by Jen Pretty
“You ok?” Victor asked after I’d only been in there for 20 minutes.
“Yes. But I’m not clean yet. It will take a while, ok?” I said lathering my long matted hair again. Maybe I should just cut it off.
“Alright, I’m going to the diner across the street to get us some breakfast, I’ll come right back,” he said.
"NO. WAIT FOR ME!" I started to panic. Shit, I slowed time. Deep breath. Deep breath. "Please wait for me," I said quietly as I kept trying to slow my heart. I couldn't risk being alone. I had no protection and no defences.
“Ok. Ok. I'll wait," Victor assured me.
I hustled out of the shower. Threw my dirty clothes back on, since that was all I had, and walked out still slightly damp. He looked at me with a bit of sadness.
Yes. I was a bit broken. But anyone would be “I’m ok. I just can’t risk him catching me again Ok? I can’t go back there, Victor.”
He had never judged me before, and he didn't start now. "Ok," he said like it didn't matter. His thoughtful grey eyes assured me that he would stay by my side.
We walked across the street to the diner, and he ordered most of the breakfast menu. If I had noticed my weight loss since I was abducted, I was sure he had too. He also ordered a pot of coffee. Lord have mercy that coffee went down like water and filled me with warm hugs.
"You want to talk about what happened to you?" he asked quietly. I shook my head; there was still evidence of what happened to me. Using my left hand was not easy when I wanted to eat all the food at once. I had seen the horrified looks on people's faces when they saw me and knew the most recent damage to my face must be pretty bad, but I had avoided the mirror in the hotel room. I didn't want to know.
Once I had overeaten and drank too much coffee, we were done with this town. Victor found a car that someone had left the keys in so we were able to fill it with gas and drive. Victor let me play with the radio and kept the conversation light. We stopped at a store and got me clean clothes, and I changed in the ladies room. I felt nearly human then.
Well into our long drive I was getting bored and fidgety. The radio stations were all boring, and I couldn't keep my eyes closed. I looked over at Victor and watched him drive. Noticing the tattoo on his neck again, I asked him, "What's your tattoo a picture of?"
He smiled but kept his eyes on the road. "It's a dragon. I got it as a reminder of a friend I lost, named Alex." He glanced over at me then back to the road before he continued "This was before I even met Margot. When I was much younger, the vampires were numerous but mostly left the fae alone. We had many timekeepers, and the vampires feared an all-out war with us, but one day Alex and I were walking home late from a bar and took a wrong turn down an alley. We were nearly home so weren't paying attention, but this day we ran into a whole group of vamps who were feeding. They saw us and decided we were easy prey, so came at us. Alex could manipulate fire, and I had a dagger in my boot plus I could vanish. We thought we were invincible back then. We both fought hard but we were outnumbered, and Alex magic wasn't strong enough to defeat them all. I saw them tear him apart and I jumped myself to get help, but there was no point. Alex was gone," he sighed and shook his head bringing himself back to the present "I got the dragon tattoo in memory of him, but it was also a reminder that anything could happen and no one is invincible."
We were silent for a moment as I absorbed the gift he had given me by telling me this story. A painful story for him. We all carry baggage.
“Thank you,” I said quietly.
He just nodded.
Just as the sun was setting, we were met by an entourage of hunters in black SUVs. Victor ditched the car we borrowed, and we filed into the back seat of one of the hunter vehicles together.
Fritz was driving, and he gave me a big toothy grin. I couldn't help but return his smile with a small crooked grin of my own even though I didn't feel like smiling. "Ready to go home?" he asked
“More than ready.”
Victor was texting on his phone for several minutes and then said, “We are going to Homeland.”
“Alright,” Fritz said before picking up the communication device in the SUV and letting the other drivers in the vehicles behind us know.
It was only two more hours of driving till we arrived at the drive-in theatre.
“Wait here a second,” Fritz said looking back at me. I nodded.
He got out and took a walk around the area with two other hunters. Satisfied there were no vamps he waved us out. Victor caught my hand but I winced, and he dropped it immediately.
"Shit, I'm sorry," he gently picked up my arm above my wrist and looked at my hand. "The healers can fix it," he said but then frowned and got out of the vehicle. I followed him but he and I both knew the healers couldn't make my hand whole again. Even they had limits.
We went through the gateway to Homeland, and as soon as I was through, Luke was there.
He picked me up and carried me like a child to another waiting vehicle. He got in but didn't set down. He just wrapped his arms around me and smoothed out my hair with his hand over and over. I felt all my tension release. It was a bit painful at first, honestly, like my body forgot how to relax and my brain had to force the muscles to give up. But Luke was here, and my emotions came out fast. Silent tears were running down my face and soaking his shirt. He didn't even say anything for the longest time, just sat with me and let me recognize that I was ok. No vampires could even come here. I couldn't get much safer than that.
Chapter thirteen
We pulled up to the little cottage in the woods, and Luke got out of the car. He still didn't put me down. Instead, he carried me inside. Victor and fritz and the rest of the hunters followed behind us.
Luke set me on my feet finally but kept his arms around me.
Then Margot was in front of me crying, but she was smiling too. "Oh, sweetheart. I knew you would be ok!"
