We had just lain down on the bed, facing the ceiling. Alice was talking about her life as an Omega and how her parents were captured by the Protectors for being rebel sympathizers, she only escaped through their sacrifice and hadn’t seen them ever since. She also asked me what it was like being an Elite and I told her everything. She was so amazed after and in awe that she too wished she was an Elite. I agree it sounded amazing when I told it but I wouldn’t want to go back there. If only she saw how they stare and treat someone who was far below their ranks.
Then there was silence and she resumed after a while and asked a question that completely took me by surprise.
“Umm… Ellie can I ask you something?” She had a tone of uncertainty.
“Of course, you could ask me anything,” I said eagerly.
“Are you and Devon… a thing?”
“What?” I asked with a nervous giggle. I wasn’t aware what she meant by it but I could feel the uneasiness in my stomach starting to grow.
“I mean… Are you two together?”
I quickly turned my head towards her while still lying down. “What?? No… I’m with Curtis. Why would you say that?” I asked aghast by her accusation. My heart was beating faster than the words coming out from my mouth. Did it seem we were together? Did others think of that as well? Then the horror crept through me.
“I don’t know… I’m sorry… It’s just that the way you two are together, sweet and all, I assumed you were… but never mind I asked… I was…” Her voice trailed off.
It must’ve been me or a woman’s intuition that gave me a sign making everything clear why she asked and with such great difficulty.
“You like him, don’t you?” I asked softly.
She faced me. “Y-Yes I do…” Then she chuckled nervously and added, “Everybody else does actually.”
I grinned at her. “Don’t worry, Devon and I are just friends so you have one less woman to worry about,” I assured.
She smiled back, beaming with delight and her eyes sparkled with hope. I wished everybody else knew that Devon and I were just friends if they assumed the same way she did. I had no way of knowing what they were thinking. All I could do was to take comfort they only saw what we had as a friendly gesture and nothing more.
The next morning, half of the remaining chickens died and some that were still alive, started to weaken. I was disheartened. Joe brought the lifeless chickens outside the barn to be burn and smoke came from among the trees not far from us.
I stared at the forest where the trail was, waiting for Devon to emerge but he hadn’t come. I was helpless without the medicine and there was nothing else we could do.
We gathered inside the barn in the late afternoon when Devon finally arrived panting heavily from running.
“I got the medicine,” he said, bending down with his hands on his knees, trying hard to catch his breath. He slipped off the backpack from his back, opened it and handed me two small bottles.
“It’s not much but it’s all I could find,” he said.
I shook my head. “It’s too late Devon.”
“What?” he asked still out of breath.
“They’re all gone,” Joe said sadly, scratching his forehead.
Devon came closer and saw all the lifeless poultry lying on the ground.
“We did our best but it spread so fast no one could have save them,” I explained.
“But…” Devon’s voice trailed off.
“It’s okay, we did what we could,” Joe reassured.
Devon sighed with disappointment and sounded beaten. “I’ll help you burn them Joe.”
The sun began to set on the horizon. I came out from the house and found Devon alone in the patches harvesting the ripe tomatoes, putting them inside the basket on the ground. This was not the time for harvesting so I presumed he had something on his mind. I walked over to where he was and when he saw me, he had no reaction and it was unusual of him.
I stood beside him and asked, “Are you alright?”
He placed a tomato in the basket before he spoke, “I’m just upset… if I had arrived sooner, maybe I could have save some of them.”
I paused, thinking of ways to outweigh his words. “There was no way of knowing how far the infection had spread and from what happened today, I think they were all infected since the day we knew about it so it was impossible to treat them on time,” I explained, hoping it gave him comfort.
He faced me and from what I saw, his glow vanished. “The Defiers are relying on these poultry for food and we barely have enough resources as it is to replace all of them.” He then resumed picking the tomatoes.
“I guess… everybody has to settle for more portions of potatoes and beans instead,” I said awkwardly trying to cheer him then I regretted saying it after, it didn’t come out as funny at all. I knew it was a bad joke and I wished I could take it back.
Devon stared at me stunned. Cheering him up was definitely a terrible idea. Then he suddenly laughed hard.
“I didn’t know you have a sense of humor,” he said, after he composed himself.
I chuckled. Relieved he thought it was funny. “I know it was bad,” I admitted shaking my head.
The combination of blue, black, orange and red blaze the sky afire as the sun slowly hid itself. The hue of the skies graced us with dreamlike clouds shrouding what was real or a marvelous illusion. Devon gazed at me like never before, warm and affectionate. His eyes told me he wanted to reveal whatever he was thinking but something was holding him back. Instead, he walked closer, then slowly and without warning gave me a kiss on the lips. I was taken aback by it. A part of me wanted to pull away but the other part couldn’t resist the sweet warmth and the longing of his lips.
I closed my eyes and surrendered myself completely to him, melting in his arms, craving for more. There was no need for reason and no room for second thoughts, just us two soaring high with our emotions. His kiss thirsts for my lips like he had wanted to do this since the day we met.
