by Laura Domino
She closed her door and leaned on it, her gaze falling to her carpet. Nothing left to do, except wait on Adam to cool down.
How could he have not known about her moving? Of course, she told him. Didn’t she?
If he was interested in her in a serious way, he’d want to go with her. But she can’t call him and bring up that possibility. Not after a reaction like that. Not after leaving when he should be tutoring.
This was just one more item added to the list of things that left her frustrated with the consequences of being female. If she was the guy and he was the girl, they would already be dating. She can’t be the guy and the girl. She can’t ask the guy for a date. It was too aggressive and not how she envisioned doing things. And it was too risky. He could bolt—like he just did. And not come back.
Sadly, Adam seemed like he wasn’t interested in her enough to ask her to have a more serious relationship. Was she too bossy? Too intimidating?
And since she can’t make him fall in love, her only remaining option was to move away without him. That was not what she wanted.
Benita sat on the sofa, slid around to lean back with her feet over the arm. She just wanted to be the girl in the relationship. Wishing she had a book on how to be the girl, she glanced over at the bookshelves. Very few of her books were for entertainment.
From the beginning, Adam knew she was a make-it-happen, go-getter type of person. She couldn’t be anything else. What would she have to do to show him that she can be a leader and feminine enough to be a terrific wife? She needed a book on how to get a man to make a commitment.
Maybe it was a good thing she was packing for Spain this early.
But after thinking about it and not finding a solution on her own, Benita closed her eyes and prayed.
She prayed but not about wanting God to make Adam more of a Prince Charming. She wasn’t mad at him for running out during her lesson time, and he was charming enough already. She prayed a heartfelt prayer but not about asking God to help Adam make more of an effort in the romance part of their relationship, which she did want. She didn’t even pray about beating Robert and winning the promotion.
Benita prayed about learning to be patient and wait on God to move the chess pieces in this game of love.
Adam was so right for her.
Benita thought about the times she’d been in his car. Trusty Rusty. A man who names his car something like that is interested in a long-term relationship with the car. He’s not afraid of commitment.
But the romance needed help. She didn’t know what she should be doing to start making some romantic progress.
God knew what it would take to bring Adam back. She could wait on the wisdom of God.
If time was what he needed from her, she’d give it to him.
She would learn Spanish and volunteering from him as they worked on their relationship over time.
Chapter 17
Adam paced through the living room one more time. He’d spent the morning in prayer, pacing, doing anything but relaxing. With very little sleep last night, his muscles ached and moaned.
Last night, he had left her apartment in such a confused state it took twice as long to get back to his house. He drove through two additional neighborhoods on the way home, just driving and thinking.
When he put Trusty Rusty in the garage, he sat there for a couple of minutes, still trying to grasp the concept of this woman leaving the country—and not just for a visit. She was going to live there. In Spain.
His emotions flared up as he went inside and threw the keys on the kitchen table with such force they slid off and hit the floor.
His sleep was elusive, at first. At one point, he woke himself up by talking out loud to a woman who couldn’t hear him. His lack of sleep had made him get out of bed and pace through the house asking her questions he could’ve asked when he was at her apartment last night but was so jarred he couldn’t speak.
Finally, Adam had slept well for the few hours that remained. But he woke up too early.
The hangovers he used to have weren’t anything like what he woke up with this morning after last night’s revelation. It was a different kind of pain. No alcohol had passed over his lips for what seemed like a really long time. Yet he was in some awful pain. Pain like he had never experienced.
It was different than losing his brother. Benita would still be around, just not with him.
He loved her. Couldn’t she see that? And yet, she pulled the rug out from under him. No warning. He never saw it coming.
Just like that. She’s moving.
Adam left the living room, got a glass out of his kitchen cabinet, and filled it with water.
Beautiful Benita. Her image was burned into his memory. Every time he even thought of her face, his heart winced. Would he survive standing by and watching her leave? He didn’t know if he was tough enough. Should he continue seeing her? Tutoring her?
With a quick inward check to see if he actually had the guts to go back there, he knew the answer was…absolutely. Yes, he had to see her again.
From his kitchen, Adam heard the laughter of kids biking their way to school. He looked at his phone to see if there were any texts. No texts, calls, or emails. Benita hadn’t even tried to contact him to work this out.
His stomach growled and made him aware of his immediate need for breakfast. He poured a bowl of cereal and thought about the possibility that his relationship with Benita was over before it had ever begun.
Not really tasting the cereal, he thought through his next steps. He could start over. That’s how he met her. He could meet someone else.
After Adam finished washing his breakfast dishes and putting them away, his phone rang. He hurried to look at the screen, hoping it was Benita, and then slumped when he saw his mom’s photo. He swiped the screen. “Hi, Mom. Something up?”
“Hi, Adam, honey. Do you have time to come over this morning?”
“Sure. When do you want me over there?”
“Now.”
Definitely. Something was up. “Be there in ten. Is that soon enough?”
“Yes. Thanks, Adam.” Her voice was a little off. It sounded like trouble.
Perfect timing. This was his opportunity to put Benita out of his mind. This was his new beginning. Instead of worrying about losing Benita, he’d just take care of his mom.
