationship.” Caleb’s tone was even, but it held a faint warning.
It was nice to know one of them could be calm.
“A going away for the weekend together kind of relationship. Where’s Mooch?”
“With Paisley.” As Emerson searched her daughter’s face, she recognized the strain and signs of tears. This wasn’t just upset and shock over her and Caleb. “Honey, why did you come home? What’s wrong?”
“Why does something have to be wrong? Maybe I just wanted to see you. I had no idea you’d leave town without even telling me.”
The guilt dug deep between her ribs. She’d considered mentioning it but hadn’t wanted to
get into…well, all of this before the trip. Fiona had been busy with school and seemed content and settled. Emerson hadn’t wanted to rock the boat. And a part of her had just wanted to do something for just herself, without consideration of her duties as a mother.
“I wasn’t deliberately keeping you in the dark.”
Fiona shot her an Oh please look, and Emerson realized she’d blown this. She should have made the time sooner and dealt with the hard conversation.
Resigned to facing it now, she struggled to put herself back firmly in the role of parent. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I didn’t know you needed me. You didn’t call.”
“I figured I’d just wait for you.”
Did she mean hours or all weekend? “How long have you been here?”
“It doesn’t matter. Long enough. They said at the station that Caleb was out of town and that you’d gone with him.”
She’d found out about them from the fire station. Emerson knew how much they liked to razz Caleb about her. There was no telling what they’d said to Fiona under the assumption that she’d already known. Shit. This wasn’t going to be an easy fix.
Turning to Caleb, she kept her voice low. “I think I need to handle this on my own.”
His face clouded. She knew he felt like she was shutting him out. And maybe she was, a little. But it had been just her and Fiona for a long time, and this conversation was for them and them alone.
Before he could press the issue, she continued. “It was my bad decision that got us here. No reason for it to spill over on you. I’ll touch base in a little while.”
With a reluctant nod, he released her. “You know where to find me.”
Emerson stayed where she was until he shut the door quietly behind him. Fiona still stood in the living room, arms crossed, a belligerent set to her jaw. There was hurt beneath the anger. Emerson would have to dig her way through one to deal with the other.
Bracing herself, she crossed to one of the chairs and sat. “I can tell you’re upset. I know this must have been a shock.”
“You think?”
Under the circumstances, she let the bitter sarcasm pass. “The truth is, I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Really? That’s what you’re going with? How hard is it to say, ‘Oh hey Fi, Caleb and I are dating’?”
Because Emerson would have placed money on that simple declaration going over like a lead balloon. “I know you have a special relationship with him. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”
Fiona flung herself onto the sofa. “So why didn’t you ask me?”
Lacing her hands, Emerson searched for the words. “That’s a fair question. I don’t have a good answer. I guess I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“That it would change things between you and Caleb. Between you and me. That I’d take the risk to be with him and it wouldn’t work out and every major relationship in my life would be damaged because of it.” Hell, she was still afraid of that.
“It didn’t sound like it was in danger of not working out.”
A fact which Emerson was putting a pin in for later because she still wanted to talk to him about their future. But she wouldn’t discuss that with Fiona. “It’s early still. Either way, I’m sorry my cowardice hurt you.”
Instead of acknowledging the apology, Fi slouched into the sofa. “Are you in love with him?”
Yes. But she didn’t feel right sharing that with her daughter before telling Caleb himself. “I feel very strongly for him. This relationship isn’t casual.” It was maybe the very antithesis of casual, if their conversation went the way she hoped.
“Whose idea was it?”
Emerson wasn’t sure why that mattered, but clearly it did. “His. He’s had feelings for me for a long time.”
Her nostrils flared. “How long have y’all been sneaking around?”
Temper snuck through the hard-won patience. “We are grown adults. We’re not sneaking anywhere. But to answer the question I think you’re getting at, we didn’t get involved romantically until after you left for school.”
“Because I was finally out of the way.”
Horrified at the resignation in her daughter’s voice—and at the barest hint of truth to it—Emerson shook her head. “No. Because he didn’t want to do anything to distract me from giving you everything you needed.”
Fiona snorted out a humorless laugh and seemed to switch gears. “I can’t believe you left this weekend.”
She said it as if that was significant. Emerson scrambled to figure out what she’d missed. “Do you want to talk about why you came home?”
