Riander gaped. As if he hadn't enough of his own people!
"I know you had considered it if Nerian were female and I had discouraged you then, but now the situation is different," she continued. "This is serious, Riander. Some will probably move to the closest towns, but others really need your protection. Including Nerian."
"Maybe we could have a joint rule," he muttered, averting his eyes. "I will sleep on it and will send a messenger to Ker Daragon in the morning," he promised.
Wild Rose nodded and caressed his cheek. "You can do it, Riander," she whispered before vanishing again.
Riander went to bed and curled up in the fetal position. Now he really wanted to break down and cry.
***
Nerian couldn't believe he had to abandon his castle barely a month after going back there. His father's legacy, his people who had been kept away from him for ten years... Why hadn't Kariel cared more for them? Maybe because he didn't plan to stay in Ker Daragon for the rest of his life?
True that the Sorcerer King had already left a castle behind. And he'd never been of royal blood. He obviously couldn't care less about what happened to Ker Daragon. But Wild Rose had been adamant. Whoever wasn't sick yet must leave.
Families who didn't want to split were doomed to die together. But many mothers who had healthy children gave them to other women when staying behind to care for the sick. There were lots of sudden adoptions as a long line of wagons and carts left the castle and headed for Ker Garenn on the dusty road through the forest.
Nerian rode in the front of the line, on horseback – Danhin's horse going back to its original stable – followed by his royal guard. Belfi was on the wagon of the council with Lord Serin who had considered setting the castle on fire, but not with the people still in it.
The people who stayed closed the big doors and locked themselves inside, so that no traveler would be affected by the plague. A scribe pinned a note on the wood, saying the castle was a dangerous place because of the plague, just in case.
Nerian sniffled and stopped turning around when the tall trees covered the sight of Ker Daragon's towers. Even his ten-year prison was now left behind. He'd never been to Ker Garenn and wondered what he would find. Riander had sent a messenger that welcomed them to the neighboring kingdom, so Nerian hoped they'd be all right.
He actually looked forward to being with his hero again. To watch him be king and save his people like he had saved him. He missed the presence of his neighbor, even though he'd spent barely a couple of days with him in the dwarves' cave.
And then Ker Garenn appeared beyond the forest. It was late morning by now, almost lunch time, so they'd reach the castle in time for the midday meal. Messengers had been sent ahead to announce the number of people coming and Nerian was almost sure that Riander was ready for them.
He admired the six thin, square towers scattered in a seemingly random pattern, built for an ideal defense and connected by tall, firm walls made of yellow stone. Tall, wide windows scattered here and there across the walls in a seemingly random pattern made it look lighter than Ker Daragon.
A regular gate with hefty metal doors and strong defenses offered a safe home to all those in need. Well-kept gardens with fragrant flowers, gorgeous trees and many bushes decorated the outside of the castle. A hamlet leaned on the right sight of the main gate, in the shadow of the tall walls.
"This castle has been improved and improved over the ages," the captain of the guard said behind Nerian. "See how some parts of the castle are clearly newer than others? The inhabitants are determined to keep their castle as modern as possible."
"They won't have to abandon it to the plague," Nerian whispered as Riander's well-built frame appeared at the gate.
Nerian's heart jumped when he met the honey-colored eyes of the king of Ker Garenn. Riander was serious, but he opened his arms in a gesture of welcome. Nerian gulped his homesickness and guilt for having abandoned his castle and slid off the saddle. He had to rush forward and hug Riander.
"Thank you!" he whispered, hiding his face against Riander's wide chest. "I didn't know what to do..."
"You're welcome." Riander patted his back, then pulled away. "Now let's find a place for you and your people." His lips twitched into a smile and Nerian realized his gesture hadn't been very kingly, or even manly for that matter.
He blushed and nodded, signaling his men to come forward and stepped away from Riander. He let the hosting king instruct everyone and then followed him inside the main building, through the great hall that was ready for a banquet – even though it wasn't really a banquet, more a way of feeding the extra mouths until they settled – and to the upper floors.
"I hope you don't mind the prince's room," Riander said, opening a room. "There's only one king's room, and I moved my things there when I was crowned."
"Prince's room is perfectly fine," Nerian said, seeing it had a big curtained bed, much like the king's. "My room as a prince was a child's room, and this is much like what I had at Ker Daragon when they crowned me king."
"Good." Riander smiled. "I'll have your servants bring your things here. I thought we could eat in my office so we can discuss what to do."
Nerian nodded, frowning in worry again, and followed him to another room with a desk and bookshelves, clearly the king's office like the one in Ker Daragon.
"I have a secretary that will bring all the books of Ker Daragon here," Nerian said, sitting down. Servants had already brought in trays of warm food and cold drinks. "As soon as he finishes eating, that is."
"That's fine. We'll have to figure out which fields are still usable and add them to Ker Garenn. And what other things you have in your kingdom that could be taken care of from here."
"There's a fishpond or two, and a couple of windmills... if your faery godmother can clean the watermill, the people there are all dead, but we haven't burnt it down..."
