by Keilan Shea
Harvey lets me go. He says nothing as Rex comes to sit at his side, looking up at him and then me expectantly. Finally, he murmurs, “You heard all of that.”
“Yeah. I did.”
Harvey swallows. “Blake reminds me of your dad at seventeen.”
“No. He doesn’t. Dad always supported you. He never would have hurt you like that.” I have to avert my gaze because I made a similar comparison when I met Blake Earnshaw. That authoritative side of him reminded me of my dad as I knew him.
“I mean it. Your dad had a bad temper and was always getting into fights. Hell, I joined him half the time. We promised we’d leave our homes and never look back as soon as we both turned eighteen. We wanted to run away sooner, but our home situations made that hard. Even when the time came, it was difficult to disappear, but we could do it because we were legally adults. It was rough, one of the most difficult times in our lives, but it was worth it. We were free to grow and figure out what we wanted. When Saul didn’t feel so caged in anymore, he stopped the senseless fighting altogether.”
“Dad had a reason,” I defend. “You had a reason. Blake Earnshaw doesn’t.”
“Blake tried to hurt me because he felt trapped.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I’ve counseled many different people in my life. I have a pretty good idea.”
“How did he even know that about you?”
“I’m not sure. I pass just fine these days, but that information isn’t hard to find.”
I grind my teeth. “He’s horrible.”
“Would a horrible person save your life?”
“He’s a rich prick.”
“You think rich pricks are immune to abuse?”
I sigh, exasperated, and send Rex off to get us climbing again. “You don’t really think he’s being abused, do you?”
“I don’t know. However, his mother’s secret donations make me wonder if he’s dealing with or running from his father’s rejection.”
“Well, I know Blake likes women,” I say.
Harvey takes a moment to respond. “It’s speculation, and I shouldn’t be discussing it with you. He’s struggling, and that’s all I know.”
“Everyone is. Why should he get special treatment? I’m not a bleeding heart like you are.”
Harvey shakes his head. “He isn’t getting special treatment. I’m compassionate. I believe kindness matters. You come first, so don’t think I’m choosing him over you, but I will be kind. The odds of Blake coming to me for help are extremely slim, anyway, but he needed to know that I’m an option and that he isn’t alone.”
“That sounds like what you’ve told me.”
“Because it’s the same thing. You’re not alone.”
I am alone and I deserve it. I’m poison, Harv. Why can’t you see that? You’ll have to let me go one day. You won’t have a choice, but you’ll feel better in the end. I promise. “I’m not transferring to a different school,” I say.
“Even though you broke up with Johan?”
I shrug.
Harvey huffs. “I did offer an alternative.” But he’s not happy with my decision. “I’ll give you your phone back on Monday because I want you to be able to contact me wherever you are. You won’t be able to get on social media or the internet with it. I’ve blocked access. Likewise, the only ‘computer’ time you get is on your tablet for schoolwork. Lastly, please don’t fight with Blake, Teagan. You almost shared what I confided in you at that party. Don’t do it now and make things worse. You two met under unideal circumstances, but you don’t need to be enemies.”
Rex saves me from any further discussion. He barks, wags his tail, and circles us.
“What is it, boy?” I ask and jog after him into thick brush, head ducked to avoid low-lying branches, and onto a narrow strip of dirt. He found the deer trail. And hooves. Slowly and while holding my breath, I lift my head. I’m face to face with a majestic mule deer. His antlers are huge, a network of offshoots ornamented with various strands of flowering foliage, mountain harebells included. His brown eyes hold galaxies, maybe the universe itself. I don’t blink. Until Rex barks.
The buck’s nostrils flare and he prances away, merging with the aspens.
“Whoa,” Harvey says from behind me. “That’s not something you see every day.”
“Corey saw that buck before, with the flowers and everything,” I say, breathless. “I told him he was lying, and so he never told anyone else.” How couldn’t he have been lying? That creature was straight out of a fairy tale. If Harvey hadn’t seen it, I would have written it off as a hallucination.
