by J Bree
So I cook.
And I cook.
And by the time Illi arrives home, covered in blood from head to toe, we have an eleven course meal waiting for us on the table.
His eyebrows shoot to his hairline but he doesn’t make a comment, just walks to the shower and gets to work cleaning up. I open him a beer and set it out on the table, pouring myself wine. Illi always makes sure there’s something for me to drink even though I prefer to do so sparingly. I don’t want to turn into my mother, relying on the alcohol to function and survive my life.
Even on my worst days, I don’t let myself drink more than a glass.
Illi comes out as I get the freshly baked bread rolls out of the oven. “Has something happened, baby girl? Let me fix it.”
I shake my head and let him take the tray from me. I grab fresh butter because there’s no way I would go without real butter for my bread.
I serve us both, taking a little of everything and putting it on Illi’s plate. He thanks me with a kiss, his tongue slipping into my mouth and teasing out a moan from me. God, the things he can do with it.
My legs turn to jelly at the thought.
“I’m sorry for going overboard.” I murmur and he shrugs.
“Everything looks great, baby girl.”
It tastes even better. I’m happy with it all, grinning as I tear into the bread roll. Illi chuckles under his breath at me.
“What?” I smile.
He shakes his head. “You’re either laughing or crying over bread. I don’t fucking get it but I love it all the same.”
I sigh but the smile stays put on my face. “I had a hard day today. I needed the carbs, as you say.”
He finishes off the beer and heads in for another one. “Tell me all about your day, baby girl. Let me take the load from your shoulders and see what I can do about it.”
I frown down at my plate.
He comes over to me and pulls me out of my chair until I’m in his arms. I stand there and soak him in, drawing his strength into myself as if I can borrow it. He lets me sift through my thoughts for a few moments and then he pulls back, tipping my chin up with one of his big hands. The scars and tattoos there tell an entire story of who this man is, but the important part is that he is mine.
"Tell me." His voice is more insistent than he usually is, pushing me to give him what he wants.
I shouldn't feel so embarrassed and exposed in revealing this but I'm not used to being encouraged to have an opinion, let alone one that is quite so... horrific.
"C'mon, baby girl, show me that fire." he murmurs, the hand on my chin dropping down to splay out over my chest, his palm over my heart. He's so big compared to me that it feels as though he can cover me entirely, consume me until there’s nothing left and we’re one. I think I'd like that.
"Coming here, being sold off to those men, it was like having my heart ripped out and spat on. I want their hearts in return. I want something so... vital to their existence to be mine now. I want to collect them and keep them and to know that wherever their souls end up, they will never be complete thanks to me."
His head tips back, his eyes hooded and dark, and says, "What a stroke of luck, baby girl, I'm the perfect man for the job. I will hunt every last one of them down for you and I will bring you their hearts. Nothing but the best for my girl."
Something flutters in my stomach. I like being his girl. I... I love it.
"Mon monstre, nothing would make me happier." I murmur back, and a slow smirk stretches over his face.
My monster.
Because he is a monster, he can tear grown men apart without feeling an inch of remorse and you do not become the Butcher without really owning it, but he's mine, and I'll love him for it. The more I know him, the more I know that he was born to be mine and to protect me from all of the evils in this world.
He looks out over at the food we have on the table. “Are you finished, baby girl? We need to sit down and go over a few things. It’s not going to be a good chat but we’ll do it together.”
My heart clenches in my chest. “Have I done something wrong?”
His hand drifts back up to my face to stroke my hair back. “No, baby. I have some questions about what happened to you… I need some details if I’m going to be bringing you some hearts. Whatever you can tell me will help.”
The food in my stomach turns sour and I’m suddenly cold. “I can try. Just… I need to put a sweater on.”
He lets me go and I move to the bedroom to cover up a bit more. I know it’s not actually cold but I need the layers if I’m putting myself out there for him to see. I need to cover up my skin and pray he’s not disgusted with what’s left of me.
Once I’m covered and I’m sure I’m not going to be sick I join him on the leather couch. I sit at one end, as far away from him as possible. He doesn’t push, just reclines back against the pillows like this doesn’t bother him but I can see the anger in his eyes, the killer lurking there and waiting for a threat to come out.
It helps me take a breath.
“You said your father sold you to pay a debt? Do you know who that was to? You were listed by an anonymous third party.”
I have no idea what that means but I nod. “His men called him Señor Mecedo. I was only with them for a few days.”
He nods and doesn’t say anymore, a clear indicator for me to continue but… the words are hard to get out. He’s given me so much time to work through this quietly though. I need to tell him. “They took me as payment for my father’s debts. He runs a small drug dealing business in France. He was never a big player but he liked to think he was the King himself. He did very well, except he started sampling the product. He ended up an addict and taking too much of the shipments for himself. That got him in trouble so he… sold his property. He told one of my uncles that I wasn’t a legacy because I’m a woman.”
Illi’s face hasn’t changed at all and that helps. It’s like the information isn’t upsetting him so maybe it’s not so bad.