"I'm sure Wild Rose can purify it, so we can use it again. Please eat before it gets cold. We have plenty of time to make plans."
Nerian nodded, but his stomach was clenched closed with anxiety. But watching Riander's cool demeanor helped him relax and start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
***
Riander wasn't too happy when Viona knocked on his door that night. The day had been exhausting, dealing with people until dusk and dining in the great hall with everybody else. Peasants had been redirected to the villages in his kingdom, guards had joined his own, servants had crowded the castle beyond what seemed possible.
Some were already thinking of moving to town soon, even his own people. And if the castle felt overcrowded to his council, it was much worse for him, who couldn't have a moment alone since the arrival of the Ker Daragon inhabitants. Nerian clung to him until bedtime and now Viona wanted his attention as well.
"Please, Viona, I'm not in the mood," he said as she tried to hug him. "I'm very tired and worried and..."
"I'm here to help you relax," she said.
"Your presence doesn't relax me, honey," he snapped. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I need some time alone."
She stiffened but backed away. "That young king seems smitten by you," she said a little bluntly.
"I saved him from Kariel, and he's like a little brother to me," Riander said with a shrug.
"He doesn't look at you like a younger brother, Riander," she said, sarcastic. "His stare is adoring. Maybe he doesn't even know himself, but he's madly in love with you."
"Nonsense! Allow him to feel at home and you'll see how happy he will be to have you in his bed – you or any other woman for that matter!"
She scoffed. "I doubt it, but we'll see. Good night, Riander."
And she left. Riander exhaled in relief and slipped under the covers. In the quiet and darkness of his room, he saw Nerian's face again. The pale skin, dark hair, red lips... the androgynous beauty of a young man who talked to birds.
Viona was wrong. Nerian wasn't in love with him. And he probably didn't want to be king eit
her. He's just like a little brother. Looks up at me, and maybe one day... Maybe one day he could leave Ker Garenn in Nerian's hands. At least he was of royal blood. His father would probably approve...
***
Nerian liked being an observer. He'd felt too young and unprepared when he'd been crowned king at Ker Daragon and now that responsibility fell on Riander's wide shoulders, he was much relieved. His admiration for the king grew daily, reminding him how his father had handled the kingdom.
Birds had told him of Kariel's ruthless rule and birds told him of Riander's gentle reign. A sparrow came to chat with him every morning as he sat at the window, looking at the castle life from a first floor room – not the top of a tower like it had been for the past ten years.
Ravens had flown back and forth from the two castles, bringing news of the dying Humans in his father's inheritance. They weren't affected by Human sicknesses and watched from the heights the unfurling of the tragedy.
Birds would keep living at Ker Daragon, especially since there were no cats left. They hadn't come back yet when plague had struck, so birds had found a safe haven in the abandoned castle. There were less of them in Ker Garenn because in Riander's castle there were still cats and mice and all the other normal animals that thrived in Ker Daragon before the arrival of Kariel... but still enough to keep Nerian company.
The young man enjoyed having Human company, and that even Ker Garenn's girls smiled at him, but he was still driven towards Riander. The king was an example for Nerian who still felt like a prince barely freed of his prison.
He noticed Lady Viona always clinging to Riander's arm in any social occasion and wondered why Riander hadn't married her yet. She was beautiful, noble, what was keeping him? Even if he didn't love her, wasn't he supposed to marry someone and provide an heir to the castle?
He dared ask when sitting with Riander in his small office, dealing with administrative matters. Riander didn't need a secretary, so they were alone.
"Why don't you marry Lady Viona?" Nerian asked out of the blue.
Startled, Riander glanced at him, then cleared his throat. Nerian didn't think it was an embarrassing question, but the honey-colored eyes seemed full of anguish now.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to ask?" he added quickly.
"No... no, it's a legitimate question." Riander gulped and looked at him again. "You sound just like my council." He made a brief, nervous laugh. "Why don't I marry her... I just can't. It doesn't seem right because she loves me and I don't."
"Oh." Nerian pondered. "Surely you weren't expecting to marry for love?"
"Certainly not, but an arranged marriage is one thing, marrying a childhood friend who always had a soft spot for you is another, don't you think?"
"I guess you're right..." Nerian pondered some more. "Have you ever been in love?"
"Ah... no, I don't think so." Riander sighed and leaned back on his chair. "I'm a loner, Nerian, I don't want anyone by my side. I like to sleep alone. Crowds tire me immensely. I'm fine with just one person to talk to, like we're doing right now, but the council sessions drain me of my energy in a way you can't imagine. Having a family would drain me some more, and there wouldn't be much left of me to reign."
Nerian gaped at the king.
Riander didn't look like someone who needed anyone by his side to feel complete, which showed a lot of strength on his part, but at the same time it probably wasn't a good quality for a ruler. He was good at organizing and leading people, but that didn't mean he liked being always at the center of the attention.
"Council sessions drained me too," Nerian muttered, looking away from Riander's pained face. "I'm glad I don't have to attend yours. I'm glad my people accepted you as their king. I'm glad to be a prince again, I wasn't ready to be king..."