But the moment didn’t last when my conscience wandered to someone else. I pushed Devon away quickly, our kiss broke and he looked startled by my sudden action. I placed my fingers over my lips and my eyes widened, horrified by what I just did.
What have I done? How could I betray Curtis?
I slowly stepped back away from him.
“This was a mistake,” I declared terrified.
I turned around to walk away but he grabbed my arm and stopped me before I could leave.
“No Ellie, don’t leave me again… not like this,” he pleaded.
I faced him and stared directly into his eyes. “I can’t do this to Curtis,” I insisted then lightly yanked my arm away from his grip and he released.
I turned again and began walking away when I heard him say. “You’re only with him because you were matched,” he said loudly behind me, sensing the slight anger in his voice. “Nobody gave me a chance with you Ellie… You could’ve been mine and I yours if it wasn’t for that letter with his name on it...”
I stopped where I stood, afraid to face him, his words spoke the truth and it pains me to hear it. He was right, nobody gave him a chance. If circumstances happened differently for us, I could’ve been with him. I wanted to give him a chance but it would be wrong when there was somebody else who was devoted to me.
My life was never my own ever since. Yet here I was, given a choice from neither the system nor the Empire but from a man who genuinely poured his heart out to me. What could I do? When my fate was already sealed before all this and I allowed it. To deviate from the path I took meant abandoning Curtis.
Tears started to flow on my face, my chest began to tighten. My strength was failing and I dare not show Devon my suffering. I took a deep breath and continued to walk, leaving him only guessing what my heart was hiding, without any answers or confessions of my own. My pace grew faster. Not looking back, in fear I might change my mind by the sight of his disappointment… breaking me down only further.
I decided to stay in my room the next day avoiding Devon. When I got hungry, I went to the mess hall when nobody was around anymore. The staffs were kind enough to give me food what was left from the previous meal then I ate alone, hoping nobody entered the hall and asking why and bother me with more questions.
I haven’t returned to the farm since then, I knew Devon was there, and I had no intentions of going back unless they needed my help so I decided to spend my time in the training room, hiding from him. I asked Mike if he could train me with the basics in physical combat, I was delighted when he agreed. We started off first with warm ups and exercises before he taught me how to fight or deflect an attack. Not only did he teach me with the physical aspects but also how to mentally prepare myself as well.
When we were done with our sessions, he allowed me to do as I please inside the training facility. I usually chose boxing the hanging punching bag in the corner of the room just because there was this feeling of release and a sense of satisfaction whenever I hit it. Sometimes I imagined punching myself, blaming me for my actions, my betrayal and I roared in frustration repeatedly hitting the bag hard, and Mike would call over asking if I was okay. I wave my hand with my gloves on and smile at him to show I was fine but extremely embarrassed I got lost in my own imagination.
I continued evading Devon and it would be extremely awkward if we ran into each other after what happened. That day never left my thoughts and the more I think of it, the more I condemn myself. I was bewildered why I even kissed him back, I shouldn’t have, but the long days alone gave me time to reflect on foolish excuses, trying to convince no one but myself. Maybe I was waiting for him to kiss me, and deep inside, maybe I wanted him to. He was the first man who caught my eye, who made me feel alive and weak at the same time. I think it was only fair some part of me still felt the same. If Curtis hadn’t left, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. So many ifs and maybes, and yet still no answers.
I felt like an awful person, it was terrible when Roland asked me to kiss the gentleman at the ball but at least I knew it completely meant nothing to me. What I did was the worst when I kissed Devon at my own accord, no one forcing me to and I could have stopped it but I didn’t.
I was in the shooting range one day, and handling a gun became easy. I even upgraded my training into something more advanced, a moving target for instance, it was challenging but practice made it possible, and my skills had greatly improved compared to my first time.
I was shooting a target when I noticed somebody else was in the next divider also firing. I glanced briefly and saw it was Devon, I didn’t hear him enter because of the ear protection I was wearing. Why was he here? He was shooting his target and not minding me so I ignored him as well, and continued to shoot.
We open fire in silence with only the muffled sound of the gunshots. Standing not far from him, without saying anything like nothing happened was starting to get unsettling. It was like anticipating for something to explode but never did. I couldn’t take the uncomfortable air around us, I thought of speaking to him first to get this over with. If it was always going to be like this, we might as well talk about what happened so the two of us could finally move on our separate ways.
After gathering enough courage, I placed the weapon down and took off my ear protection. I was about to go to where Devon was but when I turned around, I was surprised there was someone else who entered the door.
It was Curtis smiling brightly and I was overjoyed. It was like coming home again after being gone for a long time. I ran and threw myself to him, hugging him tightly, never wanting to let go of our embrace.
“I’m so happy you’re back,” I said softly to his ear while still snuggled between his arms.
We let go of each other and he faced me with loving eyes. “I just got here and had to see you first,” he said sweetly, gently placing a hand on my face.
We stood there gazing affectionately at each other, no need for words to know how we felt. Then his eyes suddenly shifted pass through me, his expression changed to a frown. I realized the gunshot noises from earlier had ceased but not knowing how long, I almost forgot Devon was in the room as well.