Fiona’s lip trembled, her eyes welling before temper rose again to block it out. “If you don’t know already, I’m not going to tell you.”
It had been a long time since she’d seen this moody, passive-aggressive attitude. “Fi.”
Fiona shoved up from the sofa, and stalked away. “I’m going back to school.”
“Fiona, please—”
The slam of the door was her only answer.
Caleb paced his house, stalking circles through the living room and kitchen and back again. Irritation clenched his shoulders. He hated being shut out. And it irritated him that he was irritated. Fiona wasn’t his kid. He objectively understood why Emerson wanted to talk to her alone. But he didn’t like the two of them presenting anything but a united front.
He grabbed a beer from the fridge, twisting the top off with more force than strictly necessary. Taking a sip, he exhaled a slow breath. Okay, at least seventy-five percent of his annoyance was that they’d been interrupted. Not just the impending naked time—although, definitely that—but the serious relationship discussion he recognized they both wanted to have. They’d both been thinking about it the whole drive back from Eden’s Ridge. He hadn’t needed her to say a word to confirm that. They were going to level up, get more serious. Or he was pretty damned sure that was where they’d been headed. Was this thing with Fiona going to derail that? That was his big fear. That all the progress Emerson had made the past couple of months would be, yet again, overshadowed by her role as mom.
The back door opened. Caleb set the beer aside as Emerson came in.
“That was fast. How did it go?” But he could already tell from the lines of strain around her mouth.
She sighed and swiped up his beer for a long pull herself. “Not great. She stormed out and went back to school.”
Caleb winced. “That bad? What did she say?”
Emerson set the bottle down and sagged against the counter. “There was a lot of angry sarcasm. And she was especially upset about this weekend for reasons I can’t figure out. I must have missed something, but damned if I can think what.”
Knowing she would beat herself up about that, he pulled her in. “She’ll calm down and come around. She just has to get used to things.”
Burrowing against him, she pressed her cheek to his chest. “You were right. I should have told her sooner.”
“Why didn’t you?” At her slight stiffening, he added, “That’s not a criticism. I really want to know.”
“At first because I didn’t know how. And then because I didn’t think we’d possibly last, and I just… The past couple of months with you have been a fantasy. I didn’t want the bubble to pop.”
It had well and truly burst now. But he didn’t miss what she’d said. That she hadn’t thought they’d last. That implied she thought differently now.
Tipping her face up to look into those big blue eyes, he stroked her cheek. “We can survive real life, Emerson.” He needed her to believe that because he was willing to do whatever it took.
“Yes, I think we can. Which is part of what I wanted to talk to you about before teenagergeddon back there.”
“Real life?” Were they about to really, truly start theirs?
“And the future. What we want ours to look like. You said you’re all in. I want to know what that means.”
She wanted a future
with him. Caleb’s heart tripped into a gallop. This conversation might just be the most important one of his life. “It means I’m in for anything you want.” He wanted everything with this woman, but he thought saying so just now might be pushing too far, too fast.
Emerson studied him for several long moments before she seemed to steel herself. “What if I want a baby?”
Short of dropping down on one knee herself, she couldn’t have surprised him more. He’d been so worried about pushing her too far, too fast, and here she was asking him for the thing he wanted most—the chance to make a literal life with her. A life that merged the best of both of them. His cock stiffened and reported for immediate duty.
“Yes.”
Her head jerked back in shock. “What do you mean, ‘yes’? You can’t just say yes.”
“Pardon me. I misspoke. Hell yes.” He pulled her tighter against him so she could feel his body’s enthusiastic support of that plan.
A tinge of something that was equal parts exasperation and fluster crept into her tone. “Think about what you’re agreeing to. A baby means long-term commitment. Emotional. Financial. And the prospect of him or her eventually turning into that.” She waved a hand in the general direction of her house, obviously encompassing Fiona’s less than optimal reaction.
He couldn’t stop the twitch of his lips. “Who are you trying to talk out of it here?”
“I’m just trying to be rational and realistic. It’s only been a matter of weeks. It isn’t a decision to make fast or lightly.”
Of all the things he’d reassured her about, this would be the easiest. He framed her face between his palms. “I’ll give you some rational realism: It’s been four years, and I don’t make this decision lightly. I love you. I want a life with you. And I’d love nothing more than to make a baby with you.”
Her eyes swirled with emotion. “Caleb.”