It had never been her favorite holiday, Christmas was her favorite. But since moving to Arizona she and her mom had made their own traditions that included a small turkey and all the traditional side dishes. In the morning, they would set the table, laying down a piece of butcher paper on the table, and throughout the day, while they cooked, they would each add different things they were thankful for that year. Then after dinner they’d type up the list and hang it on the fridge. This would be followed by a weekend of decorating the house for Christmas and watching their favorite Christmas films. Eleanor sank down onto the front steps of the Cathedral and tears started falling. She suddenly felt terribly homesick and lonely. She missed her mom.
Suddenly her phone started to ring and she fished it out of her coat pocket. It was Jonathan, answering quickly, she was suddenly worried, Jonathan rarely called her, he usually stuck to text.
“Hi cousin, how are you?” she heard him ask, he sounded very casual and upbeat.
“Umm, I’m fine?” she said, though her voice went up in the end adding a question mark to her response and there was a slight catch in her voice as she tried to stop crying.
“Uh oh, you are not ‘fine’, I can hear it in your voice. What’s wrong? Where are you?” he said, sounding worried.
“I’m sitting in front of St. Paul’s. Oh, Jonathan, it’s Thanksgiving and I completely forgot. And I already missed the service at the Cathedral which I told myself months ago that I needed to look up the time and put an alert in my phone because I wanted to go. And I should have planned something to distract myself this evening because all I can think about is how much I miss mom and our usual plans,” she cried out in a rush, tears starting to fall again, this time harder than before. The exhaustion of her schedule and the emotional drama she’d been dealing with had gotten to be too much and she was finally at a breaking point. She felt a sudden urge to just go home and bury herself in her duvet.
“Come home Ellie, we’ll figure something out to distract you. Ok?”
“Ok,” she replied in a small voice. She hung up before she had to say anything else. She was crying too hard to talk. She got up and started walking back down Ludgate Hill towards home, hugging her arms around herself, as much as to keep warm as to try to comfort herself. By the time she got to the flat she was fighting tears again and felt so tired. She turned the key in the door but it was flung open by Jonathan, who had a big smile on his face, which immediately fell when he saw Eleanor’s tear-stained face and red eyes.
Pulling her into his arms and shutting the door behind her, “Oh Ellie, it’s ok. You need to stop crying now, because I have the best surprise for you,” he said, looking suddenly very mischievous.
Frowning, “What do you mean? And what smells so good?” Then she noticed the door to the living room was closed, which they never did, and she swore she heard something get knocked over followed by a giggle. She looked at Jonathan, who put an arm around her shoulder and led her to the lounge, opening the door to reveal Jack, Clara, Maggie, and Alexandra from school, Celeste, and by the window Patrick, all smiling at Eleanor and shouting “Happy Thanksgiving!” She looked at the rest of the room, the dining table had been extended to fit more than the usual four people and was now taking up half of the lounge. The table was beautifully decorated with flowers and mini pumpkins and gourds. Eleanor also noticed a long piece of butcher paper covered the whole length and she could see that people had already started writing on it.
Realizing the thought and planning that had gone into the preparations, and the fact that Jonathan must have contacted her mom, made Eleanor start to cry all over again. She turned and buried her face in Jonathan’s chest as fresh tears spilled over.
“Oh poppet,” she heard Jonathan say as she felt his arms wrap tightly around her. “Did you really think I was going to let Thanksgiving pass without doing something for you? I know you miss Aunt Cassie, we’re going to FaceTime her and Grace and Carly later, it’s all planned. But in the meantime, your mom gave me all the details and recipes.”
A thought occurred to Eleanor after hearing that last part and she lifted her head off Jonathan’s chest and wailed, “but you can’t cook anything besides spag bol!” Everyone, including Jonathan, burst into laughter. Eleanor hadn’t meant to be funny, she meant it. Jon was a rubbish cook who was limited to scrambled eggs, beans on toast, and spaghetti Bolognese, technically he also made a curry but Eleanor found it inedible.