Harvey puts his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s head up to Raindrop Rock and show Rex his kingdom. He hasn’t been here for a while.”
We continue climbing, but it’s single file, and I take up the rear. I expect the buck to be there when I look over my shoulder. His hot breath coils at my back, creeping up my neck, but whenever I check, there’s nothing but forest.
“How was your date?” I ask absentmindedly. “Before I ruined it.”
“You didn’t ruin it,” Harvey replies, “but I invited Jane over for dinner tomorrow night since you said you wouldn’t mind her coming over.”
“Good. It’s about time I meet her. You can’t marry her unless I approve.”
Harvey snorts. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Before long, we arrive at the last stretch. All talking subsides as we climb until the land smooths out and the aspens vanish. The chipped rock ledge holds strong, and Rex waits at the tip. The raindrop-shaped valley opens, illuminated by a rolled-up sheet of light that unfurls as the sun rises above the mountaintops.
“There it is, Rex,” Harvey says, “your kingdom. I think it’s fared well since you’ve been away.”
Rex throws his head back and howls. I’ve never heard him howl before. It’s nothing like barking. It’s drawn out, loud to soft, ending in a mournful warble. His tail stops wagging and he lies down, resting his big head on his crossed paws. Harvey and I sit beside him, resting our hands on his back. I grind my teeth to fend off stinging tears and something much worse: racking sobs.
No one but us knows about this place. If it wasn’t for Corey sharing it, no one would.
Until the Earnshaws get their claws into it. It’s only a matter of time.
My heart sinks and fiery rage reignites inside my stomach.
CHAPTER 20
Breathe in. Breathe out. I repeat those two simple actions as I pull into Raindrop High’s parking lot. I’m early, making me one of the first students to arrive. I tighten the collar of Dad’s jacket. My brother’s slingshot is hidden inside one of the jacket’s inner pockets, and Mom’s locket is around my neck. They’re my comfort, but my nerves crawl like spiders. I told Harvey I wouldn’t transfer to another school, but that doesn’t mean I want to be here. I did my homework yesterday, though, a sorry attempt at returning to normal, as if I can erase everything that happened on Friday and redo it.
I spy a guy trying to get into the school from a side entrance, but it’s locked. He bows his head and slinks to the front doors, where police officers, Larry and George, stand with Principal Yancey. They ask him for something, likely his student ID, before he’s allowed entry. I don’t blame him for trying to avoid it, but it could be worse. They could go through the entire contents of his backpack like airport security.
“Wish me luck, Dad,” I say and carefully strip off his hunting jacket to fold it and lay it on the passenger seat. I pat the little bump revealing Corey’s slingshot. Then I rub my thumb across smooth gold and consider opening Mom’s locket. I can’t bring myself to because I know the photo must be water damaged. Maybe I’ll never open it again so that the memory, at least, isn’t tarnished.
Numbness quiets flickering anxiety, and I get out of my Prius.
“Good morning, Teagan,” Principal Yancey greets me when I arrive at the glass front doors. She’s wearing her favorite pastel-peach suit—which makes her white skin appe
ar pasty—and runs her hands down her jacket as if to reshape her plump figure.
“Morning,” I reply.
“Student ID, please.”
“Even though you know who I am?”
“Yep,” Larry answers.
“If you see anything suspicious or if you feel threatened, you tell us,” George says. Has his hair grayed more since I saw him on Thursday?
“Okay ….”
“Not to scare you, Tea,” Larry whispers, using his hand to block our seemingly conspiratorial conversation, “but there are some real wackos out there.”
I should feel embarrassed that everyone here has seen my drunken speech and whatever comments have accompanied it on the internet, but that shield of numbness remains strong. That fiery rage is absent. I’m floating and bouncing off anything that might try to pop my everything-is-fine bubble.
When I talked to Harvey yesterday, I was determined to continue my fight with Blake Earnshaw. When I woke up this morning, it took every ounce of my will to get out of bed.
He gets a pass today.