I snapped, just a little bit.
"Why didn't you warn me?" I whispered angrily. I pushed on Luke, and he looked down at me questioning but let me go "Why didn't you say something? You knew! You knew and didn't say anything. Do you know what he did to me?” I was yelling now. At Margot of all people but she knew what was going to happen and just let it.
“WHY?” I screamed.
She took two steps back her mouth open, but no sound came out. Victor went and stood beside her. "Calm down a bit, Lex," he said, but I didn't want to be calm. I hurt everywhere and mostly in my soul. No healer could fix what was broken now. I was beyond angry and hurt and betrayed. I mainly felt betrayed.
“I couldn’t stop it,” she said quietly.
"Why not? If you had told me he was going to capture me, I could have been prepared!" I shouted across the room now as Luke was pushing me gently towards my old bedroom.
“That’s not how it works,” Margot pleaded “I only get to see. I almost never get to stop it. When Victor saved you from the troll – that was the first time it ever worked.”
I turned and went into the room Luke was pushing me to and threw myself on the bed curling up into a little ball and sobbed. Fuck it all. I couldn’t do this anymore. Maybe I could just stay here forever and forget about earth.
“You know that wasn’t fair,” Luke said.
I snorted a laugh “Nothing’s fair,” I muttered into the pillow.
Luke walked across to where I lay on the bed. He lay down too and curled around me. We stayed that way until I finally fell asleep.
I was in a noisy forest with tall trees and hundreds of birds. It looked familiar but not any place I could pin down. I started to walk along a path looking down at my feet, but I heard a throat clear and looked up to find myself face to face with one of the elders I had met before. Theo, the dreamer.
“You made it through, but will you pass the test?” he asked.
"How was that not the test? I'm still alive, isn't that a pass? What do you want from me?" I was exasperated. How could they keep expecting more from me? I had given all I c
ould give.
“The test is not to just survive, but to grow and change for the better; to become who you are meant to become.
I threw my hands in the air. Fuck it. "I don't know what you want. It was too horrible. I can't ever go back there; I won't go back there!"
"This is your test. You will fail, or you will pass, but the fae need you to pass,” He gazed at me “I believe you will save us all,” he turned and walked away. Shit. What if I didn’t care anymore? What if all I wanted was to stay here with Luke and live quietly?
I awoke to silence; relished it. The sun was coming through the window shadowed in random patterns by the tree leaves of the forest I loved. The cottage was peace and security and love.
Luke was gone, but I could feel him nearby. His gentle heart and warm friendship were like a balm on my fragile nerves and broken soul.
I realized my hand didn't hurt and looked at it. The healers had evidently come in while I was asleep, but my hand still had a strange bend across the width, as I predicted. If this were the best they could do, I'd have to get used to being a lefty and my sword days were over. I cuddled down into the bed, cocooning into the blanket and wiggling my head between the pillows, so I was surrounded by soft and warm. This was where I belonged, not out in the world of torture and pain and sadness.
It was getting towards midday when I finally had to get up, or my bladder was going to explode. I hit the bathroom but avoided the mirror. I didn't want to know if my face wasn't quite right. I eyed the giant bathtub and promised it I would be back.
I walked out into the central part of the house, but no one was there, either. A note on the counter said there was fresh coffee in the pot and food in the oven keeping warm for me. Perfect.
I sighed as I sat down at the table with my delicious caffeine and some eggs, bacon and sausages with hash browns and toast made by Margot. I knew it was Margot’s cooking because the food was so yummy. Margot made the best breakfast foods. I wondered if the sausage was homemade.
When my food was eaten, and I'd washed it down with a second cup of coffee, I started to wonder where everyone was. I could feel Luke close by and was getting curious, so I went out to investigate.
I followed the path towards our clearing in the trees and started to hear the sound of swords. Steel hitting steel. I broke into a run. Luke wasn't a fighter; if a battle was going on, he shouldn't be there. As I finally came out in the clearing, I saw several hunters sparring with each other as well as Margot sparring with Victor and Luke sparring with Armond. It was the first I had seen Armond since I returned and my heart rate picked up seeing him there. He had his shirt off. Most of the men did because it was a hot day but I didn’t care about them, Armond was like a god of muscle and tanned skin. I paused at the edge of the clearing and just let my eyes take him in. A small smile played on my lips. Seeing him here brought back some good and some not so good memories. We had some history here.
But why was he teaching Luke to fight? And poor Margot looked beside herself trying to swing the wooden sword at Victor. Victor was so patient though and moving so slowly you’d think I had slowed time. My smile grew at how sweet Victor was with her. I'd need to talk to Margot and apologize for going crazy on her.
Armond caught me out of the corner of his eye and turned entirely to face me. I sobered then because I knew he would want to take me back to earth to help in the war, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't take the risk. So I turned and left the clearing and walked back to the house alone. I walked back to the room that I called mine, and back into the safe, warm bed. I stayed there again until the next day. Margot brought me food when I didn't get up, and as she turned to go, I called out to her "Margot, wait."
She turned back around to face me.