But Celeste suddenly spoke up. “Jon can’t cook, but a friend of mine is a chef. He’s prepared everything and left it all in the oven and refrigerator with instructions for heating and serving. I promise he followed your mum’s instructions to the letter.”
“Right,” Jonathan said firmly, “enough crying, it’s like you’re American or something. Really, I wonder how we’re related sometimes,” he said jokingly. “Let’s eat!”
Everyone got their food and took a seat. They kept scribbling new thoughts on the butcher paper throughout the meal. Which was delicious. Celeste’s friend was indeed an amazing chef, it tasted just like her mother’s cooking, which while simple, still had quality of a different kind to what you usually found in fancy restaurants. They passed the bottles of Prosecco around the table and refilled the glasses frequently. Looking around the table, with Jonathan to her left and Patrick to her right, and Jack giving her sly winks and glances towards Patrick throughout the meal, Eleanor was so filled with joy and gratitude for her friends and her life here.
As dinner was cleared away and two large pumpkin pies were brought out, they began to go around the table and share the things that had been written down before and during the meal, sharing what they all were thankful for. Friends old and new, family, getting over writer’s block, surviving LSE, and new opportunities were all mentioned. When it got to Eleanor, she found herself suddenly feeling very shy and quiet. She thought she noticed Patrick shift almost imperceptibly closer to her, without actually touching her.
Looking up and around at all the faces around her, she said softly, “Last year, I would have never imagined that this is where I would be this year. It’s like I’ve been transplanted into someone else’s life. Last year I thought I was happy. I thought I had so much to be grateful for. And I did have some things. But I learned that others weren’t as lasting as I’d thought or hoped, and there were plenty of disappointments. But those were followed by a second chance. A chance to start over and do things the way I wanted to. That chance led me here, to London, and to all of you. Jonathan, you’ve always been like a brother to me, which I’ve always been profoundly grateful for. And to have this time to spend with you and have a life with you here in London, has been an absolute gift. I don’t know what I would have done without you and Aunt Vickie, not just since I’ve been here, but always. You’ve always been my big brother, my hero.
“And all of you, have been so kind and welcoming and generous with your friendships. Jack, Clara, Maggie, Alex...I wouldn’t be surviving school without you all. Celeste, you made my birthday party one I would never forget, Jonathan told me how involved you were in the planning and I’m glad to have the chance to thank you properly. And Patrick, when I bumped into you, literally, in Covent Garden that day, I never thought that all these months later we’d be friends and you’d be sharing this day with me. And I’m so happy to have your friendship and for all the good things that are coming your way. I’m so happy to have all of you,” she finished, her voice cracking as she started to cry again.
Before Jonathan could comfort her, Patrick reached an arm around her and pulled her close, Jack and Jonathan both exchanging a glance as they saw Eleanor curl into him for a moment. Quickly Eleanor pulled away and dried her eyes.
“Let’s eat pie,” she commanded. And they all started serving up the pumpkin deliciousness. While eating the pie, Jonathan brought in his laptop and got Eleanor’s mom, and her friends Grace and Carly on FaceTime. Eleanor was surprised to see them all at her mom’s house, and they told her that sinc
e Grace and Carly knew Cassie was going to be alone on Thanksgiving they’d both given up on flying home to their own families and were spending the holiday and the weekend with Cassie. Eleanor nearly started crying again thinking of how generous that was of her friends.
After pie, Jonathan surprised Eleanor again by putting White Christmas in the DVD player and the group rearranged the coffee table and pillows and blankets to create a more comfortable space to watch the film. Eleanor was shocked when Jack admitted he’d never seen the film. Before long Eleanor was entranced by the film. She always loved the music, the dialogue, and oh the costumes! What she would give to go back in time to experience the golden era of Hollywood. To have seen films like this in giant movie palaces rather than on a small TV.
Finally, around eleven o’clock, everyone started saying goodbye. Everyone but Patrick and Celeste had class the next morning, but Celeste had work at the restaurant and Patrick had an early morning meeting. Jack and the girls headed out together, since they lived in the same area. Patrick offered to share a taxi with Celeste, since they were both headed across town. As Eleanor fell asleep that night, she couldn’t help but think about how truly blessed and lucky she was to have such wonderful friends.