"But you will be, won't you? Eventually." Riander stared at him, hopeful now. "I will train you and then, when you find a wife, I'll give everything to you and retire to my room and my library to live a private life. You can always consult me, of course, but you'll be the king."
"Oh no!" Nerian protested. "I don't want to inherit all this! My father's castle was already too much to handle!"
"But you're barely nineteen... I'm not saying I will abdicate this year, but when you're ready and in love and get married, I'll retire from public life."
"You have a wonderful library, and I'm glad I could bring Ker Daragon's books here. I'm catching up on some reading and the more I read about ruling the less I want to do it. As for falling in love and getting married... just because I discovered sex, doesn't mean I fell in love, does it?"
"No, but you're young, you still have time. I'm not that old either, so I can hold on for the few years it might take you to find the perfect match and learn everything about running a castle and a kingdom, not to mention sword-fighting."
Belfi was gone, but Riander's sword-teacher was finishing Nerian's warrior education. An old scholar was helping him through the library of Ker Garenn where he had added his own books. But Nerian still didn't see himself on a throne. He still wanted to nestle against Riander's wide chest and feel Riander's arms wrapped around him.
"Have you ever wished to spend your life with another man?" he asked.
Riander rolled his eyes. "Boy, so many questions today! Why, Nerian? What's with you? You're not happy here?"
"I'm very happy." He took Riander's hand. "Here. With you." Riander freed his fingers, looking uncomfortable. "Not so much when everybody else is around," Nerian finished, staring at his now empty hand.
Riander sighed. "Maybe you should try a male lover. I did, once. He gave me pleasure, but that's it. I still don't want to attach myself to anyone."
"Really? Can I go to him and try?" Nerian wondered.
"Ah... no. It was Kariel, Nerian. You might have heard nasty things about him, but he was nice to me and my body."
"He raped Roddyn's son." Nerian frowned. "But he was good to you? I guess we'll never understand him..."
"If you want to try men, I'm sure we can find someone," Riander said.
"Would you do it?" Nerian asked. Riander stiffened, and it was enough as a reply. "Never mind," Nerian added quickly, averting his eyes. "I'll find someone."
***
Riander was more and more confused. Viona was pregnant. Nerian was always by his side. The castle was more and more crowded. His sanity was slipping away! He had hoped he could share the burden with Nerian, but the young man obviously didn't want to be king either.
What am I supposed to do? Nerian's pale blue eyes kept haunting him. The way Nerian looked at him. The way it seemed Nerian wanted to nestle against him as soon as they were alone. The questions – all those damn embarrassing questions about his feelings.
He did care for Nerian, but probably not in the way Nerian wanted. Nerian was young and wanted sex. He was... not old, but... different. Except he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. Well, he wanted to get away from Ker Garenn, but he couldn't.
Winter came and snow fell on the castle roofs and battlements. The courtyard was quickly cleaned, but the rest remained blissfully white. All the hearths of the castle were kept alight with logs at all hours, to warm the big and small rooms of the stone building.
And then one night someone came into his room and snuggled under his blankets and furs, shivering as a warm body nestled against his, startling him awake. He saw a pale face, long black hair, but it wasn't Viona.
"My hearth ran out of wood," Nerian said. "I woke up from a nightmare and found the room freezing. May I stay here until morning?"
Riander gulped but nodded, pulling the young man closer. Nerian's feet were still cold from running over the stone floor, but soon warmth wrapped them both. Riander dozed off with Nerian's head on his shoulder and Nerian's arm wrapped around his waist.
He woke up first with the pearly light of dawn. The fire in his hearth was all but embers now, but Nerian's warm body meant he wasn't cold. The young man hadn't moved, and slept peacefully against him.
Since he couldn't feel his arm, blocked under Nerian's body, Riander gently disentangled himself from the young man. It was like when Viona spent the whole night with him, but since they were both still in their nightgowns, it was also different. Intimate but not so intimate.
After reactivating his arm, he stared at Nerian's face for a while, pulling the blankets and furs up to their chins. Sometimes it felt like the young prince was a kindred soul. Maybe they could live happily ever after. But where? Not in Ker Garenn, where kingly duties wouldn't allow them to have a peaceful existence.
Maybe I should go to Cinnae like the families that left Ker Garenn and Ker Daragon for city life, Riander mused. Although that would mean finding work and paying for food and shelter. He could take some of Ker Garenn's treasury to support himself for the first year, but then he had to start working – coins wouldn't last forever in a town run by officials elected by nobles...
He sighed, rolling to stare at the wooden ceiling. He didn't want to leave his castle and his library. But he'd had enough of being king. If he could find a suitable substitute... Lord Arias would do until Viona had her baby. And if it was a boy, Viona's child could inherit Ker Garenn. If it was a girl, Lord Arias's firstborn boy would have the castle. The kingdom would become a dukedom, but that wouldn't change much for the people living there.
"What worries you?" Nerian's voice startled him. He turned his head and saw the prince was awake, even though he hadn't moved. But then a hand found his under the covers. "I'm sorry I came here, but it was the closest warm room from mine," Nerian apologized.
Male Lovers of Silvery Earth Volume 2 Page 8