"I owe you an apology. What happened wasn't your fault, and I know you would have changed it if you could," I told her. "I was just so scared and angry…I don't know. I'm scared. I don't have an excuse."
She walked back over and sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. "My magic has always been a double-edged sword. When I was a child, like you are now, I thought I would save the world with my sight. I thought I could change the bad things and make the world better. One day my best friend and I were walking on our way to the mall, and I had a vision of her falling and breaking her ankle in the forest. I told her to stay out of the forest. I didn't want her to feel the pain and go through the recovery. The next day she was hit by a truck while walking along the side of a highway and killed instantly. Sometimes my visions are the best case scenario." A tear rolled down Margot's face.
I reached over and wrapped my arms around her, and we both cried for a few minutes. Margot would never intentionally hurt anyone, and I was just wrong to blame her.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“It’s alright. Pain makes people do and say things they don’t mean. I don’t hold it against you,” she smiled.
I didn’t deserve this woman.
On the following day, I woke again and the house was empty. I could feel Luke close by so assumed he was in the clearing with the hunters once more. I got up and went to find some food, pretty sure they were trying to starve me out at this point. I went to the kitchen and made a sandwich. I used to be very good at being alone and letting time pass, but I missed Armond and Luke wasn’t coming to my room. After my sandwich, I decided to take a walk and see how things were going in the clearing.
The hunters were all there again and Victor and Margot and Luke and Armond. I still wasn’t sure why Luke was learning to fight or poor Margot for that matter, but they did look better than last time. They were picking up a bit of skill and strength.
This time Armond didn't stop sparring with Luke when I walked in. Being this close to them made me feel better than I had since the day I was abducted, so I decided just to sit and watch. I found Evans stump and curled up on it so I could still watch Armond but had a bit of sun on my face. I lay there for nearly an hour before Luke started to look tired and Armond took the sword out of his hand. He looked at me then. Apparently, he had known I was there all along and offered up the sword to me from across the clearing.
He apparently didn’t know I had such extensive injury to my hand if he thought I could hold a sword so I got up and left before he could approach me.
The next day was the same and the last. If I wanted to be near Armond and Luke, I had to go to the clearing. One afternoon, as I sat on Evans stump with my eyes closed and head tipped back to let the sun wash my face, Armond snuck up on me.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Nothing. Sitting here. What does it look like?” I rambled in shocked reply.
"It looks like you are sulking and being a giant chicken shit. That's what it looks like," he stated. I was struck speechless. How could he say that? I stood up and left. Apparently, I wasn't safe in the clearing either. Tears threatened to flood my eyes, but I pushed them back. Fuck that guy.
Back in my bed, I stared at the ceiling. Passing the time easily while doing nothing at all. I didn't need a distraction if I just blanked my mind and let time go.
The next day the house was empty again, but I wasn't fooled. I got a snack, had a hot bath and plopped back down to let time go. But my peace wouldn't last this time.
Around mid-afternoon, my door was flung open, and Armond marched in. In one long stride, he scooped me up and carried me back out again. I started screaming and wiggling to try and get free, but he just held tighter and apparently no-one else was around to help me. He marched out of the house and through the forest. By this time I was trying to scratch and bite him. He had blood streaming down his arm, but he didn't even flinch. He walked to the clearing and set me on my feet. Scooped up a wooden sword and forced it into my hand. I dropped it immediately.
“What is wrong with you?” I screamed.
“What’s wrong with me? Are you asking what’s wrong with me?” he laughed then.
"Yes. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't want to be out
here, and I can't hold a fucking sword. Look at my hand, Armond! It’s too ruined! I’m too ruined!” I yelled back.
He grabbed my hand and put the sword back in it "it's not ruined, and you're not ruined, you are just scared."
"You're fucking right I'm scared. I can't protect myself at all. My magic is useless, and so is my hand. What good am I now? I can't do anything!" the tears were flowing now. Fuck my life. I was so tired of being afraid and so tired of feeling helpless but that is all I was. Afraid and helpless. Like a tiny mouse in a world full of cats.
Armond stepped so close to me I had to look up to see him. He gently cupped my face, and his thumbs brushed across my cheeks wiping away the tears "it's time to fight princess. This is your test, remember? You need to conquer your new demons and fight. Just fight." He put the sword back in my hand and held it with his hand over mine.
“I don’t think I can,” I whispered to him staring at his big strong hand where it completely covered my bent and broken one on the wooden sword.
"I'll help you. Just hold it, Lex. You just have to try." He took his hand off mine, and to my surprise, I managed to hold the sword up for a moment before my grip failed and it fell.
It seemed like an impossible dream that I would ever hold a sword again, for more than a moment anyway.
He picked it up and put it back in my hand. I concentrated really hard and kept it for nearly 20 seconds, but I was breathing hard, my hand was cramping, and my arm was shaking when I dropped it again.
After that, I couldn't close my hand, so Armond took my arm and led me to the stump. He sat down and pulled me into his arms like he used to do when I had passed out, tucking my head under his chin and cradling me against his chest. We just sat like that in silence for a long time.
Finally, he spoke. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you," he whispered with a hitch in his voice. I looked up at him, and his eyes were glassy with unshed tears.