by Helena Stone
“Where the fuck did the little bastard go?”
The angry voice sounded frighteningly close to where Mitch was standing.
“We were gaining on him too,” another voice, this one sounding more plaintive, said.
“Who knew he had it in him? Not bad for the girl’s blouse he is.”
Mitch thought the snickers following that last statement sounded a bit further away, but he’d no intention of opening the door and checking.
“Are you’re going to be leaning there all afternoon?” The soft and amused voice coming from behind him had Mitch jumping out of his skin. Spinning around, he frantically waved with his hands, trying to impress the need for silence on whoever it was had spoken to him. When he calmed down enough to focus, he found himself face-to-face with an older man, with a kind face, sparkling eyes, short hair, and a beard, those last two a shade of gray so light it almost looked white, standing in a doorway to his right.
“Don’t worry” The man chuckled. “I think they’re gone.”
Mitch strained his ears and had to admit he couldn’t hear his bullies anymore. Not that it made him feel any better about having to venture out again. For all he knew, they were searching the neighborhood for him. They knew where he lived and might well be waiting until he made his way home to jump on him.
He glanced over his shoulder at the still closed door behind him and back at the man, wondering how sad and desperate he’d look if he asked to be allowed to stay there a while longer. The man shifted in the doorway, and Mitch was able to look past him into the room at his back. Books?
“What is this place?” Mitch asked the question more so that he wouldn’t have to deal with whether or not it was safe for him to leave again than out of any genuine interest.
“What does it look like?” The man’s features crinkled, betraying his amusement. “It’s a library, of course.”
“A library?” Mitch frowned. His town hadn’t had a public library for over five years. He could remember going once a week with his mother when he was in primary school, but they’d closed the place shortly after he’d started second-level education, and it had been located on the other side of town, near the schools.
“What else would it be?” The man looked genuinely bemused. “Come and see for yourself.” Without waiting for Mitch’s reaction, the man turned and entered the room.
Mitch hesitated. While he didn’t get any disturbing vibes from the man, he had no idea who he was. In fact, he was pretty sure, he’d never seen him before, and that was strange given how small his town was. He gazed at the closed door. One thing he did know for certain was that danger waited for him on the other side. Sure, if they caught him, it wouldn’t be the first time they beat him up, nor would it be the last, but that didn’t mean he had to volunteer for the dubious privilege. Given the choice between certain danger outside and apparent safety indoors, the decision wasn’t difficult in the end, and Mitch followed the man into the book-filled room.
As libraries went, the place was tiny and surprisingly old-fashioned. While he hadn’t been inside one of these establishments in a long time, even his old library had had public computers and a photocopier. This room didn’t hold any such modern conveniences. To be exact, all it held was books and a large desk behind which the man with the kind face had settled. He leaned back in a comfortable-looking chair, his hands folded on his not insubstantial belly, gazing at Mitch with an expectant look on his face.
Not sure what to make of the scrutiny and still slightly on edge, Mitch diverted his attention and concentrated on the shelves. He walked past the juvenile books, ignoring the titles he deemed himself too old for and found himself facing the adult nonfiction shelves. He allowed his gaze to drift along the spines without really taking in any details, more to give the impression of been occupied than out of any real interest. The various covers blurred into a vague mixture of colors and letters until…. What was that? He blinked hard and focused on the titles in front of him. Fuck. He half turned and glanced at the man, who appeared to still be studying him with that calm and open expression on his face.
“If there’s anything there that takes your interest, feel free to read.”
Does he know what I was looking at? Did I make it obvious? Despite his wet clothes, Mitch broke out in a sweat.
The man nodded, smiled, then got up and approached Mitch, reaching for the shelves when they stood side by side.
“Here.” The man held out a book to Mitch. “I think you were looking at this.”