I can’t fall apart in front of people anymore, and I’m lucky no one is busting my ass over the party. They’re more concerned about what’s going on now. God, the whole damn world has its eyes on me. I almost shiver, but numbness soothes me.
“We’re having an assembly in place of first period today,” Principal Yancey says after checking my ID. “Think of it as a crash course in alcohol education and bullying.”
There it is. After what Harvey said about those videos, and them being proof of the party at Johan’s place, it would have been too easy, and against the law, to let us walk without doing something—even with the Earnshaw shit going down. Harvey probably also paid a fine for me, but he hasn’t said anything about that.
“I’m ahead on my homework, then.” I force a smile and am finally allowed inside the school, but the tension doesn’t die there.
When I enter the foyer, the scarce population stares at me. It starts as one person tapping another’s shoulder. If they weren’t at the party, they saw what happened online. I should just assume everyone saw me and lie low. That means hiding from endless window walls, too. I won’t be a fish in an aquarium.
A girl I don’t know intercepts me before I can disappear down a hall. “Teagan.”
I cringe. “Yeah?”
“What you did at the party on Friday …” She clasps and unclasps her hands. “It was cool. I would never be brave enough to show off a scar like that.”
“I was drunk.”
“Even drunk. I’m always worried about what people think, but you don’t care.”
I may not know her personally, but I realize I do recognize her. I’ve overheard her talking about trying a new diet. In fact, that’s the only thing I’ve ever heard come out of her mouth. She’s not even overweight.
“Yeah, well, I was telling the truth,” I say and add, “That top looks really good on you.”
She blushes and averts her gaze. “Thanks. S-see you around.”
She leaves in a hurry, but a smile graces her lips, and she stands taller. I can practically hear Harvey’s voice in my head saying, “See what a little kindness can do?” I roll my eyes. I sure can, Harv, but she isn’t an Earnshaw.
Fire flickers in my core, but it’s not enough fuel to resume the war. I’m too numb.
Another student waves at me as I make my way to my locker. A couple of others snicker behind my back when they think I’m not looking, and they pass Blake Earnshaw’s name around.
“I can’t believe how he dove in after her without hesitation,” one says. “You don’t think he’s actually in love with her, do you? She’s so ugly.”
“He’s not in love with her,” the other says. “You saw what she did to his face. He saved her because he’s a hero.”
“You have a point.”
“Blake posted a video on YouTube yesterday. Didn’t you see it?”
“He did? How did I miss this?”
“How should I know?”
I rest my fingers on my combination lock and listen as the bitches hold a phone between them.
“I’m sorry, Chloe.” Blake Earnshaw’s voice sounds tiny coming from the little speaker. “An apology can’t change what I’ve done, and the explanation I’m about to give doesn’t excuse it, but you deserve the truth and so does everyone else watching this video.
“Chloe, you’re brilliant and a talented actress. Sometimes I hate sharing you, but I would never ask you to quit something you love so much because of something so selfish. It’s not as if I have to share every part of you, either. Your role in Hideaway required a kiss, a chaste one, for the season finale, and it shouldn’t have mattered. We talked about this. Kisses are part of your contract, but it was different seeing it.
“I got jealous, and I let it fester. I petitioned my father to let me move to Raindrop, Colorado, the city he’s recently been buying land in. I’ll be eighteen in January, and Raindrop High School is excellent, so my father agreed. I had hoped our new mansion would be complete in time for me to move in, but it wasn’t. This is where Teagan Hackett comes in.
“I know you’ve all seen the videos. Teagan was right. About everything. I’m not trying to hide that bruise anymore, and I’m done lying. Teagan felt threatened and only meant to scare me because of a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, her aim was too accurate. I was already mad, and this mark made me angrier. To get back at her and Chloe, I kissed Teagan and said all that drivel in the school parking lot. This apology is for you too, Teagan. I’m the one at fault. That’s the truth.
“Chloe, if you take me back, I’ll do whatever you want to atone for my sins. I’ll prove my sincerity by finishing out the school year and fixing what I’ve done in Raindrop. Thank you for listening.”
