by Wilde, Lori
Her mouth turned down and her eyes looked so sad. “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”
“Something like that.”
“Why did you kiss me back the other day?”
Her question caught him off guard. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure how he wanted things to go with Ava, but he knew one thing. He was still deeply attracted to her.
“I wanted to.” That was as much of an answer as he had.
“Should I apologize for kissing you?” She flipped a strand of hair over her shoulder and shifted her weight, rocking on the balls of her feet, her high heels grinding slightly on the concrete sidewalk.
He readjusted his Stetson and studied her. “No, but for the record, I read nothing into your kiss. I understand that you’re impulsive. I know it means nothing.”
Her face scrunched up and her voice wavered. “It doesn’t?”
“Does it?” He wasn’t sure what response he’d expected from her, but it wasn’t the one he got. He would have thought the last thing she’d want was to get involved with him again.
“Do you think that maybe…we could…” She cleared her throat and curled the fingers of both hands into her palms.
“Pick up where we left off?”
Her eyes widened and she nodded.
“I haven’t changed,” he told her. “I still love Kringle. I like being settled. I like the town, the community, the people. I have everything I need right here.”
“Everything?” she asked.
He eyed her. “Well, maybe not everything, but I’m only twenty-eight. I still have plenty of time to find love, get married, and raise a family.”
“I’m the one who’s changed,” she said. “I realize now what I threw away.”
“I’m glad for your personal growth.” It took everything he had in him not to whisk her into his arms, kiss her for all he was worth, and tell her he’d just been waiting for her to wake up and realized where she belonged.
In Kringle.
With him.
But he couldn’t do that and not just because a good percentage of the church’s patronage was staring at them.
Caleb ached to believe that she’d changed and that she was sincere. But deep down, he wasn’t sure. The only thing he was sure about was that he’d never gotten over Ava Miller and he wasn’t sure he ever would.
A small, soft smile crossed her sexy lips. She reached over to caress his face. “Question is cowboy, what do you want?”
“I want to go to lunch with you, Ava Miller.”
And so they did.
Chapter 6
Once they settled into a back booth at the Kringle Kafe, Ava gave a jaunty wave to people she knew—which was most everyone.
The place had changed little over the years. The color scheme was new, and it looked like they’d reupholstered a few of the booths, but mostly, it was the same as it had always been—gossip central.
“Hey, this is just like old times,” Sandy, the waitress, said as she handed them menus. “Caleb and Ava together again.”
Ava’s pulse skipped. Oh dear, coming here was clearly a mistake. They were stoking the rumor mill. She’d been away too long if she’d forgotten the blinding speed of the Kringle grapevine.
After Sandy took their orders and walked away, Caleb looked across the table at Ava and raised one bemused eyebrow. “How long do you think it will take for news of this meal to saturate the town? An hour? Two tops?”
She laughed. “I suspect most everyone will know what we ate before we even start eating it.”
Caleb swept off his Stetson and settled it into the bottom of the chair beside him. “Does it bother you? We could leave.”
“I have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m having lunch with my neighbor; what’s wrong with that?”
“A neighbor who was once your high school sweetheart.”
“Granted.” She grinned.
“A neighbor whom you broke up with the day before the wedding.” His tone was mild, to show he wasn’t holding a grudge.
“Better than the day after.” She rested both palms on the table, her menu between the frame of her hands, and listened to the sound of her blood whooshing through her ears. She was so sharply aware of him—his wry smile, his heavenly masculine scent, the way his gray eyes missed nothing.
Caleb nodded. “Yep. Nothing around here has changed.”
Canting her head, she studied him. “That’s not true. You’ve changed.”
“You think? How’s that?”
Ava rubbed two fingers over her chin. “You’re more relaxed. More self-confident.”
“I haven’t changed,” he reiterated, leaning back in his chair. “The only thing that’s changed is your perception of me.”
Was that true? This time, her heart skipped two beats.
“No, really,” he said. “I’m serious. I’m the same guy I was when we were in high school. I still work the ranch all day. I still love where I live and have no desire to move. I still order the same thing at the Kringle Kafe no matter who’s with me.”
Ava laughed. He was right. He had ordered the same chicken fried steak he’d always ordered when they’d been dating in high school. “Okay, so maybe you haven’t changed all that much.”
With a nonchalant shrug, he added, “No reason to change if you’re happy with who you are.”
Sandy arrived to deposit their food in front of them. She told them to enjoy and wandered off again.
“I guess that’s where we’re different. I like trying new things and crave new experiences.”
“You always want something new and different. I get it. You like keeping your options open. Me? When I find what I like, I stick with it. I’m more closed-ended.”
Closed off is more like it.
He held her gaze for a powerful moment, and she felt that stare right down to her toes. He’d always had a startling effect on her, and it seemed the strength of it hadn’t dimmed over the years. She thought he might say something else, but he merely cleared his throat and glanced away.
Leaving Ava feeling bizarrely bereft.