Mitch lowered his gaze and stared at the cover. It was the book that had attracted his attention because it had that word in the title. The word that had haunted him for almost two years. The word that his bullies used against him. The word that meant his life would almost certainly be a struggle from start to finish. And there was no way he’d ever admit to anyone that he was even remotely interested in a book with the word “gay” in the title.
“Go on.” The man reached out and grabbed one of Mitch’s hands, placing the book in it. “Make yourself at home.” He indicated another comfortable chair, tucked away in a corner where Mitch hadn’t noticed it. Without waiting for Mitch’s reaction, he went back to his desk, settled, pulled out a book, and started reading.
For what felt like minutes, Mitch just stood there, in the middle of the library, a book clutched in his hand, while his mind spun with questions he didn’t have a hope of answering. Does he know? Did he take one look at me and recognize me for what I am? Is it that obvious? And most disturbingly: does that mean everybody will always know as soon as they lay eyes on me? “Are you sure it’s okay for me to read this?”
“Of course you’re allowed to read it. This is a library. That’s what people do here.”
“But I’m not a member.” And it wasn’t the answer to the question he’d really asked either.
“Who cares? This is a public place. You’re one of the public. Therefore it’s your place. Sit. Read. Enjoy.”
Still confused by the whole situation but sure that he didn’t want to venture outside unless he didn’t have another choice, Mitch walked to the chair the librarian had indicated and sat. Placing the book on his lap, unopened, he leaned back and closed his eyes, going over the events that had brought him to this place in minute detail.
For reasons he still didn’t understand, it had started when he returned to school after the summer holidays. He’d never been a member of the popular crowd, but during the first five years in high school, he’d been able to more or less fly under the radar. Not so past September. It had started almost imperceptibly with all the other boys in his class refusing to take the seat next to him. He’d not paid much attention when that happened; he much preferred sitting next to Hannah anyway.
The first PE class had given him a better indication exactly what was going on when his classmates all clustered in a corner of the locker room to get changed, as far away from him as they could possibly get. Not very subtle, loud whisperings had reached his ear. Things like “keep your backs to the wall, lads.” Or: “whatever you do, don’t drop the fucking soap?”
Then, at least, he’d know what was going on. Not that it had helped or made him feel any better. It wasn’t as if he could change who he was anyway. And as much as he didn’t want them to be right….
He opened his eyes and studied the book in his hand. The rainbow stripes on the cover made it obvious what a reader might find on the pages. He turned it over and read the blurb on the back. It could have been written for him. A book for teenagers questioning their sexuality and figuring out how to deal with what they discovered. It would have been a perfect moment if it wasn’t for the question burning in his mind; how had the librarian known to give him this volume? How had he known this was the cover that had attracted Mitch’s attention?
He looked across the library at the librarian, who raised his head at the same time and gave him a frank look. “Is it not the right book for you? Would you prefer to pick something else?” He gr
inned. “Help yourself. No shortage of choice here.”
Tempting as it was to accept the escape route he’d been offered, Mitch ignored it. He was perfectly capable of recognizing an opportunity when he encountered one, and this was his chance to find answers to questions that had been haunting him for eighteen months, ever since….
He didn’t pursue the line of thought but opened the book instead and dove into the introduction.
“Hmmm. Excuse me, young man.” The deep, friendly voice slowly filtered through to Mitch’s consciousness. He tore his gaze away from the page and looked up to find the librarian smiling at him. “As much as I’m delighted you’re enjoying that book enough to lose track of time, I’m afraid I have to close up for the day.”
What? Surely he’d only started reading a few minutes ago? Mitch checked the bottom of the page and saw he’d reached page seventy-nine. Not just a few minutes then. “What time is it?”
“Five to six,” the man replied.
“Fuck.” The words escaped Mitch before he could think better of it, and blood rushed to his face. He knew better than to curse in front of adults.
The librarian chuckled. “It’s not quite that bad, but I do close at six.”