Damn. He’s as good of an actor as Chloe. He lies flawlessly. If I didn’t know better, I’d believe every word he said—and I only heard his voice.
“Aw, he loves Chloe so much,” Bitch One says.
“He does,” Bitch Two agrees and drops her phone inside her eyesore-orange purse. “And he’s so perfect he didn’t say anything about Teagan’s gross scar.”
“God, I can’t believe she did that to his face. He looks awful. Well, as awful as Blake Earnshaw is capable of looking.”
That insubstantial fire in my core is snuffed out by darkness. My fingers shake when I fumble with my combination lock because the metal is as cold as ice. I can almost see my breath.
“Shut up,” a deep voice intones.
“S-sorry, Johan!”
The bitches retreat, but now I have my letterman-jacket-clad ex-boyfriend to deal with. He rests his arm on the locker next to mine, leaning in to catch my eye.
“Hi,” he says.
“Morning,” I reply, but I don’t meet his gaze.
“Teagan, about Friday—”
“I meant what I said.”
Johan flinches and rights himself. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
“Most of it,” I amend. “I can’t handle dating anyone right now.”
“I’m not anyone.”
“Listen.”
Johan quiets and waits.
I inhale. “It’s not you. It’s me. I need a break from us. Maybe a permanent one. Harvey’s going to make me see a therapist and a psychiatrist, so you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not your responsibility.”
“I’m going to worry,” Johan says softly. “I am worried.”
“You’re not my boyfriend anymore,” I say.
“Fine, I’m not, but I’m still your friend. I care about you.” He touches my arm, but I jerk away. “A break from us. Me. I got it. I’ll leave you alone.” He turns, taps a locker to hear that metallic ring, and walks. Sarah’s coming from that direction as if they planned this. They knock fists and Sarah raises her eyebrow when Johan retreats without a word.
“It’s over?” she asks me. “For real?”
I nod.
She doesn’t ask wh
y, but her words are heavy when she says, “A lot is going on around here, huh? Blake arrived with bodyguards today and no fancy Tesla in sight. He didn’t conceal that bruise you gave him, either.”
“Everyone knows now, so why bother?” I say.
“Maybe. Something’s off about him, though. He was so cocky on Friday, but when I tried to say hi to him, since we were walking into the school at the same time, he said nothing. He didn’t even look at me.”
Sarah proceeds to tell me everything that happened between Earnshaw and Harvey from her perspective, which is exclusively inference, except for that bit of dialogue I couldn’t hear when Sarah almost fell out of Earnshaw’s Roadster, but it’s nothing beyond what I already assumed: he told her to get the fuck out of his car.
“You agree with me, don’t you? He’s Batman,” Sarah concludes.
“On top of everything else?” I say.
“A girl can dream.”
“Are you crushing on him now?”
“Nope. That’s a bad idea. I wouldn’t stand a chance anyway. Blake Earnshaw only has eyes for you. That rock of yours must have worked like Cupid’s arrow.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I am dead serious, but I don’t think he’s someone you should get mixed up with. Be careful.”
“I know you’re grounded, but Blake recorded a video that set everything straight. Haven’t you seen it yet? He and Chloe will be together again in no time.”
“Sure.” Sarah squishes my cheeks to turn my head. Forest eyes meet mine from afar. It’s a glimpse, there and gone when the bell rings and all students are called to the large auditorium.
CHAPTER 21
The spontaneous assembly has everyone restless. It starts with Principal Yancey explaining our new normal during a light lockdown. The alcohol education and bullying rigmarole is nothing new because we’ve all heard it before. Cyberbullying included, Principal Yancey. We aren’t living in the Stone Age. No tolerance. We get it.
I sit by Sarah through the whole thing in silence. At one point, I’m sleeping with my eyes open. It’s all I can do to conserve my energy when I’m the focal point of everyone’s attention—next to Blake Earnshaw, who must be on the other side of the auditorium.