“When they… checked me and found out I wasn’t a virgin, they sold me. There was an older woman who forced me to shower and took the photos. Then I went to the Alcatron house. I only heard that man’s name there. No one else. None of the men ever spoke English to me, just him and some of the maids. Oh, and one man who grabbed me when I tried to run. He told me he would slit my throat and rape my corpse so I would stop trying to run. Then I saw… I saw the dogs and I stopped trying to run.”
Illi leans forward in the chair, his hand tracing over his thigh in a rhythmic pattern and I realize it’s as if he is tracing a knife there. Sometimes , when he comes home late, he still has the thigh holsters on and I’ve seen the cleavers he keeps there.
“How many?”
I swallow the bile creeping up my throat, my chest tight. “Does it matter?”
His jaw tightens. “Yeah, baby girl. It matters. I’m killing every last person in that house but I need to know how many I’m hurting the most. I need to know which ones die screaming and terrified and in unimaginable ways.”
The pressure in my chest eases a little. “Six. There were six men who raped me there.”
Illi has to stand up and stare out at the water to not rage out. That’s what he calls it when he gets angry and walks out of the apartment, kicking and punching things until his fists are torn to pieces.
I can breathe because it’s clear the rage isn’t directed at me at all, the bloodlust in him aimed entirely at the men who hurt me. I stare at his tense shoulders and it helps me to get the rest of the story out, what little details I have.
“Alcatron and his brother were the most frequent but there were four others that were allowed in from time to time. They were all higher up, the men he trusted with bigger jobs. The day he called me downstairs to kill that man, they were all sitting together and smoking cigars. My father would never sit with his low level dealers like that.”
He gives a curt nod. “Anything else, baby? Anyone else so much as side-eye y
ou? I want a clean sweep, we’re not missing a single fucking person here.”
I clear my throat. “No, that’s it from the cartel. I just… I wasn’t some virginal maiden, this shouldn’t be so bad.” I sniff, and he turns to meet my eyes.
“I need details about your past boyfriends too but we can come back to that. You can be scared, baby girl, but I know you’re not going to let this win.”
I glance down at my hands. He thinks I’m so much stronger than I really am but… I want to be that woman for him. For the both of us, because I hate sitting here in five layers of his clothes just so I can talk about some… disgusting pieces of rapist shit.
I try to lighten the mood, to find a way back to the calm we had over dinner. “There was only one boyfriend and you do not have to worry about him, he’s a.. terrible person. He’s already found another woman to warm his bed, the poor woman.”
He quirks an eyebrow at me. “You can do better than that, baby girl. Tell me what he really is.”
I giggle. “Fine, he’s a gutless piece of shit.”
The curse makes him smile and he comes back over to sit with me, the rage clearing just enough to hold me safe again. “Did he cheat on you? The dumb cunt definitely didn’t realize what he had.”
I huff under my breath at him. He thinks far too highly of me. “Probably but he’s a piece of shit because he helped my father bring me to America to be sold off. He didn’t even attempt to fight for me. He had the… audacity to tell me that I should just have a baby to get freedom. He said a male heir would buy me travel home, like I would hand over my child for the sake of my father’s business.”
His arms tense around me and his breathing goes shallow. I frown at him but when I see the blank look on his face I ease gently away from him. This entire conversation is a minefield of cutting little details and betrayals that will set us both off.
“I need his name, age, enough detail to find him. I’m going to bleed him out for you, I’m going to kill him so bloody they’ll whisper about it in the streets of the Bay for fucking centuries to come, baby girl, I promise you.”
I smile at him, taking his hand in mine and trying to deflect away from his rage for a moment. “Are you sure you’re killing him for selling me out? I think you’re just angry that I once enjoyed another man’s touch.”
His eyes burn as they touch my skin, what little of it is showing under the protection of his clothes. “Baby girl, he was dead for touching you then but now he’s going to die screaming for abandoning you when you needed it. I’m glad you’re not still in love with him though, I can be a jealous fucker when other people covet my girl. Tell me you’re mine, Odie. This entire conversation is fucking with my control.”
I smile and squeeze his hand. “It was a lifetime ago, mon monstre. I did not yet know my heart beat elsewhere, in this chest of yours. Now I trust you to keep it safe for me.”
He moves faster than he usually does with me, tugging me up and into his lap and covering my mouth with his. He kisses me until I can’t think straight, one hand fisted in my hair and the other pulling me in tight against his chest.
I cannot exist without this man and all of his demons, the shadows that play in his eyes when he thinks about the vengeance he’s going to wrought for me.
“Listen. Something real fucking shitty happened to you and I get it, you never want to touch a man again. That’s fine. But I know you’ll get over that. There’s too much fire in your eyes for you to let this beat you. So, someday, you’re gonna beg me for my dick, and I promise you, I’ll give it to you so good you’ll never feel the ghost of that piece of shit’s hands on you again. I’m patient. I can wait.”
I take a shuddering breath. “I think maybe… that’s not so far away. I think I’m close to that.”
He murmurs against my lips, “Let me take you out to dinner, baby girl. We should get out of the apartment, let our hair down. I can take you out on the good side of town and show you the better side of the Bay. We need to get away from the bad shit here for a night.”
That sounds wonderful but it also sounds like he’s hiding this side of town from me.