His mom wasn’t usually the one in trouble. This was his time to pay her back for all the trouble he’d caused her. He put his phone in his pocket, grabbed his keys, and headed over.
When he arrived, she was still in her bathrobe. “Mom? Are you feeling okay?”
Her eyes were red and puffy. “I couldn’t sleep last night.”
“Do you need me to take you to the doctor?” He started to reach for her forehead, but she stopped him.
“No. Thanks. I’m fine.”
He followed her to her living room. “What’s wrong?”
“Adam, can we sit down? I need to talk to you.”
They sat on the sofa, knee to knee, looking at each other. Adam, unable to guess what was going through her head, silenced all his questions and waited for her to speak.
“I have to tell you something.” She looked at her hands and massaged one hand with the other. He’d seen her do that before. It was one of her responses to stress. She stared like her mind was juggling thousands of words, and she was having trouble picking the right phrase to start with.
He put his hand on hers to stop her fidgeting. “Just say it. I’m here now. It’s okay.”
“You know I love you.” She wouldn’t look at him, just at her hands.
“Yes. You love me, and I love you. You’re a good mom. What happened?”
She looked at him. After taking a deep breath, she looked down and blew it out slowly. Her face told how important this was to her.
“That’s good. Keep breathing. You can do it.”
“Can’t.” She shook her head and swiveled her body, putting her back flat against the sofa cushion. “I
’m supposed to tell you…” She looked at him briefly and shook her head again. “You don’t know how hard it was for me to call you this morning. I waited until I thought you might be up. I wanted to wait longer. No point in ruining your whole day. I could have waited until dinner.” Her hands started fidgeting again. “I thought I might back out.”
He couldn’t put enough puzzle pieces together to make an adequate guess about what she was trying to say. She hadn’t really said anything yet. “Go ahead. You can tell me.”
She closed her eyes. “Just be patient with me.”
“Maybe if you told me why you can’t tell me.”
“You’re not going to understand.” Her hands, palms out toward him in front of her, told him she was doing everything she could to come to the point. “But I have to tell you anyway. It has to happen. The sooner, the better.”
“Is this one of those adhesive bandage things where it’s better to just rip it off all at once? Is it possible it’s not as bad as you think? Just get it over with.”
She sniffed. “No. It’s one of those things where it will hurt me more than it’ll hurt you. But it’ll hurt you too.” Tears dripped from her lids.
What was her secret? His mind could imagine all kinds of possibilities, but each one made less sense than the one before it. He had to simply wait until she was ready.
“Okay.” She took a deep breath again. After blowing it out, she dried her face with her sleeve. “Okay. Adam, you know I love you.”
“You said that.”
“Yes. Well, it’s true. You and your brother have always been my number one priority.”
“And we were proud to be raised by such a great mother. Keep going. You’re getting there. Don’t stop.”
“Adam, there’s something you don’t know.”
“About?”
“About your dad.”
Adam watched her face, but other than sniffing, she didn’t move. He looked around the room to see if there were old photo albums out or something that would’ve provoked this discussion. He didn’t see any old letters, envelopes, photos. Nothing seemed different in the room. “Mom, Dad’s been gone a long time. What brought this on?”
“I have to tell you. He’s not who you think he is.”
He died a long time ago, so why pull up secrets from the past? Was he a spy? A traitor? Adam’s mind was going crazy with possible solutions to the puzzle.
“Adam, give me your hand.”
He reached over and held her hand.
She made eye contact. “I love you. Don’t ever forget.
“Okay. Got it.”
“Dan is your father.” Her red eyes were serious.
This was not a joke.
XOXO
After hearing all his mom could bring herself to say, Adam found himself in Dan’s room again. Why had she lied all these years? With the painful stab of disappointment still fresh in his already wounded heart, the search for more information had to begin here.
He walked in to find Dan awake and with less of a scowl than before.
Dan called out to the nurses, “My ride’s here. I’m going home now.”
Adam smiled. “You’re not going anywhere. And they know it. You’re not fooling anyone.”
“This place is not as fun as it looks.”
Adam didn’t know how to speak to him today. Things had changed with his mom’s new information. “Dan, I want to be serious with you for a moment.”
A frown darkened Dan’s face.
How would he address this with Dan? No words came to mind. He had to dig deep into the foundation of all good relationships and find that well of love. Whatever else happened in his childhood, he never questioned the love he received. “How about you let me pray for you?”
“Okay.” His voice was hesitant.
If Adam couldn’t think of what to say about their relationship, he might as well do what he could do for anyone in the hospital. He needed to remove himself from the personal situation and think. Backing out of it would help him. Prayer would help him. Adam closed his eyes, but he opened them again when he felt Dan jump.
“Oh. You mean now? Right here in front of God and everybody?”
“Yes. Is that okay?”
“The nurses might come in. They have a habit of doing that. They might not like it.”
“The nurses won’t mind.” Adam closed his eyes and quietly whispered a prayer for Dan. He believed God was involved in the prayers of those who wanted to help others.