He picked up his knife and fork and went after his chicken fried steak, so she turned her attention to her food too. She’d ordered the cashew chicken salad, but now, piercing at the wilted iceberg lettuce with the tines of her fork, she couldn’t help wishing she’d ordered the chili mac instead.
“You should have ordered the chili mac,” Caleb said, reading her mind.
She laughed softly. “You think you’re so smart. I wanted a salad.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think you wanted chili mac, but you ordered the cashew chicken salad because it’s new on the menu and you wanted to try something different, even though secretly you yearned for your old standby.”
“You’re wrong.” She took a bite, hoping to prove him incorrect, but she knew in her heart he was correct. She loved the chili mac at the Kringle Kafe. Nothing else compared.
“Admit it, chili mac is your first culinary crush.”
She met Caleb’s eyes. “We’re not talking about food anymore, are we?”
“It’s a metaphor.” He shrugged.
“Meaning you’re the chili mac and I keep chasing after cashew chicken salad?”
“Your words, not mine.” He cut into his chicken fried steak, stuck a bite in his mouth, and chewed. “Mmm.”
She mimicked him, taking a big bite of her salad, moaning “mmm” and patting her belly.
Caleb flagged down Sandy.
“What is it, dollface?” Sandy asked.
“Could you bring Ava a bowl of chili mac instead?” Caleb asked.
“On it.” Sandy saluted him. “That cashew chicken salad is on the menu for the tourists. Everyone in Kringle knows to order the chicken fried steak or chili mac when they walk through those doors. I figured Ava’s been gone so long, she forgot.”
Ava pushed her plate to one side. With the promise of chili mac, she was over the salad.
&n
bsp; “Tell me about your travels,” Caleb invited after Sandy went to place the new order.
“Do you really want to know?”
“I want to know everything about the woman you’ve become,” he said. From the rapt way he gave her his attention, she believed he meant it.
“I’m not sure where to start. I know my parents have kept you updated on my travels.”
“Not as much as you might think. How many countries have you visited?” Caleb asked.
“Oh, wow, I’ve lost count.” She touched the tip of her tongue to her upper lip, then looked up and to the right as she ticked off countries on her fingers. “France, Spain, Italy, Germany, most of Europe really. I’ve been to the Netherlands and Norway, Slovenia and Croatia. The Czech Republic, Poland, Austria, Switzerland. Ack! Look, I’m out of fingers and I haven’t even gotten started with the South Pacific and Asia.”
“You’ve been a busy woman.”
“How about you? How many countries did you visit when your dad was in the military?”
“Not as many as you and I went to twelve different schools.”
“Don’t you ever miss it?” she asked. “Traveling around the world?”
“It was never like that for me,” he said. “Traveling isn’t something I did for fun. It was my dad’s job and I got dragged along. I’m not blaming my dad. That was his livelihood and for sure, I learned a lot. Mostly, that I’m the kind of guy who enjoys staying in one place.”
Here they were, back to the same old conflict. He craved certainty. It was a yolk around her neck.
At least it had been ten years ago.
Here? Now? With her last job ended and nothing new on the horizon, maybe she was tired of starting over every few months. Staying on the move might fill her life with adventure, but it stopped her from establishing the comforting rhythm of a steady routine.
“I remember when you got on that plane to Paris, on what was supposedly our wedding day, with nothing more than your five thousand dollars in your bank account and a place to stay.” Caleb shook his head. “I couldn’t believe how brave you were. Your pluck amazes me.”
“Really?” She laid her fork down on her plate and met his gaze. “You thought I was brave?”
He gave a slow, solemn nod. “So damn brave.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I was selfish.” He lifted a shoulder. “And feeling petty that Paris got you and not me.”
“Aww, Caleb.”
He raised a palm. “No pity. You did what you had to do, and I had to learn how to let you do it.”
“You know,” she said, “that’s one of the most understanding things you’ve ever said to me.”
“Hey, don’t canonize me. It took me ten years to get here.”
“Me as well.”
“What happened when you got to Paris with no job prospects? How did you plan to survive?”
“It’s probably braggy of me to say so, but I really didn’t worry. I knew I was a talented photographer and I didn’t mind scrimping to get by. I vowed to follow the river of life where it took me.”
He grimaced.
“Too New-Agey for Kringle?” She laughed.
“Not at all. I just couldn’t do something like that. It’s important to me to always have a plan.”
“I know.” Her smile gentled. “You crave certainty and I crave adventure.”
“Not a compatible combo, is it?”
“I dunno. I’ve always heard opposites attract.”
“Walk me through what happened. You’re just off the plane at Orly. You’re wandering through Paris. What happened next?”
“I met a newlywed American couple on the bus to the pension and we got to chatting and I told them how I’d left you behind to follow my bliss. They hired me to photograph their honeymoon travel throughout Europe. It was a total blast. I thought they were poor like me because they were staying in a pension, but I found out they were just being frugal, saving their money for a startup company. They hired me to do freelance photography and graphic design. I still work for them occasionally.”
“I swear, Ava,” he said, admiration in the respectful shake of his head. “No matter what happens, you always come out smelling like a rose.”