* * * * *
Christmas break soon arrived at school and Eleanor would have a full month off. However, as much as she wanted to spend that time writing, the lure of Christmas in London was too strong to resist and her routine was temporarily altered. She’d spend a few hours each day writing, but the rest of the time was spent shopping for Christmas gifts, enjoying festivals and markets like Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, and attending Christmas parties. She was spending increasing amounts of time at Patrick’s flat, baking cookies or wrapping presents, or writing while Patrick read his script and worked on preparing for his next film. Things felt very easy and comfortable with him, never awkward or difficult. One night Eleanor and Patrick had been out at the cinema at the Brunswick Centre, watching a screening of It’s A Wonderful Life, When they got out of the film it was so quiet and still with a light snow that had started to fall while they were inside and had dusted everything in sight with a thin layer of white.
Eleanor had been so excited by the snow, it seemed so magical! And Patrick couldn’t take his eyes off her face and her brilliant smile. He walked her back to the flat, through the quiet and the snow, and without really thinking about it, she’d slipped her arm through his. He just made her feel so safe. In the back of her mind she knew that he was interested in her, but he was always so focused on being her friend and never put his own wants and needs ahead of hers. Whenever Eleanor would think about this she’d feel a little confused and guilty, like she was holding him back.
On the one hand, she knew she wasn’t ready for anything more than being just friends. Especially with someone who’s life was as crazy as Patrick’s was. On the other hand, he was always so patient and kind, and allowed things to progress naturally between them which was making her start to feel things that she wasn’t sure she was ready to feel. She also increasingly felt as if she was afraid of losing him. It all just felt so complicated, sometimes she worried she was making it more complicated than it needed to be but then she just cycled back around to the beginning of her cycle of worry where Patrick was concerned. So she didn’t say anything and just focused on enjoying the holidays and the time she got to spend with Patrick. Patrick also came over to Eleanor’s flat a couple times, and as much as he teased, he thoroughly enjoyed Eleanor’s homemade spaghetti Bolognese and watching Graham Norton with Jon and Eleanor, who was also happy to see Celeste joining them more often.
On the 20th of December, Eleanor’s mom arrived and she was there to meet Cassie at Heathrow. Though it had only been four months it felt like forty and mother and daughter embraced tightly and with loud shrieks of laughter in the middle of the Terminal 3 arrivals hall. This time, instead of taking the Tube back to the flat as she had done with Jonathan, Eleanor ushered her mom down to the Heathrow Express train and within twenty minutes they had met Jonathan at Paddington Station, who was waiting with Eleanor’s bags. The three of them were soon on a train to Bath Spa Station and were met there by Aunt Vickie. Cassie and Vickie hugged for a solid minute, neither sister wanting to let the other go, it had been nearly a year since the last time they’d seen each other when Aunt Vickie had gone out to Arizona for New Years.
After everyone had exchanged hugs and hellos, they piled into Aunt Vickie’s Range Rover and drove to her sprawling country house, about twenty minutes outside of Bath. There were plans to drive back to town the following day to visit the shops and see some of the sights. Despite being a huge Jane Austen fan, and a general nerd about England and its history, Eleanor still hadn’t made it to Bath. Aunt Vickie had been doing a lot of traveling that fall and Jonathan hadn’t wanted Eleanor to without him as he wanted to be her tour guide since he knew the city so well. So she was excited to spend the Christmas holiday in this amazing town and with the people she loved most in the world. Time with her mom and aunt was just what she needed, Eleanor was convinced of that.
Over the next few days there were long walks in the country around the house, shopping and sightseeing trips into Bath, including the Jane Austen Centre, the Royal Crescent, and the Fashion Museum, all of which Jonathan willingly obliged the women and enjoyed as well. Evenings were spent cozied up by the fire in the den, drinking tea and hot chocolate, telling stories and catching up, and watching classic Christmas films. Eleanor felt more relaxed and happy than she’d been in months. It felt so good to be together with her mom, and as much as she loved living with Jonathan, it was nice being in a house with two other women.