I understand, I haven’t exactly been the strongest person for him so far, but I don’t want secrets and the half-life of being protected like that. “Take me somewhere you like going. Take me to something that matters to you. I want something real.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Illi
I’m taking my girl to dinner and making her mine tonight.
I feel like some virginal teenage boy just thinking about it but I couldn’t give less of a fuck. She’s ready for something. The kisses are fucking killing me but she’s right there, ready for me to make her mine and move past the fear.
First I have to survive the fucking day with her without busting a fucking nut.
Luckily, I’m on the treadmill when my phone rings.
“Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
I hit the stop button and motion to Odie that I’m heading into the shooting range to take the call. She grins at me and waves from where she’s doing yoga on the mats with the kid. They’re both doing fucking obscene poses and there’s no way I’ll be able to concentrate on Harbin’s call while I get a front row view of just how far my girl can stretch.
“The bad. We both know the good won’t be that good.”
He chuckles. “I don’t know, it’s pretty fucking good. Fine. The bad news is that none of my contacts can find the cartel. I’ve found where their next shipment is being dropped off to the Jackal so I’ll keep an eye out and see if I can follow them back somewhere. If I can find their warehouse, I’ll find Alcatron and the house of horror for your girl.”
I blow out a breath and lean against the wall, staring at the targets across the room. The deaths I will give these men… carving their hearts out for my girl will be the greatest fucking honor of my life. I’d sent through everything Odie could tell me the moment she’d fallen asleep in my arms after our conversation, ready to get this shit done.
Delivering them to her is now my number one priority.
“So what’s the good news then? Did you get sucked off by the barmaid with the tits?”
He chuckles down the line. “Yeah, buts that’s old news. Chances are, you’re not going to catch any fallout out for your escaped prisoner any time soon.”
Fuck, that is good news. I’ll have a little more time in getting a new place for Odie. “Tell me the Devil took Grimm out. That would be some great fucking news.”
He grunts. “I wish. But the Viper did pass your information onto the Boar and he had to come crawling to me about it. We held a little club meeting and cleaned house. The Mounts Bay charter of the Unseen just lost more than forty members for being filthy rats. The Demons have others hiding in the other charters, we’re working on them too but this buys you some time. Grimm just lost his pipeline.”
Fucking music to my ears. I hear the girls laughing together and moving to hit the showers. Lips always hangs around and makes sure Odie is comfortable before she leaves because she’s honestly a fucking great kid.
I feel the need to adopt her or some shit, how fucking weird is that?
“Tell me you made the Boar grovel. I want the details over drinks later.”
He chuckles. “It was decent. It was worth helping him just for the gutted fucking look he gave me when I told him how many you’d seen. He likes to think he has this MC locked down but honestly… he’s too lenient on the new blood. He grew shit too fast to keep his head above water with the Twelve. That’s not how you run a club.”
No truer words spoken. “I’ll grab a drink with you tomorrow night. I’m taking my girl out for the night tonight.”
I don’t know why the fuck I’m telling him this but, fuck it, maybe it’s nerves?
He chuckles. “Avoid your usual bars, everyone will enjoy poking and prodding at her too much just to see your reaction. Plus, if she’s the beauty they all say… Roxas will definitely try his luc
k. You know what that dick is like.”
Fuck. No. “He’d lose more than his fucking fingers. I’m not letting her near the Dive… or the fucking Choke. Fuck, it’s hard to think of somewhere on the south side I would let her go.”
Harbin roars with laughter and says, “You might need to move to a better zip code, man. A woman like that, down here? A recipe for disaster.”
Nah, it’s a recipe for me gutting enough men that the others pull their heads in and stay the fuck away for my goddess of a girl.
I hang up and duck into the gym bathroom to get ready. The girls go upstairs, whispering with each other, and when I give the kid a look she shrugs at me.
“She asked for help, what am I supposed to do?”
Right.
Help from the Wolf of Mounts Bay is not supposed to involve giggling but I let it go, the sound of them both happy is everything to me. I take extra care in making sure nothing I’m wearing has rips or blood stains on it, picking out shit that looks good enough that she knows I’m putting in effort but nothing that makes me look like a fucking dickhead.
I’m not the Crow, for fuck’s sake.
I call out to the girls to let them know I’m having a quick cigarette and getting the Mustang warmed up, then I head down to the garage.
The night is warm and calm. It’s early enough that the nightlife hasn’t started up yet, only a few cars out and none of the street girls. I get halfway through the cigarette before the roar of a motorcycle comes past the boundary line of my property. I shut the alarm off, sure that it’s Roxas here to start shit with me like the utter fucking asshole he is but it’s not him or Harbin straddling the hog.
I look up to find Colt fucking Graves sitting on his bike, his cut hanging off his shoulders like a badge of pride. He looks much better than the last time I saw him, chained to my chair, wrapped in cable ties and cuffs, and dripping with blood and sweat.
The look he gives me isn’t one of vengeance.
Nope, he’s looking at me like he’s assessing me, taking note of how I look and what I’m packing. Jokes on him, I never step foot outside of the warehouse without two guns, eight knives and at least one cleaver… usually three.