“Not always. The stories I could tell you about my missteps.” Laughing, she tossed her head. “But mistakes are how we learn, right?”
“Right,” Caleb echoed.
Sandy returned with the chili mac. “Hey, Ava, what do you think of Caleb’s remodeled kitchen?”
Ava knew a fishing expedition when she heard one. Sandy was looking for juicy gossip. Ava looked across the table at Caleb. “You remodeled your kitchen?”
“Yep.”
Sandy looked disappointed that Ava hadn’t known and added, “All by himself.”
“Not all by myself. I had help from Phil and Mort.”
“Not professional help. Get him to show you pictures. I’ll be back to check on you soon.” Sandy picked up Ava’s abandoned salad.
“Thank you,” Ava said to Sandy, To Caleb, she said, “I want to see pics.”
“Of…?”
“Your remodel.” She motioned for him to call up the photographs on his phone while Sandy moved on to the next table.
“These pictures aren’t up to Ava Miller standards,” he said, taking his phone from his jacket pocket.
“Please. I’ll be looking at your remodeling skills, not your photography talent.”
Grinning, Caleb handed over his cell phone.
Making the pictures bigger on the phone screen, Ava studied the changes in the old farmhouse kitchen. She’d always loved Caleb’s home, especially the big sprawling kitchen. But nothing looked the same. Gone was the dark brown and yellow color scheme she remembered. Now the kitchen gleamed with stainless steel appliances and black quartz countertops. Modern white cabinets replaced the dark oak. Even the floor was new, with a gray herringbone patterned tile.
“Wow, you really remodeled.”
“Yes, my ranch hands, Phil and Mort, are also good with construction. We did the remodeling over a few weekends last winter.”
She studied the picture, admiring their handiwork. The room was modern and bright. Ava couldn’t help feeling a little sad that the old kitchen was gone, but they’d done an excellent job. “I’m impressed.”
“Why? You know I like to putter.”
Only Caleb would consider a massive kitchen remodel “puttering.” The man was the salt of the earth—solid, dependable, an all-round reliable guy.
And she’d missed him more than she’d realized.
“I’m just surprised by your skills,” she said. “I had no idea you were so accomplished at construction.”
He laughed. “A little remodeling job hardly counts as construction. Plus, Phil and Mort have both worked in building maintenance. What we didn’t know, we learned on YouTube. I’m pretty proud of us.”
“You should be.” She passed the phone back to him. “That’s excellent work. If you ever gave up ranching, you could always fall back on flipping houses.”
“It was fun. I wish you could have been there.”
“Me too,” she said and meant it.
“You have a brilliant eye for detail and design,” Caleb said. “You’ve come a long way.”
She studied him. “We really are different people now than we were ten years ago, aren’t we?”
“Why? Just because I successfully remodeled a kitchen?” He set down his fork and knife and blinked at her.
“No. It’s much more than that.”
“Oh?”
“You’re much more open than you used to be.”
“Am I?”
“Although you still serve up the same monosyllables.” She smiled at him. “But I see some expansion.”
“How’s that?”
“You’re willing to give me another chance.”
“Is that what I’m doing?”
“You invited me to dine with you at the Kringle Kaf
e at noon on a Sunday in full view of devoted churchgoers, so yes, that’s how I’m interpreting it.”
“For the record, I invited your parents too.”
“That was your safety net.”
“And still when the safety net bailed, I brought you anyway,” he mused and seemed surprised by the thought. “Maybe I will give you a second chance, if you wanted one.”
“After the way I left things?” She dabbed chili mac from her bottom lip. “I didn’t know if you’d ever even speak to me again.”
“I was hurt, I admit it. And I sulked. Not proud of it, but not ashamed either. A guy’s got to get through losing his first love anyway he can.”
First love.
Ava’s heart quickened. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through.”
“I’m not. You found yourself. And me? Well, I learned not to take anything for granted.”
Her heart broke right in two. “Oh, Caleb.”
They sat there, gazes locked over chicken fried steak and chili mac. Being here with him at Christmastime felt perfect.
“May I ask you something?” She took a drink of water.
“Sure, but I can’t promise I’ll answer.”
“Fair enough.”
“How come you haven’t gotten married by now? Why don’t you have a passel of kids? That’s the life you were made for, Cabe. Home, family, the whole nine yards.”
His measured gaze never left her face. She felt the heat on her cheeks. “I did date after you. A lot, in fact, but I couldn’t find anyone that compared.”
“That’s silly. There're tons of wonderful women in Kringle. What about Suzannah Owens?”
“She’s Zach’s girl.”
“Chloe?”
“We never got to a third date.”
“You dated Chloe? I didn’t know that.”
“We drove to Fort Worth for our dates to dodge the rumor mill.”
“Why didn’t it work? You’re both terrific people.”
Caleb’s eyes drilled Ava to her seat. “Nothing. We just didn’t have chemistry. Chloe is a wonderful woman and she’s a great friend, but…she’s not you.”
That took her breath away, and Ava abandoned her beloved chili mac completely.
“Zach told me the company you were working for went out of business. Do you have another job lined up?”