He didn’t stop praying when he heard footsteps entering the room. He peeked to see if it was a doctor. It was his mom. He knew she’d be praying silently right along with him. This was how his mom raised him. It was who he’d been since he was young. Even when he was in the dark days of grieving after his brother’s death, he knew God was there for him. Just like God was here in this prayer for Dan.
God showed up to comfort people. He could sharpen the minds of the doctors too. He could do that for Dan.
When the prayer was over, Dan looked at Adam. “Proud of you, my boy.”
Adam looked at his mom, her eyes redder than he’d noticed when she walked in. “Did you ever tell him?” He tipped his head toward Dan.
His mom dried her cheek and sat in the chair by Dan’s bed. She gave her brightest fake smile as though trying to be cheerful in spite of the pain. “Yes. He knew. All this time. Through all we did together, he knew.” Revealing her secret had shown a brave side of her he didn’t know was there. Her smile remained as she tried to hide her inexpressible pain.
Dan figured out what he was talking about. His expression changed to a guilty pale stare.
Massaging his forehead, Adam closed his eyes for a moment. He’d never expected to hear his mom admit that she’d been with Dan. The shock of reality was harsh. Now everything he thought he knew was wrong. He looked at his mom again. “Why didn’t you tell me years ago?”
“I didn’t think…” Her voice cracked.
Dan interrupted. “I told her not to. It was better to have him as your dad, rather than me.”
Adam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “But he died.”
Dan nodded. “I know.” He looked away. “It was better this way.”
Adam couldn’t believe it. How many times had he heard Dan call him “my boy” or “son” without realizing it was said on purpose?
“Adam?” His mom’s sweet voice seemed weak now, like she was at his brother’s funeral again.
He had no voice, but she met his gaze. They both remained silent. Adam tried to be strong for her, but the surprise had sapped his energy. He needed to sit down.
Sitting in the only chair in the room, his mom gave her best effort to be clear-voiced. “Adam. We need to talk this through. Don’t shut down. This is the time to ask questions.”
He sat down at the foot of Dan’s bed. The three of them stared in a silent triangle. How could they have thought not saying anything all these years was a good idea? “How is it better this way? How could it have possibly been better to leave us fatherless and leave her a widow?”
“I know you don’t understand.” Dan’s sadness had seemed to be from being trapped in the hospital.
Now Adam knew it stemmed from something else.
“I don’t understand. I don’t understand how a lie is better. I don’t understand how it was okay with you to miss so much of our childhood. I don’t understand how you could let this woman raise children alone. How could you love her enough to have kids with her and then not be with her? You’re right. I don’t understand.”
Chapter 18
“Thanks for coming back here with me for lunch.” Adam’s mom placed his bowl of soup in front of him at her kitchen table. After putting hers in place beside her tea cup at the table, she put a spoon in it and sat to eat.
“Mom.”
“Yes, Adam?” She pulled a paper napkin out of the holder in the center of the table.
“I’m having trouble believing my dad wasn’t really my
dad. It doesn’t make sense that you could keep the lie going all this time.” He took a breath. “It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Well…” His mom put another spoon of soup into her mouth and didn’t say anymore.
“Well? Well what?” He watched her for a response.
Nothing. Just more of the same guilty look.
In his mind, he reviewed what he had just said. “You and Dan kept the lie. Dad didn’t know he wasn’t my father?”
She looked up at him. More silence.
“Wow. Mom, you didn’t tell Dad or either of your sons? You buried both of them without them knowing. Wow.” An idea exploded in his brain. “Wait. Dan is Toby’s dad too, right? Or was there someone else?”
“There was no one else.”
Adam sat there, watching steam rise from his bowl. His soup, although still hot, had lost its draw. He wasn’t hungry anyway. “Why did you tell me?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but she changed her mind and took in more soup.
“Dan knew, and you knew. Did Dan call you and ask you to tell me?”
“He’s dying, Adam. He wanted to have some truth in his relationship with you because he’s dying. He’s so happy you’ve been visiting him. He can’t give you a big inheritance. Your dad gave you money. But Dan thought about it and realized he didn’t have anything to give you. Except truth.”
“He could’ve married you and could’ve been our dad—after Dad died.”
“You were six. We thought six was too young. That’s too young to sort through all the confusion. He was going to tell you boys when you were older. But there were…”
“Yes. There were excuses. There will always be excuses.”
“He didn’t want to be your stepdad. He wanted to be your father from the beginning.”
“How did you know Dad wasn’t my real dad? Obviously, they were both a big part of your life. Was it timing? Was there a paternity test?”
“No paternity test. When your dad and Dan worked together overseas that first time, there was an accident. Your dad had surgery. Dan found out from one of the nurses that your dad couldn’t have kids. Dan made her promise to keep it a secret from your dad. At least, that’s what he told me. She might’ve been sweet on him to keep a promise like that. I don’t know if your dad ever knew he couldn’t have kids. If he did, he didn’t let on.” She put her fingers on her tea cup but just stared, didn’t drink. “When I got pregnant, we celebrated. Dan and your dad were inseparable. Dan was there to encourage both of us. He made your father a better man. He babysat you so we could have a night away from parenting.”