Eleanor and her mom made sure to spend plenty of time together on their own, giving Jonathan and his mom some time together as well. For Cassie, getting this time with her daughter was priceless, definitely well worth the cost of the ticket to come visit. After having Eleanor under the same roof for so long, it was hard living without her. Even when Eleanor had gone away to college, she was never farther than Tucson and they would take turns doing the hour and a half drive between Tucson and Phoenix for visits. Having her daughter across an ocean, after having her entirely to herself for more than ten years since the divorce was almost more than Cassie could bear. The two were already planning another trip in the spring, Eleanor wouldn’t be done with school until the end of July, and even then, she might not come back to Arizona. Cassie knew she wouldn’t last another several months separation.
Eleanor filled Cassie in on all the little details that had been glossed over in their weekly Skype calls. She also finally told her mom about her awkward coffee “date” with Mark. Cassie shared Patrick’s sentiment that Eleanor should tell Jonathan.
“You have to tell him Ellie. Mark may be his friend but you’re his family. I’m not saying he can’t be friends with the guy, but he should know how his so-called ‘friends’ treat you,” Cassie said emphatically.
Looking down at her tea mug, Eleanor wrapped the blanket more tightly around her shoulders. Despite sitting next to the fireplace, in the large plush chairs that furnished the den, thinking about the incident outside the coffee shop still gave Eleanor the chills.
“I know, I just haven’t known how to bring it up. They’ve been friends for years mom. I don’t want to ruin that.”
“Honey, Mark is the one who’s ruined it. If Jonathan chooses not to be friends with him, that’s Mark’s fault for not respecting you, not yours. And Jonathan deserves to have the chance to make that choice for himself.”
“Fine, I’ll tell him. But after Christmas, not right now.”
“You should do it before you both head back to London sweetheart. Don’t keep putting it off.”
“Ok,” Eleanor said, her voice small. She knew her mom was right. She hated when her mom was right.
“Now, what’s going on between you and that movie star?” Cassie asked, winking at her daughter.
Blushing, “Mom!” Eleanor exclaim
ed. “Nothing! We’re just friends.”
“So?” Cassie retorted. She’d noticed what Jonathan and Vickie had noticed as well, that every time the conversation turned to Patrick, Eleanor’s whole face lit up. She’d told them about the time she’d spent with him preparing for the holidays and his coming over to the Holborn flat a few times and to spend the evening with Eleanor, Jonathan, and Celeste.
“Really, we’re just friends! If you want to interrogate someone about their relationship you should try Jonathan. He keeps trying to say that he doesn’t want to ‘rush’ things with Celeste, but glaciers move faster than he does.”
“Oh don’t worry, Victoria and I plan on talking to him about Celeste. Vickie says she’s a darling girl. Now stop deflecting and tell me about Patrick,” Cassie said firmly.
“There’s nothing to tell mom, we’re just friends,” Eleanor repeated emphatically.
“Me thinks thou dost protest too much my dear,” Cassie said dramatically.
Eleanor rolled her eyes and groaned, “Mooooom,” dragging the word out into several syllables, sounding like an annoyed teenager.
“What? You are friends, ok, I get that. And? You know the best relationships start as friendships. I’m glad you’re taking things slow, but you clearly like this guy. I know you said you wanted to spend time figuring out what you want, and I completely agree. But you’re not a nun. I want you to move on with someone new at some point and despite my initial misgivings because of his career, he seems like a decent man and perhaps not the stereotype I imagined.”
“Well, I’m not sure I’m ready to ‘move on’. And when I am, I’m not sure if it will be with Patrick. I’m grateful for his friendship. And no, he’s nothing like the stereotypical actor. But I don’t want to mess up our friendship by leading him on to think that I might be ready for more with him.”
“Darling, he sounds like a very special man. He’s certainly very handsome. I won’t say I’m not still a little nervous about his career, but if he treats you well that’s all I care about. Just make sure that you’re not holding yourself back out of fear.”
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