Mitch wasn’t reassured. If he didn’t hurry, his mother would beat him home, and that would lead to all sort of questions he didn’t want to answer right now…or ever, really. He stood, ready to rush out, then froze looking, from the book in his hand to the shelves and back again.
“You can check the book out, you know.” The librarian had identified his dilemma with scary accuracy. “Take it home with you.” He nodded his head encouragingly.
“No,” Mitch said. “Thank you for the offer, but I couldn’t…can’t.” It was a crying shame. He dearly wanted to finish reading the remaining two-thirds of the book. The first part had already made him feel less bad about himself and, more importantly, less alone and cowardly.
“Fair enough,” the man said. “Then why don’t you come back tomorrow and continue reading. I mean, you appear to be enjoying the book.”
“Can I?” Mitch asked, hope blooming in his chest.
“Of course you can. That’s what libraries are about, to provide a service to those who want or need it.” He stared at his desk for a moment. “I don’t have any information leaflets at the moment, but I guess it’s simple enough. The library is open every weekday afternoon, so please drop in whenever you have nothing better to do.” The man laughed, a deep sound that appeared to come all the way from his shaking belly. “As you can see, it’s not particularly busy here. I’d enjoy the company.”
Every weekday! Mitch wondered if his luck had changed at last. No more trying to navigate his way home without running into or setting off the bullies. A safe place to tie him over until his classmates had long since returned to their respective homes and he could make his own way back without having to worry.
“And you really won’t mind?” He had to be sure. It had been a while since anybody outside his family had done anything nice for him; he had a hard time making himself believe his life had taken a turn for the better thanks to a perfect stranger.
“Very sure.” The man picked something up and held it out. “Here, take this.”
Mitch took the long piece of colorful cardboard and smiled. A bookmark. He placed it in the book and closed it. He looked from the shelf to the man and back again, unsure what to do next.
“Go on. Put it back where you found it. I promise you it will still be there next time you come in.”
Mitch did as instructed and turned toward the exit.
“One more thing, young man.”
Mitch turned his head and waited.
“As I said, I’m here every afternoon. If the door isn’t open like it was today, don’t take it to mean the library is closed. Just try the handle and come in.”
“I will.” Mitch smiled gratefully. “Thank you. For everything.” He hastened out of the building before he could be asked what “everything” actually entailed. At the end of the street, he stopped and turned around until he faced the direction he’d come from. The community hall looked as deserted and neglected as it always had. If he hadn’t just walked out of the building, he would not have believed there was anything to be found in there, never mind a library to provide him with the knowledge he so desperately needed.
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About the Author
Helena Stone can’t remember a life before words and reading. After growing up in a household where no holiday or festivity was complete without at least one new book, it’s hardly surprising she now owns more books than shelf space while her Kindle is about to explode.
The urge to write came as a surprise. The realization that people might enjoy her words was a shock to say the least. Now that the writing bug has well and truly taken hold, Helena can no longer imagine not sharing the characters in her head and heart with the rest of the world.
Having left the hustle and bustle of Amsterdam for the peace and quiet of the Irish Country side she divides her time between reading, writing, long and often wet walks with the dog, her part-time job in a library, a grown-up daughter and her ever loving and patient husband.
Helena can be found and contacted here: http://helenastone.blogspot.ie/
Also by Helena Stone
MF Romance
All or Nothing
MM Romance (Novels)
Double Dutch Courage
Patience (Dublin Virtues Trilogy #1)
Equality (Dublin Virtues Trilogy #2)
Renewal (Dublin Virtues Trilogy #3)
Scenes from Adelaide Road
MM Romance (Novellas & Short Stories)
Too Hot for Santa
A Miracle in the Library (Mitch & Cian #1)
Lessons in Love (Mitch & Cian #2)
Careful What You Wish For
Valentine’s Love (Valentine’s Love #1)
Valentine’s Surprise (Valentine’s Love #2)
Strangers in the Night (co-written with Jaycee Edward)