“What’s this?” Curtis asked skeptically, glaring at Devon in an unfriendly manner.
“Oh Devon is just teaching me how to shoot,” I explained smiling more widely to cover the guilt I was hiding.
“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t?” Curtis said facing me.
I chuckled. “Um, I don’t recall agreeing to anything about it,” I said trying not to offend him.
Curtis stood there not saying a word, still frowning and said, “But still you did it behind my back.”
“Maybe we could talk about this somewhere else?” I suggested calmly, wanting to leave out of earshot from Devon.
“If you say so,” Curtis said coldly. Stormed off and left the room.
I could hear the frustration in his voice. He was upset. I ran after him, leaving Devon behind once again. Was he angry because I learned how to shoot? Or was it because I was with Devon?
I called out his name in the hallway but he wasn’t stopping. Now I was convinced he was mad at me. I hurriedly went over to him.
“I’m sorry Curtis,” I apologized when I caught up to him.
He continued to walk looking straight, not saying anything.
“Is something wrong? I said I’m sorry,” I asked worried.
“Nothing, just tired,” he answered dismissively.
“Clearly you’re upset about something,” I persisted.
He finally stopped, paused for a moment staring down, sighed and then faced me. “I just couldn’t believe you still went to the shooting range after I told you not to.”
“I know but I don’t see the harm in it,” I reassured.
“Yes but I know why you did it… you still want to fight after I told you not to,” he said.
“Is it really bad I want to fight back as well?” I said sounding irritated by his lack in confidence in me.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt or… lose you…” he blurted his voice trailing off.
I sighed deeply and calmly said, “Curtis, I know you’re only doing this because you care for me but please I need you to trust me that I can take care of myself. It’s time to let me help you. You’re not alone in this. It was bad enough I didn’t get to see you often since we arrived here. Remember your promise to me that we’re in this together.”
I was really hoping he was convinced. He stared down at the floor, crossed his arms and seemingly contemplating. He was struggling by the look on him then he finally faced me and his expression softened.
“I remember my promise but no matter what, I’ll never forgive myself if you got hurt in the battle. It was never my intention for you to literally fight an army… But I see I couldn’t stop you, and I know you can take of yourself… I’m only doing this for me, as selfish as it sounds, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if I’ll lose you,” he said softly.
I gazed into his eyes, moved by his words then I felt terrible. He cared so much for me while I was guilty of something unfaithful I did to him. He only knew one thing I did behind his back when there was another far more grave. I should be kneeling and begging for his forgiveness.
“You’re not going to lose me,” I assured wholeheartedly, touching his face.
I leaned forward and was about to give him a kiss but he slightly pulled his face away, and instead gave me a subtle smile.
I was stunned and alarmed. He never rejects my advances. Did he not want me anymore? Deep inside I started to panic, maybe he was still mad at me, or did he found out about me and Devon? But how could he when he just arrived. I convinced myself maybe he didn’t want to kiss me in front of other people. It was the only logical reason…
But then the hallway was empty.
***
I stayed close to Curtis for the last couple of days. Probably redeeming myself unconsciously for my guilt, or
drowning in deep worry he might not want me anymore. He seemed not to mind I was constantly with him though. I never knew how much I truly missed his company until he was away for a long time. I realized with him around I felt safe, he made me feel I was delicate and he was my protector. For someone who was strong like me, it was a pleasant change when being strong sometimes could be exhausting.
Whenever I was with Curtis, I was nervous we’d cross path with Devon but so far it never happened. The only time I saw him was at the mess hall. He sat far from us and looked like he was not himself since that day at the farm. He never stares at my direction anymore and never smiled even when he was with his friends. I stole glances at him to see how he was doing. I was to blame for his misery, and regret lingered in me I couldn’t get rid of. I wasn’t sure if it was just in my head or my extreme guilt that his friends who were with him seem to be glaring at me with dislike. It was awful of me not giving a clear answer after I left him. I was a coward for not confronting him and talking about it and the tension between us was torture.
Curtis and I were on our way to Ryder after she called for him for a meeting. I wasn’t summoned but I wanted to be there anyway. We entered the meeting room and everybody was already inside waiting. Olfren sat across from Quinlan and Thomas beside him, and Nigel sat next to Thomas. Ryder was at the head of the table, serious as ever. Curtis took the seat beside Olfren and I sat beside him.
“Glad you could join us,” Ryder said referring to me.
I silently nodded.
“Shall we begin?” Quinlan said then continued after everyone was settled, “The two transport ship will be arriving here tomorrow thanks to Curtis for reaching out to Lord Ambrose.”
Olfren cheered, Nigel clapped his hands and Thomas gave a thumbs up. “Yes, we were fortunate Lord Ambrose was very kind to give us his old oil transport ships. We had to reconstruct them though and it took a while, so it won’t look like it came from Blackard,” Curtis stated.
Quinlan nodded. “And the weapons?” He was now facing Thomas.
The Prevalence: Sequel and Final Book of The Premortals (The Premortals Series 2) Page 19